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Friday night nyuks (11-27-20).

Low_Roads

4th Level Black Feather
Joined
Nov 16, 2004
Messages
8,905
Points
38
A fireman will never be lonely. It's well known he can turn on the hose.

* * *​

I've been reading that too much booze can kill you. So, that's it for me... no more reading.

* * *​

"I like to sign up for mime training."

"Ah! Say no more!"

* * *​

A robber shot me in the stomach right after breakfast. Fortunately, the bullet was deflected by my belt buckle... it really saved my bacon!

* * *​

If you want to go weigh a pie, there's only one place: somewhere over the rainbow.

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I've started to carry brass knuckles after a foiled mugging last month. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.

* * *​

Q: Why did the Thanksgiving turkey cross the table?

A: To get to the other sides.

* * *​

My doctor's awfully creative; he explained my relationship with disease germs by comparing them to passengers arriving at an airport. In other words, he told me my condition is terminal.

* * *​

Grandpa cannibal had to scold Grandma cannibal for nibbling at her fingers prior to dinner. You could tell it irritated the old biddy; she threw up her hands in frustration.

* * *​

As I went skidding around the curve at 70 mph, I yelled, "Get the hell outta my way!" to all the pedestrians. I don't know if anyone heard my exact words, but they did catch my drift.

* * *​

Rumors are circulating that actor Jason Biggs is going to give up movies so he can become a warlock. Not that surprising, really; word is that he's already a pyromancer.

* * *​

One of the letter keys came off my computer keyboard and my brother suggested I stick it back on with Superglue. Sounded good to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

* * *​

COVID may seem like a big deal, but don't forget the Spanish Flue, Smallpox, Polio and the Black Death all did it before and better. Damn copycat... COVID is merely plaguerist.

* * *​

My sister's preferred pronoun is "postal"; she was born a woman, but identifies as mail.

* * *​

Mouths are just like breasts nowadays; you can only expose them in public for feeding purposes.

* * *​

According to legend, Julius Caesar was cut from his mother's womb. This doesn't surprise me; even his colleagues found him unbearable.

* * *​

Indiana Jones' pop culture tastes were advanced... even back in the '40s, he went out of his way to find the Rolling Stones.

* * *​

Cabbie: "Sorry about the stink of disinfectant. I'm trying my best to prevent the spread of COVID."

Customer: "Don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I haven't been able to smell anything for days."

* * *​

Reports are that the factories in China are going full blast. So I guess it's true; kids really don't catch COVID.

* * *​

A turncoat bee provided a path for murder hornets which led directly to his hive. The marauders completely destroyed it following his bee trail.

* * *​

The number of bad coronavirus jokes has become alarming... experts are calling it a pundemic.

* * *​

Turkeys go, "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" So did I (burp)... Happy Thanksgiving!
 
LOL :p
Great collection, as usual. :D
My favorite:
Cabbie: "Sorry about the stink of disinfectant. I'm trying my best to prevent the spread of COVID."

Customer: "Don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I haven't been able to smell anything for days."
 
Thank you Milagros! :D Tasty choice! Hope you were able to smell and taste everything this Thanksgiving!
 
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