Am I overthinking relationships?

dragonguy · Dec 25, 2020

Hey yall. Hope you all have a happy Christmas. 2020 has been a challenging year for us all that's for sure. I know that with vaccines coming hopefully 2021 will be looking up. For me down the line hopefully I can try dating. but honestly there is still some intimidation, lack of confidence and apprehensiveness around that.

I was very socially awkward up until the last couple of years(Asperger's Syndrome is a bitch). So I've had few friends and no dates/relationships. I tried a cold approach like 2 times in the past but while nothing bad happened it also wasn't fruitful, and [girls don't seem to like it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/jtbsdp/what_are_automatic_turn_offs_when_being/) Plus there is all this different advice down out there like on this [Youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/c/SkillofAttraction/videos)

What makes it more confusing is hearing stories like [these](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/..._how_did_you_meet_your_girlfriend/?limit=1500) where getting into a relationship isn't a big deal. I still have some nervous feelings with social interactions, and generally this makes me feel anxious about having a relationship because there's advice with these do's and don'ts(which I get the basic ones and such) but then there's people who are casual with their partner, and I guess past insecurities from previous social failures factor in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, my mind keeps making up scenarios where things go wrong or painting things as if everyone else is doing just fine relationship wise or it's so easy. I mean, I did recall after graduating high school that many of my classmates were in relationships. And I mean I have been wrestling with holding myself to the idealized life script(stable two parent home, first kiss/date in your teens, childhood friends etc) which I already don't follow(nerdy black guy, autism, dysfunctional family) and it's part of why I feel inadequate. The pandemic has slowed my plans sure but I still don't really have friends save for maybe one, can't do much hobby wise and of course am still single at 20. It's not like I want a girlfriend as the only sense of happiness but I it'd be nice to have the emotional/physical intimacy.

What do I do?

tickle gamer · Dec 28, 2020

I get where you're coming from, as I'm going through pretty much the same issues.

I'm in my late 30's, and haven't even kissed a girl yet. All I can tell you is, even though it does get lonely at times, you've gotta hold your head up. And, it's a Cliche, but having a hobby really does help take your mind off things. Take me, for example, I enjoy video games and Occasionally reading a good story\book.

chicago · Dec 28, 2020

I think too often people believe dating means finding 'the one' or having a super successful relationship right off the bat, but it's more a trial and error type of situation where you meet / hang out / make connections with and inevitably mess up, realize red flags too late, and learn from your mistakes in hopes of finding a healthier and more fulfilling relationship in the future. We've all had to kiss some frogs. It might help to find people that are in the same boat as you, a bit trepidatious due to lack of experience / confidence.

That said, much like with some people here that struggle with a great deal of shame but long to fulfil their fantasies of one day having a tickle session, a person has to allow themselves to obtain that which they desire if indeed they want those experiences.

Hope this helps and that you see brighter days ahead.

twofortickle · Jan 2, 2021

There is way to much emphasis on having a relationship these days whatever age you are, you shouldn't worry about what if it all goes wrong, there is a 50% chance of it going right!! my husband was married for nearly 30 years and never really explored his liking for being tickled, but he is now married to me, he had the confidence to say what he liked and if your with the right person they will not/should not be phased by anything you like, I think its better to be honest from the onset, you are then giving the person a chance to get their head around whatever it is you like/want. your giving them the choice and if your really lucky they will be into it to or at least give it a try for you. Relationships are hard work and need a lot of hard work along the way, it doesn't matter about your age or your likes or dislikes, or what colour your hair is ect... its about finding your fit, your person. Life just hasn't thrown that person in front of you yet...but it will!! Keep smiling, you will be fine.

chicago · Jan 2, 2021

I don't know the exact odds but you definitely miss any shots you don't take.

Ultimate_Tcklr · Jan 2, 2021

Don't rush into things.

gnomes101982 · Jan 14, 2021

dragonguy said:
Hey yall. Hope you all have a happy Christmas. 2020 has been a challenging year for us all that's for sure. I know that with vaccines coming hopefully 2021 will be looking up. For me down the line hopefully I can try dating. but honestly there is still some intimidation, lack of confidence and apprehensiveness around that.

I was very socially awkward up until the last couple of years(Asperger's Syndrome is a bitch). So I've had few friends and no dates/relationships. I tried a cold approach like 2 times in the past but while nothing bad happened it also wasn't fruitful, and [girls don't seem to like it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/jtbsdp/what_are_automatic_turn_offs_when_being/) Plus there is all this different advice down out there like on this [Youtube channel](https://www.youtube.com/c/SkillofAttraction/videos)

What makes it more confusing is hearing stories like [these](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/..._how_did_you_meet_your_girlfriend/?limit=1500) where getting into a relationship isn't a big deal. I still have some nervous feelings with social interactions, and generally this makes me feel anxious about having a relationship because there's advice with these do's and don'ts(which I get the basic ones and such) but then there's people who are casual with their partner, and I guess past insecurities from previous social failures factor in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, my mind keeps making up scenarios where things go wrong or painting things as if everyone else is doing just fine relationship wise or it's so easy. I mean, I did recall after graduating high school that many of my classmates were in relationships. And I mean I have been wrestling with holding myself to the idealized life script(stable two parent home, first kiss/date in your teens, childhood friends etc) which I already don't follow(nerdy black guy, autism, dysfunctional family) and it's part of why I feel inadequate. The pandemic has slowed my plans sure but I still don't really have friends save for maybe one, can't do much hobby wise and of course am still single at 20. It's not like I want a girlfriend as the only sense of happiness but I it'd be nice to have the emotional/physical intimacy.

What do I do?

Nobody has it "easy" in relationships. They can be a miserable experience making you appreciate being single. Sometimes the relationships that seem the most "perfect" are disasters behind closed doors. I look back to my single days and honestly I miss them. I feel like I knew who I was back then. A relationship changes you. You adjust, for better or worse (in many cases worse) to the other person's personality. If you love being your own person, making your own choices without someone's approval, and having freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, carefully consider the pros and cons before getting into a relationship. It honestly sounds like you just need to get laid man, I'm gonna be honest. You don't need a girlfriend for that.

fyi...I'm gonna tell you what nobody else on here probably will. At 20 years old, you don't wanna be tied down by a relationship. Once this pandemic is over go have fun. Meet new people, have sex freely. You don't wanna be stuck with someone else as an anchor when you're that young. 20 years old is a fun age. Don't weigh yourself down with the stress of a relationship.

dragonguy · Jan 28, 2021

Late reply, but good point. I do miss martial arts for example.

dragonguy · Jan 28, 2021

gnomes101982 said:
Nobody has it "easy" in relationships. They can be a miserable experience making you appreciate being single. Sometimes the relationships that seem the most "perfect" are disasters behind closed doors. I look back to my single days and honestly I miss them. I feel like I knew who I was back then. A relationship changes you. You adjust, for better or worse (in many cases worse) to the other person's personality. If you love being your own person, making your own choices without someone's approval, and having freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, carefully consider the pros and cons before getting into a relationship. It honestly sounds like you just need to get laid man, I'm gonna be honest. You don't need a girlfriend for that.

fyi...I'm gonna tell you what nobody else on here probably will. At 20 years old, you don't wanna be tied down by a relationship. Once this pandemic is over go have fun. Meet new people, have sex freely. You don't wanna be stuck with someone else as an anchor when you're that young. 20 years old is a fun age. Don't weigh yourself down with the stress of a relationship.

Honestly you make some great points. At first I felt like I wanted my first time to be with someone special I trusted...but then again maybe it would be nice to have fun.

Am I overthinking relationships?

dragonguy

TMF Novice

tickle gamer

3rd Level Red Feather

chicago

Guest

twofortickle

Registered User

chicago

Guest

Ultimate_Tcklr

3rd Level Red Feather

gnomes101982

Guest

dragonguy

TMF Novice

dragonguy

TMF Novice