Tired of my "trust issues"!

Hello everyone!

To be honest I was a bit unsure of where to post this (here or in the personals section) but I figured this was the right place because of the underlying situation.

I have been a member of TMF for quite some years but never really had the courage to do something serious about my interest in tickling. And I believe it is now the time to do something about it because I have a feeling that I may only have one life to live!

The reason I am posting this here is that there are some issues which are preventing me from engaging in meeting likeminded people which could potentially result in tickling sessions. I am 32 and I gradually accepted myself as being transfeminine which means that I was assigned male at birth but identify more with the female gender stereotype. I have been openly transfeminine since 2017 and since then I also learned to be more open about my interest in tickling (which is why I now dare to show my real appearance on this forum).

However, I still have some issues meeting a tickler (I am a ticklee, at least primarily) because I am too shy and not that open. Maybe you can even call it "trust issues". The reason for this mainly being that I feel that I am somehow too "weird" or "different" and that it may be be impossible for me to find a tickle soulmate who is interested in tickling the type of person I am (the same goes for romantic relationships in general). After all, I am a "male" person with feminine traits/appearance/clothing. So I am basically holding myself back because I fear being rejected or even meeting the wrong person who will misuse my trust!

As you can see I may be a bit TOO cautious so that I may never meet the right person. What I am looking for in a tickler is someone who would love to tickle my feet and make it tickle so much that I will never forget it! However, I want to begin slowly and to be allowed to wear socks the first times and then later on without socks! (simply because I know my feet are extremely ticklish). So you see, I have my limits and I am somehow worried that those will not be respected :O

Any advice for a person like me who are possibly too careful and shy when it comes to tickling and feels it may be impossible finding a match? What is a good way to get started?

Thanks so much for reading my block of text

Very cool and open post. Id say you posting this puts you well on your way to finding someone. I think regardless of gender all of us either were or still are shy about our fetish. To be honest Ive only recently opened up more and started posting more. Just put yourself out there and be open. I think you might be surprised with the responses you will get. Dont have your expectations too high and be open to trying new things. Romatically you should want a soulmate for sure. IMO your tickle buddy doesnt need to be. For example I know you said your a lee but maybe you might meet someone who is a switch and might wanna get tickled too. Be open to giving it a go. We are all weird and different here lol. I think your gonna be fine

RavensFan52 said:

Very cool and open post. Id say you posting this puts you well on your way to finding someone. I think regardless of gender all of us either were or still are shy about our fetish. To be honest Ive only recently opened up more and started posting more. Just put yourself out there and be open. I think you might be surprised with the responses you will get. Dont have your expectations too high and be open to trying new things. Romatically you should want a soulmate for sure. IMO your tickle buddy doesnt need to be. For example I know you said your a lee but maybe you might meet someone who is a switch and might wanna get tickled too. Be open to giving it a go. We are all weird and different here lol. I think your gonna be fine

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First of all. Thanks so much Raven for reading and replying! And I believe you are right. Somehow I presumed that everyone else were really open about tickling and I was the only one But I guess I am not

Also you are totally right that I should be more open and I may get some positive responses I just gotta keep up the spirit! In fact I would love to try being a ler as well

Thank you for your advice and for reminding me about the important things regarding finding a match! I will put myself out there!

Congratulations on an honest and brave post.

It is clear that you have been doing the personal work to become comfortable with your gender identity, and have made significant progress with squaring how you see yourself with how you are presenting to the world. It goes without saying that this was probably difficult work, and took time.

Now you are turning to your sexuality, and trying to see how you 'fit' with others, and of course are very mindful of the above work and the various hurdles you met while dealing with that.

You've made the biggest step in openly talking about what you want (To meet a Ler, and proceed) and you've been honest with who you are. That is the difficult first step.

The next is figuring out exactly what you want in a tickling experience and more importantly HOW that experience interfaces with your sexuality, and sexual arousal/desire in whole. The answer to that question will point you toward the people that you want to meet. Communication will be very important. Letting them know what you want, and how you may react, and so forth will be needed so potential partners can judge if they can or want to offer different levels of intimacy with you.

Just as if you were thinking of having sex with another, all the same issues may be at play with tickling, depending on how sexual an act it is for you. And you'll need to see how potential partners feel. So lots of talk is in your future.

If you are active here and on Fetlife and so forth, you'll become known and once post-COVID gatherings start again, perhaps you'll be able to attend one and meet some of the people you have chatted with in person and things can develop from there. There are no shortage of Ler's that would have no issue playing with you in the community. It's mostly going to be all about the work of becoming known and openly discussing stuff with people.

I wish you the best in the pursuit.
Myriads

Myriads said:

Congratulations on an honest and brave post.

It is clear that you have been doing the personal work to become comfortable with your gender identity, and have made significant progress with squaring how you see yourself with how you are presenting to the world. It goes without saying that this was probably difficult work, and took time.

Now you are turning to your sexuality, and trying to see how you 'fit' with others, and of course are very mindful of the above work and the various hurdles you met while dealing with that.

You've made the biggest step in openly talking about what you want (To meet a Ler, and proceed) and you've been honest with who you are. That is the difficult first step.

The next is figuring out exactly what you want in a tickling experience and more importantly HOW that experience interfaces with your sexuality, and sexual arousal/desire in whole. The answer to that question will point you toward the people that you want to meet. Communication will be very important. Letting them know what you want, and how you may react, and so forth will be needed so potential partners can judge if they can or want to offer different levels of intimacy with you.

Just as if you were thinking of having sex with another, all the same issues may be at play with tickling, depending on how sexual an act it is for you. And you'll need to see how potential partners feel. So lots of talk is in your future.

If you are active here and on Fetlife and so forth, you'll become known and once post-COVID gatherings start again, perhaps you'll be able to attend one and meet some of the people you have chatted with in person and things can develop from there. There are no shortage of Ler's that would have no issue playing with you in the community. It's mostly going to be all about the work of becoming known and openly discussing stuff with people.

I wish you the best in the pursuit.
Myriads

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Thank you so much Myriads for your insightful reply. It is indeed interesting that our identity as e.g. ticklees are so closely connected with our general identities. I bet you are right. Somehow I believe I have completed the most complicated part. After all, I needed to sort that out before I could fully engage in a tickling experience.

Soo.. Now I need to figure out exactly what I am looking for and what I can give to others as well. I believe it is so complicated because I realized I like guys and girls (or other gender identities) alike but my relationship to them are different in some way. For example, I can easily imagine myself having a male tickler but whenever I fantasize about being a tickler myself (which is much rarer) I always picture myself tickling women! It is so complicated. Maybe I am too rigid in my thinking pattern. It is like I perceive a ticklee as someone quite feminine and I just feel like I fit very well into that role.

Maybe I should really give Fetlife a chance once again because I have been there shortly but left quickly because I believe I was somehow a bit overwhelmed by the BDSM community. Once I was there for only a few minutes and then deleted my profile again haha

Well Myriads, once again I thank you for your reply and thanks for wishing me luck!

What can I say? I totally agree with people who answered before me. So I can just give you an insight from my perspective, even if we have different experiences.
When you decide to open yourself, there will always be the risk to meet people who will not be able or want to understand and accept you. Just keep on moving. It's like searching for gold: you cannot do it without putting your hands in the mud sometimes, but in the end it will reward you.

JamesBondage86 said:

What can I say? I totally agree with people who answered before me. So I can just give you an insight from my perspective, even if we have different experiences.
When you decide to open yourself, there will always be the risk to meet people who will not be able or want to understand and accept you. Just keep on moving. It's like searching for gold: you cannot do it without putting your hands in the mud sometimes, but in the end it will reward you.

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Hey there James Bondage and thanks for your input as well! I guess I will have to deal with whatever will arise because it is an important cause. I mean I don't believe I have a choice because I will become really unhappy if I don't follow my dreams. I will go right for the gold!

I'm not sure I'm the best person to offer advice but I do admire your courage and wish you the best of luck on your journey!

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson