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Having kids: The old fashioned way vs adoption

tickle gamer

3rd Level Red Feather
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Hi All! I know it's been awhile since I posted, had a few rounds of not feeling the best. But, I wanted to see what you felt about an important question, well, important to me at least.

That being. Which do you think is better? Having a baby the old fashioned way, or, adoption.

As for me, both are great, but I've thought about this a lot over the years and am a bigger fan of adoption.

They're a few family traits and issues I'd hate to pass along to my kids, if I'm ever lucky enough to have a family that is.
 
Personally, I have chosen to never have children. Reasons include : I had to take care of a lot of people growing up, I have a lot mental shit going on that leads me to believe I might not be the best parent, I would likely have an enduring sense of guilt for wanting to give said child the world and not being able to, and then there's the fact that I want to keep my money and my free time/freedom, the world is already overpopulated, etc

If it was a choice between having my own child or adopting, I would either do both or just adopt. There's 7 billion + people in the world and they've been causing more than enough problems for the planet. I'm unsure what resources will be left in generations to come if the population continues in this manner.
 
I'm a parent/stepparent to seven children, only one of which is biologically mine. In terms of parenting, on the whole, the task is the same. What may differ is your reason for choosing one or the other.

Biology is one reason: you (or your spouse) may or may not want to pass on your genes.

You may have ethical/moral reasons to go either way: adopting brings fewer children into an already overcrowded world. Your religious convictions expect you to produce children.

There's always going to be a trade-off. By adopting, you don't advance your "bad genes", but you are potentially advancing someone else's. There will be all kinds of financial costs involved with either decision.

Regardless of whether you adopt or have children of your own, the task of parenting will remain the same. As long as you accept the work, neither decision will be a bad one.

Sent from my SM-A716U using Tapatalk
 
I had a flatmate once when I was living in London; she'd been adopted.

She said that when she was little her trump card in the schoolyard was to bellow, 'MY parents CHOSE me because I'm SPECIAL- YOURS just got STUCK with YOU!!'

When I was little I decided that I'd been adopted because not only were my parents both dangerously insane in my opinion, but more tellingly my mother had been cut out of all my newborn baby pictures. I asked her about this and she said she'd done that herself because she 'looked so awful', and as I was too young to know anything about women, I considered this to be a blatant lie that reinforced my theory.

So I asked my father, who intoned solemnly, 'Yes, it's true. We weren't going to tell you, but you are actually a prince who was stolen by gypsies and sold to us cheap. And there's NOTHING you can do about it.

Now go and clean your goddam room'.

Oh, the trauma!!!
 
As it pertains to the heritability of any traits you find undesirable I caution you against assuming a Mendelian i.e. directly inherited in a 1:1, 1:2, or 1:4 pattern without any reliable data. There are plenty of examples of phenotypes determined by a single gene or a group of genes linked in a cluster. But many others are influenced by multiple genes and the environment.
That is another matter when considering adoption. If you're provided a medical history for the child you can better determine the potential health risks and evaluate whether you're in a position to manage them.
In this instance, I'm not sure either option is wrong. But, it's a discussion you should have with your partner, too.
 
I had originally hoped to have children. A hope that remained until a few years ago.

With all the medical problems I've had since I've been in NY. I've thought about this very carefully.

I start to think I'm now 51 years old. I do not have a partner at the moment, and may not for a while.

Even if I were to adopt,. that process takes a long time.

Then , due to my serious medical condition. While there is no said prediction, that I would or will live any shorter of a lifespan that someone who does not have seizures, my already advanced age combined with my medical condition, makes me believe that having a child at this stage of my life, would not be fair most important to any child, but also to myself.

The only factor that would cause me to reconsider my decision, would be if, for example, down the road, I met a partner who was 15 to 20 years younger than me, who did not have children, and who really wanted to herself have a child, and she understood the potential issues I have, and the fact that she could well be a single parent, from the time that the child might not be that far along in life if something happened to me.

Other than those things, I would say it's highly unlikely that I'm going to have children
 
It is a personal choice. I don’t think there is a better way to have a child. It’s how you care, nurture, and teach that is important. I have biological children and I won’t be having any more. However, adoption is an option in the future.
 
Personally, I am not into adoption, 95%. The 5% goes to: if I can't have a child of my own due to medical reasons, I'd prefer to adopt only from someone known to me like a friend or distant relative.
 
Well I have schizophrenia so having kids with my GF is out. We had the hardest time trying to find a doctor who would perform a minimally invasive procedure to make my GF sterile but fortunately we did eventually find someone (aka female specialist in Ithaca, NY). But holy HELL, we went all over NY state and also parts of Pennsylvania and Vermont before we managed to find someone! What the utter HELL is with male doctors and not wanting to provide procedures to sterilize I wonder? Anywho, my GF and I are still saving up for our wedding (I should really start calling her my fiancé, heh) as well as a home to live in but right now we do not make nearly enough money to adopt a kid.
 
Which is BETTER? I mean birthing a kid made up of you and your partner is a full on fantasy most want to have on top of the satisfaction of wanting a child.

But which is"Better", i mean if were being real there are more kids then there can be adopted or saved rn. Its bad man, we see it as a number and forget that each digit is a child that is in need of someone or worse, just straight abandoned and unloved... A CHILD.

No question adoption is better but i mean better for someone personally it works either way, i dont even fucking want kids but i started really considering making myself into someone who is cause someones gotta help these kids or loads are gonna end up in fucking jail robbing your ass or just fucking dead, because people arent thinking about or admitting it needs to be done.

Oof my buzzkill rants done
 
You can't save everyone Veg. Do what you can with little acts of kindness.

It's better to adopt for the right reasons and when your ready (both financially and mentally) to raise a child.
 
It's a personal choice and I'm not gonna openly judge any one for which they choose to make.
 
Yee i agree, just pointing out adoption is a thing for an important reason not just for personal fulfillment. But yee ditto to both those statements @chicago @iluv...
 
Thanks and what Chicago said. We're not gonna judge ya at all dude.

Just be warned, having kids (whether naturally or adoption) can involve a LOT of work and money spent.

Being a parent can be a full time job.

Lord only knows how many times my Mom and Dad fell asleep on the couch after watching over my little sis and I all day.

Half the time they didn't even make it to bed. LOL.
 
I'd like to do both. Have about 8 of my own and adopt 8 more. Actually I'd love to have like a X Academy kinda situation...Yes, I am a mutant.
 
I'd like to do both. Have about 8 of my own and adopt 8 more. Actually I'd love to have like a X Academy kinda situation...Yes, I am a mutant.

The crazy part isn't what you just typed but that I can't really tell if your joking or not.
 
I have bipolar I, and am on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic that both cause birth defects, so biological kids are a no-go for me. Post-partum depression and/or psychosis would be a very real possibility for me.

My fiance and I have thought about adopting or being foster parents, but that in and of itself can be a challenge.
 
I have bipolar I, and am on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic that both cause birth defects, so biological kids are a no-go for me. Post-partum depression and/or psychosis would be a very real possibility for me.

My fiance and I have thought about adopting or being foster parents, but that in and of itself can be a challenge.

I have schizophrenia and my fiancé and myself decided a long time ago to never have kids. Finding a doctor to perform a minimally invasive operation on mah fiancé so we could be sure I'd never get her pregnant was TOUGH though. We simply could not find a male doctor willing to perform the operation. We had to go all the way to Ithaca NY to a female specialist to have it done.
 
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