Quotes for sale...cheap!

[qjakal]

I love a good quote! And I love a bad one even more! here's a thread for anyone who feels likewise, or wants to borrow one for their "signature" on the forums! Have fun....:



A lie told often enough becomes the truth.
Lenin

Cynicism is knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
H. L. Mencken

If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.
Russell P. Askue

I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there.
Richard Feynman

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire

Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
Lichty & Wagner

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
Wilson Mizner

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Oscar Wilde

If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible he is almost certainly right, but if
he says that it is impossible he is very probably wrong.
Arthur C. Clarke

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Voltaire

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter
bullet.
Dave Barry

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets
Brigader Lethbridge-Stewart, in "Dr. Who"

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S Truman

An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
Laurence J. Peter

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
George Bernard Shaw

You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
Arlo Guthrie

Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
George Ada (1866 - 1944)

He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.
Unknown

Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.
Lillian Hellman (1907 - 1984)

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
Douglas Adams

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Caron de Beaumarchais

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Fred Hoyle

Life is not a matter of holding good cards,
but sometimes playing a poor hand well.

- Jack London

The first and most important step toward success is the feeling that we can succeed " --Nelson Boswell


"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The
time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use" -- Earl
Nightingale


"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself " -- George Bernard Shaw


"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are
difficult" -- Seneca


"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not "
-- George Bernard Shaw


"There is an intrinsic value in doing something without being the best at it" -- Susie Gephardt


"The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and
succeed " Lloyd Jones


"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step " Lao Tzu


"Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things
which a man should resist on principle." -- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton


"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do " --Henry Ford


"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age " --
Robert Frost


Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time
you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to
myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.

Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.

God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days andthen pulled an all-nighter.

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

I don't get even, I get odder.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am having an out of money experience.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Not afraid of heights -- afraid of widths.

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

A day without sunshine is like night.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.


He that lives upon hope will die fasting.

- Benjamin Franklin

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

"The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan
Groin Kick, but it's more politically correct."

Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can
come of it." - C.P. Scott

Lord Alfred Tennyson-a few gems:

He makes no friend who never made a foe.

The Gods themselves cannot recall their gifts.


Albert Camus:
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear questions.


Alexender Pope:

Hell was built on spite, and heaven on pride.

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today that he was yesterday.

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
The worst of madmen is a saint run mad.


Ambrose Bierce:
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.

Destiny: A tyrant’’s authority for crime and a fool’’s excuse for failure.

Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive
effect.

Ghost: The outward and a visible sign of an inward fear.

Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. –– Thomas Jefferson

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. –– John F Kennedy

No man can worship God or love his neighbor on an empty stomach. –– Woodrow Wilson

No man is good enough to govern another man without that other’’s consent. –– Abraham Lincoln

No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expedience. –– Theodore Roosevelt


Aristotle
Anyone can become angry--that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right
degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way-- that is not easy.

He has no friends who has many friends.

He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself,
must be either a beast or a god.
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.

Some men are just as firmly convinced of what they think as others are of what they know.

Arthur Conan Doyle:
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Benjamin Disraeli:
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.

No government can be long secure without a formidable opposition.

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. We cannot learn men from books

Benjamin Franklin: In the affairs of this World, Men are Saved, not by Faith, but by the want
of it.

Bertrand Russel:
Collision is as necessary to produce virtue in men, as it is to illicit fire in inanimate matter; and so chivalry is the essence of the virtue.

Drunkenness is temporary suicide; the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness.

Freedom in general may be defined as the absence of obstacles to the realization of desires.

CharlesDickens:
Circumstances alter choices.

I want to be something so much worthier than the doll in the doll’’s house.

There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated

Chesterton G K
Bigotry may be roughly defined as anger of men who have no opinions.

[Carthoris]

It may have been said by someone else, but my dad tells me this a lot.

Everyday you get older, I get smarter.

Kinda makes sense I guess although I deny it til the end.

[qjakal]

Not sure of the difference, but Strel will be in shortly to explain it to me...and I know one when I see it! Yup...that one has been paraphrased for quite a while now, and it SURE is true! It amazes everyone how smart their parents become as THEY age and see life a bit differently. It hit me in my late 20's that they knew what they were doing after all...lol. Q

[quinn65]

Here's one I used to like in my engineering days:

"Variables won't. Constants aren't." -?

...at least it seemed that way on the exams.

[qjakal]

Thats the way I like "em! Short and thought provoking...much appreciated. Q

[red indian]

life is like a bannana, one day its in your mouth and the next its up your arse.

[red indian]

"When I was 9 years old I thought my father was an ignorant fool, but when I was 18 I was amazed how much he had learnt in 9 years"

[Haltickling]

Life is like a Ferrari.
Much too fast!
But who can afford a Ferrari anyway...
(Garfield)

[thefeatheroom95]

These are some of my favorites that ive found on internet profiles:

"There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."

"Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life."

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

"Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?"

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

[qjakal]

Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
and some days you're the statue.


Always read stuff that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.


Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun
and shoot other people in the eyes.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.

[Ayla ny]

"Anything worth having is worth cheating for." - WC Fields

also known for "Go away kid... ya' bother me!" :-)

[qjakal]

Now, I wouldn't have figured you to be a WC Fields kind of gal! Guess ya never know.... Q

[Ayla ny]

"When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before." - Mae West

better?

[qjakal]

Nope...I figured you for the other Mae West quote about being good/bad...sigh...I'm off my game today! Q

[Strelnikov]

"If a man is not a socialist at age 20, he has no heart. If he is still a socialist at age 30, he has no brain."
--Georges Clemenceau, French Statesman

"...and if he's not a cynic by age 40, he hasn't been paying attention."
--Strelnikov, Grumpy Old Fart