Do you have a partner NOT into tickling?

Sunriseticklee said:

I was really going to stay silent because I don't have a dog in this fight at all.....

BUT I want to say that I respect the fact that even though you love tickling, you allow your girlfriend to have a safe space. It is NOT preposterous in the LEAST bit to hate tickling this much, especially when you have been in a situation that was scary and abusive. A lot of people have been in that situation, and unfortunately, a lot of abusers use tickling as a start to get close to someone before continuing with their sexual assault.

If she is ready, she'll talk about it. She might not, though. As long as you are both committed to the relationship, continue to keep that safe space for her. If you feel you can no longer do that, then honestly bow out gracefully and find someone else.

Unfortunately, this occurs more than one would think, and I don't want anyone to push the notion that someone feeling this way is crazy or ridiculous. You don't have to know the back story. If this is how a person feels, that should be enough to respect that person's position on tickling. (like you are doing)

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Of course it’s not preposterous to not enjoy being tickled. People can enjoy or not enjoy whatever they want, and obviously no one should ever subject someone to something they find hurtful or distressing. No one has suggested otherwise.

What is preposterous is to assert that tickling is *inherently* sexual assault and that no one actually likes it. That would be like saying “anal sex is sexual assault — no one actually wants that.” That’s both flagrantly wrong and ridiculously offensive.

solarcharger said:

My wife isn’t really into it, per se, but she DOES indulge me in my fetish! On a scale of one to ten, I’d say her feet were a 6 when it comes to ticklishness. I wish she were an eleven!! But it is what it is. But I DO feel fortunate that she, even though she doesn’t fully understand why I like it so much, let’s me tickle her feet almost anytime I like!

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You are a very lucky man. Does she ever tickle you just because you enjoy it?

I have dated girls before who weren’t into it, and it just didn’t work out, romantic compatibility was very awkward. In my last 2 long term relationships, my partner was into it, and romantic compatibility was so much better. But obviously it takes more than romantic compatibility for a relationship to work, even though that part is very important.
I am single now, but from past experiences I would prefer a partner who is also into it, or at least into other closely related kinky things such that tickling wouldn’t be that far off from what they are into.

CS22 said:

LOL! Any chance you live in Toronto or close by?? ������

To be honest, it would be amazing to meet someone on here and actually have a connection.

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I will send you a DM

I can sympathize completely! Have been with my wife for almost 15 years. In most of our marriage, she would indulge my tickle kink- just random tickles on her feet for a few seconds. She even let me tie her up and tickle her feet once for a few minutes. The past year or so she has had a medical condition that made the reaction from tickling painful for her, so I obviously abstained from tickling her. Now she is fully recovered. I'm trying to slowly work it back into our sex life. She's never really been about tickling, but I'm hoping that I can bring her to a place where she might be more comfortable with it.

For the record I am long-term married to someone withOUT this kink, and I am extremely happy and satisfied.

I just did some quick math here:

102,000,000 American adults are on the internet constantly (31% of population)
1% of population considers themselves asexual, so that's 3.3 million people, so take them out. Everyone else, if they have this fetish, would have at some point found TMF.
There are "100,000" members of TMF but only about 40,000 of us though have accounts and are active. But let's round it up to 100,000 people.

100,000 divided by 99,000,000 sexual Americans who are online is .00101

That means that if you're in a room with 1000 random US adults, you are the only person in the room with a tickle fetish. And that's people of all adults ages. What about those who are dating age? Minuscule. You'd need to be in a room of about 10,000 people to just be in the same room with another single person turned on by tickling. More in the real world, you could go on 1,000 dates over 10 years, 100 a year (8 dates a month), and meet exactly one date who has been to this website. In 10 years. And what if you don't like them? What if you're not compatible in, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE?

There are various other numerical factors I'm not even considering, this is back of napkin math, both the unavoidable and objective truth is that we are a teeny tiny teeny tiny minority of the US population.

My subjective advice: Marry/date for love. Marry/date for compatibility. Marry/date for respect and companionship and values and goals and all those things that make life worth sharing with someone else. Don't marry or date someone for this fetish. The right person will love you and indulge you so long as you love and indulge them. Build your relationship on solid foundations, not a kink.

I know other disagree but that's my two cents. It's certainly worked for me!

Zeezil said:

For the record I am long-term married to someone withOUT this kink, and I am extremely happy and satisfied.

I just did some quick math here:

102,000,000 American adults are on the internet constantly (31% of population)
1% of population considers themselves asexual, so that's 3.3 million people, so take them out. Everyone else, if they have this fetish, would have at some point found TMF.
There are "100,000" members of TMF but only about 40,000 of us though have accounts and are active. But let's round it up to 100,000 people.

100,000 divided by 99,000,000 sexual Americans who are online is .00101

That means that if you're in a room with 1000 random US adults, you are the only person in the room with a tickle fetish. And that's people of all adults ages. What about those who are dating age? Minuscule. You'd need to be in a room of about 10,000 people to just be in the same room with another single person turned on by tickling. More in the real world, you could go on 1,000 dates over 10 years, 100 a year (8 dates a month), and meet exactly one date who has been to this website. In 10 years. And what if you don't like them? What if you're not compatible in, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE?

There are various other numerical factors I'm not even considering, this is back of napkin math, both the unavoidable and objective truth is that we are a teeny tiny teeny tiny minority of the US population.

My subjective advice: Marry/date for love. Marry/date for compatibility. Marry/date for respect and companionship and values and goals and all those things that make life worth sharing with someone else. Don't marry or date someone for this fetish. The right person will love you and indulge you so long as you love and indulge them. Build your relationship on solid foundations, not a kink.

I know other disagree but that's my two cents. It's certainly worked for me!

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I couldn't have said it better myself.

Zeezil said:

For the record I am long-term married to someone withOUT this kink, and I am extremely happy and satisfied.

I just did some quick math here:

102,000,000 American adults are on the internet constantly (31% of population)
1% of population considers themselves asexual, so that's 3.3 million people, so take them out. Everyone else, if they have this fetish, would have at some point found TMF.
There are "100,000" members of TMF but only about 40,000 of us though have accounts and are active. But let's round it up to 100,000 people.

100,000 divided by 99,000,000 sexual Americans who are online is .00101

That means that if you're in a room with 1000 random US adults, you are the only person in the room with a tickle fetish. And that's people of all adults ages. What about those who are dating age? Minuscule. You'd need to be in a room of about 10,000 people to just be in the same room with another single person turned on by tickling. More in the real world, you could go on 1,000 dates over 10 years, 100 a year (8 dates a month), and meet exactly one date who has been to this website. In 10 years. And what if you don't like them? What if you're not compatible in, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE?

There are various other numerical factors I'm not even considering, this is back of napkin math, both the unavoidable and objective truth is that we are a teeny tiny teeny tiny minority of the US population.

My subjective advice: Marry/date for love. Marry/date for compatibility. Marry/date for respect and companionship and values and goals and all those things that make life worth sharing with someone else. Don't marry or date someone for this fetish. The right person will love you and indulge you so long as you love and indulge them. Build your relationship on solid foundations, not a kink.

I know other disagree but that's my two cents. It's certainly worked for me!

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Good advice and it needed to be said on this forum. But considering all the strange and mathematically improbable things I've experienced, never say never.

Zeezil said:

For the record I am long-term married to someone withOUT this kink, and I am extremely happy and satisfied.

I just did some quick math here:

102,000,000 American adults are on the internet constantly (31% of population)
1% of population considers themselves asexual, so that's 3.3 million people, so take them out. Everyone else, if they have this fetish, would have at some point found TMF.
There are "100,000" members of TMF but only about 40,000 of us though have accounts and are active. But let's round it up to 100,000 people.

100,000 divided by 99,000,000 sexual Americans who are online is .00101

That means that if you're in a room with 1000 random US adults, you are the only person in the room with a tickle fetish. And that's people of all adults ages. What about those who are dating age? Minuscule. You'd need to be in a room of about 10,000 people to just be in the same room with another single person turned on by tickling. More in the real world, you could go on 1,000 dates over 10 years, 100 a year (8 dates a month), and meet exactly one date who has been to this website. In 10 years. And what if you don't like them? What if you're not compatible in, you know, EVERYTHING ELSE?

There are various other numerical factors I'm not even considering, this is back of napkin math, both the unavoidable and objective truth is that we are a teeny tiny teeny tiny minority of the US population.

My subjective advice: Marry/date for love. Marry/date for compatibility. Marry/date for respect and companionship and values and goals and all those things that make life worth sharing with someone else. Don't marry or date someone for this fetish. The right person will love you and indulge you so long as you love and indulge them. Build your relationship on solid foundations, not a kink.

I know other disagree but that's my two cents. It's certainly worked for me!

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I completely disagree with this entire framing of the question. Yes, there's a relatively small number of people who, on their own, have a clear and distinct tickle fetish. Obviously if you decide "I'm only ever going to date people who already have a tickling fetish," you're going to seriously limit the pool of available people, and there's no guarantee you're going to be otherwise compatible.

But that's far too narrow a way to look at the issue. The question isn't "does my partner independently have a tickling fetish?" It's "can my partner enjoy my tickling fetish with me?" And the universe of people who are compersive enough to take pleasure in their partner's pleasure is vastly larger than the universe of people who independently enjoy one particular kink. Indeed, no matter what your particular kink is, having a partner who's willing to explore and share your kinks with you is a really important part of relationship compatibility generally! After all, if you had a partner into something completely random -- let's say, having balloons rubbed all over their body -- wouldn't you be into sharing that with them? If rubbing balloons on your partner got them incredibly horny and excited and flustered, wouldn't you love doing that, even if you weren't into balloons yourself?

Now of course, when it comes to tickling -- especially being tickled -- it may be that some people are just so inherently uncomfortable with it that there's no way they can get it into it with you. And obviously you should never uncomfortably pressure someone to take part in something that's genuinely distressing and unpleasant for them. But I don't think it's the least bit obvious that this describes most people with respect to tickling.

To provide a different set of numbers, I've dated and/or repeatedly hooked up with something like 20 people. Of those, there was only one who independently into tickling before we met (we met through Tumblr), but there were two who subsequently realized they were really into it, and have told me that they now are into tickling for their own sake. Two of them absolutely hated being tickled and never let me tickle them. Another two were really, really unbearably ticklish, and would only let me tickle them briefly sometimes (but they also liked teasing me about how ticklish they were, which was really hot too). And the rest -- about a dozen different women -- weren't into tickling for their own sake, but enjoyed the reaction they got from me when I tickled them, and so tickling was a regular and enjoyable part of our sex life. Obviously this is all anecdotal, and I'm probably screening to some extent up front for women who are more sexually adventurous and compersive than the median person. But still, I think it reflects that "capable of enjoying tickling with a partner who's into it" is not some incredibly rare trait.

In short, yes, obviously you should marry/date for love, compatibility, respect, companionship, and shared values and goals. But for most people -- including and especially people with distinct kinks -- sexual compatibility is a huge aspect of that bundle of very important things! And if your partner is entirely closed off to a kink that's a huge aspect of your sexuality, well, that's probably going to make sexual compatibility pretty challenging. Of course, everyone has to make their own tradeoffs, and I'm not saying that anyone's wrong to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy tickling, if you're otherwise happy. But I think that it's terrible advice to tell people not to take sexual compatibility into account when looking for a partner. It's an eminently reasonable and achievable goal, and you're going to be much happier in your relationship if this is something you can share with your partner.

I am married to a beautiful woman - in and out. She has some of the most beautiful feet. And.......she isn't ticklish. It's been killing me for 46 years. I've tried everything. Nothing. It's a real bummer.

tickle_daemon said:

The question isn't "does my partner independently have a tickling fetish?" It's "can my partner enjoy my tickling fetish with me?" And the universe of people who are compersive enough to take pleasure in their partner's pleasure is vastly larger than the universe of people who independently enjoy one particular kink. Indeed, no matter what your particular kink is, having a partner who's willing to explore and share your kinks with you is a really important part of relationship compatibility generally! After all, if you had a partner into something completely random -- let's say, having balloons rubbed all over their body -- wouldn't you be into sharing that with them? If rubbing balloons on your partner got them incredibly horny and excited and flustered, wouldn't you love doing that, even if you weren't into balloons yourself?

In short, yes, obviously you should marry/date for love, compatibility, respect, companionship, and shared values and goals. But for most people -- including and especially people with distinct kinks -- sexual compatibility is a huge aspect of that bundle of very important things! And if your partner is entirely closed off to a kink that's a huge aspect of your sexuality, well, that's probably going to make sexual compatibility pretty challenging. Of course, everyone has to make their own tradeoffs, and I'm not saying that anyone's wrong to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy tickling, if you're otherwise happy. But I think that it's terrible advice to tell people not to take sexual compatibility into account when looking for a partner. It's an eminently reasonable and achievable goal, and you're going to be much happier in your relationship if this is something you can share with your partner.

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Yes, a thousand times this. I don't expect anyone I meet to have a tickling fetish. All I hope for is (1) that she's ticklish, and (2) she's willing to let me tickle her. I'm perfectly willing to indulge her kinks too, so long as her kink isn't a hard limit for me. I would never do anal, for example.

You have to get past the idea of the "soul mate" (or "sole" mate ;-) ). There are multiple people out there who will be compatible with you. I know it takes a lot of effort to find someone, and when you meet someone who checks all your other boxes, it's very tempting to say "I'll just deal with this." But it doesn't have to be that way. I've dated a lot of women since the breakup of my last serious relationship, and I can tell you, what we like really isn't that "out there" comparatively speaking.

In short, if I'm going to be in a long-term relationship with someone, you better believe it's going to be with someone who is sexually compatible with me.

I have a gf not into it and it’s a big drag.

Yes, these are all good points, tickle_daemon and BlindTickleS and TheMasterTouch. And yes, sexual compatibility is extremely important. Not THE most important thing, I would argue, but very.

My point was simply one of filtering. Don't filter down to this fetish alone, to start with, when you're choosing a mate. My wife, for example, is ticklish and has gorgeous feet and legs but doesn't like it when I tickle them. She tickles me, and occasionally lets me give her feet attention in bed, and that's good enough for me. (For the record, call me shallow but I wouldn't have chosen a lifetime mate who had ugly feet or legs, even if they *were* extremely ticklish and liked it.) Our sexual proclivities were each discovered, by the way, through the process of time, over many many months of courtship. The courtship is where we fell in love, with each other, over things much bigger than this fetish. If I had thrown her to the curb the minute I discovered she didn't like being tickled early on, we wouldn't have built the wonderful and happy life we've had together over decades.

To put it another way, I'd much rather be with someone long term who is loving, caring, physically and mentally compatible, adventurous, yadda yadda yadda, but isn't into this per se, vs. a TMFer who isn't any of those things.

I see a lot of posts from people who consider this fetish some sort of curse, and I maintain that it only is if you let it. Just trying to give the younger folks some optimism and a little old man wisdom.

Zeezil said:

Yes, these are all good points, tickle_daemon and BlindTickleS and TheMasterTouch. And yes, sexual compatibility is extremely important. Not THE most important thing, I would argue, but very.

My point was simply one of filtering. Don't filter down to this fetish alone, to start with, when you're choosing a mate. My wife, for example, is ticklish and has gorgeous feet and legs but doesn't like it when I tickle them. She tickles me, and occasionally lets me give her feet attention in bed, and that's good enough for me. (For the record, call me shallow but I wouldn't have chosen a lifetime mate who had ugly feet or legs, even if they *were* extremely ticklish and liked it.) Our sexual proclivities were each discovered, by the way, through the process of time, over many many months of courtship. The courtship is where we fell in love, with each other, over things much bigger than this fetish. If I had thrown her to the curb the minute I discovered she didn't like being tickled early on, we wouldn't have built the wonderful and happy life we've had together over decades.

To put it another way, I'd much rather be with someone long term who is loving, caring, physically and mentally compatible, adventurous, yadda yadda yadda, but isn't into this per se, vs. a TMFer who isn't any of those things.

I see a lot of posts from people who consider this fetish some sort of curse, and I maintain that it only is if you let it. Just trying to give the younger folks some optimism and a little old man wisdom.

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Fair enough, and I agree you shouldn't filter by this particular fetish. However, I think it probably is wise to filter by, let's say, sexual compatibility, which is really only one level of generality higher than any given kink. Like, back when I was using online dating profiles, I definitely put "ethically non-monogamous" and "kinky" on my profile, because there was just no point starting down the path with someone who was firmly committed to a vanilla, non-monogamous relationship. But at the point where you've filtered for people who are generally into kinky, non-traditional kinds of sex (whether or not they're into non-monogamy), then you're presumably filtering for people who are sex positive, don't kink shame, interested in exploring fetishes, etc. And at that point, it's just a stone's throw from them being willing to explore tickling with you. Sure, maybe they have some independent aversion to tickling that just so happens to make it a hard limit, but in my experience, that's a minority of people.

Taking a step back, and this may sound a bit harsh, but I think the real problem that a lot of people here describe as "my partner's not into tickling" is not that they just so happen to be dating someone who inherently finds tickling so unpleasant that they can never tolerate it. Rather, I think what's going on a lot of the time is either (1) the person hasn't effectively communicated to their partner the extent to which tickling is important to them, and/or (2) their partner isn't the sort of person willing to share in their partner's desires. Like, looking back through these posts, I don't really see people saying "my partner understands and respects how important this kink is to me, but it just so happens that she really can't stand being tickled herself - what should we do?" Rather, people are saying things like how their partner finds tickling weird, annoying, tedious, or even offensive. And... if that's the case, it's not really a problem with tickling in particular - it's a more fundamental issue with sexual communication and compatibility.

To borrow a concept from Bryan Caplan, it seems like there's something of a "missing mood" with respect to a lot of these "partners who aren't into tickling." Like, if you're in a serious romantic relationship with someone, but it just so happens that a major kink of theirs is close to a hard limit for you, that's an obstacle that you should desire to address. Maybe you try very limited forms of it, just to make sure they get some feeling of exposure to it. Maybe you watch or read kink-specific porn together, so that you still get the feeling of sharing the kink with them. Maybe you allow them to explore it with other people, if you don't have a hard commitment to 100% monogamy. Or maybe you recognize that it's such a fundamental incompatibility that the relationship just isn't going to work. But I find it bizarre that anyone in a healthy, committed relationship, when confronted with a major sexual preference of their partner's, could just say "eh, not interested."

I love this thread! Such an interesting read. I've dated both fetishists and nonfetishists with all amazing relationships. However, the connection is notably different when I share my fetishes with a partner because it allows for us to connect on a deeper level. I often hear people minimizing the sexual aspect of relationships, and from my perspective, that's not fair. For a lot of folx, tickling (or any other kink/fetish/sexual desire) is also an expression of your feelings for that person. As I stated earlier, the deeper I was able to explore with my partner at the time, the deeper my feelings and intimacy grew, and ultimately our relationship was more solid and healthy. It builds trust and communication. So I feel the sexual piece is just as critical as other aspects of a relationship.

I also want to comment, that I think it's unfair to assume your partner will accommodate your kink, regardless of how long you've been together. Some people just have strict boundaries/limits that should always be respected. Relationships are complex, yet we live in a world where we assume it's an "all or nothing" dichotomy. I would totally be open to allowing a partner of mine to explore their kinks with someone else if we didn't share it (after we've been together for a while and actually have built a solid foundation). I think communiation is key. Ensuring you are having talks with a potential partner early in the relationship to avoid major pitfalls in the future.

Anyways, great conversations!

When my partner found out I liked tickling, he researched it as much as he could and asked several people what all he could to please me. I was kinda blown away, but then again that’s who he is…he will go above and beyond for me.

CutenCurvylee said:

When my partner found out I liked tickling, he researched it as much as he could and asked several people what all he could to please me. I was kinda blown away, but then again that’s who he is…he will go above and beyond for me.

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That’s awesome! I absolutely love hearing that ❤️

Yeah have been in this situation before and it's not great. I wouldn't force them into it if they really didn't like it.

I would find someone else who would be, so next it is.

BlindTickleS said:

thank you! To be clear, I wasn’t trying to question the overall point about filtering and priorities, I was just simply questioning the data said you presented. I know you pointed out it was simply back of the napkin math and you acknowledged there were other variables that weren’t considered. I just wanted to highlight some of those variables end show that it’s possible the numbers may be more favorable then they appear at first glance. But I do agree, while sexual compatibility is important, and fetishes are incredibly closely Connected to that, it should by no means be the sole criteria. (You see what I did there? )

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"Sole criteria" LOL. Yes you brought up some great points about the data, BlindTickleS, and have convinced me that there are certainly more ticklers/lees out there than .001 percent of the population. (Maybe .002? haha)

And tickle_daemon re: "Rather, people are saying things like how their partner finds tickling weird, annoying, tedious, or even offensive. And... if that's the case, it's not really a problem with tickling in particular - it's a more fundamental issue with sexual communication and compatibility."
Yes, that's a hugely important statement.

Two comments:

1. For the record I am speaking as a devoted monogamist. If you're a non-monogamist, and your partner is too, that certainly opens a whole lot more opportunities for you to meet fellow tickler/ticklees, no? With finding mutual true devoted lifetime love (i.e. marriage) not being your goal? If that's the case, I'm sure you agree that it's an entirely different set of boundaries and rules for us monogamists. We're playing tennis, you're playing rugby.

2. Totally agree about if your partner finds tickling annoying, tedious, offensive, etc. then that's a problem. That's luckily not the case with my wife. If she acted that way early on about tickling, that would have been a red flag. More specifically, she tickles me in bed cause she knows it turns me on, I only tickle her to annoy her in non-sexual scenarios (yes, good wives have it coming sometimes, ha). But I learned not to tickle her in bed, because it doesn't turn her on. I do what she likes, she does what I like. It's almost vanilla in that aspect, dare I say. So yeah we're talking about two different things, really. Whatever floats our boats, right?

3. NOTE TO YOUNG FOLKS: If your partner isn't into it per se, You ABSOLUTELY want to find someone like CutenCurvylee did:

"When my partner found out I liked tickling, he researched it as much as he could and asked several people what all he could to please me. I was kinda blown away, but then again that’s who he is…he will go above and beyond for me."

Now THAT'S a sweet partner. Bravo, sounds like a keeper!

Oh my god, this is my time to SHINE!! I’ve been waiting for this one haha
I thought I’d tell my story since I am a female lee with a fiancé who’s not into tickling by itself, but he’s into tickling me!

So I get this question asked to me A LOT (despite it being answered on my profile). “Is your fiancé okay with this?! Does he know? Does he have to be involved? Does he have to watch? Are you sure your fiancé will let me tickle you? How does this even work?”

This story takes place in 2016. Before my fiancé i was seeing someone in undergrad who was my first, everything. I thought we were 100% compatible in every other way but with tickling and sex in general. He was 100% vanilla. Not interested in porn, sex toys (even a basic vibe for me), or rough sex. Nor did he understand tickling. He was judgey of my kinks and my exploration was frowned upon. For 3 years I did this. Until it ended.


A year or so later i met my fiancé. So some background I have a fiancé, an amazing man who’s 33. I am 27. Dating over 5 years now. Live together and own a home. Fiancé and I met when I posted an ad on Craigslist personals of all places. I was in a weird place in life and looking for some BDSM play and a possible relationship. He responded.

Maybe it was the matter in which we met, but I was 100% open and honest with him about what I am into. He was open too. It was organic. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t “get you”. He is a dominant sadist with a side of a daddy (protector, more nurturing) and I am a submissive masochist who’s also a little with a tickle fetish. That’s what feels the best to me. I remember him explaining that he doesn’t have a tickle kink like I do, but he was interested in it. He was so curious! He asked a lot of questions! He looked into it online and found out more about what tickling can do for some people. He then understood why I love it dearly as it helps me get into subspace and get out of my own mind and to just simply BE snd only think about the tickling. He then made a commitment almost to always have tickling somewhere floating around our relationship. He asked questions about techniques, bondage positions, certain tools to use, etc.

He took the time to learn about me and my fetishes. Learned why I like them and what it did for me. Over time we discovered that the the tickling kink worked very well with other kinks we have like bondage, his sadism kink, his dominance, his love for teasing me and controlling my orgasms. It all can and does fit together. We also do other regular bdsm play as well.

He doesn’t have a TMF. He won’t look for tickle porn, unless it’s for me. But he will and has many times before tied me down and tickled the hell out of me. He’s been willing and has went with me to events like NEST, the tickle sig in VA, and the Super Bowl weekend get together. He made good friends with my fiends in the tickle kink world. He will come in and grab my sides while I’m washing dishes or kiss my neck on the couch so I squeal. He does it before sexy times because he knows it gets me all aroused and excited! And then he also gets excited as it bushes his dominance buttons with my squirming and begging.

Just this evening I stretched and he tickled my armpit. It’s the little things that matter. But tickling isn’t on his mind like it is on mine, so he knows he will never fully 100% get it and that’s okay! There are things that he likes and that I let him do to me that I wouldn’t necessarily do, if he wasn’t the one doing them.

This man is okay with me playing with others, men and woman, lees and lers. It doesn’t bother him. He can help tickle me with someone or he can help tie me down and leave or he can not be involved at all and leave me to it. We have a solid ground rule that he meets anyone and everyone I want to play with, before I play. He likes me to experience different styles of tickling and building solid relationships through kink and my ler friends, which I have done. He’s just like, hey babe I love you, you’re happy, you’re safe, go have fun with our ler tickle community friend. Go be kinky, go indulge yourself, go play with someone who has the same passion and enthusiasm as you do with this kink, you deserve it!

This man bought a 10 pack of recharging toothbrushes for me, that we could take to nest so I could be tickled wearing them. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. He was handing them out for people to use on me at nest. It was hilarious.

At NEST he was handing out tickle tools to people who wanted to tickle me in the main room while I was strapped to The Chariot wearing only a thong, my cuffs, and a blindfold. I had 6 people in me at one time just rotating tag teaming me and Daniel said he was enjoying watching the show and was genuinely happy that I was happy. And I was VERY happy haha

What’s crazy is when I was that girl In college with a man who called my kinks disgusting and my wants and needs gross, I thought that was it. That was what they were. I would pray for someone like Daniel. Someone kink empowered and sex positive. Daniel and I aren’t poly, but we aren’t 100% monogamous either when it comes to play. If he wants to paddle a girl who we know loves pain and has a higher tolerance than me, then sure why not?! I may take a few swings myself if she’s into it. Or if he wants to be dominant with a bi or gay guy who’s submissive (we are both bi), and they plan a scene then that’s 100% okay too. I’m here for it.

So yeah, obviously our kinks don’t 100% line up exactly, but he was more than willing to grow with me and explore by my side. He’s very low key calm and chill. So it can definitely work out, both parties just have to open and honest about your sexual needs EARLY in the relationship and have a mutual understanding and respect for one another and one another’s needs. This means that just like in every other part of the relationship- showing up, putting in the time, doing your research, and wanting your partner to feel loved and happy.

I hope this helps someone that’s struggling.

That last little bit, the quote part, that is my fiancé 100%!!!

Zeezil said:

"Sole criteria" LOL. Yes you brought up some great points about the data, BlindTickleS, and have convinced me that there are certainly more ticklers/lees out there than .001 percent of the population. (Maybe .002? haha)

And tickle_daemon re: "Rather, people are saying things like how their partner finds tickling weird, annoying, tedious, or even offensive. And... if that's the case, it's not really a problem with tickling in particular - it's a more fundamental issue with sexual communication and compatibility."
Yes, that's a hugely important statement.

Two comments:

1. For the record I am speaking as a devoted monogamist. If you're a non-monogamist, and your partner is too, that certainly opens a whole lot more opportunities for you to meet fellow tickler/ticklees, no? With finding mutual true devoted lifetime love (i.e. marriage) not being your goal? If that's the case, I'm sure you agree that it's an entirely different set of boundaries and rules for us monogamists. We're playing tennis, you're playing rugby.

2. Totally agree about if your partner finds tickling annoying, tedious, offensive, etc. then that's a problem. That's luckily not the case with my wife. If she acted that way early on about tickling, that would have been a red flag. More specifically, she tickles me in bed cause she knows it turns me on, I only tickle her to annoy her in non-sexual scenarios (yes, good wives have it coming sometimes, ha). But I learned not to tickle her in bed, because it doesn't turn her on. I do what she likes, she does what I like. It's almost vanilla in that aspect, dare I say. So yeah we're talking about two different things, really. Whatever floats our boats, right?

3. NOTE TO YOUNG FOLKS: If your partner isn't into it per se, You ABSOLUTELY want to find someone like CutenCurvylee did:

"When my partner found out I liked tickling, he researched it as much as he could and asked several people what all he could to please me. I was kinda blown away, but then again that’s who he is…he will go above and beyond for me."

Now THAT'S a sweet partner. Bravo, sounds like a keeper!

Click to expand...

Coming out of lurking to say that I am in my 40s and in the first relationship of my life in which tickling is a positive and frequent thing.

My partner and I were both married to toxic people. I figured finding the right match for me even setting my kink aside would be difficult. I feel like he also did a little research on it, based on some things said.

I am 100% switch but end up being the Ler with him quite a bit; not sure how common that is.

He treats me like a Queen. I’ve never been happier!


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