My answer is techniques > looks, no question about that. Looks are considerably less important to me now that I’m 100% lee, compared to way back when I used to switch.
I actually have a theory that lees are generally less picky about looks, or about aesthetic and/or sexual attraction, than lers are. Of course I haven’t tested it scientifically, but I’ve developed this hypothesis after several years of lurking online, as well as experience on the IRL scene.
In my experience, male lers are usually the ones who ask for face pics straight away before deciding whether or not I’m worth talking to
whereas lees rarely seem to do this and instead just want to get tickled by me regardless of what I look like. I’ve also had a lot of “oh… can you just do the tickling instead?” or “I’ll only tickle you in exchange for you tickling me” from switches.
I’ve seen online… in the comments of mainstream tickle scenes for example, if there’s a conventionally unattractive female character getting tickled, there’s usually a fuckton of comments along the lines of “God damn it! Why did the
ugly girl have to get tickled?! Why couldn’t the
pretty girl get tickled instead?!” So it seems like the general consensus is that anyone who’s not conventionally attractive should “just do the tickling”.
On a slightly different note, I’ve also seen hundreds of personal ads from those who are 100% lee for genders (and sometimes ages) they’re not attracted to, but happy to switch with those who match their preferences. For example, how many straight male lees reach out to gay male lers wanting to get tickled? Quite a lot, by the look of things. I also see lesbian lees who are open to being tickled by male lers, and plenty of switches who will only ler women.
I can’t remember the exact wording I used, but I wrote on fetlife once that a possible explanation for this phenomenon is that lees can just close their eyes and feel the tickling, whereas lers have to look at, hear, and feel the person they’re tickling… so of course it makes sense they wouldn’t do that with someone they’re repulsed by.
Now, just to clarify, this isn’t to say “all lers are shallow” or “all lees are thirsty” or any other ridiculous claim. I also don’t want to fault anyone for having preferences; I myself would only switch with men in the past. I’m just stating an observation that I’ve picked up from several years in the community.
Anyway… Going back to the original question. Technique is a thousand times more important than looks, but it’s also not the only thing that’s important. Ultimately, I want to feel
safe with a ler, and of course I’d also like to get along with them and be friends outside of kink too.
I’ve seen and/or chatted with one or two guys who say things like “I’m young and attractive compared to other lers” and in my head I’m thinking… Okay… so fucking what? What can you actually
provide that these other lers can’t?
I hope this answer wasn’t too long. Hopefully I’ve provided some insight.
