Blowing off Steam

[FeatherMAN28]

first let to start by saying that I'm letting off steam so if i offened anybody, i apologize in advance... im just really irritated. second if you wish to post comments on this I'm all for it, even if you go against what im saying just dont be swearing or cussing me out.

Thanks

Anyways... my topic today..Women, or should I say women when it comes to dating and relationships...

Im not going to sit here and put myself on a pedistal or anything but i do consider myself to be a respectful guy who treats his dates/girlfriends with the respect they deserve. I don't enjoy creating drama or starting fights. So why is it that I cant seem to keep a relationship for more than 5 months or so...seriously what is it?? do I smell??? do I talk too much?? what?? then what really irritates me is when women say they are they type of person to talk things out..they never do!! they sweep it under the rug. I've probably heard almost all if not all excuses for breaking up...its not you its me..i just dont have the time for a boyfriend right now..or one of my personal favorites...I need some space right now... seriously..theres no gray area...in a relationship its black or white..either you want to be with somebody or you dont.. idk..i hear women all the time say they wish they could find a man who wants commitment..but when they find one they back away from him...and then whats even more confusing is how women always end up with some jerk off that doesnt treat them well at all and doesnt appreciate them. Men like that make me sick...it gives good honest guys a bad name and we have to work 10 times harder to prove ourselves to women because of those jerks. I could probably sit here and come up with a bunch more reasons why I'm so ticked off with this subject, but honestly I'm going to end this here...if you wish to comment feel free Thank you

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Well dating is hard. If you aren't compatible with someone then eventually you'll just get bored instead of growing to love them. It's extremely difficult to tell someone that you're tired of them, so these excuses of "I need space" and "its not you its me" tend to come out. It's not exclusively women who do this, but as a guy obviously those are the ones you hear it from the most.

The only real advice I can give you is to not work "10 times harder" to compensate for assholes. Women tend to go for a guy they find interesting, and being overtly nice and compliant will likely kill the attraction.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I don't really have any advice to give you. It's obvious that you're frustrated and hurting. So, I just wanted to send some good thoughts your way.

 

[steph]

First of all, don't ever apologize for your feelings~you feel the way feel and that is that.
You don't tell us how old you are~you might consider that, because certain phases in general go with certain age groups. Will you share more with us a little bit more about you? I know this is painful for you. You can always reach me by PM but I am thinking others might benefit from your very bravely going public...
XOXO

 

[Knot Amewzed]

Be yourself, and never forget that! If you are a warm, caring, stand-up guy; you will eventually land someone who is appreciative of your character. Don't listen to the "girls like the bad boys" malarkey. There are girls who do like bad boys, but they usually wind up falling in love with the nice guys.

 

[eclipse]

Don't listen to the "girls like the bad boys" malarkey.

So very true

I have never found myself attracted to those Bad Boys. Not sure where the stereotype comes from

 

[FeatherMAN28]

I appreciate all the kind words..I'll try to come back on in a couple of days and give more details. Again, thank you all for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it

 

[AmandaBear]

There has to be sparks on both sides, man. Without sparks, the relationship will fizzle out like a fail!cracker. I will say that you are not alone on this matter. What you just ranted about is probably one of the biggest complaints among straight men when it comes to their love lives. I don't know a thing about you, but by going on what you say it appears that those girls weren't even right for you to begin with. Don't rush it. You'll find your perfect match in due time and it'll be well worth it when it does happen.

 

[Filthyweasel]

I have had that same rant on my lips many a time. I wish I could help you out myself. My track record is once every 2 years something will happen. With the exception of my last relationship which lasted 2 years actually, my others lasted 2 months. I dated a girl last year for a few weeks, but that was the last contact I had. I found my problem was confidence. You can be a nice guy, but straight women are attracted to testosterone. it's the reason the hormone exists, as well as estrogen. The 'jerks' have an overabundance of it...meaning big in body and cocky and confident in demeanor. The double edged sword is that 9 times out of 10, it makes them complete pricks too. I can't give much advice, cause I'm pretty much in the same boat. Just actively train yourself to be more confident. I did little things to test myself...Afraid to talk to that girl over there...say 'fuck it!' and go do it...if you can't think of anything to say, oh well. You got a practice run in, and just don't give a sailing shit about the embarrassment of it. Turne the embarrassment into pride that you had the courage to do it.

Ever see the movie 'Waiting?' The guy that couldn't pee, and always asked the girl 'are you ok?' Don't be him. I was him...now I have a constant goal in mind not to be. Be a nice guy...women *do* love a nice guy. Just don't be a marshmallow, don't be passive. The passive guy gets preyed on by the bullies in school because the testosterone-addled arseholes see him as the weak link and easy to get rid of as competition. Women also have a reaction to that too, they see it as boring. Be interesting. You can still be yourself, just think of it as yourself in technicolor.

I'll go away and be single now, cause I haven't mastered this shit myself yet.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Well dating is hard. If you aren't compatible with someone then eventually you'll just get bored instead of growing to love them. It's extremely difficult to tell someone that you're tired of them, so these excuses of "I need space" and "its not you its me" tend to come out. It's not exclusively women who do this, but as a guy obviously those are the ones you hear it from the most.

The only real advice I can give you is to not work "10 times harder" to compensate for assholes. Women tend to go for a guy they find interesting, and being overtly nice and compliant will likely kill the attraction.

Yes. This is right on the money.

I have had that same rant on my lips many a time. I wish I could help you out myself. My track record is once every 2 years something will happen. With the exception of my last relationship which lasted 2 years actually, my others lasted 2 months. I dated a girl last year for a few weeks, but that was the last contact I had. I found my problem was confidence. You can be a nice guy, but straight women are attracted to testosterone. it's the reason the hormone exists, as well as estrogen. The 'jerks' have an overabundance of it...meaning big in body and cocky and confident in demeanor. The double edged sword is that 9 times out of 10, it makes them complete pricks too. I can't give much advice, cause I'm pretty much in the same boat. Just actively train yourself to be more confident. I did little things to test myself...Afraid to talk to that girl over there...say 'fuck it!' and go do it...if you can't think of anything to say, oh well. You got a practice run in, and just don't give a sailing shit about the embarrassment of it. Turne the embarrassment into pride that you had the courage to do it.

Ever see the movie 'Waiting?' The guy that couldn't pee, and always asked the girl 'are you ok?' Don't be him. I was him...now I have a constant goal in mind not to be. Be a nice guy...women *do* love a nice guy. Just don't be a marshmallow, don't be passive. The passive guy gets preyed on by the bullies in school because the testosterone-addled arseholes see him as the weak link and easy to get rid of as competition. Women also have a reaction to that too, they see it as boring. Be interesting. You can still be yourself, just think of it as yourself in technicolor.

I'll go away and be single now, cause I haven't mastered this shit myself yet.

This is also right on the money. You've got the concept down,
you just have to put it into action. As a straight female who is
just getting back into the dating scene, I'll say it's not easy for
us either. Dating just sucks.

 

[Mister Scruff]

Anyways... my topic today..Women, or should I say women when it comes to dating and relationships...

Im not going to sit here and put myself on a pedistal or anything but i do consider myself to be a respectful guy who treats his dates/girlfriends with the respect they deserve.

Until it comes to ranting about them, and then I tar them all with the same brush. Fuck respect; I'm hurting here!!!!111

I don't enjoy creating drama or starting fights. So why is it that I cant seem to keep a relationship for more than 5 months or so...seriously what is it?? do I smell??? do I talk too much?? what??

Maybe you're boring, insecure, needy.... I don't know. What do you think?

then what really irritates me is when women say they are they type of person to talk things out..they never do!! they sweep it under the rug. I've probably heard almost all if not all excuses for breaking up...its not you its me..i just dont have the time for a boyfriend right now..or one of my personal favorites...I need some space right now... seriously..theres no gray area...in a relationship its black or white..either you want to be with somebody or you dont.. idk..i hear women all the time say they wish they could find a man who wants commitment..but when they find one they back away from him...

tl;dr:
"I am sad about something, and rather than pursuing a bout of introspection to see if the problem lies with me, I have decided that it's women's fault. Couldn't be me, I'm such a nice and respectful guy who cares for and respects all women on their individual merits. It's all the fault of women."

and then whats even more confusing is how women always end up with some jerk off that doesnt treat them well at all and doesnt appreciate them. Men like that make me sick...it gives good honest guys a bad name and we have to work 10 times harder to prove ourselves to women because of those jerks. I could probably sit here and come up with a bunch more reasons why I'm so ticked off with this subject, but honestly I'm going to end this here...if you wish to comment feel free Thank you

NB: Just because women find someone attractive, it doesn't automatically mean he's a jerk. Gerard Butler being a case in point; women love him, yet he is not a jerk at all, and may in fact be The Man.

 

[Korastus]

seriously..theres no gray area...in a relationship its black or white..

Sorry, but this is wrong.
Nothing is ever just black or white.
And treating it like that will just see you disappointed again and again.

 

[BlackestLily]

Well, you certainly can't change how other people act or react, so perhaps self reflection is in order. If you smelled I'm sure it would have ended much more swiftly. So take heart.

When you start dating someone you usually don't know a whole lot about them. As time goes on you learn their habits, mannerisms, behaviors, and what makes them, them. Now if they learn about you through a decent length of time and discover there are many things they find that won't work for them, thems the breaks. Are you aggressive when you ask why it didn't work out? I'm sure most people don't want another fight on their hands so they just give generic answers. Would you argue with her answer if she gave in honestly? Because you can't really debate how someone feels. It is what it is.

I think men AND women who decide they want a relationship want commitment. And pretty much everyone I know has dated a jerk. Or married one. Or divorced one. There is no working harder to prove yourself. People want partners. They don't need to prove innocence if they aren't guilty. Being yourself is proof of whether or not you stand to what they look for, and vice versa.

If you're dating a broad and she naturally is rude in social situations when it comes to interrupting people (including you), she is consistently late when you are consistently early, and chooses to ignore things that are important to you, that may very well be a deal breaker for you so you call it off. Some people don't mind being interrupted, or what time they get somewhere. Somewhere along the line, they found something about you they felt would make a poor relationship with them. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, nor that you aren't datable, or that you're some horrible beast. Just means you and that person didn't work. You get over it and move on. KnowwhutI'msayin? That's kind of what dating is. Sucks doesn't it?

 

[Angel77]

Best of luck to you! Sorry that you're hurting but eventually you will find someone that appreciates you for YOU. I know you're probably like, yeah yeah, but it's true. One of the best pieces of advice that I got from my mom was to never change for anyone and eventually I'd find the person who loved me for me. Took me a while but she was right. And yeah, some women do go for the "bad boys" and I even had my phase of that but really they're bad boys for a reason......ya almost always end up being hurt. Anyhoo, good luck and good vibes your way!!!!

 

[Morpheus72]

Be a nice guy...women *do* love a nice guy. Just don't be a marshmallow, don't be passive. The passive guy gets preyed on by the bullies in school because the testosterone-addled arseholes see him as the weak link and easy to get rid of as competition. Women also have a reaction to that too, they see it as boring. Be interesting. You can still be yourself, just think of it as yourself in technicolor.

Quoted for truth. I've seen the original post many, many times on the internets. In brief, women want someone interesting. The type of "interesting" they desire will vary with the woman - this is why you see a woman with the funny, quirky Guitar Hero player and a different woman with the leather-clad biker - but the desire that screams "keep me interested" is there 99% of the time. You haven't given me enough information to comment specifically, but many times those who wring their hands on the internet in this manner are guilty of being *too* pliable and accommodating. You're not being a "nice guy" by being this way -- you're boring the hell out of your date, who most likely likes a bit of a challenge. You can be a good man, and push her buttons some too. She probably wants that.

It sounds like you are trying to be what you think a potential date wants. Stop that. Be what YOU ARE, and then find women that like that. That's the key. They are out there. First though, you have to figure out who you are, and be comfortable with what that is. Only then can you easily share it with someone.