Comedy songs

[cloudgazer2k]

my folks raised me in a house full of insanity...Weird Al, Dr. Demento, Bob Rivers and so on. And I just know there are folks here in the TMF that know about those gents and others that have made some of the best comedy songs ever known. here's one of my faves, and, if it isn't against policy, post your favorite comedy song here...

SPAM by Weird Al (to the tune of REM's "Stand")

Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (its the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all

If youre running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam

Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (lets eat)
Spam in my office at work (its the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if its mystery of meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if theres some left, dont just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (its the best)
Think about how its been precooked, wonder if Ill just eat it cold

Now, once you start in, you cant put it down
Dont leave it sitting or itll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in

Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
Its the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if Im a junkie now (lets eat)
Spam in the place where I work (youre obsessed)
Think about the way its processed, wonder if its some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)

 

[Bugman]

Never heard that one cloud,but i sure do remember Dr. Demento.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

sweet! shortly after i was born, the Zoo (for those of you that don't know, the Zoo was an oldies station that had Dr. Demento on in the afternoon) ceased to be. man, if radio could resurrect that old show, i'd listen every day.

 

[steph]

Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads, eat them up YUM!

XOXO

Never heard that one cloud,but i sure do remember Dr. Demento.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

In the morning, laughing, happy fish heads
In the evening, floating in the soup

thanks, steph...now that song is stuck in my head again!

 

[steph]

I know huh--don't ya just hate me for this?

XOXO

In the morning, laughing, happy fish heads
In the evening, floating in the soup

thanks, steph...now that song is stuck in my head again!

 

[cloudgazer2k]

"hate"? you? NEVER! however, revenge can be sweet....

 

[steph]

HEE!

I have a friend who FREAKS when that song comes on, it's the funniest thing. Ever see those old Maury shows where he tries to cure people of their insane fears like kittens and balloons? They run around the studio screaming and waving their arms trying to get away? This guy does the same thing!
XOXO

"hate"? you? NEVER! however, revenge can be sweet....

 

[RobAce]

I still live on Comedy music. I have plenty! I have all the Dr. Demento collection on Cd's...as well on my HD. I have tons of comedy music..
Dirty Deeds done with Sheep (AC/DC's Dirty Deeds, done dirt cheap)
Elmo's got a Gun (Aerosmith's Jamie's got a Gun)
The Ballad of Bilbo Baggin's (Sung by Lenoard Nimoy)
Pencil Neck Geek
The Ballad of Irving
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah
Star Trekking
Bulbous Buffouant
Asshole (one of my fav's by Dennis Leary)

the list goes on and on my friends.....

Cloud..if you need a complete list or something, perhaps I could burn a few for ya or email them or something....I love comedy music.

Rob

 

[cloudgazer2k]

rob, yer a pal!
honestly, i have a rather large collection thanks to my pops. anytime he finds a new Demento release, or the latest Weird Al, he gets it. i'll be bringing the bulk of them here to my place soon to rip onto my hardrive.

 

[AffectionateDan]

"Wet Dream" by Kip Addotta was always guaranteed to make me laugh.

And "The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun" by the sexy goddess Julie Brown (the ONLY REAL Julie Brown, not some upstart pretender with an affectation before her name) Also "Earth Girls Are Easy" by that same hottie.

Just about anything by Weird Al or that you'd hear on Dr. Demento gets an A+ in my book! Most of you won't even recognize the name Spike Jones, but he was the Weird Al of the previous generation.

"Existential Blues" by Tom "T-Bone" Stankus is good for a grin.

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy, for those in the holiday spirit!

And one of my all-time favorites, the obscure "Major Connie (First Cow in Space)" by Johnson & Tofte... it's a parody of another of my favorite songs, "Major Tom".

Gotta love the madness!

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Any song parody by Weird Al is a riot

 

[Mz Chaos]

This one never fails to have me running and tripping over furniture to turn the radio up.

My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling
by Chuck Berry

When I was a little biddy boy
My grandma bought me a cute little toy
Two Silver bells on a string
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling

My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling
My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling

When I was little boy In Grammar school
Always went by the very best rule
But Evertime the bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling

Once while climbing the garden wall,
Slipped and fell had a very bad fall
I fell so hard I heard birds sing,
But I held on to My ding-a-ling

Once while swimming cross turtle creek
Man them snappers right at my feet
Sure was hard swimming cross that thing
with both hands holding my dingaling

Now this here song it ain't so bad
Prettiest little song that you ever had
And those of you who will not sing
must be playing with your on Ding-a-ling!

 

[tx_kingpin]

This one never fails to have me running and tripping over furniture to turn the radio up.

My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling
by Chuck Berry

When I was a little biddy boy
My grandma bought me a cute little toy
Two Silver bells on a string
She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling

My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling
My Ding-A-Ling My Ding-A-Ling won't you play with My Ding-A-Ling

When I was little boy In Grammar school
Always went by the very best rule
But Evertime the bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling

Once while climbing the garden wall,
Slipped and fell had a very bad fall
I fell so hard I heard birds sing,
But I held on to My ding-a-ling

Once while swimming cross turtle creek
Man them snappers right at my feet
Sure was hard swimming cross that thing
with both hands holding my dingaling

Now this here song it ain't so bad
Prettiest little song that you ever had
And those of you who will not sing
must be playing with your on Ding-a-ling!

holy crap thats really a song. i remember a character on the simpsons sang it on the talent show episode. i thought it was made up. hmm whadda you know.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

good ones, Dan! Spike Jones' name is familiar...gonna have to ask pops about that. but those songs you mentioned are pure gold
and great submission, MzChaos! i heard that when i was a little biddy boy...sometimes, at random moments, i sing it at work...scares the locals.

 

[aun_existe_amor]

I used to annoy my parents with this song

Its the time of year
Now that Spring is in the air
When those two wet gits with their girly curly hair
Make another song for moronic holidays
That nauseate-ate-ate
In a million different ways
From the shores of Spain
To the coast of Southern France
No matter where you hide
You just can't escape this dance

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

Skin yourself alive
Learn to speak Arapahoe
Climb inside a dog
And behead an eskimo
Eat a Renault Four with salami in your ears
Casserole your gran
Disembowel yourself with spears

The disco is vibrating
The sound is loud and grating
Its truly nauseating
Let's do the dance again

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Yes you'll hear this song in the holiday discos
And there's no escape in the clubs or in the bars
You would hear this song if you holidayed in Mars

Skin yourself alive
Learn to speak Arapahoe
Climb inside a dog
And behead an eskimo
Now you've heard it once
Your brain will spring a leak
And though you hate this song
You'll be humming it for weeks

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
La la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la laaaaaaa

 

[EBunbury]

Cows with Guns

This one was a recent discovery for me, but it always cracked me up!

E. Bunbury


Cows With Guns
Dana Lyons


Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "enough is enough

These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers

Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

 

[tkrexx]

Dead Puppies aren't much fun.
They don't come when you call
They just lay rotting in the hall
Mom says Puppy's days are through
Now she's putting him in the stew
Dead Puppies aren't much fun.

Pencil-Necked Geeks is a classic.

My fav Weird Al song is Midnight Star from the album with Eat It.

AC/DC's Big Balls always makes me crank the radio.

Dr. Hook had some hilarious stuff on their early albums, like Paranoid:

Everybody must be on drugs in this town
Or maybe there's a strange new bug that's been goin' 'round.
'Cause people are all smiling and waving as I go by
Everybody LOVES MEEEEE and I don't know why!

It used to be a kind face was a rarity
But now I got friends coming out both ends just to visit me
But it don't make sense 'cause my confidence has been destroyed
Everybody LOVES MEEEEE but I'm paranoid!

Whatever happened to the cold blue world I used to understand?
Where every road was paved with wet cement
Back when if I was hanging from a cliff you'd be dancing on my hands
Somebody please tell me where all the good times went

Everytime I needed something no one never gave me nothing and it never failed
I'd have to sit right down and write myself a letter just to get mail
But now my ears are ringing from the damn dingalinging of the telephone
Everybody LOVES MEEEEE but I'm not at home

Thru the last half of the song background singers repeat a rythmic series of
Shove it shove it, Shoooove it shove it shove it.

Bubbling Up is an example of a Dr. Hook love song gone explicit.

I knew when I metcha
You'd love me and I'd letcha
But I'd have gladly betcha
That it wouldn't last too long

But I had no way of knowing
That this thing would keep on growing
And my love for you still is going strong

Now it's bubbling up (You can hear it baby!)
It's Bubblubbling up!
And ya can't hold down this true love no matter what ya do
It's bubbling up (Here it comes!)
It's bubblubbling up!
And it'll soon be bubbling over just for you (Get that look off your face!)

Even John Denver got into the act:

Ya done stomped on my heart
And ya mashed that sucker flat
you just sortaaaaa
Stomped on my aorta

Rxx

 

[BLUE_THUNDER]

anything with weird al was cool, he had one song i cant remember, i think it was "i lost on jeapordy" or something that was a riot. and thanks alot steph, after 20 years i finally got that "fish heads" song outta my head, now its stuck in there again, guess its back to therapy for me......lol. peace.........BLUE_THUNDER

 

[steph]

anything with weird al was cool, he had one song i cant remember, i think it was "i lost on jeapordy" or something that was a riot. and thanks alot steph, after 20 years i finally got that "fish heads" song outta my head, now its stuck in there again, guess its back to therapy for me......lol. peace.........BLUE_THUNDER

 

[cloudgazer2k]

anything with weird al was cool, he had one song i cant remember, i think it was "i lost on jeapordy" or something that was a riot. and thanks alot steph, after 20 years i finally got that "fish heads" song outta my head, now its stuck in there again, guess its back to therapy for me......lol. peace.........BLUE_THUNDER

here ya go, THUNDER.
what i remember most about this song is the music video, which had the immortal Dr. Demento as a cameo. good stuff...
Oh-oh-oh-oh

I was there to match my intellect on national tv
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a phd
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasnt my night
Art fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldnt get the questions right, -ight, -ight

I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, cause I got the daily double now
And then my mind went blank
I took potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, Im givin up don pardo
Just tell me now what I didnt win, yeah, yeah

I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)

Thats right, al--you lost. and let me tell you what you didnt win: a twenty colume set of the encyclopedia international, a case of turtle wax, and a yeards supply of rice-a-roni, the san fra
O treat. but thats not all. you also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. you brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. you dont get to
Back tomorrow. you dont even get a lousy copy of our home game. youre a complete loser!

Dont know what I was thinkin of
I guess I just wasnt too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on the price is right, -ight, -ight

I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby

 

[BLUE_THUNDER]

thanks cloudgazer2k, for some reason i can still remember that video like it was yesterday, although it was more like 20 years. too funny! peace.....BLUE_THUNDER

 

[Bugman]

good ones, Dan! Spike Jones' name is familiar...gonna have to ask pops about that. but those songs you mentioned are pure gold
and great submission, MzChaos! i heard that when i was a little biddy boy...sometimes, at random moments, i sing it at work...scares the locals.

Hey cloud Spkie Jone's was even before my time lol.When i was a kid we had a 45,now i'm really dating myself,but the song was cocktails for two and it's a hoot.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

lol...poor bug! these songs were my bread and butter...and i even had a little 45 when i was a kid. all these posts are bringing back good memories...'specially whn an old family friend used to perform allot of these songs on stage...those were the days...

 

[Bugman]

lol...poor bug! these songs were my bread and butter...and i even had a little 45 when i was a kid. all these posts are bringing back good memories...'specially whn an old family friend used to perform allot of these songs on stage...those were the days...

right cloud,those were the days my friend,we thought theye'd never end..........