Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,918
- Points
- 38
Seems that my application to join Fight Club was rejected. It's a disappointment, but I don't plan to beat myself up over it.
"What's your son doing in college?"
"Taking up space."
"Oh, sorry to hear that!"
"What for? Astronomy is a perfectly respectable field of study!"
I just saw an example of the latest health craze: a vegetarian eating his salad in a pair of overalls and a checkered bandana. Faddish it may be, but not incomprehensible... it is, after all, ranch dressing.
Brunette: "You're so proud of your breasts! Don't you know that the only reason for them is to produce milk?"
Blonde: "I course I do! That's why bras got invented... so they can catch it!"
Brunette: "Good grief! Whatever made you think that?"
Blonde: "Why else would they be measured in cups?"
Q: Why did the suicide bomber avoid the comedy club?
A: He heard that the business was already in bits.
After an entire career working in statistics, I've decided to call it quits... I've grown sick to death of dealing with pie charts, percentages and fractional values. I suppose I should have given it up years ago, but you know what they say: hindsight is one.
Kamikaze instructor: "Everyone pay careful attention. I'm only going to show you this once."
Q: How large can a spider get to be?
A: Only up to eight feet. After that, it become a centipede.
Does anyone else find the concept of solipsism attractive? Or is it just me?
Once the angel is set at the top of a Christmas tree, it can be written about in a Christmas font. Prior to that, it's sans seraph.
My girl and I tried a new sex position last night. It's called a 77... we began with 69, then 8 more.
He who applies for citizenship in a La Paz saloon will surely drink himself into a state of Bolivian.
I told my son he should pursue higher education. Guess I should have been more explicit... he just got busted for taking magic mushrooms before class.
Q: If you throw a boomerang down, it will strike the ground. If you throw a boomerang to the side, it will circle around and come back to you. But what will happen if you throw one up?
A: You'll immediately be taken to the hospital. It's extremely dangerous to try to eat a boomerang.
Instead of a snow-man, my son made a snow-crocodile. I thought it was creative, but the rest of the neighborhood is incensed... seems that all the other snow-men have died from frostbite.
When Jose arrived in the USA, the first thing he wanted to do was attend a US baseball game. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money, so he climbed to the top of a tall flagpole and watched it all from there. When he got home, his wife asked him, "So, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, the game was so exciting!" her husband gushed. "And the people were so friendly! Before they even started to play, they all turned to me and said together, 'Jose, can you see?'!"
AI will most likely never replace human creativity. It's virtually impossible.
Q: How can you tell that Indiana Jones was related to Cinderella?
A: They both ran away from the ball.
The old adage is true: money talks! Mine, however, has a limited vocabulary... all it ever says is "Bye-bye!"
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but not as good as booze! It'll double your vision!
Blonde: "Every biography I've ever read has come from Frankfurt."
Brunette: "Is that really true?"
Blonde: "It must be! My dad always told me that history is written by the wieners!"
Minister: "What's in the shopping bag?"
Minster's wife: "A brand new dress! It cost $500!"
Minster: "$500?! You know we're on a strict budget! Whatever possessed you?"
Wife: "The Devil himself! He said it looked great on me!"
Minister: "The Devil! You listened to the Devil! You've heard my sermons! Haven't I preached a hundred times, when tempted, you should say: 'Get thee behind me, Satan!'?"
Wife: "And that's exactly what I did say! He told me it looked even better from the back!"
* * *
"What's your son doing in college?"
"Taking up space."
"Oh, sorry to hear that!"
"What for? Astronomy is a perfectly respectable field of study!"
* * *
I just saw an example of the latest health craze: a vegetarian eating his salad in a pair of overalls and a checkered bandana. Faddish it may be, but not incomprehensible... it is, after all, ranch dressing.
* * *
Brunette: "You're so proud of your breasts! Don't you know that the only reason for them is to produce milk?"
Blonde: "I course I do! That's why bras got invented... so they can catch it!"
Brunette: "Good grief! Whatever made you think that?"
Blonde: "Why else would they be measured in cups?"
* * *
Q: Why did the suicide bomber avoid the comedy club?
A: He heard that the business was already in bits.
* * *
After an entire career working in statistics, I've decided to call it quits... I've grown sick to death of dealing with pie charts, percentages and fractional values. I suppose I should have given it up years ago, but you know what they say: hindsight is one.
* * *
Kamikaze instructor: "Everyone pay careful attention. I'm only going to show you this once."
* * *
Q: How large can a spider get to be?
A: Only up to eight feet. After that, it become a centipede.
* * *
Does anyone else find the concept of solipsism attractive? Or is it just me?
* * *
Once the angel is set at the top of a Christmas tree, it can be written about in a Christmas font. Prior to that, it's sans seraph.
* * *
My girl and I tried a new sex position last night. It's called a 77... we began with 69, then 8 more.
* * *
He who applies for citizenship in a La Paz saloon will surely drink himself into a state of Bolivian.
* * *
I told my son he should pursue higher education. Guess I should have been more explicit... he just got busted for taking magic mushrooms before class.
* * *
Q: If you throw a boomerang down, it will strike the ground. If you throw a boomerang to the side, it will circle around and come back to you. But what will happen if you throw one up?
A: You'll immediately be taken to the hospital. It's extremely dangerous to try to eat a boomerang.
* * *
Instead of a snow-man, my son made a snow-crocodile. I thought it was creative, but the rest of the neighborhood is incensed... seems that all the other snow-men have died from frostbite.
* * *
When Jose arrived in the USA, the first thing he wanted to do was attend a US baseball game. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money, so he climbed to the top of a tall flagpole and watched it all from there. When he got home, his wife asked him, "So, did you enjoy yourself?"
"Oh, the game was so exciting!" her husband gushed. "And the people were so friendly! Before they even started to play, they all turned to me and said together, 'Jose, can you see?'!"
* * *
AI will most likely never replace human creativity. It's virtually impossible.
* * *
Q: How can you tell that Indiana Jones was related to Cinderella?
A: They both ran away from the ball.
* * *
The old adage is true: money talks! Mine, however, has a limited vocabulary... all it ever says is "Bye-bye!"
* * *
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but not as good as booze! It'll double your vision!
* * *
Blonde: "Every biography I've ever read has come from Frankfurt."
Brunette: "Is that really true?"
Blonde: "It must be! My dad always told me that history is written by the wieners!"
* * *
Minister: "What's in the shopping bag?"
Minster's wife: "A brand new dress! It cost $500!"
Minster: "$500?! You know we're on a strict budget! Whatever possessed you?"
Wife: "The Devil himself! He said it looked great on me!"
Minister: "The Devil! You listened to the Devil! You've heard my sermons! Haven't I preached a hundred times, when tempted, you should say: 'Get thee behind me, Satan!'?"
Wife: "And that's exactly what I did say! He told me it looked even better from the back!"
