Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,921
- Points
- 38
I get tired far too easily... really gotta stop sleeping on the freeway.
In the suburbs, you'll see short, squat little creatures with beards. They're called gnomes and they stand around all day in gardens because they have no sense of rhythm. They exist in cities too, but there they do have a sense of rhythm and are able to visit the clubs. These are known as metro gnomes.
You can only drive halfway into our town. After that, you're driving out.
Never argue about price in a bordello... you're just wasting your fucking time.
I really shouldn't have been pestering those seabirds... when I came home from work, I found my whole kitchen covered in guano. The tables have clearly been terned.
Maternity doctor: "Would you like the baby's father to be with you during the birth?"
Expectant mom: "God no! It'd upset the hell out of my husband!"
I may be a 90 year old geezer, but I can think back on the first time I fondled a pair of bare breasts like it was yesterday! Oh, what sweet mammaries!
The Chinese takeout place next to my apartment is advertising something new: chicken balls. Man... they really do use every part of the bird.
I never should have tried driving out of Rome. I've been stuck here a week; all the roads have this weird design flaw...
Q: Why don't women have beards?
A: They do. It's in their jeans.
I really like shooting stars. My apartment has a great view of the theater where the Oscars ceremonies were held.
Batman is chasing his arch-enemy, when the villain turns to snarl, "One step closer and I'll block your knock off!"
"Geez!" Batman moans. "You're never gonna be a successful comedian if you keep blowing the punch line!"
We went to sea with three carriers and a dozen escorts. When we made port, we met with a dozen escorts and all of the were carriers.
Q: How hot does it get a a soul music festival?
A: Three Degrees, Four Tops.
They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but most professional photographers still insist on cash.
My brother lost his left arm, his left leg and his left eye in a terrible accident. That was a year ago... he's doing all right now.
Hear about the blonde who had a problem with flies in her house? She immediately called 911 and insisted on a SWAT team.
I've been hiding my sexual proclivities for so long, I finally decided to come out of the closet. Needless to say, my neighbor and his wife were outraged.
"Do you think that tiger from the Jungle Book movie will be able to track down Mowgli?"
"Sure can!"
I earn plenty of money buying up dilapidated mansions from former millionaires, then improving the property to a point where I can sell it for a huge profit. Successful though I am, I've been ostracized by the smart set; they feel that taking advantage of their fallen comrades makes me boorish. They may have a point... I have developed some really awful manors.
Mom had just finished ironing the laundry and was toting it the closet, when she tripped over an extension cord and spilled it all onto the floor. I was there; I saw the whole thing unfold.
A man decides to sunbathe at a nude beach, but he's still new to the idea and a little embarrassed. So for modesty's sake, he places his hat over his privates before stretching out on the sand. As he lies there, an 80 year old biddy decides to have some fun with him.
"In my day," she snickers, "a gentleman would raise his hat to a lady!"
"Maybe so," the guy replies. "And if your day wasn't so damn long ago, I'm sure it would raise itself."
* * *
In the suburbs, you'll see short, squat little creatures with beards. They're called gnomes and they stand around all day in gardens because they have no sense of rhythm. They exist in cities too, but there they do have a sense of rhythm and are able to visit the clubs. These are known as metro gnomes.
* * *
You can only drive halfway into our town. After that, you're driving out.
* * *
Never argue about price in a bordello... you're just wasting your fucking time.
* * *
I really shouldn't have been pestering those seabirds... when I came home from work, I found my whole kitchen covered in guano. The tables have clearly been terned.
* * *
Maternity doctor: "Would you like the baby's father to be with you during the birth?"
Expectant mom: "God no! It'd upset the hell out of my husband!"
* * *
I may be a 90 year old geezer, but I can think back on the first time I fondled a pair of bare breasts like it was yesterday! Oh, what sweet mammaries!
* * *
The Chinese takeout place next to my apartment is advertising something new: chicken balls. Man... they really do use every part of the bird.
* * *
I never should have tried driving out of Rome. I've been stuck here a week; all the roads have this weird design flaw...
* * *
Q: Why don't women have beards?
A: They do. It's in their jeans.
* * *
I really like shooting stars. My apartment has a great view of the theater where the Oscars ceremonies were held.
* * *
Batman is chasing his arch-enemy, when the villain turns to snarl, "One step closer and I'll block your knock off!"
"Geez!" Batman moans. "You're never gonna be a successful comedian if you keep blowing the punch line!"
* * *
We went to sea with three carriers and a dozen escorts. When we made port, we met with a dozen escorts and all of the were carriers.
* * *
Q: How hot does it get a a soul music festival?
A: Three Degrees, Four Tops.
* * *
They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but most professional photographers still insist on cash.
* * *
My brother lost his left arm, his left leg and his left eye in a terrible accident. That was a year ago... he's doing all right now.
* * *
Hear about the blonde who had a problem with flies in her house? She immediately called 911 and insisted on a SWAT team.
* * *
I've been hiding my sexual proclivities for so long, I finally decided to come out of the closet. Needless to say, my neighbor and his wife were outraged.
* * *
"Do you think that tiger from the Jungle Book movie will be able to track down Mowgli?"
"Sure can!"
* * *
I earn plenty of money buying up dilapidated mansions from former millionaires, then improving the property to a point where I can sell it for a huge profit. Successful though I am, I've been ostracized by the smart set; they feel that taking advantage of their fallen comrades makes me boorish. They may have a point... I have developed some really awful manors.
* * *
Mom had just finished ironing the laundry and was toting it the closet, when she tripped over an extension cord and spilled it all onto the floor. I was there; I saw the whole thing unfold.
* * *
A man decides to sunbathe at a nude beach, but he's still new to the idea and a little embarrassed. So for modesty's sake, he places his hat over his privates before stretching out on the sand. As he lies there, an 80 year old biddy decides to have some fun with him.
"In my day," she snickers, "a gentleman would raise his hat to a lady!"
"Maybe so," the guy replies. "And if your day wasn't so damn long ago, I'm sure it would raise itself."
