Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,918
- Points
- 38
My mom's always said, "There's no place like home!" So how come she's kicking up such a fuss now that I'm trying to move her into one?
Son: "I'm leavin' our old church, ma... lookin' ta become a Baptist! I wanna be born again!"
Ma: "Please son, don't! It'll tear me apart!"
As soon as NASA had a reliable rocket, they started launching tortillas into space. It was their strategy to intercept the flying salsas.
Anthropologists have determined that the earliest form of money consisted of severed fingers cut from slain enemies. Brutal it may have been, but not primitive; turns out it was the very first digital currency.
I'll be delivering some of these jokes telepathically today. Therefore, if you happen to think of something funny later on, you'll know who to thank.
It's a good rule of thumb to go at green and stop at red. Don't try this with a watermelon, though.
I got myself a job at our downtown bondage dungeon and the first thing they wanted me to do was buy lubricant for the clientele. Unfortunately, I didn't get enough. I was afraid I'd be fired, but instead they only suspended me.
Q: What is the Japanese cannibal's favorite dish?
A: Raw men.
After thinking long and hard about what kind of business I'd like to start, I've made my decision: an eraser factory! Tell your family! Tell your friends! Tell the whole town! I want to get the word out!
Blonde #1: "We gotta get out of this hole! The darkness is terrifying! Don't you agree?
Blonde: #2: "I really can't say. Let me strike a light so we can see it better."
I was eager to have sex in the airliner bathroom. Unfortunately, my gal pal wouldn't cooperate! I told her we'd be joining the Mile High club; she said she didn't give a flying fuck.
A recent opinion survey has determined that of all the animals on Earth, the horse is the most hard-working, best-looking and noblest. Then again, what else would you expect from a Gallup poll?
When I do crunches in the morning, my dog lies right down on the mat alongside me and does them too! I think it's pretty cute, but not everyone agrees... my neighbor claims he's gonna report me for animal ab use.
Paris's executioner was never more popular than during the French Revolution. He worked day and night, entertaining huge crowds with round after round of decapitations in the city square. People would cheer when the saw him heading there early in the morning.
Inflation hasn't disappeared, it's simply expressing itself as product down-sizing. Today I went into a convenience store for a candy bar and the best I could find was a Two Musketeers.
Just like the myth says, breaking a mirror really does bring terrible luck and shame! It reflects so badly on you!
Since mom passed away, my pop's been stuck with his side piece, a gal who really doesn't care that much about him and is just waiting for his diabetes to finish him off. What'll she do after that? Probably find herself another sugar daddy.
According to the Rudyard Kipling novel "The Jungle Book", a little boy who grew up in the wild was able to talk to all the local forest animals, even the savage Bengal tiger that had sworn to kill him. A lot of people believe that such at thing is actually possible; personally, I think it's sheer con.
The doctor used a tongue depressor to search out the source of my halitosis. That really wasn't necessary... my tongue was sad enough as it was.
Q: What does a termite eat for dessert?
A: He'll be happy with anything as long as there's a chairy on top.
I just joined a Tourette support club. It took all day long to complete the swearing in.
Guys mainly want to get sex out of a relationship; gals are more concerned about security. I know this for sure because that's what the one I approached at last night's concert kept screaming for.
* * *
Son: "I'm leavin' our old church, ma... lookin' ta become a Baptist! I wanna be born again!"
Ma: "Please son, don't! It'll tear me apart!"
* * *
As soon as NASA had a reliable rocket, they started launching tortillas into space. It was their strategy to intercept the flying salsas.
* * *
Anthropologists have determined that the earliest form of money consisted of severed fingers cut from slain enemies. Brutal it may have been, but not primitive; turns out it was the very first digital currency.
* * *
I'll be delivering some of these jokes telepathically today. Therefore, if you happen to think of something funny later on, you'll know who to thank.
* * *
It's a good rule of thumb to go at green and stop at red. Don't try this with a watermelon, though.
* * *
I got myself a job at our downtown bondage dungeon and the first thing they wanted me to do was buy lubricant for the clientele. Unfortunately, I didn't get enough. I was afraid I'd be fired, but instead they only suspended me.
* * *
Q: What is the Japanese cannibal's favorite dish?
A: Raw men.
* * *
After thinking long and hard about what kind of business I'd like to start, I've made my decision: an eraser factory! Tell your family! Tell your friends! Tell the whole town! I want to get the word out!
* * *
Blonde #1: "We gotta get out of this hole! The darkness is terrifying! Don't you agree?
Blonde: #2: "I really can't say. Let me strike a light so we can see it better."
* * *
I was eager to have sex in the airliner bathroom. Unfortunately, my gal pal wouldn't cooperate! I told her we'd be joining the Mile High club; she said she didn't give a flying fuck.
* * *
A recent opinion survey has determined that of all the animals on Earth, the horse is the most hard-working, best-looking and noblest. Then again, what else would you expect from a Gallup poll?
* * *
When I do crunches in the morning, my dog lies right down on the mat alongside me and does them too! I think it's pretty cute, but not everyone agrees... my neighbor claims he's gonna report me for animal ab use.
* * *
Paris's executioner was never more popular than during the French Revolution. He worked day and night, entertaining huge crowds with round after round of decapitations in the city square. People would cheer when the saw him heading there early in the morning.
* * *
Inflation hasn't disappeared, it's simply expressing itself as product down-sizing. Today I went into a convenience store for a candy bar and the best I could find was a Two Musketeers.
* * *
Just like the myth says, breaking a mirror really does bring terrible luck and shame! It reflects so badly on you!
* * *
Since mom passed away, my pop's been stuck with his side piece, a gal who really doesn't care that much about him and is just waiting for his diabetes to finish him off. What'll she do after that? Probably find herself another sugar daddy.
* * *
According to the Rudyard Kipling novel "The Jungle Book", a little boy who grew up in the wild was able to talk to all the local forest animals, even the savage Bengal tiger that had sworn to kill him. A lot of people believe that such at thing is actually possible; personally, I think it's sheer con.
* * *
The doctor used a tongue depressor to search out the source of my halitosis. That really wasn't necessary... my tongue was sad enough as it was.
* * *
Q: What does a termite eat for dessert?
A: He'll be happy with anything as long as there's a chairy on top.
* * *
I just joined a Tourette support club. It took all day long to complete the swearing in.
* * *
Guys mainly want to get sex out of a relationship; gals are more concerned about security. I know this for sure because that's what the one I approached at last night's concert kept screaming for.
