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Lying/Betrayal
- Thread starter Ita24
- Start date
It was really hard for me to be assertive and direct with folk when I was younger. I wanted people to like me and I felt like if I didn't go along with things or if I said 'no' or anything negative, that I wouldn't be liked / welcome / part of the group / etc.
This would sometimes lead to a lack of honesty or lying about my true feelings and then to a situation that could have been a lot less hurtful if I was just forthcoming, as difficult as it may have been, from the beginning.
It can still be hard at times to be what I feel is my authentic self these days due to sensitivities running high. It makes me reconsider participating in activities or discussions because it can feel that there are only certain ways one can express themselves or think and still be accepted by the group. This can vary based on environment but seems to be polarizing one way or another.
I know I kind of went on a tangent there. I guess I'm just trying to say that, for me, it feels best when one can be honest without fear, but at the end of the day you have to look at yourself in the mirror.
This would sometimes lead to a lack of honesty or lying about my true feelings and then to a situation that could have been a lot less hurtful if I was just forthcoming, as difficult as it may have been, from the beginning.
It can still be hard at times to be what I feel is my authentic self these days due to sensitivities running high. It makes me reconsider participating in activities or discussions because it can feel that there are only certain ways one can express themselves or think and still be accepted by the group. This can vary based on environment but seems to be polarizing one way or another.
I know I kind of went on a tangent there. I guess I'm just trying to say that, for me, it feels best when one can be honest without fear, but at the end of the day you have to look at yourself in the mirror.
I'm very much like you in the ways that you described. I allowed a situation where I was passive in order to benefit someone else turn into a lie that has carried on for too long and I'm now so deep there's no way out, other than the whole truth, which will crush them.
You're young and this is an important lesson to learn, honestly probably will go through it more than once.
That said, just a small disclaimer, I am the last person to give any advice / insight when it comes to relationships or human interaction lol for real.
But I do hope you're able to resolve this issue with as little pain as possible.
All the best,
That said, just a small disclaimer, I am the last person to give any advice / insight when it comes to relationships or human interaction lol for real.
But I do hope you're able to resolve this issue with as little pain as possible.
All the best,
4Pawz
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- Nov 6, 2002
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I guess in a way, yes. Mine was a domestic violence situation and I won’t go into detail because I don’t need to trigger myself. Bottom line, it was bad and quite serious. I did eventually come forward and life knocked me down pretty bad.
But with that becomes new beginnings. And the lesson that if you can’t be honest about a situation, then it’s a problem that needs to be addressed. It will snowball and spiral, leaving you in a bad way.
My situation was serious enough I didn’t have much choice, which hurt in every way because honesty is so important to me. I know now that the moment I have to make an excuse for something, avoid something, or anything along those lines, I need to deal with it right there and right then.
Life can be harsh. We all make mistakes. The important part is to learn from it and either make amends or accept it’s done. It will get better eventually.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
But with that becomes new beginnings. And the lesson that if you can’t be honest about a situation, then it’s a problem that needs to be addressed. It will snowball and spiral, leaving you in a bad way.
My situation was serious enough I didn’t have much choice, which hurt in every way because honesty is so important to me. I know now that the moment I have to make an excuse for something, avoid something, or anything along those lines, I need to deal with it right there and right then.
Life can be harsh. We all make mistakes. The important part is to learn from it and either make amends or accept it’s done. It will get better eventually.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I don’t talk much about myself because I like to keep my private life private. But if this can help someone then it’s worth it.
For a number of years I suffered from depression. Medication wasn’t doing much for me, and after thoughts of suicide, it was suggested I see a psychiatrist.
One of the things he told me was this.
“You rememberer that part in Superman where he flies around the world and fixes everything?”
“Yeah...”
“You’re not Superman.”
The first thing you need to do when you come clean is forgive yourself.
For a number of years I suffered from depression. Medication wasn’t doing much for me, and after thoughts of suicide, it was suggested I see a psychiatrist.
One of the things he told me was this.
“You rememberer that part in Superman where he flies around the world and fixes everything?”
“Yeah...”
“You’re not Superman.”
The first thing you need to do when you come clean is forgive yourself.
Thank you all for your replies. If any of you need to talk about anything I'd be happy to listen. You took the time to read my problems.
I came clean. They were disappointed but more worried about me. They couldn't imagine the stress I was putting on myself keeping those things under wraps. We had a good talk and reminded ourselves that we've been through worse experiences and came out together. Now my goal is to focus on myself and do what I feel is right for me. I'm really hoping this was a huge step for me and that from here on forward I'm going to start a life that leaves me satisfied and happy. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have the opportunity to make that happen.
I came clean. They were disappointed but more worried about me. They couldn't imagine the stress I was putting on myself keeping those things under wraps. We had a good talk and reminded ourselves that we've been through worse experiences and came out together. Now my goal is to focus on myself and do what I feel is right for me. I'm really hoping this was a huge step for me and that from here on forward I'm going to start a life that leaves me satisfied and happy. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have the opportunity to make that happen.
Glad to hear it!
I’m also on DeviantArt
https://www.deviantart.com/storyteller678
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