Share your BDSM experiences

This is a thread for people to share there BDSM experiences. However, it's not meant for tickling experiences(though if they are mixed in with the BDSM thats ok), as there are plenty of threads for that already in the tickling discussion area. This also isn't a thread made for people to argue if BDSM is acceptable or not, or to attack those who participate in BDSM.

enjoy! 😀

I've been to a couple of spanking events at Paddles in NYC. Funny thing is, I was never interested in spanking until I wrote a creative work about it (I'm purposefully vague about what genre, but interested persons are welcome to PM me), and for a creative work involving a fetish community I had chosen spanking merely because it seemed more comprehensible to fetish-outsiders than tickling. You might say I got myself "spanking-curious" from writing that work. Most of what I've done is watch, and it's ultimately something I can take or leave, but I did take part in a spanking game where I gave a guy 25 whacks. (It was mildly fun; I can take or leave spanking a guy.) But now if I dated a woman who wanted to be spanked, I would be less reluctant than I was 5 years ago when I briefly dated a woman who wanted to be spanked.

I'm a tickle-person, and my husband indulges me, even though it isn't really a fetish for him. Over the last year or so though, he's become BDSM-curious.

We were at a party last night (you can read Bagelfather's thread http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=76540 to get a feel for the scene) where we had a chance to learn some new things.

There was a night-long semi-organized game of Truth or Dare going on. Basically, you walk in the door and get a stack of five cards that have various "truths" (i.e. "What actor would you like to get into bed?" "How long was the longest you've ever gone without sex?" "If you were starring in a porn movie, what kind would it be?") or "dares" (i.e. "Take two drinks." "Remove one article of clothing." "Discipline someone who hasn't been nice to you." "Spend the next ten minutes talking like a robot."). You hand a card to another player, and they have to answer the question or perform the dare. If they do it, they get a point, and keep the card to use on someone else. If they refuse, you get a point, and give them a different card.

Okay, that was a really long digression. Fun game though - I recommend it for your next party. 😉 And it is a great pretense for trying out things that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Anyway, over the course of several dares, my husband learned that he doesn't especially like the thuddy impact of being flogged, but he does like being spanked with a bare hand. He also learned that even though he's definitely a bottom, he doesn't really get into the whole submissive role - what with the getting on your knees and asking to be punished, or the having to keep count out loud of the number of times he's been hit.

He also got the chance to explore some of his limits. I have a very low tolerance for pain in play myself (when a bunch of people had me pinned down and were tickling me last night, someone squeezed my breast, hard, and I screamed, and not in a good way. The thing still f*cking hurts this afternoon). As a result, exploring his pain with him makes me squeamish, and I have a very hard time doing it. But luckily, he got to play with a girl who loves pain, both giving and receiving. It was great that he had a chance to have someone bite him, scratch him, and pinch his nipples until it hurt "too much." And after years of playing with me, where I won't tolerate anything but a gentle touch, it was neat for him to be able to pinch a girl's nipples as hard as he could, and have her still coo for more. 🙂 She actually said that she doesn't care for spanking "because it doesn't hurt enough." Wow.

I connected with a guy who asked me if I would "hurt him," or if I was "too empathetic." I said I didn't think it was a matter of being too empathetic. Rather, it's just a skill that I haven't picked up, and a role that I'm not too comfortable in. Fortunately, he loves being tickled. I'll try to bring him to the next gathering. 😀

Oh, and one more thing. I just wanted to say that I'm so happy to be in a marriage where my husband and I can have these experiences together, and with others, and then enjoy discussing them on the car ride home, and the next day. I really do love him.

Mmm - all my BDSM experiences have been with Redmage. Though I've had a couple guys tie me down for tickle torture, only Redmage has given me the other things I craved like spankings. They've been some of the best times I've had in the bedroom.

I should tell you about his cat, though, Sinbad. (You still have him, Red?) Swear to God that cat was the reincarnation of the Marquis de Sade. He always wanted to watch - and he had a thing for biting toes.

When I turned 24 he decided he would give me 24 paddles and 24 minutes of tickling. Not all at once but broken up. So many minutes of tickling, so many strokes, then back to tickling. I was bound spread eagle on the bed on my stomach. And of course each time he paddled me, my butt grew more sensitive. At one point during the tickling, I pulled my foot free. While he was strapping me back down, Sinbad jumps up on the bed between my legs to watch him. Sinbad then puts his tail right down my buttcrack, and I swear I could feel every single hair tickling me - I just screamed with laughter, that's how tender my bottom had become. Red locked Sinbad out but then put one of those fur covered duster sticks on my butt so when I was foot tickled my own natural wiggling would make the duster tickle me.

*chuckles* Yeah, tickling was in there, but spanking too. All of Red's & my sessions involved tickling. But there were spankings too, and rope floggers, hot wax, nipple clamps, and other really fun stuff!

Lindy, I'm glad to hear that your husband is getting more opportunities to explore. He's pretty lucky to have you too.

TicklishLurker said:

I should tell you about his cat, though, Sinbad. (You still have him, Red?)

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Unfortunately I don't. Sinbad died a couple of years after we moved to the Bay area. He was a great cat.

Swear to God that cat was the reincarnation of the Marquis de Sade. He always wanted to watch - and he had a thing for biting toes.

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Yes, he was a trained sado-kitty. He graduated from some of the best dungeons in Europe. 😉 You don't learn to fang toes like that unless you study with the experts.

At one point during the tickling, I pulled my foot free. While he was strapping me back down, Sinbad jumps up on the bed between my legs to watch him. Sinbad then puts his tail right down my buttcrack, and I swear I could feel every single hair tickling me - I just screamed with laughter, that's how tender my bottom had become. Red locked Sinbad out but then put one of those fur covered duster sticks on my butt so when I was foot tickled my own natural wiggling would make the duster tickle me.

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🙂 I paid him off with a can of tuna later. I'm a lazy sadist, really - I like automated tickling. 😉

I like a lot of different things, and sometimes mental play is as much fun as the physical stuff. I like things like "force fantasies" in which my lady wears something that she won't mind losing. Tearing her clothing off, or cutting it away slowly with a knife, is a lot of fun. You might remember something like that, Lurker. 😉

I like a little public play for similar reasons. Once I tied a lady in the front seat of my car - hands to her sides and gagged. I tucked a bullet vibrator into her panties and unbuttoned her blouse (she wasn't wearing a bra). Then I took her for a drive on Hwy 5, which is one of the main freeways running through the LA basin, while I used the remote on the bullet vibe to turn it up and down. Every time a new song came on the radio I turned it up a notch, and when the DJ or a commercial came on I turned it off.

It's amazing how people ignore what's happening in the cars beside them on the freeway. As near as I can tell, only one person noticed the beautiful topless, gagged woman squirming in my passenger seat. And I know he noticed only because he honked and waved. 😉

Good times.

Redmage said:

It's amazing how people ignore what's happening in the cars beside them on the freeway. As near as I can tell, only one person noticed the beautiful topless, gagged woman squirming in my passenger seat. And I know he noticed only because he honked and waved. 😉

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Be glad for this. Could you imagine the effect on accident rates if drivers were busy rubbernecking to catch glimpses of drive-by debauchery?

Redmage said:

Unfortunately I don't. Sinbad died a couple of years after we moved to the Bay area. He was a great cat.

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Awww - I really loved him even though he was evil. I seem to have an affinity for evil black cats, actually, remind me to tell you about Hermia at a time when it won't be thread hijacking.

And yeah - I remember the nightgown ripping. I loved that, but darn it, I woke up just as you started to move around so I knew it was about to happen and I wanted the gagging/ripping to be the part that woke me. Sleeping in a strange bed....

I'd still like to do a "forced fantasy" sometime where another woman is also involved while I'm helpless to resist it.

I've given up on spanking myself. It's just not the same and I lost the wooden hairbrush I did it with.

TicklishLurker said:

And yeah - I remember the nightgown ripping. I loved that, but darn it, I woke up just as you started to move around so I knew it was about to happen and I wanted the gagging/ripping to be the part that woke me. Sleeping in a strange bed....

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It would have been hard to do it in your bed. 😉

I'd still like to do a "forced fantasy" sometime where another woman is also involved while I'm helpless to resist it.

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I'm pretty sure that can be done, eventually. We'll have to get you up here some weekend.

I dated a guy for a while who was into BDSM. I went to a dungeon with him once. The first thing that hit me was the acrid smell of urine in the air. I looked around and saw about 5 BDSM scenes going on simultaneously. Two of them were men being flogged by women. The other three were women being tortured in various ways by guys.

What struck me about every scene was that nobody was smiling. My date had told me all about how BDSM was fun and how BDSM people are the happiest people in the world, but it didn't seem that way to me. The tops were all grim and the bottoms were all grimacing in pain. Some of them screamed rhythmically with each blow.

One "gentleman" invited me to play and I politely declined. He didn't seem to want to take no for an answer until my date finally noticed and spoke to him. About a half hour later I was standing at the bulletin board looking at the many photographs posted there. Suddenly I felt my butt pinched. Hard. I turned around and sure enough, I saw the same guy that propositioned me before winking at me as he walked away.

That was enough for me. I left right then and there. My date ran out after me asking me what was wrong. I didn't want to tell him because I knew he'd want to go back in there deal with the guy who pinched me, and I just wanted to get as far away from that place as I could.

Rose Madder said:

That was enough for me. I left right then and there. My date ran out after me asking me what was wrong. I didn't want to tell him because I knew he'd want to go back in there deal with the guy who pinched me, and I just wanted to get as far away from that place as I could.

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You must've been at the wrong place then, for wannabes. Cause the one Redmage took me to everyone was very happy. I remember watching two women play and the one looked thrilled every time her hair was pulled and her nipples pinched. And a husband and wife were playing right in front of them and the wife kept giving me sultry smiles. There was no smell except that of people's mingled perfumes and no one would think of touching another without their permission.

Rose Madder said:

I dated a guy for a while who was into BDSM. I went to a dungeon with him once. The first thing that hit me was the acrid smell of urine in the air. I looked around and saw about 5 BDSM scenes going on simultaneously. Two of them were men being flogged by women. The other three were women being tortured in various ways by guys.

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Whereabouts was this? It's pretty rare to see a public playspace that's maintained that badly. People in the scene generally just won't go to a place like that, because they know there's better available.

What struck me about every scene was that nobody was smiling. My date had told me all about how BDSM was fun and how BDSM people are the happiest people in the world, but it didn't seem that way to me. The tops were all grim and the bottoms were all grimacing in pain. Some of them screamed rhythmically with each blow.

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Hmm. That's a more complex issue. On the one hand, you very often do see smiles and laughter during a scene. Sometimes you don't. It depends on the energy of the people involved and on the type of play they're doing. It's like sex in that sense - you sometimes hear laughter while people are having sex, but you frequently don't. And when someone is having an orgasm they may well look and sound pretty distressed. You can learn to tell when someone is having fun during sex, mainly because you have your own experience to compare to theirs. But lots of people have childhood stories about seeing or hearing their parents having sex and thinking that it must be pretty awful based just on that.

Where you nearly always can see the smiles and pleasure is during aftercare. In kinkspeak that's the period of cuddling and winding down that usually follows a scene. If you see that it's hard to come away thinking that the people involved didn't enjoy what they were just doing.

One "gentleman" invited me to play and I politely declined. He didn't seem to want to take no for an answer until my date finally noticed and spoke to him. About a half hour later I was standing at the bulletin board looking at the many photographs posted there. Suddenly I felt my butt pinched. Hard. I turned around and sure enough, I saw the same guy that propositioned me before winking at me as he walked away.

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Yep, that definitely wasn't a standard public playspace. Most dungeons are clean, well-maintained, and well-staffed. There are staffers called Dungeon Monitors or DMs, whose sole job is to keep an eye on things and make sure that safety rules are observed and that people don't get out of line as that fellow did with you.

Generally speaking a DM's job is pretty easy (I know - I've done it), because kinksters tend to be self-policing. For example it's common to have spray bottles of dilute alcohol or bleach near the playstations (the benches, tables, racks, stocks, etc), and when someone is finished with a station they spray it down and wipe it off to make sure it's clean for the next person that might want to use it. The only folks who will behave as badly as the man who pinched you are raw newbies off the street, and there are relatively few people like that at most public dungeons just because they aren't easy to find. In most cases you can't even find out about local playspaces without connecting in some way with the local kink community, and once you do that you immediately start getting socialized regarding consent and other aspects of kink etiquette. So people like that rarely make it through the door of most dungeons. When they do, the DMs tend to pick up on them quickly, take them aside, and explain things to them.

Every so often you'll find a space that breaks the usual customs. One that I can think of is the Hellfire Club in NYC. Filthy place, and full to the rafters with clueless folks. The big difference between Hellfire and most other playspaces (like Paddles and the Vault, also in NYC) is that Hellfire has no DMs and advertises to the public. They're really more of a kink nightclub than a dungeon, and they draw a different crowd than a normal playspace does. There's a place here in San Francisco called the Power Exchange that's similar in many ways.

Experienced kinky folks go to a place like Hellfire or Power Exchange for just a few reasons: either for some reason there's nothing better available in their area (rare, but it does happen), or they happen to want that grungy atmosphere as part of a specific scene that they want to do. Other than that, the only people you're likely to find at such places are the clueless and the posers and those who just want to hang out someplace that makes them feel freaky and non-conformist. So I'm sorry that your only experience came in a place so far outside the norm.

Yup.

If you attend some of the pay-for-play clubs like Hellfire or Paddles, or Outland here in OH, there's a big chance you'll see the stereotypical nonsense that gives BDSM a bad name. Unclean facilities, people with little to no experience, icky scenes where no one involved looks like they're having any fun because that's what they think BDSM is about, etc. Some call that type the Dream Dressers, because they care way more about the outfits (like the leather stuff from the company Dream Dresser) than actual BDSM. It's kinda like comparing drunken karaoke to people who study and practice the art of singing; anybody with the cover charge $$ can stumble up and warble into a microphone and not care whether it hurts your ears, it's no reflection on those who study voice and strive to sing beautifully 😉

For anyone who's had an experience like Rose's and was turned off to BDSM, I'd look for a local BDSM group (GROUP, not public club for pay) that has play parties and workshops. You'll find *fun* people who play party games, have classes on making toys and caring for them, and make fun the priority even in the most serious of sessions

Bella

I've only played seriously with one person, and we sort of improvised things. As it turns out, I'm pretty natural with the psychological aspect of it, now I'm actually trying to get proficient at actual technique.

Redmage said:

But lots of people have childhood stories about seeing or hearing their parents having sex and thinking that it must be pretty awful based just on that.

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As usual, Red, you said it better then me. I do wonder how many people have a dislike for BDSM because of personal bad experiences. I know the reason I dislike male subs/lees is partly due to watching my parents whom, while vanilla sex wise, my father kow tows to mom till I have no respect for him and partly due to how male subs/lees treated me back in the newsgroup days. (Though looking back, they were all lurkers so I wonder if they were really part of the community or just jerks trying to turn me off entirely. They never posted, just sent me nasty IMs and e-mails until I was totally turned off by any submissive man.) But I'd never say that it's wrong for a guy to be that way, just that it's my own personal hang up. Kind of like how some people when bitten by a dog as a child will grow up to hate and fear all dogs, even ones so old they have no teeth.

Yeah, I know, this thread is about BDSM experiences, but all mine have been with Red so far, like I said. And they were all awesome and incredible.

Edit: Come to think about it though - I do have one complaint about Red's and my playtimes. That is the time he ordered pizza afterwards and didn't ask me what I wanted on it - so he got everything. Nevermind that I only like cheese pizza (and frankly, picking it off stinks cause you lose 90% of the cheese) - there was sausage on it and pork products give me massive stomach cramps as well as other digestive related problems.

So remember would be Masters & Mistresses - when ordering pizza before or after playtime - ask your sub/slave what they want on it. You never know when they might be allergic to something you like. Or just a picky eater.

Strider said:

I've only played seriously with one person, and we sort of improvised things. As it turns out, I'm pretty natural with the psychological aspect of it, now I'm actually trying to get proficient at actual technique.

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Strider, if you're in LA then there's a huge kink scene there. If you want to learn technique there are lots of classes and people who can teach you there.

Redmage said:

Strider, if you're in LA then there's a huge kink scene there. If you want to learn technique there are lots of classes and people who can teach you there.

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I know. If my girl ends up moving out here, we'll probably take one together.

New recruit hmmm and?

LindyHopper said:

I'm a tickle-person, and my husband indulges me, even though it isn't really a fetish for him. Over the last year or so though, he's become BDSM-curious.

We were at a party last night (you can read Bagelfather's thread http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=76540 to get a feel for the scene) where we had a chance to learn some new things.

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Party Long... mongo was tired...

LindyHopper said:

Okay, that was a really long digression. Fun game though - I recommend it for your next party. 😉

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The doom game was good (minor tweaking needed and new cards).

LindyHopper said:

...over the course of several dares, my husband learned that he doesn't especially like the thuddy impact of being flogged, but he does like being spanked with a bare hand. He also learned that even though he's definitely a bottom, he doesn't really get into the whole submissive role - what with the getting on your knees and asking to be punished, or the having to keep count out loud of the number of times he's been hit.

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To me I learned (as I said in another thread) it was boring and painful. I'm not into men but he kind of looked cute on his hands and knees like that. I think the counting was more for our amusement than to try and turn him on 😉.

LindyHopper said:

He also got the chance to explore some of his limits.

I connected with a guy who asked me if I would "hurt him," or if I was "too empathetic." I said I didn't think it was a matter of being too empathetic. Rather, it's just a skill that I haven't picked up, and a role that I'm not too comfortable in. Fortunately, he loves being tickled. I'll try to bring him to the next gathering. 😀

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Are you talking about the guy who is training to be a CMT? I heard him laughing while I was in the other room. Wow... that's too funny. Great now our Tuesday Shadow Run game is going to have THREE ticklephiles! Once one of them goes to Reed (other than GMs) that will be 3/4 of us. That's too funny.

On Friday night I got to explore electrical play (low level). That was actually kid of fun on a low level where it didin't hurt. I'm going to learn flogging and see if that's something I like doing. I never thought I'd like spanking but I actually do now.

freeway driving

Redmage said:

I like a little public play for similar reasons. Once I tied a lady in the front seat of my car - hands to her sides and gagged. I tucked a bullet vibrator into her panties and unbuttoned her blouse (she wasn't wearing a bra). Then I took her for a drive on Hwy 5, which is one of the main freeways running through the LA basin, while I used the remote on the bullet vibe to turn it up and down. Every time a new song came on the radio I turned it up a notch, and when the DJ or a commercial came on I turned it off.

It's amazing how people ignore what's happening in the cars beside them on the freeway. As near as I can tell, only one person noticed the beautiful topless, gagged woman squirming in my passenger seat. And I know he noticed only because he honked and waved. 😉

Good times.

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That's interesting... my friend Dave (I call him Super Dave) was taking the 15 Freeway up to the Ren Faire in San Diego back around 1995 or 96 when he saw a woman in the passener seat of a car tied up with a shoe in his mouth. the driver kept speeding up so he couldn't get a good look. Your story just reminded me of that incident.

Bagelfather said:

Party Long... mongo was tired...

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Yeah, you got home, when, like the next evening?!

Bagelfather said:

I'm not into men but he kind of looked cute on his hands and knees like that.

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Well, I'm sure he'll be glad to hear it. 😉

Bagelfather said:

Are you talking about the guy who is training to be a CMT? I heard him laughing while I was in the other room. Wow... that's too funny. Great now our Tuesday Shadow Run game is going to have THREE ticklephiles! Once one of them goes to Reed (other than GMs) that will be 3/4 of us. That's too funny.

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Yep, that was him. 🙂 Give him my number, will you? 😀

I think he'd be awfully popular at the next gathering. I bet bellystrokes would have a great time with him!

Bagelfather said:

On Friday night I got to explore electrical play (low level). That was actually kid of fun on a low level where it didin't hurt. I'm going to learn flogging and see if that's something I like doing. I never thought I'd like spanking but I actually do now.

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I wouldn't mind trying the violet wand thing, low level. And good luck with the flogging and spanking!

LindyHopper said:

Yep, that was him. 🙂 Give him my number, will you? 😀

I think he'd be awfully popular at the next gathering. I bet bellystrokes would have a great time with him!

I wouldn't mind trying the violet wand thing, low level. And good luck with the flogging and spanking!

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I will give him your info hon.

So I got the tiny little girlie keyring style flogger to practice with from the party hosts and a stick on Tuesday. It would be hard pressed to hurt anyone with it, its mostly good for practice. So I spent a couple of hours practicing basic moves.

Thursday is game and I show off what I have been practicing to see if I'm doing it right. My right stroke is perfect, my left return stroke is off and not a the same distance, (techno flogger babble here).

So Chris gives me some pointers and teaches me some stances after showing me what I should be doing, and what I am doing.

I take the stance and repeat. He and Laura are amazed that I picked it up immediately and that I "look good" doing it. I am still trying to figure out what looking good flogging really means but I guess it boils down to flogging someone and not looking like Ernest Goes to the Dungeon. 😀

So I have some new things to do to build up arm strength. We talked about doing this to music and such. Chris says that he would be perfectly willing to let me flog both his ladies having seen me do the moves I have done so far.

I menioned I don't like being flogged (boring and painful) and I honestly thought flogging would be dull. Even practicing it is actually fun. I don't know why yet but its a good stress reliever. Laura says if I can do this for an hour using a regular sized weighted flogger people will be drooling to play with me.

I'm still wrapping my head around this new experience but I'm happy exploring. At least I have found out:

1) I like it.

2) I'm good at it.

Now I just need to work on dancing lessons with you sometime and I'll have too much rythm for a white man to handle 😉