kurchatovium

*Data and Jordi now have a plan to thwart the Borg now all they must do is find a way to execute it.*

Commander Kurch: What do we need to do to execute this plan of yours Data so we can get the Borg to upgrade to Vista?

Data: We will need to create a large enough commotion so that we might overide their security and force the upgrade. A harsh barrage of photon torpedoes or severe injury to any Borg crew member would probably suffice.

Commander Kurch: Excellent. Prepare Photon Torpodoes for firing Warf.

Warf: Aye Aye Commander. Commander I am detecting a large barrage of enemy fire coming form the Borg vessel.

Commander Kurch; Shields up. All primary power to shields.

Data: Yes sir.

*The barrage hits the enterprise and the ship shakes around a lot like it usually does when it gets hit. *

Commander Kurch: Fire at will Warf.

Warf: Who is Will and why are we firing at him?

Commander Kurch: Its an expression Warf it means fire as often as you can.

Warf: Ahhhhhh why didint you say so. Aye Aye Commander.

Data: Detecting an entity transporting onto the bridge Captain. Its a Borg.

Commander Kurch: Destroy the intruder quickly

*Commander Kurch quickly fires his phaser gun at the Borg but the Borg quickly adapts and the gun does only minimal damage.*

Data: Its no use Commander the Borg are adapting to quickly to our weapons. We will have to physically subdue him.

*All of a sudden widdle Snoogles comes to life and attacks the Borg.*

Commander Kurch: Way to go Snoogles!

Warf: Commander the photon torpedoes are having only minimal effect.

Commander Kurch: Time to take care of business.

*Commander Kurch picks up the bridge chair and whacks the Borg soldier so hard his head comes off.*

Commander Kurch: Quickly Data see if you can access the Borg systems through this soldier while he is down.

Data: Aye Aye Commander

*Data inserts a data probe into the Borgs access portal which is located....well we wont say where exactly The Borg soldier rapidly flays around and flings poor widdle Snoogles into the bridge console hurting him severely.*

Warf: SNOOGLES!!!!!

Data: Its working Commander the Borg are upgrading to Vista. All their systems are shutting down.

Commander Kurch: Excellent Data.

------------- Aboard the Borg Vessel-------

Borg Commander: WHATS HAPPENING!!!

Borg Assistant: It seems we have upgraded to Windows Vista. Not even Vista with Service PacK 1.

Borg Commander: Damn The Federation..... Call Microsoft tech support at once.

Borg Assistant: I have sir the estimated wait time is 15,000 years.

Borg Commander: Curses!!!! I will not forget this Enterprise.

---------------Back To The Enterprise---------

Data: We are victorious Commander. Unfortunately widdle Snoogles has past away.

Warf:

Commander Kurch: Warf your teddy was indeed a true Kingon Warrior. I owe you an apology for doubting him and you. Such a brave being deserves a proper funeral.

Warf: Thank you Commander.

------- At Space Dock On The Enterprise------

*All are gathered for the funeral of widdle Snoogles even Captain Picard is there. There is loud bagpipe music in the background.*

Commander Kurch: We are here to say goodbye to our brave friend Snoogles. Of all the souls I have known in the universe his was the most hu.....man.

*bagpipes play even louder as they shoot the coffin containing widdle Snoogles out to space.*

Commander Kurch: CAN WE KNOCK IT OFF WITH BAGPIPES ALREADY!!! ISN'T BAD ENOUGH WE HAD TO EAT HAGGIS ALL WEEK IN THE CAFETERIA!!!!

*the bagpipes stop*

Data: A word if I may with you sir.

*Commander Kurch walks over to Picard and orders a orange soda*

Commander Kurch: Certainly Data.

Picard: An Orange Soda. Make it so.

*Picard the soda machine spits out an orange soda which kurch grabs.*

Data: It seems we have mixed up this parody of The Next Generation with a spoof of a movie from the older series. This bothers me.

Commander Kurch: Dont worry about it Data. Its called poetic license.

Data: There was no poetry here. I dont understand humans very much I am afraid.

Commander Kurch: LOL We dont understand ourselves most of the time. I would not worry about it. Merry Christmas Data.

Data: Its March sir.

Commander Kurch: I know never to early to wish someone a Merry Christmas.

*Data smiles and just plays along*

Data: Merry Christmas sir.

*The ships computer starts to play Jingle Bells as we leave the crew of the Enterprise*

THE END