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RobAce

Don't cry for me, Don't pity me, just give me tacos.

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This is kind of inspired by some recent events in my life. Yeah, maybe I am kind of complaining a bit, but I think I am more than entitled too.

So here is the deal. I have recently been in a relationship with someone, and all was going well until she recently starting using the "D" word on me all the time. Yeah, that "D" word. Disabled.

She would fawn over me, take care of things and generally seem caring and loving. But recently (like the last 3 days) she has become obsessed with my "disability" and began to wonder about me and started in effect to treat me as if I was broken. Like it was her job to fix me. Telling me I shouldn't be going to gatherings (since I was disabled), I shouldn't be doing radio shows, I shouldn't be befriending people that "could never understand me" and I should accept my limitations and try to be as happy as I could. All of this and at the same time convincing me that I would truly never be good for anyone and that a future marriage or relationship was not in the cards for me...ever.

And why, well because I was broken. That no woman (well accept her of course) would ever consider me to be her kind of guy because of my pain, the limits I have and that I needed to accept that before I could be happy.
But get this....here is the kicker in all of this, she was not ready to get into a relationship with me AT THIS TIME. She was basically letting me know I was not good enough for anyone but her, when she was ready for me.

Seriously?? Seriously? It took me a day or so figure out exactly what was happening. This woman, who at first was understanding and caring now wanted to protect me from being hurt by those who didn't understand what it took to be with me....by telling me I was the one with the problem.

This spun me for a few days thinking about what if she is right. Will my disability and pain I have daily and for possibly the rest of my life delegate me to being alone. My friends will move on without me because I can't "hang" with them like I used to. My relationships will never blossom because of my pain. I will never have a girlfriend or be married again because no one, and I mean NO ONE wants a "broken" man when so many healthy ones are available.
Should I be happy that at least I was married once and have two children. Should I accept my fate, close the curtains and live like a hermit and wait for someone to take pity on me.

Most of you that know me already know what my answer is. HELL NO! I don't need pity, I don't need tears. What I need is tacos. Yes in the metaphoric sense however. Tacos representing things I enjoy. Be it food, friends or fun, those are my tacos.

I am not one to keep my mouth closed, I think that is truly evident about me. But I have spent the last month or two in a funk because of issues like this.

I know who I am, and like who I am, and if people can not accept that, or me for me they can move on and I wish them no ill will. I can not help it if I want to do things for myself. I do not want people to do things for me, I want to handle the things I can, while I can.

Will there be a day that I can no longer walk, move my arms and legs. Yes. Eventually I will get to that point, but that day isn't today or even tomorrow. And until then I will struggle through the pain and live my life to the fullest.

I am annoying, pestering, loud mouthed and at times bordering (HA HA) on obnoxious. I accept that. I know who I am and I make no apologies and tell no lies. With me you know what your getting into, there are no surprises..well for the bad anyway. Some find it surprising I write poems, a shameless romantic and cry more often at movies and songs than I will admit. But realize that I am just as complicated as anyone is. I have feelings just like everyone else.

You have an issue, just tell me. Id rather have someone tell me whats really going on than to either ignore it or make a bigger deal of it than it may really be.

Friends, if you learn nothing else about me, know this. You can tell me to "SHUT UP" and I will not be offended.

Either that, or just give me a taco. All the same to me.

Rob
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Comments

    Robby!
    We've never met in person, but still I consider you an important friend. Please know that what I'm going to write is the truth...and a taco. LOL
    You aren't going to be told what you can and cannot do by some person you are dating. It sounds to me like she wanted to break up with you, and instead of just letting you know nicely, she got obnoxiously bitchy and tried to make you feel like you are somehow less than the rest of us because of your pain. Fuck her.

    I think what you are wanting is an equal partner. All of us do. It sounds like you just want to be who you are, and be completely accepted just as you are. In return, I think you expect to accept your woman just as she is...warts and all. LOL. In a relationship that's good, each partner has a chance to be strong for the other: sometimes you'll need her help, and sometimes she'll need yours. It's that simple.

    I'm sorry this woman isn't right for you. She basically took your manhood away, and crushed your hopes and dreams. Ass-tastic! NEXT!
    Wow..........I agree with you about her. Just wow.

    And since you brought it up I have a couple of issues with you I'd like to get off my chest. You are short and you talk funny. Hey, you were right! I feel better now. Thanks Rob.
    You are what you are, and you're not the less for it. Rock on, hermano.
    It's her loss for not seeing you for who you are as a person. What she was doing and telling you is, to me, emotional abuse, she wanted to knock you down and make you dependent on her. That you're nothing without her, when really that couldn't be farther from the truth.

    There's a woman out there who'll love you, tacos and all.
    Well dang. That doesn't sound like a very nice person. I'm glad you realized what she was doing before it went too far. That's some crazy psychology that she was using on ya there.....making you think that she was the only woman who would be there for you. Hogwash. She sounds like a fool, to be hoest. I think she knew what a great guy you are but still wanted to test the waters at the same time. She knew that you're good people but still felt the need to look for that infamous relationship perfection that doesn't exist anywhere. All relationships require work, acceptance and tolerance, regardless of physical conditions. Sure, when one person does have some extra needs, it adds more to a relationship but it doesn't have to be necessarily in a negative light. My one grandmother was blind and my pap enjoyed spending time with her, reading the paper to her, etc. Why? Because he loved her. Because it's what you do and she would have done the same thing. And would have enjoyed it. My other grandmother had ALS. Her husband took care of her too and never once did he complain. I never saw two couples more in love. I have a feeling she would have treated you like that regardless of your condition (you'll have to forgive me, I don't know what you're afflicted with). Some people are just like that.....they're never happy with what they have. Trust me, she was doing you a favor by showing you her true colors. I think you should celebrate. With tacos. And invite me. Mexican food happens to be my fave!

    Take care!!!
    Rob, you are truly amazing. That woman, while she may have had the best of intentions (maybe not), was 100% wrong in her prediction of a loveless future for you. I see you finding somebody that will love every single part of you, even when you're in pain, even when you can't move, and even when they find out you're Mexican

    You're far too vibrant and full of life to sit around and be lonely - and when the time is right for you and for that other person, you're going to stumble upon eachother and light up eachother's lives. And in the meantime, let your metaphorical (and literal) tacos bring you joy. You deserve it.
    Dump her and get a puppy. You deserve better, Rob.