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Kered's World

Preventative Medicine?

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Part of the requirements of my job is that I carry a Commercial Drivers License to legally operate various large equipment. To keep the licence I am required to have a physical every two years and submit it to the BMV to keep on record. My last Physical was just before last Thanksgiving. This is where the bullshit began.

Everything was in fine shape except the urine analysis for just a trace of blood....enough to send up a red flag. Now my work sent me to a nurse practitioner since my Doc was on vacation. I take one med prescribed by my doctor that has this as a small side effect along with occasional dry mouth. The nurse in the act of covering her ass put a six month limit on the time my physical (and therefore my drivers license) would be valid. So I made an appointment with my regular doctor.

My Doctor decided that we need to check other stuff just to make sure. Of course, I sat there pointing to the presciption and it's side effects that she had told me about when she put me on this med. So........she had me scheduled to drive to the nortwest side of Indianapolis to see a specialist. They call these people "urologists". I never been to a urologist before so I just figured this would entail a pee in the cup type of test and they would have better ways to figure out that the med I am on causes what was puzzling these educated professionals. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! They had more planned for me. Much more!!!!

I tend to think of what happened next as the absolute most embarassing, uncomfortable, weird, and then painful thing ever. Forget waterboarding to extract information from prisoners. Have a urologist armed with his fiber optic cable type camera inspect your bladder and you will tell them whatever they want to know. I have never felt such concentrated pain in all my half century on this planet. During the height of this 45 second examination when the pain first exploded about two inched below my belly button I did unashamedly and quite loudly yell, "Oh FUCK!!" And I meant it. When it was over and the doc came back into the room and informed me that everything was fine and he saw nothing wrong. Perfect. There went $925 down the crapper. And then he had a CT scan scheduled at my local hospital a few days later. Just to be sure. The only thing I am sure of is that there will be a big fucking fistfight if they ever get me into a urologist office again. I'll either be unconscience or dead before that scope goes up my whoozit again.

The C/T scan was not bad. It took maybe 10 minutes and the stuff they put in you has a neat and not unpleasant warming effect while they take the pictures. I am not certain but I think sometone said that was about 3500 buck for the ten minutes on the board. Yeah. So after it was done I called the urologist to let them know that procedure was done. I got the call back the next day that everything was fine. No anything but healthy was in the pictures. Hmmm....maybe it is a side effect of the med you are on. Really? No Shit??!!

So, with the knowledge that the urologist is behind me and all the tests are negative, I now have an appointment with my doctor the first week of April to get the damn 2 year endorsement on my CDL license. With any luck I will only pay about ten percent of the costs depending on just how good the insurance we got switched to at work. I hope. If not there will be another long bitch in my blog.

Oh, and you younger guys can look forward to going to visit a urologist. You think the old prostate exam is the ultimate in degrading or embarassing? You ain't seen shit! I'll be listening for the screams in your rite of passing into middle age. LOL

Comments

    That sucks man. Welcome to the wonderful world of American medicine, where doctors have to prescribe every possible test and procedure before treating a hangnail lest they be sued later because they "missed" something.
    If only you had Obamacare.
    Buggy......you ain't kiddin'.

    Uncle Bill.........I believe the gonad exploding pain would have been the same.....but more costly in the long run.