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desdemona

How do you know when it's time...

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to move on ? I just don't know why or how to make the call. I've seen some things that concern me and make me feel empty inside, discarded. I hate being in limbo, hate not knowing. I hate being afraid to ask, or to make the decision. I suppose even writing this, I have made a decision. I just don't want to admit it to myself or make it final. The longest adult relationship I have had the privilege of being in and a good friend, both lost in one blow. Heartbreak never gets easier.
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    des, I know we havent spoken in a while. Let me first say that I'm sorry about what you're going through. '

    In answer to your question of when do you know its time.. My view is.. the answer is... When have you had enough of the pain where the relationship is counterproductive to your life.

    While it isnt the same as a romance, you may have read my posts of how I was forced to end my relationship with my best friend of 29 years, in Nov 2010, when my mom was fighting cancer. Our relationship had been deteriorating for a long time, because his mother blamed me for her failed relationship with her daughter, using my then estrangement from my father.. as an accusation of my showing her daughtter the way to a troubled relationship with a parent.

    My ex best friend's mother would say the most horrible things about me, lies, viciousness, and he would never stand up for me. He only saw me according to his schedule. Then, after my mom got the cancer, there was a time she was in the hospital for 3 weeks, he never came to visit us. Additionally, he met a girl, a few weeks before, and made time for everything else, his parents, other friends, etc, except me. I needed him more than ever. Finally, I said "Enough", and ended it. Three quarters of my life, at the time my mom was sick, but I couldnt take it anymore.


    It was awful at first. I mourned the loss for the year and a half that I lived in Lancaster. Since I moved, it is better.

    I hope this doesnt digress from the topic, but my point is.. in answer to your question of how do you know its time. My answer is.. when the pain outweighs the good, and when you cant take someone hurting you anymore.

    I hope this helps. If you want to talk to me, pm anytime.

    Mitch
    This is one time when I'll park my snarky persona aside.
    I think, des, that you actually answered your own question. Sometimes, just stating it, makes it so.
    That is not to say, however, that the hurt of such a decision is any easier to bear once it IS done. But, at least the uncertainty, which
    churn's one heart at least as much, well, that's put to rest, no?
    Remember, tho', that, in a matter like this, no door, however firmly slammed, is irrevocably closed. Perhaps...sometime...with perspective, you'll at least recover the friendship.
    (Gee, I'm not sure if I'm ANY help at all. Not when you consider MY love life...)
    You use the phrase "empty inside", this is what I felt when I received a Christmas card from my old Air Force buddy. However it was from his wife who was now a widow informing me that my buddy had died in his sleep. You see people with cancer and they make a good fight, but then they are gone. It is heart breaking. I hope my words give you some comfort.
    Is being alone with no prospects of being with someone else better than being with this person? If so, then the decision is easier and so will being alone. If the grass appears greener on the otherside because of another person that can give you what you don't have here, i'd be wary, the dating world is a mixed bag. Good luck!
    I can't believe I have to wait until Bella's in November to see you. *Hugs*. I'm sorry to hear about this. In my opinion, you know it's 'time' when you feel more miserable about the situation than you feel happy about things. When you find yourself having to question why you're still hanging around. You don't have to remain in limbo...you can empower yourself and proactively end it, rather than let it dissolve slowly, while you watch. Severing something that's lasted a long time is very painful...but in my experience, the alternative can be more painful and emotionally destructive, because you still hold on to hope that things will turn around. Trust your heart. Whatever you decide, you know we all love you, and are here for you.
    Thank you all for your kind words and sympathetic ears. I usually let my head lead... so this should be a no-brainer. But the heart lets you go astray at times, for better or worse. I don't mind being alone, so that's really not an issue. I just wish I didn't feel like I was destroying something... the negativity sucks the life energy out of me.