FJSLikesTickling

Wow, a new forum! Thanks to all of the fine folks who work hard to make this site go! And thanks as well to all the members who do not feel the need to confess to me how ticklish they are on their cock. To celebrate this newly reconfigured verison of our favorite fetish forum I offer this recipe, a classic rendering of the bistro favorite, Coq Au Vin! Let's get started!

First, in a heavy-bottomed pot, add:

4 ounces of thick cut or slab bacon, cut into ½ inch strips or cubes.

I use a Le Creuset enameled cast iron dutch oven, because I am a fancy boy from Fancy Land. I suppose any old pot will do, and I’m sure that’s what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night.
Cook the bacon over medium heat until brown and all of the delicious fat has been rendered. Remove bacon pieces from the pot, and reserve on a paper towel-lined plate.

Next, find yourself a chicken. I prefer to use a whole chicken. Using a boning knife, remove the legs, breasts, and wings. You are left with a wonderful carcass that can be used for many things. You could make stock with a chicken carcass, for example.

Do not throw away the carcass. During The Depression, your grandmother lived on chicken caracasses and pig entrails. What would she think of you?

Next, separate the thighs and drumsticks, and cleave the breasts into two equal-sized pieces. Season with salt and pepper, and cook in the pot with the bacon fat. Cook until gently browned on all sides. Reserve on a platter.

To the pot, add 1 cup of chopped onion and ½ cup diced carrots. Cook until slightly softened, and the onions are translucent.

Add 3 tablespoons of all purpose flour. Reduce the heat to low and cook until it becomes a lovely, light-browned, roux.

By now the room smells of cooked bacon and sauteed aromatics. Perhaps your loved one will call out, “Something smells wonderful, darling.” Or perhaps they are at the dog track smoking cheap cigars while they set fire to your money.

Add a 750 ml bottle of red wine, 1 cup of chicken stock or broth, 2 tablespoons of tomato paste, 2 bay leaves, ½ teaspoon of dried thyme, and ½ teaspoon of dried marjoram or oregano.
Increase the heat to high and return the bacon and chicken to the pot. Bring to a boil, and then reduce the heat until the liquid barely simmers. Cover and cook for 25-35 minutes, or until the chicken thigh registers 180 degrees on an instant read thermometer.

Go for walk. Read a book. Or browse through your collection of feet pictures, you sick fuck.

A bit later, in a separate pan, melt 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 2 cups of peeled pearl onions, and cook until slightly brown. Next, add 8 ounces of sliced mushrooms, and cook until they have released their liquid. Turn off the heat.

Remove the chicken to a platter and cover with aluminum foil. Discard the bay leaves. Bring the sauce to a boil over high heat and skim off any fat fat that floats to the top. Cook until the sauce is thick and syrupy. Add the mushrooms, pearl onions, and any pan juice to the sauce and stir.

Pour the sauce over the chicken and serve along with something starchy, such as mashed potatoes, rice, or creamy polenta. Some of you, no doubt, will feel compelled to place the chicken on your partner’s chest and slather them with the syrupy sauce. This is perfectly fine if that is what you’re into, but be careful. The food is likely very hot.

Finally, enjoy! Completing a recipe of this complexity is no small achievement. Enjoy this dish with a loved one, and then use it to guilt them into performing all of that weird, kinky, shit you're into.