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KingBobOnTheCob
Nothing to say... except, watch out women, or else I'll strip you and have you tied up to my bed in a few seconds...
Tickling poor innocent females...
Tickling poor innocent females...
- Location
- Centeral New York
- Gender
- Male
Signature
Yes, I AM experiencing this as the HRE. I was attacked by the Almohads and the Aragonese, as the AI wanted me to be at war with everyone but the Russians (who have internal civil war problems), and the Pope (don't think he's dumb! He's smart enough not to mess with my armies in Italy). I couldn't imagine what caused them to attack me, but one of my spies brought in what I think are reliable first hand reports:
The Almohads:
King or Sultan Type Person: Well, we've been at peace after kicking the Spaniards behinds fifty years ago, let's attack someone else for a change- what are our options?
Sniveling Aide: Well, there's a severely weakened English Faction to our north, with only 200 troops in their province, ripe for the plucking. Or, there's a measly two province faction, the Aragonese with barely more troops in their provinces. Oh, and there's a caravel from the HRE in Gibraltar, trading with us and putting tax money in our pocket,, and also with the largest navy in Europe.
KSTP: What? Trading with us you say?
SA: Yes sir.
KSTP: And putting money in my pocket?
SA: Yes.
KSTP: Allah blast those infidels! To war! Sink that caravel!
SA: Ah, as you wish sir.
*two years later*
KSTP:Say, how did that whole war with the HRE go?
SA: Well, we burned that caravel, sir.
KSTP: Excellent good!
SA: But they burned a quarter of our navy in the process.
KSTP: What?
SA: I did say they had the most powerful navy in the world, sir.
KSTP: You... you did not! This is all your fault! Off with his head!
The Aragonese:
Inbred, Crack-Brained King: Well, we only have two provinces and haven't attacked anyone in 150 years, so let's go for it!
Sniveling Aide: Yes Sir- you can attack the powerful Almohads to the south, the extremely weakened English to the north, or attack the HRE in Provence, who have 200 more men than us, are defending a bridge province, and tried to ally themselves to us 5 years ago.
ICBK: That does it! THEY tried to ally themselves with US? I'll take no more of this arrogance, to war!
*after the battle*
ICBK: I can't believe we lost 3/4 of my army attacking a bridge! I thought we outnumbered them!
SA: Sir, I told you they had 200 men more than us.
ICBK: You did no such thing! And this was your idea!
SA: But sir, it was YOUR idea.
ICBK: My family's years of inbreeding will not allow me to hear sense! Off with his head! *sigh* Where are my jiggly concubines? I need reassurance of my inbreeding superiority!
Medival:Total War
The Almohads:
King or Sultan Type Person: Well, we've been at peace after kicking the Spaniards behinds fifty years ago, let's attack someone else for a change- what are our options?
Sniveling Aide: Well, there's a severely weakened English Faction to our north, with only 200 troops in their province, ripe for the plucking. Or, there's a measly two province faction, the Aragonese with barely more troops in their provinces. Oh, and there's a caravel from the HRE in Gibraltar, trading with us and putting tax money in our pocket,, and also with the largest navy in Europe.
KSTP: What? Trading with us you say?
SA: Yes sir.
KSTP: And putting money in my pocket?
SA: Yes.
KSTP: Allah blast those infidels! To war! Sink that caravel!
SA: Ah, as you wish sir.
*two years later*
KSTP:Say, how did that whole war with the HRE go?
SA: Well, we burned that caravel, sir.
KSTP: Excellent good!
SA: But they burned a quarter of our navy in the process.
KSTP: What?
SA: I did say they had the most powerful navy in the world, sir.
KSTP: You... you did not! This is all your fault! Off with his head!
The Aragonese:
Inbred, Crack-Brained King: Well, we only have two provinces and haven't attacked anyone in 150 years, so let's go for it!
Sniveling Aide: Yes Sir- you can attack the powerful Almohads to the south, the extremely weakened English to the north, or attack the HRE in Provence, who have 200 more men than us, are defending a bridge province, and tried to ally themselves to us 5 years ago.
ICBK: That does it! THEY tried to ally themselves with US? I'll take no more of this arrogance, to war!
*after the battle*
ICBK: I can't believe we lost 3/4 of my army attacking a bridge! I thought we outnumbered them!
SA: Sir, I told you they had 200 men more than us.
ICBK: You did no such thing! And this was your idea!
SA: But sir, it was YOUR idea.
ICBK: My family's years of inbreeding will not allow me to hear sense! Off with his head! *sigh* Where are my jiggly concubines? I need reassurance of my inbreeding superiority!
Medival:Total War
