Can tickling ruin a marriage

MatrinZachs · Oct 17, 2011

So my wife and I have been married for 7 years. For two of those years she has known about my deep tickling fetish. To be honest I didn't really know about it myself until started spending wwwaaaayyy too much time of sites like this. Any way I digress. I have tried to work tickling into our ..... intimate time but she is absolutely venomous about not participating. I know that is not very gentlemanly to force a point between the sheets, but this is seriously making wonder if this woman loves me.

I mean think about it. As a man I have to provide, protect, and pamper you but a woman doesn't even have to consider doing something that would make me happy. The fairness of life aside does any one have a tip for a husband desperate to get his wife with the program. :console:

Bothersome · Oct 17, 2011

That's absolutely horrendous logic on a few levels.

Do you know that there are people in the world that absolutely despise tickling? They derive no pleasure out of it at all. It would be the equivalent of me expecting you to get carnal pleasure out of me sticking bamboo splinters under your fingernails.

Her viewpoint on tickling has absolutely nothing to do with how much she may or may not love you.

You cannot make her like tickling. Don't even try it if you intend to stay married.

Marquis De Sade · Oct 17, 2011

Has she given you a reason?

CrystalLight · Oct 17, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
As a man I have to provide, protect, and pamper you

As a human, you don't have to do anything but die & pay taxes.

I'm sure you're referring specifically and only to yer wife w/the commentary about, "a woman doesn't even have to consider doing something that would make me happy." Correct?

Mitchell · Oct 17, 2011

Most "vanilla" girls who arent into tickling, who I've either talked to about tickling.. or tickled.. usually hated to be tickled. Unfortunately, your wife's feeling about this interest, is one i've encountered all too often from girls who arent into this interest.

I agree with Bothersome's view. In reality, you can't force your wife to like or enjoy tickling.. or expect her to allow you to tickle her. It would seem to me that a marriage should have more to it then just tickling.

Due to the fact that tickling is an intense thing, which many people find not pleasurable, or even painful.. you can't force or expect her to like it.

The way I see it: You have only two choices. Try to explain to your wife how important tickling is to you, and ask her if you can set up a situation where you can tickle her for brief periods, every once in a while, so she isnt feeling like you are forcing it on her all the time.

The second option, and I know this is difficult: If she absolutely refuses, and you love and care for her, try to live without the tickling. It might be a situation where you might just have to accept her feelings.

Good Luck. I hope you can find some workable situation with this.

Mitch

Cosmo_ac · Oct 17, 2011

I can appreciate the frustration one might feel when the have a Significant other who is not interested in something the other is, however that is sadly part of life. Rarely are people perfectly matched for each other, and marriage is a game of give and take. However, that doesn't mean that one person will completely bend to the will of the other.

You have expressed how much you love tickling to your wife, and she has responded. I don't know why she has no interest in it, but you can't force the issue on her. You can ask her why she feels a certain way, and see if you can come to some sort of compromise that makes both parties happy. Or, you might not be able to. As much as it may suck, you might have to accept not engaging in tickle play with your wife, assuming you want to keep your marriage intact.

King of tickles · Oct 18, 2011

I'm only 24 and haven't been married nor am I with someone I want to marry in the future. I always thought that I'd have a wife that wouldn't mind being tickled every so often. Maybe it's because I like tickling so much that I think it's a part of every relationship, whether the tickling turns on one or both partners or it's just flirtatious. I've had ex girlfriends say they really hate being tickled and even a slight poke or slide down the waist upsets them and if it makes them that upset I don't know if I can be with them. I'm not saying she would have to agree to let me tie her spread eagle on the bed naked or in a bikini and let me tickle her for X amount of time. That would be great. If there's a woman on here that's willing to do that for me, hey what's up? Lol anyway, the way I see it, you never really talked about it before you guys got married and you didn't bring it up for about 5 years. I would've said something way before that. I know that I couldn't have a marriage where I couldn't tickle her at all even if it's once in awhile or we're playing/wrestling. I don't know what else to tell you but you can't force it on someone. If this were a site for people that are into being ball gagged, their nipples twisted and their genitals squeezed or something shoved up their butt, would you ask your wife or someone your even dating to do that for you? I do understand that some people truly hate being tickled, some love it, some don't mind if it's not too often and I know some girls don't mind if it's by a guy they like, nut if it's someone else they say they hate it. Make sense?

socktickler86 · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
I mean think about it. As a man I have to provide, protect, and pamper you but a woman doesn't even have to consider doing something that would make me happy. The fairness of life aside does any one have a tip for a husband desperate to get his wife with the program.

Amazingly, for once I agree with what Bothersome said. However, this also seems a little objectionable. If you really are doing everything and the relationship is entirely 1 sided, you have problems that go beyond tickling. If you can honestly say to yourself "I do so much for her and get very little in return", that's a big red flag.

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

I really appreciate the responses people you have no idea how this feedback is helping me deal with this issue even in this limited time frame. So please humor my rebuttal.

Bothersome said:
That's absolutely horrendous logic on a few levels.

Do you know that there are people in the world that absolutely despise tickling? They derive no pleasure out of it at all. It would be the equivalent of me expecting you to get carnal pleasure out of me sticking bamboo splinters under your fingernails.

Her viewpoint on tickling has absolutely nothing to do with how much she may or may not love you.

You cannot make her like tickling. Don't even try it if you intend to stay married.

I completely understand where you are coming from and forcing you will on another person is never justified. My problem is that in a compromise based relationship and that is what marriage is. Why is it seem so hard to trust. I made a mistake when describing the real issue. She doesn't trust me to not tickle her to death if in a compromising position. She can trust me with any thing else hell we have four children together so she trust me enough to be very intimate. In this department all of her request are met because we have discussed them openly. But yet and still she chooses not to trust me to know when to quit.

CrystalLight said:
As a human, you don't have to do anything but die & pay taxes.

I'm sure you're referring specifically and only to yer wife w/the commentary about, "a woman doesn't even have to consider doing something that would make me happy." Correct?

Love demands sacrifice in my opinion all I am lookin for is my share of the give and take. And NO I did not intent to lump all women in the same category as my wife.

Cosmo_ac said:
I can appreciate the frustration one might feel when the have a Significant other who is not interested in something the other is, however that is sadly part of life. Rarely are people perfectly matched for each other, and marriage is a game of give and take. However, that doesn't mean that one person will completely bend to the will of the other.

You have expressed how much you love tickling to your wife, and she has responded. I don't know why she has no interest in it, but you can't force the issue on her. You can ask her why she feels a certain way, and see if you can come to some sort of compromise that makes both parties happy. Or, you might not be able to. As much as it may suck, you might have to accept not engaging in tickle play with your wife, assuming you want to keep your marriage intact.

I Love her dearly, at the same time I feel that I am making all the sacrifices. There are factor too numerous to go an complete detail but trust me when I say there is no limit to the time and energy I give this woman freely. There is also the fact that she doesn't mind tickling we play and we do all the time. In fact she has this annoying habit of twisting my nipples when ever she is feeling frisky. I just don't understand how she could be so opposed to thing that we do all the time. I tickle her when we are not in the bedroom and it okay but the minute I do anything tickle like in the bedroom she acts like I am going to kill her

Marquis De Sade said:
Has she given you a reason?

yes she says she won't stop laughing. and then I say that's the point

Mitchell said:
Most "vanilla" girls who arent into tickling, who I've either talked to about tickling.. or tickled.. usually hated to be tickled. Unfortunately, your wife's feeling about this interest, is one i've encountered all too often from girls who arent into this interest.

I agree with Bothersome's view. In reality, you can't force your wife to like or enjoy tickling.. or expect her to allow you to tickle her. It would seem to me that a marriage should have more to it then just tickling.

Due to the fact that tickling is an intense thing, which many people find not pleasurable, or even painful.. you can't force or expect her to like it.

The way I see it: You have only two choices. Try to explain to your wife how important tickling is to you, and ask her if you can set up a situation where you can tickle her for brief periods, every once in a while, so she isnt feeling like you are forcing it on her all the time.

The second option, and I know this is difficult: If she absolutely refuses, and you love and care for her, try to live without the tickling. It might be a situation where you might just have to accept her feelings.

Good Luck. I hope you can find some workable situation with this.

Mitch

I do like your idea for options it's not like I am trying to shoot a fetish video or anything I just like more tickle in teh old "Slap and Tickle". But to be honest I have not completely put my self in my wife's shoes so to speak. I have no problem being tickled myself and wouldn't mind doing this if the shoe was on the other foot. The puns just keep coming. No It just seems to me that I have managed to get in the most important voluntary relationship with a person that doesn't actually trust me.

I just don't see how I could not earned her trust in the more than a decade that we have known one another.

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

socktickler86 said:
Amazingly, for once I agree with what Bothersome said. However, this also seems a little objectionable. If you really are doing everything and the relationship is entirely 1 sided, you have problems that go beyond tickling. If you can honestly say to yourself "I do so much for her and get very little in return", that's a big red flag.

To be honest I knew she was high maintenance, I didn't mind that. It just feels as though she doesn't trust me. And I haven't given her a reason not to trust me.

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

On a side note I think I put this post in the wrong forum could I get it moved to the tickling discussion forum please.

Marquis De Sade · Oct 18, 2011

I assume you've already explained how much her laughter turns you on?

Now wait a sec. Think about that sentence. It indicates (or should), that HER laughing turns YOU on. This means SHE is turning you on. If you simply told her that tickling her turns you on, that might sound a little one sided and selfish. Perhaps if you stress to her how much what SHE does as a reaction is a turn-on for you, she might feel a little differently about it.

Also, if she has no problem with it anywhere other than in the bedroom, then she just thinks about it a different light and probably sees no place for it in the bedroom. It could be any number of things - self conscious about how she moves, her own body, loss of control during intimacy, how she laughs, etc. Probably might have nothing at all to do with trust and something personal to her. You mentioned compromised situation though - did you ask to tie her down or something? Have you tried starting slow? Just a little here and there without restraining her at all? You could always play cute and ask her in bed for just one, little, tickle. Then move on after giving her positive reinforcement about how she did and how much SHE turned you on (word it carefully). After a while she might get used to it. Then stop. See if she expects it and she might even ask you for that one, little, tickle.

Bothersome · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
I completely understand where you are coming from and forcing you will on another person is never justified. My problem is that in a compromise based relationship and that is what marriage is. Why is it seem so hard to trust. I made a mistake when describing the real issue. She doesn't trust me to not tickle her to death if in a compromising position. She can trust me with any thing else hell we have four children together so she trust me enough to be very intimate. In this department all of her request are met because we have discussed them openly. But yet and still she chooses not to trust me to know when to quit.

Then don't put her in a position where she feels uncomfortable.

You talk about a marriage being about sacrifice, yes? Well, maybe you need to sacrifice the whole 'tying her down' part of this fetish to keep her comfortable. That's compromise.

Wolf · Oct 18, 2011

Maybe she doesn't trust you because (if your posts are any indication of your feelings, and that's all we have to go on) you don't really like her very much? :shrug:

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

Oh no I don't tie her down. I just like to tickle her in bed. A say compromised be cause she can't control the stimulation when she is being tickled. You know now that I truely think about it. She has some control over the stimulation when we have intercourse. I mean there are times when we have had very passionate love making and she has had to stop even if she hasn't reach orgasm. She just stops. I asked her if she is done and she says that's all she can handle. I not saying it was an physically intense session just a good one if you don't mind me being vague, she say that she didn't orgasm and that she does't need to and go to bed.

When I tickle her she is defencless. Just from messing around I can turn her into a lump of flaring arms and panic driven legs that she can't control.

So I have to wonder now that I say it out loud do I really know how bad it is for my wife to endure this type of treatment?

Am I sick for wanting her to have to go through this (possibly torturous sensation) just for my personal pleasure?
:facepalm:

I really thank you all for allowing me to bring this personal issue out it has allowed me to see it from more than my purely self interest prospective.

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

Wolf said:
Maybe she doesn't trust you because (if your posts are any indication of your feelings, and that's all we have to go on) you don't really like her very much?

LOL Come on that's just silly. Of course I like her I love her. I may harbor some small desire to dominate her in a purely sexually gratifing way but out of love. :whoah:

No I do like my wife I just can't shake the desire to have defenseless in the thralls of uncontrolled laughter while she squirms naked in my bed. I would do that to just any woman only the woman I love. :crazy:

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

Honestly It sounds really bad when I say it even to me. There is no way that I can justify it if I can't get support in the Fetish wedsite than I must be going about hings the wrong way. Right.

Bothersome · Oct 18, 2011

You can't force someone to like tickling. That's just the bottom line.

I don't know of any ways to make someone start liking tickling, or I'd tell you. (My ex absolutely detested being tickled to the point where she nearly dislocated my jaw with her foot.)

Wolf · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
LOL Come on that's just silly. Of course I like her I love her.

The latter doesn't automatically guarantee the former.

MatrinZachs said:
I may harbor some small desire to dominate her in a purely sexually gratifing way but out of love.

I would be a hypocrite of the First Order to say there's anything wrong with that; but there may be a language issue here that's tripping us up.

I'm not talking about what you want to do. What I'm saying is, given the things you've said about her in your posts, the way you've described her, doesn't seem like you like her very much. Maybe she senses that too. :shrug:

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

I see where you are coming from. I don't just love my wife I actually like her and want to spend time with her. It's just thatI like tickling as well. I would like to have my cake and eat it too. But I am the one claiming Love is sacrifice so maybe I should just make the sacrifice..... Yep I'll call the divorce attorney right now. I kind. Tickling is not more important than the woman I love.

Wolf · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
I see where you are coming from. I don't just love my wife I actually like her and want to spend time with her. It's just thatI like tickling as well. I would like to have my cake and eat it too. But I am the one claiming Love is sacrifice so maybe I should just make the sacrifice..... Yep I'll call the divorce attorney right now. I kind. Tickling is not more important than the woman I love.

I realize you're being facetious about the divorce comment, but come on: Step away from the noose, and off the chair.
It's STILL not a life-or-death, all-or-nothing, win-or-lose situation.
From what you've said, she has an issue with ONE thing you want to do. Not the fetish, not tickling...Just. One. Thing.
You told her about this deep desire two years ago, after being together for five years (if my math is right). Maybe she needs some time to adjust.

Honestly, as some people have pointed out with their own experiences, you're in a lot better position to get what you want than you know.

You just can't have it right now.

MatrinZachs · Oct 18, 2011

I see your point but she does have a problem with my fetish. She see my continued interest in a activity that she wishes not to be a part of as a act of dare I say adultery. In fact I am certain she sees my time spent indulging my fetish (through videos, stories mind you I do not go out and tickle other women) as an affair of the heart.

But if she won't do it and I like it why shouldn't I. Early in our relationship we talked through any sexually related issues with mutual respect and consideration for one another but now it's like that is all out the window. Mind you we talked about much racer topic than tickling.

Even When we were dating I experimented with hand cuffs with an general amount of success. I even can recall one encounter where she was cuffed and tickled lightly. She said it was enjoyable. And this was early on in our relation ship. So why does it spark suck consternation now It seems odd that's all.

Bothersome · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
I see your point but she does have a problem with my fetish. She see my continued interest in a activity that she wishes not to be a part of as a act of dare I say adultery. In fact I am certain she sees my time spent indulging my fetish (through videos, stories mind you I do not go out and tickle other women) as an affair of the heart.

But if she won't do it and I like it why shouldn't I. Early in our relationship we talked through any sexually related issues with mutual respect and consideration for one another but now it's like that is all out the window. Mind you we talked about much racer topic than tickling.

Even When we were dating I experimented with hand cuffs with an general amount of success. I even can recall one encounter where she was cuffed and tickled lightly. She said it was enjoyable. And this was early on in our relation ship. So why does it spark suck consternation now It seems odd that's all.

I want you to explain to me why she, as a human being, married or otherwise, is obligated to do anything for you?

Wolf · Oct 18, 2011

MatrinZachs said:
I see your point but she does have a problem with my fetish.

I'm a little confused. Earlier, you said:

MatrinZachs said:
There is also the fact that she doesn't mind tickling we play and we do all the time. In fact she has this annoying habit of twisting my nipples when ever she is feeling frisky. I just don't understand how she could be so opposed to thing that we do all the time. I tickle her when we are not in the bedroom and it okay but the minute I do anything tickle like in the bedroom she acts like I am going to kill her

Which doesn't sound like a problem with tickling. Just with one aspect.

MatrinZachs said:
She see my continued interest in a activity that she wishes not to be a part of as a act of dare I say adultery. In fact I am certain she sees my time spent indulging my fetish (through videos, stories mind you I do not go out and tickle other women) as an affair of the heart.

She might, if she feels like she's okay with it, except for that one thing that you want to do....and, depending on how much time you spend "indulging", I guess....

MatrinZachs said:
But if she won't do it and I like it why shouldn't I.

Fair enough. I'm getting the feeling that's really what you wanted us to say.

Mane'o · Oct 18, 2011

we only knows the bits and pieces of your relationship that you've shared but just from that you'll get no sympathy from this quarter and I , like most everyone on this site, love tickling but consensual. Imagine something you absolutely detest being done to you and you being unable to stop that thing being done. Sex between two consenting people is one of the most precious and wonderful moments but when one of the people does not consent to it and it is forced on that person, it is rape, one of the most heinous of crimes. You mentioned in one of your comments that she once indicated enjoying some light tickling. Have you tried easing into this with gentle, non tickling touches and caresses, maybe a foot massage that might then include some light fingertip touches that may tickle and stop before it is beyond her comfort level? If trust is the issue, you must know if you spend time on this site that safe words are a standard way to give the lee a safe and sane way to keep things from getting beyond endurance. And if you say you've tried all this and more, at the end of the day there are many people who simply abhor anything to do with tickling. Close the door to the computer room, go to whatever gets you really going on TMF or whatever tickle site; you've got two hands - use them, take the pressure off and go enjoy the rest of your non-tickling life with your wife. Leave the poor woman alone about tickling. Or it may be, as someone else suggested, there are deeper issues with the relationship than tickling. What you write sounds like you are trying to place some guilt trip on her for not giving in to your urges. No sympathy for that attitude here.

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