BDSM & Tickling. A bit confused here...

After some time on the Forum, I am a bit puzzled about how people see the relation between BDSM & tickling.

When you look at the clip section there is a lot of bondage and producers sell their clip by talking of torture, desperation etc. The clips themselves seems to be strictly tickling - I have seen very few that combine it with spanking, bastinado etc. While I am aware that making stories in clips is hard, I am a bit surprised that none seems to include something like making the 'lee swear to obey or something other BDSM'ish.

The story section (and I haven't read all!!) seems to have some bdsm themes, and the true stories sections fewer. The only place with lots of s/m themes seem the art section!

This discussion sections seems, almost weirdly, without references to BDSM themes. People talk about what to wear when beeing tickled, almost exclusively from a practical point of view, where I would expect at least a few remarks about the humilation of beeing stripped, the pussy beeing exposed so "I can take her when I want to" or what ever. Same with, bondage positions.. again mostly practical considerations (and, granted, some remarks on being helpless).

I HAVE found and read the threads describing the various form of tickling fetisches, and ofcourse fully respect that we are different, and I also know that I am (probably) at liberty to bring BDSM into the discussion, but what I hope some will tell me is this:

0) Are my observations wrong?

1) Am I the only only one who uses tickling as a BDSM tool, along with other tools.

2) Is this forum (or at least this section) a kind of safe haven for people who just like tickling - include the bondage for pratical reasons - but want nothing to do with BDSM. In which case I wouldn't want to ruin the party.

To answer your questions - no, you're not wrong, you're also not the only one who uses it, and there are many people here who truly love BDSM and tickling together. There are others who include BDSM for its practicality. And I agree with your overall assessment, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of true BDSM around, but when there is, it's pretty awesome! C.A.B.'s artwork is some of my very favorite.

I've noticed that a lot of ticklepeople will gleefully add some BDSM in the mix, but a lot of bondage purists don't want a thing to do with tickling.

I am strictly into tickling. Nothing else that has to do with BDSM appeals to me. I am not into spanking, pain, humiliation, slave-play or any of that. But I am sure there are people on here who are into more than just tickling.

I love mixing the two. I love them separately and I love them together.

I'll be honest with you, BDSM confuses me. I've read SM101, by Jay Wiseman, hoping to incorporate D/S into the mix, but I think I had more questions than answers. I'm into tickling, first and foremost. As far as tickling, I realize more and more that I enjoy the sensations (if I'm receiving.), and I'm not sure what it is I enjoy about tickling another. I don't really think it's power or control that I want. It MIGHT be the reactions, I dunno. As far as the aspects of dominating another, the gist of what Wiseman described in the book was that if I was going to make my wife experience a sensation, it was for no other reason than that it pleased me to do so--not as a punishment. I was confused as to what constituted appropriate punishments versus rewards, because it seemed Wiseman suggests that these things should never be used as punishment. I'm still baffled as to what constitutes an appropriate punishment, beyond ignoring the partner, which is no fun for anybody. The whole concept confuses me, like it's adding customs and courtesies to a primal, bedroom activity. He described what he feels are appropriate positions for a submissive to be in when he/she is awaiting instruction. It just made me think back to being in the military, like I was reading a drill manual. To the original poster, perhaps you can shed some light on this for me?

You're not the only one who uses tickling as a BDSM tool. Many do.

I wouldn't say there is any kind of written or even unspoken rule that discourages the discussion of tickling in a BDSM context. From what I've seen, this forum discusses all aspects of tickling. The only obvious exception would be anything that involves tickling children. Everything else is fair game.

You'll find some widely varying opinions on BDSM, from those who embrace it totally to those who snicker in derision. In the end, they're only opinions and nothing is etched in stone.

Bdsmtickler said:

2) Is this forum (or at least this section) a kind of safe haven for people who just like tickling - include the bondage for pratical reasons - but want nothing to do with BDSM. In which case I wouldn't want to ruin the party.

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Er. This is a tickling forum. Why wouldn't it be for people who "just" like tickling? It's right up there in the title. You seem surprised that the majority of people here are ticklephiles and aren't into beating people on the side. If I go to a Firefly forum, sure, maybe some folks there also like the Sarah Connor Chronicles but most of the people will be more interested in talking about Serenity.

That said, everyone I personally know into tickling has some other kinks as well. A few, very much so.

0) No.

1) No. I've been to a few gatherings where people are there on their master's orders, or spend most of their time talking about how they mix it with other things.

2) Talk about whatever you like. Just don't be surprised if not everyone jumps on it and joins in enthusiastically. I mean, we have a couple folks here into tickling people until they pee, but they're very much in the minority and their threads tend to not go anywhere in terms of replies.

BrandiElizabeth said:

To answer your questions - no, you're not wrong, you're also not the only one who uses it, and there are many people here who truly love BDSM and tickling together. There are others who include BDSM for its practicality. And I agree with your overall assessment, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of true BDSM around, but when there is, it's pretty awesome! C.A.B.'s artwork is some of my very favorite.

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Thank you Brandi Elisabeth. That is good to hear. C.A.B. was actually one o the artists I had in mind!

Comfort Eagle said:

I've noticed that a lot of ticklepeople will gleefully add some BDSM in the mix, but a lot of bondage purists don't want a thing to do with tickling.

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Yea, I've talked to bondage purists who look down on tickling. Perhaps because there's no pain involved, perhaps because they don't want laughter in the dungeon. Haven't yet had a good answer :-(

It's not that confusing. I'm mainly interested in the B aspect of BDSM because it leaves my 'lee's tickle spots exposed and I can focus my energy on tickling rather than also holding them down. Bondage and tickling go great together.

rhiannon said:

I am strictly into tickling. Nothing else that has to do with BDSM appeals to me. I am not into spanking, pain, humiliation, slave-play or any of that. But I am sure there are people on here who are into more than just tickling.

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Yes it seems so. So would you prefer that those things were not discussed in tickle related threads? Of course we only have threads here that is about tickling! I am aware of the rules for posting but as I said if you and others see this as safe haven I really don't want to the one who makes people sigh and think "wish he would go away!"

Angel77 said:

I love mixing the two. I love them separately and I love them together.

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Thank you Angel. I hope you have lots of fun with both ;-)

Bdsmtickler said:

if you and others see this as safe haven...

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Why do you keep acting like this forum is somehow different than any other special-interest forum on the Internet? Seriously, what is this nonsense about "safe havens"? Expecting to talk about SUBJECT on a SUBJECT forum is not some whacked-out notion specific to the TMF and nobody is going to ban you for admitting that you like frog sex. Nobody comes here to "hide" from people like you.

So would you prefer that those things were not discussed in tickle related threads?

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If what you have to contribute to a thread - any thread - is related to the topic of that thread, then post it. If someone starts a thread about how to make their ears more ticklish, and you find that floggers do the job, post "Floggers do the job." But if you want to start a topic on hot wax and dog collars that has nothing to do with tickling, then it'd be off-topic for Tickling Discussion, and probably belongs in General.

People write BDSM-themed tickling posts here all the time. Knock yourself out, man!

Flatfoot said:

I'll be honest with you, BDSM confuses me. I've read SM101, by Jay Wiseman, hoping to incorporate D/S into the mix, but I think I had more questions than answers. I'm into tickling, first and foremost. As far as tickling, I realize more and more that I enjoy the sensations (if I'm receiving.), and I'm not sure what it is I enjoy about tickling another. I don't really think it's power or control that I want. It MIGHT be the reactions, I dunno. As far as the aspects of dominating another, the gist of what Wiseman described in the book was that if I was going to make my wife experience a sensation, it was for no other reason than that it pleased me to do so--not as a punishment. I was confused as to what constituted appropriate punishments versus rewards, because it seemed Wiseman suggests that these things should never be used as punishment. I'm still baffled as to what constitutes an appropriate punishment, beyond ignoring the partner, which is no fun for anybody. The whole concept confuses me, like it's adding customs and courtesies to a primal, bedroom activity. He described what he feels are appropriate positions for a submissive to be in when he/she is awaiting instruction. It just made me think back to being in the military, like I was reading a drill manual. To the original poster, perhaps you can shed some light on this for me?

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Thank you for your comments! I haven't read SM101, but I tend to disagree with the things you quote. I have come across this "punishment by ignoring" among so called 24/7's, that is, people who live as master & slave all the time. And the thinking behind seems to be that the slave loves her master so much that the greatest punishment for her is to be ignored by him. Anything else he does to her, no matter how painfull, she will like and therefore it can not be used as punishment. I find that contrived. And I lack the ego to think that the worst punishment a woman could get was for me to leave the room!

I can tell you something about my take on BDSM, and hope it may make some kind of sense.

The basic thrill is to have an attractive woman in my power. Because if she is in my power, then I can use her sexually, in any way I like. Of course there are other ways than power to get to sex: love, seduction, mutual satisfaction etc. so why something so hostile as power? This is where BDSMs tends to become wordy and even poetic. But I will skip that, and just say that if the mixture of sex and power does not ignite a spark then one is probably not a BDSM candidate.

Of course like any fetish, the power over a woman, takes on a life of its own, and so you do not just have sex all the time, but find other ways to execercise that power.

One of them is sadism. What better way to assure yourself and your slave that she is in your power, than to do something to her, that she don't like (at some level).

Another is domination, where you execercise the power by having her perform tasks. This is where those weird positions and rituals come in. Some players make this very complicated, but the basic idea is quite simple: a common way in our culture to show submission is to kneel in front of the person you submit to. Some positions show more submission than others, like lowering your head to the floor. So you will give her detailed instructions. And the more detailed instructions she is given, the less freedom she has, and the power you have. It can be extended to other positions as well as tasks. For instance if you order her to fetch the feathers, she is not allowed herself to decide how she will do that, but is trained/instructed in detail how to do that task, for instance by crawling on all four. Eventually she will have a "waiting position" so even when not ordered to do anything she is controlled. Which can become very abstract, but it's all basically about power and hence sex.

So even though BDSM can take place without sex (like prof subs, prof spankees, or domination at a distance) I still think sex-through-power is at the core.

If you made it this far, I hope it shed some light on your question

DontAskJusTckle said:

You're not the only one who uses tickling as a BDSM tool. Many do.

I wouldn't say there is any kind of written or even unspoken rule that discourages the discussion of tickling in a BDSM context. From what I've seen, this forum discusses all aspects of tickling. The only obvious exception would be anything that involves tickling children. Everything else is fair game.

You'll find some widely varying opinions on BDSM, from those who embrace it totally to those who snicker in derision. In the end, they're only opinions and nothing is etched in stone.

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Thank you. I am glad to hear there are no unspoken rules.

Good question.

It's best looked at by looking at BDSM in a slightly different way.

A big part of BDSM play is in the exchange of power. People into it enjoy that flow of power play in many ways. And their interactions swing around it. Taking control, having it taken, fighting for it. Picture it as a tug of war where a Top and bottom struggle with each other over how it goes, and take pleasure in that process.

Tickling can be a part of that power exchange, and has a solid roll in BDSM.

Many folks here have a pure fetish, that just aligns with tickling though. They get off on specific elements of tickling an what it causes alone. So their focus is narrower. Bondage, S&M and such do nothing for them, and their sexuality swings along those lines alone.

All folks are welcome here. And I've always felt there is room for all.

Myriads

SoleMates said:

Er. This is a tickling forum. Why wouldn't it be for people who "just" like tickling? It's right up there in the title. You seem surprised that the majority of people here are ticklephiles and aren't into beating people on the side. If I go to a Firefly forum, sure, maybe some folks there also like the Sarah Connor Chronicles but most of the people will be more interested in talking about Serenity.

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- or I could go to a bondage forum - and they would (probably) say they were into BDSM but their main interest was the bondage part. Or a spanking forum, and they would probably say the same thing about BDSM and spanking.

So, yes, when I come to a forum with lots of pics where screaming people are tied up, where clips are advertised as "ultimate torture", where people "suffer" when they are tickled and beg for it to stop - I do made the assumption that people here has an interest in s/m - or to be more precise, the s/m element in tickling.

I have read old threads and now understand that some do not. Indeed for many people there are no s/m element in tickling.

So I asked the members if 1)there was others like me 2) if some people preferred that tickling was not discussed in connection with BDSM.

I don't think that shows any lack of understanding of what this forum is about, or any kind of disrespect for people who does not share my take on tickling.

Myriads said:

Good question.

It's best looked at by looking at BDSM in a slightly different way.

A big part of BDSM play is in the exchange of power. People into it enjoy that flow of power play in many ways. And their interactions swing around it. Taking control, having it taken, fighting for it. Picture it as a tug of war where a Top and bottom struggle with each other over how it goes, and take pleasure in that process.

Tickling can be a part of that power exchange, and has a solid roll in BDSM.

Many folks here have a pure fetish, that just aligns with tickling though. They get off on specific elements of tickling an what it causes alone. So their focus is narrower. Bondage, S&M and such do nothing for them, and their sexuality swings along those lines alone.

All folks are welcome here. And I've always felt there is room for all.

Myriads

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Thank you! That mmade it very clear!

Yes it seems so. So would you prefer that those things were not discussed in tickle related threads? Of course we only have threads here that is about tickling! I am aware of the rules for posting but as I said if you and others see this as safe haven I really don't want to the one who makes people sigh and think "wish he would go away!"

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If I am not into something that is discussed in a particular thread, have no experience in it or no opinion about it, I just won't read and write in that thread. It's too easy.

I too enjoy mixing the two together.