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Question about female ticklers

M

matt62

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I'm a 'ler, I'm male, and I'm straight. From that narrow vantage point I'm always trying to understand how tickling works for other people. For example: I've heard the suggestion that female 'lees are drawn to it because they love the attention that the desired tickler lavishes on them.

Question: What do female 'lers get out of it? (in a f/m situation, and sticking to heterosexual cases to keep it simple for now)

Is it about flirting with the male, using tickling as a tool in her armoury of feminine wiles, trying to excite him into giving her further attention (and maybe tickling)?

Or is it about pure role-reversal: enjoying playing the male role, being dominant, and giving the attention for a change?

If anyone has insights on this it will help to answer a question that has been with me for most of my life...
 
Tickling is sexual for me. So... I can tickle someone and still enjoy tickling someone... completely. But I'm still gonna get turned on from it in either mode. but it's solely about the tickling... as Lee or Ler... and I am Bisexual so...

In either scenario yes Im giving attention... and I am getting attention in the Lee role. But it's not about attention seeking. I just love being tickled... tickling someone, and cumming to it whether it's in the moment or later on. So if I'm attention seeking... it's for my clit. ;)

Hmmm... my clit is a switch. Sadistic yet a Lee too. Go figure. ;)
 
Thanks, CapturedDoll. That's interesting.

Let me dig a little deeper. First, when I use the word "attention", I mean good attention. Another thing to call it might be erotic connection. I think when people engage in erotic activity such as sex or tickling we are looking for a kind of attention and connection which we all need and thrive on one way or another.

In sexual and other erotic activity the female is traditionally seen as being on the receiving end of this magnetic attention/connection, the male on the giving end. (In reality we know that the roles are much more flexible than this, but the image still has a general psychological truth, I think.)

When I am tickling a willing woman, what I am loving about it is that it seems to take me straight to the core of her unguarded, feminine nature, opened up for me and shared with me, every barrier removed. That is what I think as a male I am responding to when I am sexually aroused by it.

If that is the case, then when the situation is reversed, and the woman is tickling the man, I am trying to understand exactly why she might find this sexually arousing too. Is she excited by having the man in a completely submissive state, in a way that reverses the traditional male-female roles, and perhaps arouses her own latent male energy...Or is something else going on.

I expect different people would give different answers to this question anyway. Some people would probably say I am making a complicated psychological conundrum out of something simple - forgive me, but really I am just trying to get to the simple basic motivations that lie beneath the variety of our behaviours and the things that turn us on, and I find it fascinating!
 
I am a female ler and it is 100% sexual for me. It has been for as long as I can remember. I have an involuntary reaction to seeing a guy who I am attracted to be tickled. I mean... There are certain things I like better than others. Like certain reactions and certain laughs. And it can't just be anyone. I have absolutely zero interest in tickling other girls. There has to be a certain level of attraction. But The idea that I could give someone that sensation to make them laugh and squirm turns me on like crazy. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with submission or dominance for me. It's just the action. But I suppose it naturally makes me take a dominant stance on the situation as I don't like being tickled myself. I still think the hottest thing that I ever experienced was once making out with an ex and he was on top of me. I started slowly tracing my fingers around his sides. Alternating from light caresses and firm ones. He didn't know about my fetish which for me was even better. I could feel him tense when id get to a ticklish spot. Like his muscle would tense and I could tell he was trying not to react but he'd start to twitch and squirm ever so slightly and would finally say "ok that tickles" and I'd say "oh sorry" like it was an accident. It was such a hot game for me and I have no idea why. If I like a guy then find out he's not ticklish that would definitely bring the attraction level way way way down. I need it. My current boyfriend is ticklish but nowhere near as much as I would prefer. :( Anyway... that's my take on being a female ler. :) Hope it helps!
 
Thanks, anonymiss. I seize on your words, and CapturedDoll's, as precious pearls of experience that might help me a bit more to piece together this puzzle...

Part of my difficulty is that, being a straight male, I can't easily imagine what it would be like to be aroused by activity with a man, and by seeing his responses, the way you describe. I have zero interest in tickling males, like you with girls, but I am having to try to imagine what a woman gets from it. I'm not that interested in watching girls tickling girls either. It's the sexual interplay of tickling that I get (like you), and being straight, I want m/f scenarios. You are the mirror image of that, playing out f/m scenarios...I absolutely relate to everything you said, except that the genders are reversed.

People say it's not a submission/dominance thing. But when someone is tickled, they are reduced to a submissive and passive position. Traditionally, key characteristics of the male are said to be self-control and action, rather than submissiveness and passivity. So what I always wonder is: why does a tickled man not lose some of his attractiveness in the woman's eyes?

As I experience it, when a woman is tickled, all her feminine charm and loveliness comes flowing out of her towards me from her innermost self. Does a woman experience something similar when she tickles a man? How does that work, I ask myself?

As you can see, I will probably go on thinking about these questions for a lot longer yet.

A major reason why it intrigues me is probably that I trace the sudden birth of my ticklephilia as a youngster to encounters with a particular girl who was absolutely nuts about tickling boys. If it hadn't been for her I may well never have realised the power of tickling. She was a magnetic and fascinating character to me. She wanted to tickle me but I was damn sure I wasn't going to let her - I hated the idea. But I quickly realised that it made me want to tickle her. And for the rest of my life, although I am a ler, I have always been drawn to female ticklers - and she was the archetype of them all...(although I have since widened my tastes to include other kinds of tickleable females too).

Here ends the essay, and the confession.
 
For a lot of Ler's of both genders the appeal involves power, power exchange, and control. All tying into the D/s aspects of sexuality.

The reasons why people are attracted to one specific behavior sexually, are of course as varied as the people. But a huge section of sexuality lies beneath the Power Exchange dynamic between partners, and how each responds to taking, loosing, and fighting over control. (And that is control of the other and the self) Beautifully complex aspect of social dynamics, within the sexual area.

Myriads
 
I think you ate boxing people into asdumed responses here. I'm a pansexual switch, and a sadomasochist. What do I get out of being tickled? It turns me on. Why? Well bevause of the sensation, yes, and the energetic connection, but also because I am helpless, giving up control, and forced into my responses. Ir's about the D/s aspect, the sexual aspect, and the attention. But it IS torture for me.
 
Also, your narrow point of view about gender roles created by society are keepung you from understanding why a female Ler or Lee derives pleasure from tickling. Quite frankly, you won't ever understand until you realize it that there are switches, bisexual, and pansexual people out there. There are also genderqueer and trans folk.

For example; if you were tickling a gorgeous woman, iver her clothes, then as things steamed up, you found out she was transgender and hadn't chosen to undergo surgery for a vagina for whatever reason, would you be instantly turned off? Would that negate the "feminine magnetism," you felt just seconds before?

Also, honestly, if you're not a lee, you might get it intellectually, but you will never get it emotionally or physically. Tickling is experience based.
 
You're right, Bradhadair, I do have a very limited viewpoint on this, and I recognise that. That's why I am having to ask these questions, I suppose. And because there are so many possible permutations, and psychosexual motives that go with each of them, I am trying to keep it simple (!) to start with by focussing first on the permutation that I relate to - straight, male, ler. But yes, I understand that there is a big wide territory to explore beyond that, and it's true that I struggle to understand some of it.
 
Myriads said:
For a lot of Ler's of both genders the appeal involves power, power exchange, and control. All tying into the D/s aspects of sexuality.

The reasons why people are attracted to one specific behavior sexually, are of course as varied as the people. But a huge section of sexuality lies beneath the Power Exchange dynamic between partners, and how each responds to taking, loosing, and fighting over control. (And that is control of the other and the self) Beautifully complex aspect of social dynamics, within the sexual area.

Myriads
Click to expand...

That's got to be right. And complex it certainly is. I think, when it's healthy, all of that power dynamic is part of the process of reaching intimacy with another human being, the goal that we are deep down looking for. And whether we are straight or gay, male or female, sexual polarity is involved in expressing that. But it can manifest in many different ways.
 
There's probably a bajillion reasons that differ from person to person.
 
A lot of fantasies that I have include not seeing the person I'm tickling. Just their feet. So I think for me it's how hard I can make them laugh... and how the body struggles. And what the mind does. Sometimes in a fantasy If I can't see the person I'll just switch back and forth between gentalia tickling while I keep tickling the person's feet. Maybe for me it's tickling POWER over the nerves... the mind... and voice. Which sex then can't and doesn't matter... or control over which gender. Tickling power is deeper and more complex than a more typical D/s relationship for me.
 
Last edited:
(I'm a switch, but...) I just happen to like tickling guys. There's really not much else to say. I can't pin-point one reason, and it has nothing to do with reversing the "traditional" gender roles.
 
Man, you go nutty trying to figure it out. I gave up after settling on the belief that the Universe created consciousness so it could appreciate itself. Some people are truly passionate about sports, music, art, whatever, and it's their job to enjoy those things passionately. I have been tasked by the Universe to enjoy tickling - passionately. It's my job.
 
matt62 said:
Or is it about pure role-reversal: enjoying playing the male role, being dominant, and giving the attention for a change?
Click to expand...

Male ≠ dominant

Female lers like tickling for the same reasons male lers do. It's not that complicated.
 
IrvingKrebb said:
Man, you go nutty trying to figure it out. I gave up after settling on the belief that the Universe created consciousness so it could appreciate itself. Some people are truly passionate about sports, music, art, whatever, and it's their job to enjoy those things passionately. I have been tasked by the Universe to enjoy tickling - passionately. It's my job.
Click to expand...

Although I find it harder to give up trying to figure things out, I like that. I think we might belong to the same religion.
 
We are just overthinking it too much sometimes.
We tickle because it's fun and exciting :) No actual need in fact for the breakdown to all these reasons. It's natural and it's cool that we like it. Male or female.
 
matt62 said:
Thanks, anonymiss. I seize on your words, and CapturedDoll's, as precious pearls of experience that might help me a bit more to piece together this puzzle...

Part of my difficulty is that, being a straight male, I can't easily imagine what it would be like to be aroused by activity with a man, and by seeing his responses, the way you describe. I have zero interest in tickling males, like you with girls, but I am having to try to imagine what a woman gets from it. I'm not that interested in watching girls tickling girls either. It's the sexual interplay of tickling that I get (like you), and being straight, I want m/f scenarios. You are the mirror image of that, playing out f/m scenarios...I absolutely relate to everything you said, except that the genders are reversed.

People say it's not a submission/dominance thing. But when someone is tickled, they are reduced to a submissive and passive position. Traditionally, key characteristics of the male are said to be self-control and action, rather than submissiveness and passivity. So what I always wonder is: why does a tickled man not lose some of his attractiveness in the woman's eyes?

As I experience it, when a woman is tickled, all her feminine charm and loveliness comes flowing out of her towards me from her innermost self. Does a woman experience something similar when she tickles a man? How does that work, I ask myself?

As you can see, I will probably go on thinking about these questions for a lot longer yet.

A major reason why it intrigues me is probably that I trace the sudden birth of my ticklephilia as a youngster to encounters with a particular girl who was absolutely nuts about tickling boys. If it hadn't been for her I may well never have realised the power of tickling. She was a magnetic and fascinating character to me. She wanted to tickle me but I was damn sure I wasn't going to let her - I hated the idea. But I quickly realised that it made me want to tickle her. And for the rest of my life, although I am a ler, I have always been drawn to female ticklers - and she was the archetype of them all...(although I have since widened my tastes to include other kinds of tickleable females too).

Here ends the essay, and the confession.
Click to expand...

I guess the difference between you and I, aside from the fact that we mirror each other in preference, is the fact that I do not see a man being tickled as an emasculating thing. Yes he squirms and/or laughs, but I find it to be incredibly attractive. And I like that he's vulnerable. Obviously I'm not looking for any feminine loveliness to be flowing out. I'm just looking for the raw reactions of someone who is ticklish and experiencing that sensation. There are certain reactions that I prefer more than others... Like an attractive laugh and light squirming or involuntary twitching. I'm not a big fan of screamers/thrashers. And if he smiles while trying not to laugh or hold back reactions, I also find that very attractive. That is what turns me on about it. You can be masculine and still be ticklish. That is my opinion anyway. :)
 
anonymiss86 said:
And if he smiles while trying not to laugh or hold back reactions, I also find that very attractive. That is what turns me on about it. You can be masculine and still be ticklish. That is my opinion anyway. :)
Click to expand...
Oh, that's about me :)
 
anonymiss86 said:
I guess the difference between you and I, aside from the fact that we mirror each other in preference, is the fact that I do not see a man being tickled as an emasculating thing. Yes he squirms and/or laughs, but I find it to be incredibly attractive. And I like that he's vulnerable. Obviously I'm not looking for any feminine loveliness to be flowing out. I'm just looking for the raw reactions of someone who is ticklish and experiencing that sensation. There are certain reactions that I prefer more than others... Like an attractive laugh and light squirming or involuntary twitching. I'm not a big fan of screamers/thrashers. And if he smiles while trying not to laugh or hold back reactions, I also find that very attractive. That is what turns me on about it. You can be masculine and still be ticklish. That is my opinion anyway. :)
Click to expand...

Reading this, and adding it to some of what came out in the earlier responses, I am just starting to get a glimpse of understanding...I'll keep mulling it over!
 
chicago said:
There's probably a bajillion reasons that differ from person to person.
Click to expand...

Chicago's got it right, and I'll expand on what she said-reasons differ, even for me, from situation to situation and from day to day. Can lerring be a sexual thing for me? Yeah, and I'll admit that even in the most playful of circumstances I still get a little adrenaline rush of power. But it's not always sexual for me. It can just as easily be enjoyment out of making somebody lose their cool in a purely playful way, or in a purely "this person is sad, I want to make them feel happy" way. Yeah I know I'm kind of in the minority here, but there it is.

Everybody has different aspects about tickling that get them off, too. Some people like the reactions the lees give, from particular laughs, to begs, to snorts, to breathlessness. Some people fetishize particular body parts and tickling is just part of that. Some people see it as foreplay for sex. And there are a MILLION different reasons, way more than I could ever list or even think to list.

~K
 
I love that I can have complete control of a grown strong man without inflicting any pain. In fact I have met many guys who would rather have me spank them instead of tickling them. I also like it when their dick tells me their enjoying it.
 
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