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Which was the worst period of your life?

I just saw this after a pretty bad day so this is about to be a novel! I apologize in advance and don't expect anyone to actually read all of this, but I NEED to vent in writing.

The worst period of time for me....
From the time I was 12 to about a year ago, honestly. Because I hardly remember before those years, and it's only been about a year or so that I've had my shit together mentally, at least enough that I don't think suicide daily. From 12-14, I was sexually abused by several men of about 45 yrs. old, and the abuse was orchestrated by a woman I had loved and trusted, who knew I'd had a bad childhood. A few years after that abuse stopped, my father died unexpectedly in the middle of divorcing my Mom, and she promptly moved in with the man she'd been cheating on my Dad with - leaving me to grieve and figure out how to "adult" on my own.

My dad died literally SIX DAYS after I broke up with my psycho boyfriend of 3 years, and he harassed me through the entire grieving process - and for years after. My ex also happens to be best friends with my brothers for some fucked up reason, and they allowed him to move into my old room when I moved out of the house. Which I had done because I didn't feel safe with my ex always around. In the year that my brothers and my ex all lived in that house, my last childhood house, all they did was throw parties and now the house is absolutely destroyed. My mother and I have had to go and clean it ourselves, little by little, because they threw garbage on top of our childhood things. I even went to the house today with my husband, trying to find some of my Dad's old things. It makes me sick. I actually have nightmares about going to that house.

On top of all that, in the past three years, I've begun to remember sexual abuse from my childhood, and most of my family has pushed me away because they don't want to give me any information about the abuse, don't want to be involved. So all I have are the memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and weird fucking photos. Nobody wants to "look bad", so they won't help. I'm pretty unimpressed with my entire family right now. I'm learning to let go of things, accept these people as they are, etc. etc.... but it's really hard.

Sorry for the super long post. I honestly feel better now, haha.
 
^^Holy shit Laughterandlove, I am so sorry that you went through that much BS in one lifetime. *hugs*

The worst period in my life was from about 7th grade through the summer after my senior year in high school. I had pretty bad acne and I felt like I was just about the most unattractive person on the planet. Plus hormones, coming of age, parents divorced, dealing with typical father son shit. I had suicidal thoughts periodically during that time, but I haven't had any such thoughts in many years now.

PS Laughterandlove, please don't ever harm yourself. You're an effing unicorn in my book!
 
I just saw this after a pretty bad day so this is about to be a novel! I apologize in advance and don't expect anyone to actually read all of this, but I NEED to vent in writing.

The worst period of time for me....
From the time I was 12 to about a year ago, honestly. Because I hardly remember before those years, and it's only been about a year or so that I've had my shit together mentally, at least enough that I don't think suicide daily. From 12-14, I was sexually abused by several men of about 45 yrs. old, and the abuse was orchestrated by a woman I had loved and trusted, who knew I'd had a bad childhood. A few years after that abuse stopped, my father died unexpectedly in the middle of divorcing my Mom, and she promptly moved in with the man she'd been cheating on my Dad with - leaving me to grieve and figure out how to "adult" on my own.

My dad died literally SIX DAYS after I broke up with my psycho boyfriend of 3 years, and he harassed me through the entire grieving process - and for years after. My ex also happens to be best friends with my brothers for some fucked up reason, and they allowed him to move into my old room when I moved out of the house. Which I had done because I didn't feel safe with my ex always around. In the year that my brothers and my ex all lived in that house, my last childhood house, all they did was throw parties and now the house is absolutely destroyed. My mother and I have had to go and clean it ourselves, little by little, because they threw garbage on top of our childhood things. I even went to the house today with my husband, trying to find some of my Dad's old things. It makes me sick. I actually have nightmares about going to that house.

On top of all that, in the past three years, I've begun to remember sexual abuse from my childhood, and most of my family has pushed me away because they don't want to give me any information about the abuse, don't want to be involved. So all I have are the memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and weird fucking photos. Nobody wants to "look bad", so they won't help. I'm pretty unimpressed with my entire family right now. I'm learning to let go of things, accept these people as they are, etc. etc.... but it's really hard.

Sorry for the super long post. I honestly feel better now, haha.

Sorry for all your problems. I wish you can find mental peace in your life. It has to be difficult to deal with so many phycological traumas
 
Wow laughterandlove22, I can't imagine going through things like that. You'll always be loved & appreciated here.


Mine was my first year and a half at a new middle school, and first 2 Years of High School. I had moved to a new area, and came to a new school. I was basically a nerd. Not very popular, very few friends, and often made fun of. Never beaten up or anything like that, but a lot of teasing basically every single day. There was also this girl that I liked. She found out liked her, and I first I thought that she liked me back. But then I found out that it was just a joke. But I was so blinded & desperate, that eventhough I knew she was playing me, I kept letting her. And many of her friends knew she was playing me, and they mocked me as well. If I had money, I'd give her some whenever she asked, or I'd just buy her some lunch. Basically whatever she wanted. All the while inside, my confidence was at bottom lows because I knew that I was being played. But I just wasn't thinking straight, and let this go on for 3-1/2 Years. My grades were also pretty bad. They weren't bad enough to hold me back, but they weren't good enough for me to partake in any extra curricular activities. At the end of my Sophomore year, I had managed to barely squeak out a 2.0 Average, making me eligible to play football my junior year. Everything changed when I got contacts lenses, bulked up, and joined the football team. People didn't even recognize me when school started up again. And the same people who picked on me, suddenly wanted no part of me. I didn't even confront them, they just saw me and was like. "Nope". And even the girl stopped messing with me.

Being out there in front of a roaring crowd, having my name being called out over the intercom whenever I made a play, that really brought my confidence up. And I used being picked on to my advantage when I played. Don't know if anyone on here has seen the movie "The Waterboy", but I used the same motivation when I played football. I put the faces of the people who bullied me on the faces of the opponents. I really got my aggression out for those 2 years.


I'll end the story with this. After my Junior year, the girl that was playing me switched schools. And I didn't see or hear anything about her for about 7 Years. About 2 years ago, I found out that she had become a crack dealer, got nabbed in a big drug bust, and is now serving I believe 15 Years. There were other charges besides the drugs.
 
when i was in school...it was hell for me..constantly bullied and no one would do anything about it..so i did and got my self in a lot of trouble in high school
 
Thank you, guys. I'm doing a hell of a lot better now.

when i was in school...it was hell for me..constantly bullied and no one would do anything about it..so i did and got my self in a lot of trouble in high school

**Big hugs* I'm so sorry that nobody intervened. That always bothers me.
 
From age 6 to 19, after which I finally left home. Early on my parents divorced, and my mother took off with my sister and left me with my dad. Everything seemed fine until my dad married this really nutty woman when I was 6. I could go on and on about all the details but it would be endless. One thing that sticks in my mind though is her deliberately making me miss school when I was in like 1st and 2nd grade so she could torment me all day, when my dad was at work and her two kids were at school. There was a lot of mental and physical abuse in general. I was threatened with knives and slapped a lot. One thing she did that was really weird was making me take baths in either really hot or really cold water. Oh and she used to choke me a lot.

Finally when I was 16 I got up the nerve to punch her in the face when she was physically tormenting me. She left me alone after that, but it was still hell living in that house, even though she pretty much ignored me after that. Finally at 19 I left for good, thinking my problems were over, but unfortunately they were not. I soon developed all these social anxiety and low self esteem issues, including a severe case of something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I went through many years of therapy, which did help, somewhat at least, but I still deal with, what I would refer to as Avoidant Personality Disorder in general.

More so than any therapy I had, I think what helped more than anything was the passage of time; I notice that, with time, I have improved very much, whereas 20 years ago, I likely would not have even had the confidence to even write and post this. Same with my social skills in general, which have vastly improved.
 
Most people on the forum who know me know this, and it isn;t a "Mitch Personal Rant", so I can probably post it.

The period between the time that my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2010, right through her passing in April 2012, and until I moved to NYC in June 2012. .

In those two plus years, I was only happy for four months, between October 2011, and Feb 2012, when we were told by the doctors that my mom was "Cancer Free". until the cancer returned, and spread to her brain in Feb 2012, and eventually took her life in April 2012.

I'm not going to really say any more, so as not to turn this into a "Long Rant".

As I said, those who know me, know the situation I went through.

There has never been any time in my life, that was worse than said time.
 
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^^Very sorry for your loss Mitchell. :console: I am very close with my mother also, and I dread anything bad ever happening to her. I lost my grandmother to lung cancer and it is such a terrible disease. :sadcry:
 
Most people on the forum who know me know this, and it isn;t a "Mitch Personal Rant", so I can probably post it.

The period between the time that my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in March 2010, right through her passing in April 2012, and until I moved to NYC in June 2012. .

In those two plus years, I was only happy for four months, between October 2011, and Feb 2012, when we were told by the doctors that my mom was "Cancer Free". until the cancer returned, and spread to her brain in Feb 2012, and eventually took her life in April 2012.

I'm not going to really say any more, so as not to turn this into a "Long Rant".

As I said, those who know me, know the situation I went through.

There has never been any time in my life, that was worse than said time.

I know the feeling Mitch. The most traumatic year for me was 2005, when I lost both of my parents to a drunk driver. Mum was 33 and and Dad was 34. My life took a left turn for a while after that, but that's a long story for another day.
 
The worst period of time for me....
From the time I was 12 to about a year ago, honestly. Because I hardly remember before those years, and it's only been about a year or so that I've had my shit together mentally, at least enough that I don't think suicide daily. From 12-14, I was sexually abused by several men of about 45 yrs. old, and the abuse was orchestrated by a woman I had loved and trusted, who knew I'd had a bad childhood. A few years after that abuse stopped, my father died unexpectedly in the middle of divorcing my Mom, and she promptly moved in with the man she'd been cheating on my Dad with - leaving me to grieve and figure out how to "adult" on my own.

My dad died literally SIX DAYS after I broke up with my psycho boyfriend of 3 years, and he harassed me through the entire grieving process - and for years after. My ex also happens to be best friends with my brothers for some fucked up reason, and they allowed him to move into my old room when I moved out of the house. Which I had done because I didn't feel safe with my ex always around. In the year that my brothers and my ex all lived in that house, my last childhood house, all they did was throw parties and now the house is absolutely destroyed. My mother and I have had to go and clean it ourselves, little by little, because they threw garbage on top of our childhood things. I even went to the house today with my husband, trying to find some of my Dad's old things. It makes me sick. I actually have nightmares about going to that house.

On top of all that, in the past three years, I've begun to remember sexual abuse from my childhood, and most of my family has pushed me away because they don't want to give me any information about the abuse, don't want to be involved. So all I have are the memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and weird fucking photos. Nobody wants to "look bad", so they won't help. I'm pretty unimpressed with my entire family right now. I'm learning to let go of things, accept these people as they are, etc. etc.... but it's really hard.

Sorry for the super long post. I honestly feel better now, haha.

Dear fucking multiverse almighty! Hun, I AM SOOOO SORRY YOU HAD TO ENDURE THAT! Who was that god awful woman who planned all that abuse? Whoever it was, she, as well as your brothers, definately (in my opinion) DON'T DESERVE YOUR LOVE! Family DOES NOT DO THAT to each other. Sick, sadistic, pieces of shit do stuff like that to other people. I hope you find peace and I hope your able to obtain justice for the sexual abuse done to you by those god awful men. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world. I hope your life gets much better from here on out.
 
Bator, I'm so sorry about what happened to your parents. My deepest sympathies to you.

I see from your profile that you were only a teenager when your parents passed away. What a tragedy.

As devastating as my mom's passing was for me, my mom was 74 years old, and I was 42, when she passed, so thankfully she did live until I was well into adulthood. As difficult as the past five years have been since she passed away, I am thankful for the fact that I had her with me until I was 42 .

I just saw your post, Sensual. I'm very sorry about your grandmother passing away from lung cancer. Yes, it is a terrible disease.

I thank you, Sensual, for your thoughts about the passing of my mom.
 
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I can sympathise with some of you here. I too had trouble fitting in in school. I wasn't bullied (or if I was, it was passive in nature), but I was often reminded that I was something of an ugly duckling at school. The boys in my class didn't acknowledge my presence when I tried joining a conversation or just standing in their circle. I always stood outside of it. Oddly I got along better with the girls in my class, but feeling different left a mental scar in me. An inferiority complex developed, and my mind would be flooded with worries like 'what did I do? did I say something wrong? why doesn't anyone want to talk to me? what's wrong with me?' Doesn't help that I have a skin disorder, which has a way of bringing your self esteem down. It still happens to this day, especially in social circles where I often feel lost, but mostly during rare panic attacks. I'm doing better now.

But the absolute worst moment in my life thus far was when I contracted an infection through my skin disorder (eczema), which caused a rapid wildfire outbreak that spread through my entire body. Made worse by the fact that I'd run out of my usual medication just before that and didn't bother to ask for any from back home, thinking over the course of the first week that I could handle it on my own. But it was a reaction I'd never experienced before. I had what seemed like a million red marks and weeping wounds all over me, head to toe. A week into it, my skin stopped itching and just hurt and burned more than anything else. The pain was unreal; I couldn't bend my arms even slightly without it hurting. The only thing I could do with minimum pain was to lay in bed.

One of my earliest posts here was a question about trusting our national healthcare with my condition, after reading some unpleasant things in the papers. Eventually it became so bad that I requested emergency sick leave, and my dad told me to rush myself to the hospital. Thankfully they gave me some strong antibiotics and steroid pills for free and sent me home. Within over a week I was back to normal. Those were the most hellish 3 weeks of my life, and I guess it goes without saying that I was the happiest guy in the world when I was finally cured.
 
I can sympathise with some of you here. I too had trouble fitting in in school. I wasn't bullied (or if I was, it was passive in nature), but I was often reminded that I was something of an ugly duckling at school. The boys in my class didn't acknowledge my presence when I tried joining a conversation or just standing in their circle. I always stood outside of it. Oddly I got along better with the girls in my class, but feeling different left a mental scar in me. An inferiority complex developed, and my mind would be flooded with worries like 'what did I do? did I say something wrong? why doesn't anyone want to talk to me? what's wrong with me?' Doesn't help that I have a skin disorder, which has a way of bringing your self esteem down. It still happens to this day, especially in social circles where I often feel lost, but mostly during rare panic attacks. I'm doing better now.

But the absolute worst moment in my life thus far was when I contracted an infection through my skin disorder (eczema), which caused a rapid wildfire outbreak that spread through my entire body. Made worse by the fact that I'd run out of my usual medication just before that and didn't bother to ask for any from back home, thinking over the course of the first week that I could handle it on my own. But it was a reaction I'd never experienced before. I had what seemed like a million red marks and weeping wounds all over me, head to toe. A week into it, my skin stopped itching and just hurt and burned more than anything else. The pain was unreal; I couldn't bend my arms even slightly without it hurting. The only thing I could do with minimum pain was to lay in bed.

One of my earliest posts here was a question about trusting our national healthcare with my condition, after reading some unpleasant things in the papers. Eventually it became so bad that I requested emergency sick leave, and my dad told me to rush myself to the hospital. Thankfully they gave me some strong antibiotics and steroid pills for free and sent me home. Within over a week I was back to normal. Those were the most hellish 3 weeks of my life, and I guess it goes without saying that I was the happiest guy in the world when I was finally cured.


I had more or less the same problem, and still suffer from it now, only they always told me it's delusional. Always thinking I look ugly, which was diagnosed as BDD, or Body Dysmorphic Disorder. And it was easy for me to think it WASN'T delusional, because when I acted so uptight when I was younger, whether that be at school or later, it was hard to make friends, so it was always easy for me to think the problem was the way I looked. But....now I realize, that, especially at that age, if you come across as having a weakness such as that, and are shy, you are easy pickings for the bullies and such, and no, no one's gonna reach out to someone who comes across as being uptight. So no, it wasn't the way I looked, it was the way I THOUGHT I looked.

Now that I've gotten over the whole physical appearance thing, for the most part at least, I realize there's other things that hold me back and keep me from getting out there and taking chances. So I finally realize it's, overall, something called AvPD, or Avoidance Personality Disorder, and the BDD was just a PART of that. But at least I deal with the whole thing a lot better now than I once did.
 
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