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Netflix Bonding

P

Pghtkltorture

TMF Expert
Joined
Oct 7, 2012
Messages
417
Points
18
I was curious about the new Netflix original show: Bonding. I honestly didn't have much interest I the show as a whole, but figured there would be some sort of foot fetish reference and I was curious to see if they would portray it in the usual "oh my god check out how creepy foot fetishists are" comedic trope.

While looking at the episode synopsis on Wikipedia, I saw there was a tickling mention.

I'll give you one guess how it portrayed the tickle fetishist and his poor wife who's dreams of the perfect marriage that he ruined.

Garbage
 
You peaked my curiosity so I ended up watching the episode (it's only 15 minutes). It does portray tickling very absurd and marriage-disruptive way. The wife states something to the effect that tickling was not a part of her marriage vows. Yikes.

I found myself wanting to be there in place of the guy talking to her. I wanted to tell her that things that give two people pleasure or pain will never be exactly the same. That marriage is, by definition, full of comprise. You will deal with your partner when they are sick, when they down, when they are angry. It's two-way acceptance, and understanding, caring and communication that keep people together. Your husband likes to laugh, there are a lot worse things out there. If you love and care about each other you can make it work. What can he do fulfill your fantasies?

Also, for the love of god talk to him about how you feel.

All said, it is a ridiculous and fake TV show. I can't imagine tickling is the only thing they show in an incorrect light. It probably won't even stay in people's mind that watch it.

The only positive is D'arcy Carden, despite her character. Fan of hers.
 
It just made me sad. It paints the husband for being selfish for feeling the way that he does and paints the wife as this sad little thing who hired a dom for her husband because she is so disgusted by his fetish. It basically gives off the implication that this is a Hail Mary pathetic attempt to salvage the marriage.

Meanwhile, I would say the bond of a woman willing to hire a professional dominatrix to help satisfy a part of her husband's life that she doesn't understand or enjoy is a much more committed and trusting spouse than most of the standard vanilla marriages out there.

As far as the guy, he's portrayed as your typical creepy fetish guy, she's Isaiah a feather on a stick and he's blowing a load in his pants while screaming "mommy"

It's just pure exploitative trash
 
She could be a bitch. ...or she could be a bitch. All too frequently good men are portrayed as animals just because the woman is attention-seeking. Or borderline.
 
I just watched it (Netflix show "Bonding", Season 01 Episode 04 titled "Let's Get Physical") and I think it is more or less what you would expect from a comedy entertainment show. The producers were not concerned about making an "authentic" storyline for the various topics that are portrayed.

I hope the average viewer is capable of separating the tickling fetish from the marriage situation and the personalities of the fictional couple. The husband was extremely weak and ashamed of his fetish and the wife clearly has major issues if paying 200 USD for hitting a guy full force is something she likes to do.

I must say the tickling scene itself in this episode was ridiculous, the choice of feathers on the neck and the horrendous scene writing were a tough watch. Basically any clip in the mainstream clip forum is a better scene than this one. I think they could have done better with that.
 
insite said:
I must say the tickling scene itself in this episode was ridiculous, the choice of feathers on the neck and the horrendous scene writing were a tough watch. Basically any clip in the mainstream clip forum is a better scene than this one. I think they could have done better with that.
Click to expand...

Completely agree. I decided to watch thus show because the plot intrigued me. When I got to the tickling episode, at first I found it to be a pleasant surprise. "WOW, MAINSTREAM RECOGNITION OF OUR FETISH". As someone who has for the longest time been embarrassed for being a lee, I was hoping that this show may help affirm people with fetishes. I sure could have benefited from fetish positivity

NOPE! Instead I found myself cringing in disgust. This was the ugliest depiction of tickling I have ever seen. This show makes fetishists look like freaks. If i saw this show back when i was ashamed of my fetish, the shame and humiliation I struggled with would have only gotten worse. This show deserves to tank!
 
Mainstream TV can't get away with showing fetishes unless it's in a comedic "ooh, look how weird!" reference or a documentary "ooh, look how weird!" reference; but really, why give a shit?
 
I think part of the reason the show is the way it is is our fault. We have ourselves lumped our love of tickling in with BDSM, whips, chains, golden showers...all the stuff mainstream America knows is out there, but wants nothing to do with.
 
Wolf said:
Mainstream TV can't get away with showing fetishes unless it's in a comedic "ooh, look how weird!" reference or a documentary "ooh, look how weird!" reference; but really, why give a shit?
Click to expand...

On this topic, I find myself in full agreement with Wolf.
 
It's a shame this show didn't handle its subject matter better. Honestly, a comedy about various kinks and fetishes is a really good idea. Not only do a lot of professional sex workers have blatantly hilarious stories, it's a great way to start mainstream discourse on these topics that doesn't just condemn people for having fetishes.

50 Shades Of Grey has a very similar issue. It's sort of the premier mainstream modern work about sex, but not only does it not remotely follow any of the rules of BDSM, consent, or actual human adult relationships, it doesn't depict its characters as people. Christian Grey is all-but-a-god with infinite money and is literally based on an immortal vampire. He's nothing but "dominant". It sounds like this show is using the submissive characters who pay dommes as nothing but punchlines. This does little more than shame these people for a cheap laugh, and it's punching down more often than not.

Honestly the only thing I've read, personally, that really respects the issue is a graphic novel series called "Sunstone" by a Croatian artist named Stjepan Sejic. I picked the first chapter up last year and found myself almost immediately buying the remaining four volumes. It's a comedy/romance about two women who meet online and start having a D/S relationship, and the jokes aren't at the expense of the fetish. They're about things that are inherently funny within it, and the characters are both treated as actual people with actual lives and emotions beyond their roles in sex.

tl;dr: mainstream fiction doesn't seem ready to actually accept harmless fetishes and so it continues to put them in the role of a "dangerous other", go read "Sunstone" ASAP.
 
Did you see how they ended their arc, at least?

The husband's portrayal was pretty bad, but in the end they learned to compromise and work with each other's fetishes instead of being alienated by each other.

It sucks that our fetish was the butt of the joke (I could have done without the "mother!" thing) but in the end the message wasn't bad.
 
Featherhead925 said:
Did you see how they ended their arc, at least?

The husband's portrayal was pretty bad, but in the end they learned to compromise and work with each other's fetishes instead of being alienated by each other.

It sucks that our fetish was the butt of the joke (I could have done without the "mother!" thing) but in the end the message wasn't bad.
Click to expand...

Yes it was a good moral, but I don't think it justifies dehumanizing people that have fetishes. I know I can't be the only one who has at one time been ashamed for having a fetish. And likely there are tickling fetishists that aren't in the community because of shame about it. Making fetishists the butt of the joke will only make people experiencing fetish shame feel worse. Fetishes aren't a lifestyle choice; fetishes are as much a part of sexuality as sexual orientation. I don't think people should be shamed or humiliated for something they have no control over, especially under the guise of sex positivity.
 
Let me represent the more positive outlook on this :)

I watched the first 5 episodes, to get the a better feeling for context and continuity.

There is no doubt that there has been quite a miss representing what a tickling fetish is for the most of us. Question is, if we were basically shamed there (which I am not at all sure we were), and if this show still has some contribution to the public debate (on its own, or with a little help on our part).

This show's contribution is, in my view, not by presenting different fetishes "authentically".
It continuously touches, in a very intelligent way in my opinion, the issues of boundaries and inhibitions, and how these are not only absurdly arbitrary and unreasonable - but lead to shame and depression.

Specifically about the tickling fetish and how it is portrayed: We'd all want a story more representing our story - but this is the kind of awkward we can deal with. Just like the content online Comfort Eagle linked to – of people either protesting or representing their own narrative – this is an opportunity for us to take off on this, and put some content out there.

Those willing to experience with some activism, may find such content and comment about it; Whoever has a blog or can open one can share his or her story and how it differs from what is portrayed, and whoever uses social media can tag #bonding #ticklingFetish to get some traffic around the issue.

It is time that the narrative about us out there is the one we produce, don’t you think?

All in all, in the said episode, aside from the poor representation of the tickling itself, it is not all bad, you know? the man and the wife are anything but the typical "perverts from a dark alley" – a stigma easily assigned to anything not typical; They are your square neighbors - as square as they can get – I mean – if they were any more square they would not be able to breath. In fact, note the bit where the man tells the dominatrix that he's rather stay with his clothes on - because he even "takes his massages(?) with clothes on since it feels more appropriate for her (his wife)" (Though it actually sounds more like euphemism). This is not a bad position to start progressing from, guys!
 
Erotickles said:
I watched the first 5 episodes, to get the a better feeling for context and continuity.

There is no doubt that there has been quite a miss representing what a tickling fetish is for the most of us. Question is, if we were basically shamed there (which I am not at all sure we were), and if this show still has some contribution to the public debate (on its own, or with a little help on our part).

This show's contribution is, in my view, not by presenting different fetishes "authentically".
It continuously touches, in a very intelligent way in my opinion, the issues of boundaries and inhibitions, and how these are not only absurdly arbitrary and unreasonable - but lead to shame and depression.

Specifically about the tickling fetish and how it is portrayed: We'd all want a story more representing our story - but this is the kind of awkward we can deal with. Just like the content online Comfort Eagle linked to – of people either protesting or representing their own narrative – this is an opportunity for us to take off on this, and put some content out there.

Those willing to experience with some activism, may find such content and comment about it; Whoever has a blog or can open one can share his or her story and how it differs from what is portrayed, and whoever uses social media can tag #bonding #ticklingFetish to get some traffic around the issue.

It is time that the narrative about us out there is the one we produce, don’t you think?

All in all, in the said episode, aside from the poor representation of the tickling itself, it is not all bad, you know? the man and the wife are anything but the typical "perverts from a dark alley" – a stigma easily assigned to anything not typical; They are your square neighbors - as square as they can get – I mean – if they were any more square they would not be able to breath. In fact, note the bit where the man tells the dominatrix that he's rather stay with his clothes on - because he even "takes his massages(?) with clothes on since it feels more appropriate for her (his wife)" (Though it actually sounds more like euphemism). This is not a bad position to start progressing from, guys!
Click to expand...

I am just asking myself; In which ways or aspects is it important what the narrative out there is about the tickling fetish or foot fetish community (or any other one for that matter)? I can see that misrepresenting sex workers and their job may lead to problems for them or potential customers, but apart from that, what are the arguments to make the fetish more known or mainstream?
Maybe it is a situation where you are at a party or mainstream gathering and somehow you mention or it is known that you are into feet and certain people may see you as a "foot freak" and are disgusted because they are influenced by TV shows?
 
When some in this forum say hey, just be yourself, share your fetish with the world, with family, with friends, don't hide----they'll understand. Yeah, based on this media depiction, you'll soon be living under a bridge. Society is not ready, and you can cite all the contrary examples, but they are not ready, and may never be (which might be good--I don't want my fetish winding up mainstreamed, watered-down and Disneyfied anyway).
 
The show seems to treat kink as a whole as a joke, which is unfortunate. I was cringing during the "tickling" scene. Dude gets a feather on his neck and turns into a braying moron.

Also I'm not prone to hyperbole but I will say that having D'arcy Carden talking about tickling in a storyline about tickling but not actually getting tickled seems like a direct assault on me and my sensibilities.
 
Not expressing ourselves and not putting our narrative out there has, in my opinion, a contribution to us being a small community, and often alone as individuals. It keeps us in the online equivalent to the dark smoky clubs gay men had to sneak to in the cover of the night in times when it was shameful - and mostly - illegal - to be gay. It keeps young people secluded, rejected, feeling weird and not legitimate. And it prevents us from realizing our potential personally.

There are people out there, that we need to meet. They are our potential spouses and friends for the road of self discovery and escape from the chains of shame - but they are not here on the TMF or fetlife. They are people who like tickling - but don't look it up online actively. They like it - but keep it as a secret fantasy, because it is wrong, and deviant, and all that. They like it - but believe that there is no one out there that is can be a match sexually in this respect - because no one but them likes that. They like it - but it is not as pivotal for them as it is for us. Or - they are ready to explore and they WILL really like it when they do - but they need inspiration....

Have a look at this google trends data for BDSM. What happened in Feb 2015? It may be a coincidence, but on Feb 2015 the movie "50 shades of grey" came out (no pan intended). Who are all those people who googled for it? did they not know what it is before? did lighting BDSM in a new light made it seem worth investigating, even potentially exciting? Or were they distancing themselves from it before - and now it was more ok to explore..?

Let’s make tickling curious and sexy and naughty. An exciting exploration, of trust, sensuality, naughtly-sexual delights and adventure.

Let's start filling those groups in the Tickling Communities app with curious people..! :)


bdsm google trends.PNG
 
Erotickles said:
Not expressing ourselves and not putting our narrative out there has, in my opinion, a contribution to us being a small community, and often alone as individuals. It keeps us in the online equivalent to the dark smoky clubs gay men had to sneak to in the cover of the night in times when it was shameful - and mostly - illegal - to be gay. It keeps young people secluded, rejected, feeling weird and not legitimate. And it prevents us from realizing our potential personally.
Click to expand...

I really wish people would stop conflating a fetish (any fetish) with a sexual orientation. They're not the same.
 
@Wolf

they may not be the same, but there are similarities worth comparing on, which may give insights, don't you think?

Do you wish people would stop conflating the two because you feel that doing so underrates the latter?

True, it was never as risky to be a fetishist as it was - and in some places still is - to be a homosexual.
However, the other aspects I mentioned - there are similarities I strongly feel that need to be addressed... don't you think?
 
Erotickles said:
@Wolf

they may not be the same, but there are similarities worth comparing on, which may give insights, don't you think?

Do you wish people would stop conflating the two because you feel that doing so underrates the latter?

True, it was never as risky to be a fetishist as it was - and in some places still is - to be a homosexual.
However, the other aspects I mentioned - there are similarities I strongly feel that need to be addressed... don't you think?
Click to expand...

Personally, no.
The feelings of isolation, seclusion, and rejection are largely self-imposed.
Most people don't give a shit what you're into, as long as you're not inflicting it upon them.
You can't get what you want without risking rejection.
 
Erotickles said:
@Wolf

they may not be the same, but there are similarities worth comparing on, which may give insights, don't you think?

Do you wish people would stop conflating the two because you feel that doing so underrates the latter?

True, it was never as risky to be a fetishist as it was - and in some places still is - to be a homosexual.
However, the other aspects I mentioned - there are similarities I strongly feel that need to be addressed... don't you think?
Click to expand...

Frankly I wish this board would stop driving home the idea that the default is that you will be bullied and ridiculed if people find out you're into a foot/tickle thing, and that pleasant or uneventful reactions are the deviation. There was some "totally not incel" in a thread yesterday screaming about 'sexual market value' and how good looking men get handed shit, and you could tell he just marathoned MRA YouTubers all day and that's where e had his suspicions on womz validated, and it obviously didn't help.

Intentional or not, I feel like this board has an atmosphere of doom and gloom and "Oh, we're all a bunch of fucking freaks and the rest of society thinks so too...", and it's like... fucking stop it holy shit.
 
I will admit that for a brief moment I though it may have been the Wife who had the Fetish, however as this thread has highlighted, that was not the case. Yes, the husband (Upon learning of what was about to happen) did not have that "GULP!!" look on his face as a Ticklee would have.

I was extremely intrigued at the notion of the Wife hiring the Dominatrix to Tickle her husband which made me look into it and view it.

Oh the missed opportunities with a great idea. With my love for writing on this subject, here are two options I would have used to tweak this one:

To expound more on ‘What if it WAS the Wife with the Fetish" (wanting to hear her husband Tickled) with Tiff (The Dominatrix) actually bringing her husband upstairs to pleading hysterics? Then as Pete (Tiff's assistant) and the Wife sat at the dining room table whilst the maniacal laughter and pleas can be heard upstairs, the Wife begins breathing hard and acting as though this deep down ‘Tickles Her Fancy’.

Or?

With the husband having the Tickle Fetish - What if the Wife already had tied her husband to the bed before Tiff enters the picture? A good spread-eagle bondage scene on the bed as the wife announces “I’ve hired a Professional Dominatrix to Tickle You this time!!” then leaves him to dwell on it. This could have unfolded into a ‘Careful What You Wish For’ moment with Tiff entering and showing him what being Tickled really feels like. With the wife (in Truth) not able to deal with this man’s fetish, perhaps this would take form as the punishment which is revealed in a later episode.


Yes, this could have become such a great thing, but alas, another dud for the Mainstream.
 
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