I forgot to subscribe to this thread when I posted it, so I missed the later comments.
First, let me clarify what I mean by a negative comment, because you can dislike something without being negative about it.
For example, let's say there's a clip that's all feet and you're not a foot person. You could say it in a positive way by saying "Thanks for sharing this. I like the look of this girl, and she has a great laugh, but I'm not a foot person so this clip doesn't really appeal to me. It would be great if you did something upperbody with her."
Or you can say it in a negative way by saying "This sucks, why does everyone post all-foot clips. I'm sick of seeing feet around here!"
Or worse, you could make it personal - "This clip sucks, you make shitty clips, and that lee is ugly."
The first way encourages people, makes it clear that there's nothing personal, and let's them know what they could do that you'd like more. The other two are mean attacks - and there's no reason for things to go to that point.
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If you don't like a clip there are ways to say that without being mean or a jerk, which is what this post was about - some people were acting like jerks just because they didn't happen to personally like something.
Or you could just not say it at all - often when people say something stupid and jerky, there's no reason for them to have even bothered to start expressing the thought in the first place. Nobody but them needed to know or would have cared.
And that's not a new rule on the forum - The TMF was created specifically for this reason 20 years ago - we used to call it "the flame-free forum" because it was built to give people a place to go who were sick of how hostile the alt.net tickling groups had become.
This was never a place where you could say anything you want to anyone. As far back as 2005, we clarified that point by instituting the Golden Rule in this post - <A HREF= "http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?131566-The-Golden-Rule&p=1768317#post1768317">"if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."</A>
This thread here was a reminder about that, after I found a lot of posts that broke the long-standing rule. If people thought this wasn't a positive-comments-only forum, they were mistaken. It's always been that way, although I have to admit that I haven't always been the best about handling that responsibility. I've been running the forum for 20 years, and I've sometimes let the things going on in my personal life affect how I handle the things happening here.
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But I had a revelation over this summer - I'm a big fan of the show Critical Role, and there was an incident where I got moderated on their youtube channel as part of a larger situation and I did NOT like it. I thought they were being too sensitive and overly protective of people's feelings.
They did a live show where they let the audience ask questions, and they requested that people be as brief as possible so they could let as many fans participate as they were able to get through.
They said "In other words, please come up to the mic and just ask your question. Don't tell us your life story about how you became a fan or how much the show means to you. We like hearing that stuff when we bump into you in the hallways or at a meet and greet. But for this right now, it's better not to get into it."
So the first guy at the microphone stammers his way through two minutes of his history as a fan and how much it means to him, and I, along with a bunch of other people, goofed on him for it. Some people were really harsh. I didn't think I was particularly bad, but I was moderated along with everyone else who got into that, and at first it really pissed me off.
But then I started thinking about it, and I realized I was wrong. I like how good it feels to participate on the Critical Role videos and how, unlike a lot of places online, I don't have to think twice before making a post because I know it might attract a bombardment of negativity, or brace myself for a fight if I take a side on something.
Nobody likes being attacked, and if there's a chance that a bunch of people are going to pile on and call me an idiot because of my opinion, I'm going to keep that opinion to myself nine times out of ten. I don't mind fighting, but it's annoying to have to do it over and over again, so there are forums and youtube channels where I've realized it's only worth participating if I'm up for the fight that's probably going to ensue.
And I'm not a sensitive person - I came on the Internet 30 years ago during the days of Usenet when there were literally no rules. When I was building my video company Magic Touch Productions, I had every possible form of negativity that you can imagine directed at me, and I was fine.
But even though I was still able to build a successful business and post with my friends in that environment, I can tell the difference between that and a positive community with active moderators and rules, in terms of how much enjoyment I get and how encouraged I feel about participating.
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The guy who spoke too long at the mic had made a mistake, probably from being nervous. But he didn't need to be piled on about it. And by removing that, the CR team had preserved a feeling in their fans that they should feel safe participating.
I had been wrong - wrong to make the comment and wrong to be annoyed about being moderated.
Considering how other people are going to feel about what you say is a very small amount of trouble to take, and it has a very large impact on the tone of the forum, room, city, country, or world that you're saying it in.
Crit Role handles this stuff very well and they have an amazing community as evidence of that. And coming to that realization completely reinvigorated my desire to make the TMF into a positive community where anyone who wants to participate will feel comfortable doing that. And that's why I made this post.
Which again is just a reminder about a rule we've always had - "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
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Not everyone is going to agree with this. I get that. But I have to use my own best judgement here.
I've put a lot of thought into how to manage a community in my 20 years of owning the TMF, and in my best judgement this is the right way to do it.