Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,914
- Points
- 38
I'm usually on the computer 12 hours a day. My doctor says it's really bad for me; he insists my posture would improve dramatically if I used a chair instead.
Meth addictions are always accompanied by regret... if you're old enough to have one, you're too old to believe in the Tooth Fairy.
My dad lived to be 98 and never in his life needed glasses. He always drank straight from the bottle.
Don't tour an animal recycling plant. You'll be rendered speechless.
Optimists are worse for our society than pessimists. An optimist will step blithely out of a soaring airplane, completely convinced that something soft will cushion his landing. I, on the other hand, will approach an intersection fearing the worst... look every which way for traffic... proceed haltingly, staying alert for any sign of an automobile... then get squashed flat by a falling optimist.
Q: How do ANTIFA members get to the next riot?
A: By using ACAB.
My brother wants to borrow ten thousand dollars so he can set himself up in business with a Happy Days collectibles franchise. He says it's a legitimate investment opportunity; looks to me like a Fonzi scheme.
First Jeff Bezos, now Bill Gates! Their wedded life was fine until someone told them that marriage was a sacred union.
Turns out Melinda won't be changing her name back after the divorce. That's just silly; her organization's called Goalkeepers, not Gateskeeper.
Bill just released another Xbox. Her name is Melinda.
"We need to support gene splicing! It could solve all of our military needs! Think of it... gorillas crossed with eagles! We could have the first flying gorilla army!"
"Ye gods! You and your stupid ape pinions!"
Bambi's mom gave her all for Bambi's sake. It's amazing what she'd do for a buck.
I'm scheduled for a urology exam next week. Not sure what kind of testing to expect... I suppose it's a process of elimination.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen", here's what you get: a bunch of very pissed-off letter carriers.
There's a distinct difference between an awning and a canopy. No one ever got sick by drinking from an awning.
Without the Arabs, there never would have been 9/11. It would have been something more like IX/XI.
My wife hates it when I cheat on her. She doesn't mind me seeing other women, but she really resents being used as a sofa.
Q: If an eagle screeches in an huge canyon, the sound bounces from rock wall to rock wall and builds in intensity until it deafens the entire valley. The same, however can't be said for a dove in small room. Why is that?
A: A coo sticks.
My great grandfather was a tracker. He hunted bear and bison. My grandfather was also a tracker, though he went after smaller game. My father? He too was a tracker. Today, I work as a tracker. Hopefully one day, I'll have a son to follow in our footsteps.
Leading US universities have written to the greatest living Chinese philosophers for guidance. It's hoped they will clear up any Confucian.
There's no "P" in "Rock". That's because he Dwaynes his Johnson.
Autocorrect is gonna be the death of me! The other day I texted my girlfriend: "Wanna go for a wank out by the old boardwalk?" Oh god, how embarrassing! It should have read "out by the old barn".
* * *
Meth addictions are always accompanied by regret... if you're old enough to have one, you're too old to believe in the Tooth Fairy.
* * *
My dad lived to be 98 and never in his life needed glasses. He always drank straight from the bottle.
* * *
Don't tour an animal recycling plant. You'll be rendered speechless.
* * *
Optimists are worse for our society than pessimists. An optimist will step blithely out of a soaring airplane, completely convinced that something soft will cushion his landing. I, on the other hand, will approach an intersection fearing the worst... look every which way for traffic... proceed haltingly, staying alert for any sign of an automobile... then get squashed flat by a falling optimist.
* * *
Q: How do ANTIFA members get to the next riot?
A: By using ACAB.
* * *
My brother wants to borrow ten thousand dollars so he can set himself up in business with a Happy Days collectibles franchise. He says it's a legitimate investment opportunity; looks to me like a Fonzi scheme.
* * *
First Jeff Bezos, now Bill Gates! Their wedded life was fine until someone told them that marriage was a sacred union.
* * *
Turns out Melinda won't be changing her name back after the divorce. That's just silly; her organization's called Goalkeepers, not Gateskeeper.
* * *
Bill just released another Xbox. Her name is Melinda.
* * *
"We need to support gene splicing! It could solve all of our military needs! Think of it... gorillas crossed with eagles! We could have the first flying gorilla army!"
"Ye gods! You and your stupid ape pinions!"
* * *
Bambi's mom gave her all for Bambi's sake. It's amazing what she'd do for a buck.
* * *
I'm scheduled for a urology exam next week. Not sure what kind of testing to expect... I suppose it's a process of elimination.
* * *
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen", here's what you get: a bunch of very pissed-off letter carriers.
* * *
There's a distinct difference between an awning and a canopy. No one ever got sick by drinking from an awning.
* * *
Without the Arabs, there never would have been 9/11. It would have been something more like IX/XI.
* * *
My wife hates it when I cheat on her. She doesn't mind me seeing other women, but she really resents being used as a sofa.
* * *
Q: If an eagle screeches in an huge canyon, the sound bounces from rock wall to rock wall and builds in intensity until it deafens the entire valley. The same, however can't be said for a dove in small room. Why is that?
A: A coo sticks.
* * *
My great grandfather was a tracker. He hunted bear and bison. My grandfather was also a tracker, though he went after smaller game. My father? He too was a tracker. Today, I work as a tracker. Hopefully one day, I'll have a son to follow in our footsteps.
* * *
Leading US universities have written to the greatest living Chinese philosophers for guidance. It's hoped they will clear up any Confucian.
* * *
There's no "P" in "Rock". That's because he Dwaynes his Johnson.
* * *
Autocorrect is gonna be the death of me! The other day I texted my girlfriend: "Wanna go for a wank out by the old boardwalk?" Oh god, how embarrassing! It should have read "out by the old barn".
