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Is it wrong to tickle a friend, when she's not interested?

ichbins

TMF Poster
Joined
Sep 18, 2007
Messages
96
Points
6
I don't want to open an endless discussion. Just I have a friend, but she's a lesbian, but we hang out a lot, also at my place or her place, and have a good friendship. Is it wrong to tickle her, even when she's having a good time and allows it? Or is it taking advantage of her, because she doesn't know I have a fetish?
 
If you're both having fun, I would say you're not doing anything wrong. Whatever physical reactions you have aren't your fault, just don't act on them.
 
How is she having a good time with it? What are you doing, a quick rib poke here and there or is she laying her feet in your lap?
 
I think more context is needed. If it’s playful tickle fight or just fun pokes that’s harmless. I’ve done that with female friends. But if you’re holding her down and tickling her for long periods of time that would be taking advantage. Maybe just have an open discussion with her about it and be honest.


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How is she having a good time with it? What are you doing, a quick rib poke here and there or is she laying her feet in your lap?

I mean, tickling is something occurring in "fun" "teasing" situations. That's what I meant with "good time". Not that she's liking it how I like it, but just that for her it's playful. I mean if she would say "stop I don't like it", or something, I wouldn't do it of course.
I don't know I thought about like seeing if she has ticklish feet, and saying can you stand it, something like that.
 
Eh, I'd say might wanna back off. If it was like "a thing" between you two (the aforementioned "sitting her feet in your lap to play with them") I'd say it's kosher, but that sounds like she's completely oblivious it's revving your engine and as such would be upset to find out the nature of it.

I'd say probably pump the breaks on it.
 
Eh, I'd say might wanna back off. If it was like "a thing" between you two (the aforementioned "sitting her feet in your lap to play with them") I'd say it's kosher, but that sounds like she's completely oblivious it's revving your engine and as such would be upset to find out the nature of it.

I'd say probably pump the breaks on it.

Thanks, really, I mean I ask because I'm not so good with interpreting such things, and have done things that were probably not OK in the past.

So are you saying if she "suspected" it was something sexual for me, and then allowed it, it would be ok to do it? So would you think asking her, if she'd like to try it out, like getting tickled a bit, would be something I could try? I'm just afraid that then she'd feel creeped out, or something. I mean I would ask. Just I'm afraid it would disrupt our friendship.
 
So are you saying if she "suspected" it was something sexual for me, and then allowed it, it would be ok to do it?

Yes, sometimes people will indulge a kink knowing it's a kink so long as it's not explicitly sexualized. This is a case by case basis though and would hinge heavily on how close you are with the person and how well the two of you "get" each other.

Could you press this further? Maybe. How well do you know her? But your apprehension based on not wanting to blow up the friendship is a good instinct, if you think there's a good chance it'd ruin the entire relationship, I'd say go no further.
 
If it remains playful and it's with someone you know very well, then I guess it's okay. Also if it's not anything drawn out. But in todays environment especially, you gotta be careful regardless of context. Me personally, tickling is something I only do with a significant other. Period.
 
In fantasy? It's your mind.

In real life? I think people should find out whether others want to do anything before doing it with them. If she would indeed be having a good time, then she'd tell you if you asked, and then you wouldn't need to worry at all, let alone poll an online forum for opinions. So ask her.

If you don't feel prepared to ask her, then the preliminary question is why not.
 
I personally don't see anything wrong with it... but I tickle my friends... and it's fun... I think as long as you're hanging out with her and it's friendly tickling, I don't see anything wrong with it... just don't go overboard... but if you start getting turned on by it and wanting more than tickling, then maybe you should back off... you need to judge for yourself. I'm one of those people that sometimes tickles for fun, it's not always sexual... so I think this is something you need to decide for yourself, if she's really just fun, if it's just playful friend tickling... or if you want to hold her down and kiss her after tickling her and you have to hold yourself back...
 
Yes, sometimes people will indulge a kink knowing it's a kink so long as it's not explicitly sexualized. This is a case by case basis though and would hinge heavily on how close you are with the person and how well the two of you "get" each other.

Could you press this further? Maybe. How well do you know her? But your apprehension based on not wanting to blow up the friendship is a good instinct, if you think there's a good chance it'd ruin the entire relationship, I'd say go no further.
Totally agree with Comfort Eagle. Has she ever initiated and playfully tickled you? You can just casually ask when hanging out and if a playful, silly moment arises just ask hey I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but if my tickling you in the past made you uneasy, I’m sorry I don’t want to over step any boundaries. Respecting your friend and building that friendship should be based on honesty and not seeing how far you can get with your fetish.
 
Consent is important. Regardless of whether it’s a kink or not, if she say “stop/no/don’t touch me,” back the hell off. If she says, quit/don’t/knock it off” do stop, it maybe taunt her and see if she tells you again in a serious tone not to. If she tells you she doesn’t like it, stop. It if you do it and she just laughs and squirms away, you can maybe do it every once and a while. But there is always a chance she may find out. If she does, try to think how you think she would react. This should be taken into account.
 
Tips that worked for me and im sure many, i just am casually open about my kinks. This has allowed me to play around with everybody without feeling like im taking advantage and has allowed people to know about it and act accordingly to their own comfort so i dont have to worry about all the what ifs around keeping the secrets. Friends have started little poke wars with me knowing thats my thing and i dont feel weird winning said war cause everybody is on the same page and if they would feel uncomfortable they can act accordingly without me holding their hand.

You dont have to bring it up like a confession just casually introduce it like fact in a conversation about sex or basic interests or however stuff like that might come up, and dont dwell on it. It has taken SOOOOOOO much stress out of my life and now is just a funny little quirk about me like anything else. Highly recommend it.

Then you have to obviously not just go around tickling at somewhat inappropriate times (or to people you dont know well) and youll most likely just be laughing with everyone else
 
I see nothing wrong with giving a friendly little tickle. If you're comfortable with each other, and if you're in a social situation, give it a shot.
Maybe a tickle rather than a poke, because pokes can sometimes be more annoying than ticklish.
Summertime is right around the corner, and she'll probably be barefoot or in flip flops most of the time, so you'll probably have ample opportunities to test her tootsies
 
I'd just tell her. It's only right that SHE has a say so to what is happening to her body. I like how VegLife put it. I like what Casual Eagle said as well.

When I was in college (before I even knew all of what I was/ am and into), I had a friend whom I tickled a lot. And I mean A LOT!!!!!! And it wasn't short/ quick tickles either.
We stayed connected as we moved into adulthood until she made a pass at me when I spent the night at her house (as I often did in college). I wasn't ready for that. And I wish I had handled it better. Looking back, I'm 100% sure that my friendship with her was confusing to her. I correctly blame myself for that.

We reconnected and I told her over the phone that I had figured out that I was into tickling, and I don't think she understood that although I was into it, that didn't mean I was into her. Our friendship has been confusing and just odd ever since. I can't really explain our dynamic. We now live 20 minutes from each other, but we don't talk at all. She follows me on Instagram, I check in silently to see if she is ok too. I wish I could tell her that the person I was right out of college IS NOT the person I am now.

I know our stories are NOT the same. But, naïve, college-age me wishes I had not been so careless back then. 100% of it was out of ignorance, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
 
So believe it or not I was in this exact situation during my early twenties/military days. My bff at the time was a lesbian and I tickled her all the time. Play fighting, foot rubs into tickling- you name it. I never told her about my fetish. Looking back on it 14 years later, I should have. I believe by not telling her I was satisfying my kink, I was involving her in something she may not have wanted to be a part of. I didnt even give her the chance to decide. And in the end, thats wrong. Now I dont put too shame on my young naive self. I was having fun and quite honestly didn’t know better. But now that Im older its my duty not to repeat my mistake.
 
As a follow-up.... I finally got a chance to apologize to that friend after 25 years of just everything. Grateful!
 
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