Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,915
- Points
- 38
My wife and I have been fighting all week: I wanted the bathroom painted green; she wanted to paint it yellow. It might be going on still, but we finally called a chartreuse.
Baby lion: "Pop, I sure do love food. Would it be possible for me ever to marry it?"
Papa lion: "I tried that once, son... said to a pretty little antelope steak, 'You're looking mighty fine this morning! How about coming back to my place and meet my maw?' "
I ran out of rat poison and tried using WD-40 instead. Needless to say, it didn't kill them... but on the plus side, they have stopped squeaking.
He: "I think something funny's going on. I have brown hair. You have brown hair. But our baby boy has red hair!"
She: "Hey, as seldom as we have sex, you were bound to be a little rusty."
Engineers are so hipped on pulleys. Personally, I hate 'em. So damn full of themselves... why do they always have to be the center of a tension?
Q: Luke Skywalker acted rashly and married Princess Leia before their sibling relationship was known. What did Obi Wan say when he found out?
A: "Use divorce, Luke."
Sometimes I think God is damn childish. The dinosaurs pissed him off, so he threw rocks at 'em.
Q: Clark Kent has super vision, but Bruce Wayne doesn't. How come?
A: Both his parents were killed.
Canadian schools are much more successful than US schools. All students up north earn straight ehs.
First I got hired, then I got a raise! Everything on the job site's looking up!
In the original "Star Wars", the Imperial Fleet had a hard time finding the rebel base. That's because they were looking on Alderaan planets.
Studies show that most people lean forward slightly when they nod their heads. I'm inclined to agree.
If you watch the movie "Jaws" backwards, you get an entirely different impression of great white sharks. To people who do so, they're kindly creatures who hand out arms and legs to disabled swimmers.
"Who's your favorite vampire? Most people pick Dracula, but my choice would be Barnabas Collins."
"Me, I kinda like the one on Sesame Street."
"Hey, he doesn't count!"
"I beg to differ."
Cowardly criminals are drawn to bank robbery. They know it'll be a safe job.
Underage drinking is a big problem in our house. Honestly, my dad prefers scotch that's only been in the barrel two years!
Tony: "You've got a cool name, Otto. It's spelled the same way forwards as backwards. Unfortunately, no one can make a palindrome out of my name."
Otto: "Really, Tony? Y not?"
Coach: "You need to go outside, get some exercise! Why don't you take up tennis?"
Librarian: "Can't do it. I hate the racket."
Name of a nightclub in Black Panther's homeland: Wakanda Wild Side.
We were heading for the car and I yelled out "Shotgun!" None of the kidnappers cared for this and they threw me in the trunk.
Pharaoh's daughter was the first modern financier. She's the one who went down to the Nile bank to withdraw a little prophet.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?"
"Will you ferchristsake keep your eyes on the damn road!"
* * *
Baby lion: "Pop, I sure do love food. Would it be possible for me ever to marry it?"
Papa lion: "I tried that once, son... said to a pretty little antelope steak, 'You're looking mighty fine this morning! How about coming back to my place and meet my maw?' "
* * *
I ran out of rat poison and tried using WD-40 instead. Needless to say, it didn't kill them... but on the plus side, they have stopped squeaking.
* * *
He: "I think something funny's going on. I have brown hair. You have brown hair. But our baby boy has red hair!"
She: "Hey, as seldom as we have sex, you were bound to be a little rusty."
* * *
Engineers are so hipped on pulleys. Personally, I hate 'em. So damn full of themselves... why do they always have to be the center of a tension?
* * *
Q: Luke Skywalker acted rashly and married Princess Leia before their sibling relationship was known. What did Obi Wan say when he found out?
A: "Use divorce, Luke."
* * *
Sometimes I think God is damn childish. The dinosaurs pissed him off, so he threw rocks at 'em.
* * *
Q: Clark Kent has super vision, but Bruce Wayne doesn't. How come?
A: Both his parents were killed.
* * *
Canadian schools are much more successful than US schools. All students up north earn straight ehs.
* * *
First I got hired, then I got a raise! Everything on the job site's looking up!
* * *
In the original "Star Wars", the Imperial Fleet had a hard time finding the rebel base. That's because they were looking on Alderaan planets.
* * *
Studies show that most people lean forward slightly when they nod their heads. I'm inclined to agree.
* * *
If you watch the movie "Jaws" backwards, you get an entirely different impression of great white sharks. To people who do so, they're kindly creatures who hand out arms and legs to disabled swimmers.
* * *
"Who's your favorite vampire? Most people pick Dracula, but my choice would be Barnabas Collins."
"Me, I kinda like the one on Sesame Street."
"Hey, he doesn't count!"
"I beg to differ."
* * *
Cowardly criminals are drawn to bank robbery. They know it'll be a safe job.
* * *
Underage drinking is a big problem in our house. Honestly, my dad prefers scotch that's only been in the barrel two years!
* * *
Tony: "You've got a cool name, Otto. It's spelled the same way forwards as backwards. Unfortunately, no one can make a palindrome out of my name."
Otto: "Really, Tony? Y not?"
* * *
Coach: "You need to go outside, get some exercise! Why don't you take up tennis?"
Librarian: "Can't do it. I hate the racket."
* * *
Name of a nightclub in Black Panther's homeland: Wakanda Wild Side.
* * *
We were heading for the car and I yelled out "Shotgun!" None of the kidnappers cared for this and they threw me in the trunk.
* * *
Pharaoh's daughter was the first modern financier. She's the one who went down to the Nile bank to withdraw a little prophet.
* * *
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?"
"Will you ferchristsake keep your eyes on the damn road!"
