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Sharing your fetish with your significant other

Worker

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Joined
May 24, 2010
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Do you guys and gals on this site generally feel comfortable revealing your tickling/foot/armpit/bellybutton/whatever fetish to your wife/husband/GF/BF.
I have never told my wife anything about what actually turns me on. I even avoid touching any remotely related topics if brought up in conversation for fear of giving my secret away.
I find my fetish quite shameful and really wouldn't dream of divulging it to my anyone else let alone my wife.
Anyone else who feels the same way? Anyone who has been completely open about it with all sexual partners? If so, how has the news generally been received?
 
My wife knows of my interest.... and I've tried getting her interested. no luck... yet, surprisingly, I haven't died because of that.... I can fantasize, come to sites like this, and at one time there were magazines with tickling (which I made sure she saw some...)). As for letting others know..... yeh, not likely. Did have a friend in college who seemed to like being tickled, but was during a party and, let's say, she wasn't completely.... (would've loved to explore more with her, but she did have a boyfriend).
 
I've never really had a problem with it, and I've been pretty up front with partners; only one used it against me after we split, and that ended up backfiring on her when turned out her friends thought it was cute.

You should definitely tell your wife about your interests. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know what really turned her on?
 
So this always seems to come up and i have a genuine question thats not meant to single anyone out. I just am curious for those of you who keep secrets or "hide" from your SO, what is marriage to you? Where does your partnership come into play, is it centered towards attraction/family/ business? Where are they your partner in life? And what makes it come to be separate from your sex life?

Nobody has to answer but i had a few and felt bold enough to ask, bless you and your marriages no matter what shape or form
 
I’ve been up front with partners but was always very nervous to bring it up. As a female lee I think it’s a bit easier for me but my current partner isn’t really into it. He allows me to explore with other people
 
Wolf and VegLife said it best. Hopefully the op will benefit from their comments.

For me, I have always been upfront and open about it with the women I was dating or in relationships with and have been fortunate, lucky or otherwise very glad that I did so.

My ex wife was wonderfully supportive of it, my current love interest who was vanilla before we started our physical relationship is the single most best partner I have ever had from a fetish and a traditional sense. My worse experience was a date a long time ago who was so off the charts ticklsh, we only had a couple of dates before moving on. But she allowed me to tickle her each time and was a very good sport about it.
 
I have two fetishes that are generally unrelated to each other. The one that's not tickling is generally better received. That being said, not being a fan doesn't make someone totally unable and unwilling to participate. IDK man, they're involved with you because they are into you. So theoretically, as long as you pull your weight in the relationship, so to speak, you're good to go.
 
I have the fetish and my significant other does not. But we’re open about everything. She does what I like in the bedroom and I do what she likes in the bedroom. Couldn’t imagine it being any other way. Need to be with someone who is open minded and willing to compromise.
 
It was one of the first discussions my husband and I had. For me, other things will turn me on but tickling is pretty much instant. He didn't believe me when I told him I'd orgasm through tickling alone, which of course he tried and was fascinated when I did. Eventually he even preferred to tickle me regularly, but not as hard as I wanted, or want, and I'm ok with that.
 
For whatever reason I've never felt embarrassed to bring it up with a SO. And all of them indulged me after knowing. Maybe I am lucky on that front. Just be confident about it and bring it up. I always wanted to bring it up sooner than later in a relationship because I didn't want to waste my time or hers if it ended up being an incompatibility.
 
For whatever reason I've never felt embarrassed to bring it up with a SO. And all of them indulged me after knowing. Maybe I am lucky on that front. Just be confident about it and bring it up. I always wanted to bring it up sooner than later in a relationship because I didn't want to waste my time or hers if it ended up being an incompatibility.

Your last sentence is really what this boils down to. Compatability/Incompatability. When getting to know someone and dating, etc. this is the time to discover and learn what level you are compatable on.

Once becoming SO's, you should already have this establised across the board which for the purpose of this thread, includes fetishes

This is my take on it anyway...
 
There is a pet peeve I have with a certain mindset within the community, which, to me, sounds like, "Well, I just wouldn't have a relationship with a person who wasn't into my fetish." I believe this mindset does not take into account that relationships have many aspects to them - and those aspects do not have equal priority. Those aspects can also change priority over time.

When I got married, my focus was on providing for my family and building up my career. To be frank, my tickling urges were important to me, but not a high enough priority compared to the other things I wanted out of my relationship and my life.

That being said, I did talk with my wife about my tickling fetish, but she was never into it. Attempts to tickle her just made her uncomfortable, and at times strained our relationship, so I stopped, settling for lurking for many, many years. That was sufficient - most of the time.

Once the kids were grown up, I started wanting to do more than just lurk. Three years ago, my wife and I had a long conversation about how I wanted to explore this fetish in real life. It was not an easy conversation, and it was at times brutally honest. After acknowledging how this desire had impacted our relationship, my wife agreed to let me play. Part of the reason she agreed was because I had stuck to my priorities and had been a good father and faithful husband.

I have a contract with her that defines the boundaries within which I can play. It's been working well, and our relationship has improved because of it.

Look, life is very long, to quote T.S. Eliot. Regardless of your age or how long you've been in a relationship, let your significant other know this is a part of you. If you've done right by them by every other metric, you'd be surprised at what you can work out.

Sent from my SM-A716U using Tapatalk
 
Your last sentence is really what this boils down to. Compatability/Incompatability. When getting to know someone and dating, etc. this is the time to discover and learn what level you are compatable on.

Once becoming SO's, you should already have this establised across the board which for the purpose of this thread, includes fetishes

This is my take on it anyway...

Agreed. Granted I did take a LOT of confidence gut punches when I was younger and did myself a disservice by trying to suppress it for the sake of the relationships. I once caught some friends talking about me behind my back saying that my fetish would be the reason I'd be single pretty much forever. That probably did the biggest blow. It's different with someone you don't know, but when it's someone close to you saying those things about you... it strikes a chord. It put me in a negative mindset as well as one of fear. So, I repressed. I'm older now, I have some experience exploring what I like and don't like and I honestly do regret those decisions to suppress my fetish. I know women in the community are outnumbered by 10:1, but I wish I had never settled, especially since the relationships wound up not working out for other reasons that had nothing to do with what I was into. So I can't help but feel I wasted some years. I'd probably be happily married by now instead of being in my later 30s, going 6+ years single, and STILL looking for a relationship. Live and learn, I guess. Moral is to find someone you CAN be your true self with. Life is too short to go through it unfulfilled. Not trying to tell the original poster what to do, obviously, but you might be doing yourself AND your wife a disservice.
 
I would never get married at all but also would not enter a serious relationship that didn't have tickling on the table in some form. It's a shame how repressed older societies were sexually and I can understand their bitterness about the freedom they may feel only younger generations have. But every journey starts with one step.
 
Been married for over 34 years, dating almost 3 before that. Been pretty open from early on, but, not as open as I should have been. I am very much into womens feet, and tickling them!! I love doing all sorts of things with feet besides tickling, but that is my cherry on top!! I'm lucky that my wife has pretty feet, they are ticklish, and for the most part she allows me to indulge. My only complaint, and its just my pet peeve, I want her feet to be pampered and well taken care of, which requires her help in this as well. She kind of lacks in this area, but when I want to spend 30-45 mins pampering her feet, getting them soft and sensitive, she almost always is willing. I consider myself very lucky, because while it does nothing for her, she sees what it does to me, and in turn that is a turn on for her! My point being, be honest, be open, COMMUNICATE, but always be open to your partners needs as well. It works so much better when its a give and take. Best of luck!!
 
I used to feel very ashamed about telling my wife about my kinks, ESPECIALLY the tickling kink. I too found it very embarrassing and shameful. I only confessed to it when she brought up the topic. She suggested we both talk to each other about our kinks so that we could have fun and spice things up in the bedroom. She was fascinated. She had never heard of tickling as a fetish before. She thought it was ADORABLE. (Best possible reaction, of course!)

We don't indulge together as often as I'd like, but that's alright! She knows I hang out on websites like this one and she has her own interests that she is into. For the two of us, that's just fine and comfortable.

In summary, I think it's worth talking about. You could possibly start a discussion to ask what her kinks are and go from there.
 
Personally, I feel that sharing your fetish with your partner is crucial. I've always found that transparency is the best policy and while it's true that the lead-up to that initial confession can be nerve-wracking it's a necessary part of getting to know one another. It's also best to have this talk fairly early on in the relationship as the longer you wait the harder it will be. In the past few years i've made it a policy to have the convo on the second or third date (or earlier if she seems down) and have been met with overwhelming success. Some women will be turned-off or weirded out and you most likely will never convince them otherwise but many have been extremely receptive to at least trying it out.
 
There is a pet peeve I have with a certain mindset within the community, which, to me, sounds like, "Well, I just wouldn't have a relationship with a person who wasn't into my fetish." I believe this mindset does not take into account that relationships have many aspects to them - and those aspects do not have equal priority. Those aspects can also change priority over time.

When I got married, my focus was on providing for my family and building up my career. To be frank, my tickling urges were important to me, but not a high enough priority compared to the other things I wanted out of my relationship and my life.

That being said, I did talk with my wife about my tickling fetish, but she was never into it. Attempts to tickle her just made her uncomfortable, and at times strained our relationship, so I stopped, settling for lurking for many, many years. That was sufficient - most of the time.

Once the kids were grown up, I started wanting to do more than just lurk. Three years ago, my wife and I had a long conversation about how I wanted to explore this fetish in real life. It was not an easy conversation, and it was at times brutally honest. After acknowledging how this desire had impacted our relationship, my wife agreed to let me play. Part of the reason she agreed was because I had stuck to my priorities and had been a good father and faithful husband.

I have a contract with her that defines the boundaries within which I can play. It's been working well, and our relationship has improved because of it.

Look, life is very long, to quote T.S. Eliot. Regardless of your age or how long you've been in a relationship, let your significant other know this is a part of you. If you've done right by them by every other metric, you'd be surprised at what you can work out.

Sent from my SM-A716U using Tapatalk

I say bravo to you and your wife for finding your way to make your relationship work with respect, compromise and honesty.

Thank you for sharing this with us.
 
Although many women in the past have indulged me, a number of whom actually had the fetish themselves, for one reason or another either they or I called a halt for whatever of the infinite number of reasons a relationship ends. We never had any long conversations about 'The Fetish'; I just gently incorporated it during foreplay and very often it developed nicely from there, even in girls who took great pride in being vanilla.

Now I'm married to my lee, whom I met in the most prosaic of circumstances- you really never know what's in store.

In my case, fate struck (or randomness occurred) the evening after my birthday in 2005 when I went upstairs to flathunt in a pre-smartphone era Soho, London cybercafé, and ended up marrying the girl sitting at the next computer. A slightly delayed present, she happened to be looking at the same accommodation website as I was, and referencing that after a short conversation, I pointed out that since we'd both be living with total strangers anyway, we might as well live together. I thought she was beautiful, she thought I was gay, one of us was right, and that was almost 17 years ago. We'll have been married for 15 years this November 7th, touch wood. We also have a 27 year age gap, and obviously there's a problem that's going to develop, but meanwhile we're happy.

Have that conversation, or gently introduce things and see how it goes. If this is so important that it's practically ruling your life and making you miserable if you're not indulging, should you not talk about it with the person who means the most to you? Think about us old people who are old enough to remember that lonely time without the Net, before this site or Fetlife existed, when finding anyone online, or going to a munch, or even information to confirm you're not the only pariah in the world with this fetish was completely impossible.

I can't call you lucky because shame and problems with relationships will always exist, but at least in this day and age you know you're not alone.
 
If your significant other loves you, then she'll want to please you and she would be the one asking you about these things. Tickling isn't in the same league as say, eating feces, so it isn't that big of an ask. Nobody I've brought up my foot fetish to has had any problem with it.

If your SO has some problem or hangup with any of these things then I don't see how she could actually be into you.
 
If your significant other loves you, then she'll want to please you and she would be the one asking you about these things. Tickling isn't in the same league as say, eating feces, so it isn't that big of an ask. Nobody I've brought up my foot fetish to has had any problem with it.

If your SO has some problem or hangup with any of these things then I don't see how she could actually be into you.

You realize there's more than one person in a relationship, right? Some people have a genuine dislike, or fear, or are even legitimately triggered by tickling. It's not for everybody. Also, why is it someone else's responsibility to start a conversation about what you like?
 
Hey Worker!

Cutting and pasting my response to a similar post here over 7 years ago. All of what I said is still true, and I still believe it all. Our marriage is still going strong, better than ever. It's just a different take on what others are saying.

Bottom line: There are good reasons *not* to tell your wife about this fetish. Or any significant other, for that matter. Not saying you need to hide it, I'm just saying you don't need to necessarily verbalize it in some big declarative way. I understand this doesn't work for everyone, but it keeping it secret has definitely worked for me.

Here's my post from 2014:

...

Let me put my situation out there first: I'm a very happily married man for going on 15 years. My wife is the greatest woman I know, happens to be very pretty, has a great body, has beautiful feet (yes, THIS was a requirement early on, lol), and is very ticklish. She does NOT like being tickled however, at all. I've tried every which way to get her to enjoy it in bed, but she doesn't. She never will, in fact I gave up trying to get her to like it years ago. (Sexually, that is. I tickle her all the time in a playful manner when not in bed, explicitly TO annoy her for like 5 seconds when she deserves it, like any good spouse does to the other, lol.)

Here's something you need to understand: Our fetish is very rare. Extremely rare. You've got to trust me on this (I've done quite a bit of research, and this includes plenty of "real world" research). Unless you start with it (on social dating sites, or even HERE at TMF) and work your way outward (which it looks like a lot of TMF people have done, and good on them!) it's going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to find someone who is absolutely perfect for you AND ALSO shares your tickling fetish. It happens occasionally (outside of the internet) I'm sure, don't get me wrong, but so does hitting the lottery for 300 million dollars. My point is you don't need to hit the lottery for 300 million dollars to have an extremely happy, successful and sexually fulfilling life with a spouse.

Here's how: you can find someone (and maybe this is your girlfriend), like others have pointed out, who tolerates your fetish as just one of your interesting quirks, even if they don't let you tickle them sexually. A little compromise is if that someone has no problem indulging you in it with YOU as the 'lee. My wife does that all the time. She found out in our first year together that tickling my feet gives me a hard-on. So as foreplay, often, she'll do that. I LOVE that she does that. It seriously makes me love her so much. Hell, if she told me that saying rumplestilzkin to her every 5 seconds during sex got her super hot, I'd do that for her every time, even though saying rumplestilzkin does nothing for me. Seriously, that's love. If, however, pinching me really hard on MY nipples every 5 seconds during sex made her hot, that would DEFINITELY get annoying for ME pretty damn fast. I'd let her do it once, maybe twice, and then I'd say okay sorry, this pinching thing not only does NOT turn me on, it makes me VERY physically uncomfortable, even though it turns you on, so we're going to need to quit doing that during sex. That, my friend, is what tickling is like to people like your girlfriend, and my wife (and hell, 98% of people I bet).

Quick side story: I had a serious girlfriend before my wife that fit this category too. We were very much in love at one point, she was very pretty, had amazing feet, and was super ticklish everywhere. But like most people, she didn't like it. I spent way too much time on her feet during sex and it got very annoying to her (and VERY embarrassing to me when she called me out on it). But one day she discovered that tickling ME got me hot. She LOVED doing that to me (almost too much--Hell I still fantasize about what she did to me some days!) But THAT ALONE does not a relationship/marriage make. We broke up because so many other things didn't line up...she was a very jealous person, she didn't support my career goals, she didn't get along with my friends, we had differing opinions on having children, she never wanted to move away from the west coast (which was not where I grew up), etc. THOSE are red flags. Not being into tickling is not a red flag, IMO. It's called being "sexually normal."

My wife is perfect to me in every aspect, which is why we got married. EVERYTHING matches up...except the tickling thing. And I'm totally okay with that (It helps that I've become much more of a 'lee over the years...being a 'lee is AWESOME. It's the best of both worlds! lol.) Since I've been with my wife (20+ years), I have never, ever cheated on her. Absolutely never will. We have a very healthy marriage in every aspect (I mean, we're not perfect...we fight about money, but who the hell doesn't?). She's not jealous at all. She supports what I do, I support her. We love each others families. We do things together and thoroughly enjoy each others company. We have extremely similar senses of humor. We genuinely LIKE each other as people, in addition to LOVING each other as husband and wife. We've built a happy life together -- till death do us part.

AND here's the kicker...I'm still able to indulge my tickling fetish (and mine is huge, trust me) both in and outside of our relationship. Quite a lot, actually (both in the real world and by just simply surfing sites like this one...and I'm NOT cheating with anyone, trust me). It IS possible. But that's a whole other discussion!

Bottom line, my advice is to take the tickling thing out of the equation, and then evaluate your relationship on all of the other things. If she's indeed PERFECT in all other aspects, THEN come back to the tickling issue -- Will she indulge you occasionally, with you as the 'lee? Will she be okay with you surfing porn every once in a while, and not judge you about what you're looking at (not that you need to send her a report or anything, haha)? Is she accepting of this quirk you have, and truly loves you in spite of it? "No" to any of these questions might not be deal breakers, but they WILL make the relationship a lot harder in the future. If "yes" to all of them however, then I think it can work. I can attest, because it's worked for me/us.

Good luck my friend ~
 
Hey Worker!

Cutting and pasting my response to a similar post here over 7 years ago. All of what I said is still true, and I still believe it all. Our marriage is still going strong, better than ever. It's just a different take on what others are saying.

Bottom line: There are good reasons *not* to tell your wife about this fetish. Or any significant other, for that matter. Not saying you need to hide it, I'm just saying you don't need to necessarily verbalize it in some big declarative way. I understand this doesn't work for everyone, but it keeping it secret has definitely worked for me.

Here's my post from 2014:

...

Let me put my situation out there first: I'm a very happily married man for going on 15 years. My wife is the greatest woman I know, happens to be very pretty, has a great body, has beautiful feet (yes, THIS was a requirement early on, lol), and is very ticklish. She does NOT like being tickled however, at all. I've tried every which way to get her to enjoy it in bed, but she doesn't. She never will, in fact I gave up trying to get her to like it years ago. (Sexually, that is. I tickle her all the time in a playful manner when not in bed, explicitly TO annoy her for like 5 seconds when she deserves it, like any good spouse does to the other, lol.)

Here's something you need to understand: Our fetish is very rare. Extremely rare. You've got to trust me on this (I've done quite a bit of research, and this includes plenty of "real world" research). Unless you start with it (on social dating sites, or even HERE at TMF) and work your way outward (which it looks like a lot of TMF people have done, and good on them!) it's going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to find someone who is absolutely perfect for you AND ALSO shares your tickling fetish. It happens occasionally (outside of the internet) I'm sure, don't get me wrong, but so does hitting the lottery for 300 million dollars. My point is you don't need to hit the lottery for 300 million dollars to have an extremely happy, successful and sexually fulfilling life with a spouse.

Here's how: you can find someone (and maybe this is your girlfriend), like others have pointed out, who tolerates your fetish as just one of your interesting quirks, even if they don't let you tickle them sexually. A little compromise is if that someone has no problem indulging you in it with YOU as the 'lee. My wife does that all the time. She found out in our first year together that tickling my feet gives me a hard-on. So as foreplay, often, she'll do that. I LOVE that she does that. It seriously makes me love her so much. Hell, if she told me that saying rumplestilzkin to her every 5 seconds during sex got her super hot, I'd do that for her every time, even though saying rumplestilzkin does nothing for me. Seriously, that's love. If, however, pinching me really hard on MY nipples every 5 seconds during sex made her hot, that would DEFINITELY get annoying for ME pretty damn fast. I'd let her do it once, maybe twice, and then I'd say okay sorry, this pinching thing not only does NOT turn me on, it makes me VERY physically uncomfortable, even though it turns you on, so we're going to need to quit doing that during sex. That, my friend, is what tickling is like to people like your girlfriend, and my wife (and hell, 98% of people I bet).

Quick side story: I had a serious girlfriend before my wife that fit this category too. We were very much in love at one point, she was very pretty, had amazing feet, and was super ticklish everywhere. But like most people, she didn't like it. I spent way too much time on her feet during sex and it got very annoying to her (and VERY embarrassing to me when she called me out on it). But one day she discovered that tickling ME got me hot. She LOVED doing that to me (almost too much--Hell I still fantasize about what she did to me some days!) But THAT ALONE does not a relationship/marriage make. We broke up because so many other things didn't line up...she was a very jealous person, she didn't support my career goals, she didn't get along with my friends, we had differing opinions on having children, she never wanted to move away from the west coast (which was not where I grew up), etc. THOSE are red flags. Not being into tickling is not a red flag, IMO. It's called being "sexually normal."

My wife is perfect to me in every aspect, which is why we got married. EVERYTHING matches up...except the tickling thing. And I'm totally okay with that (It helps that I've become much more of a 'lee over the years...being a 'lee is AWESOME. It's the best of both worlds! lol.) Since I've been with my wife (20+ years), I have never, ever cheated on her. Absolutely never will. We have a very healthy marriage in every aspect (I mean, we're not perfect...we fight about money, but who the hell doesn't?). She's not jealous at all. She supports what I do, I support her. We love each others families. We do things together and thoroughly enjoy each others company. We have extremely similar senses of humor. We genuinely LIKE each other as people, in addition to LOVING each other as husband and wife. We've built a happy life together -- till death do us part.

AND here's the kicker...I'm still able to indulge my tickling fetish (and mine is huge, trust me) both in and outside of our relationship. Quite a lot, actually (both in the real world and by just simply surfing sites like this one...and I'm NOT cheating with anyone, trust me). It IS possible. But that's a whole other discussion!

Bottom line, my advice is to take the tickling thing out of the equation, and then evaluate your relationship on all of the other things. If she's indeed PERFECT in all other aspects, THEN come back to the tickling issue -- Will she indulge you occasionally, with you as the 'lee? Will she be okay with you surfing porn every once in a while, and not judge you about what you're looking at (not that you need to send her a report or anything, haha)? Is she accepting of this quirk you have, and truly loves you in spite of it? "No" to any of these questions might not be deal breakers, but they WILL make the relationship a lot harder in the future. If "yes" to all of them however, then I think it can work. I can attest, because it's worked for me/us.

Good luck my friend ~

With the greatest respect, sir, this solution may work for you, and as such I'm happy for you, but it only works because you've forever given up the active role for the woman you love, and are happy with the passive, augmented by fantasy. Not everyone can emulate you, or, I'll have to say, would want to.

Nevertheless, best wishes to you both.
 
You realize there's more than one person in a relationship, right?

I think thats... the definition of a relationship? Unsure why you need to ask this. In a relationship, both parties try to please the other, right? Anything else would be selfish.

Also, why is it someone else's responsibility to start a conversation about what you like?

I never said anything about it being someone elses responsibility to start a conversation about what I like, and I can't fathom how anyone would make that interpretation.

If your SO cares/wants to know what you like, then your SO will want to ask you. It's not more complicated than that.
 
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