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Ticklers, Don't F*** It Up

S

Soles_Scream

Verified
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Messages
526
Points
16
It is crucial to regularly check in with the lee, particularly if you both have never shared a tickle experience with one another. In BDSM parlance, if a "safe word" is used the scene should immediately shift from play to aftercare. In the tickle world, "safe word" is tantamount to "yellow" in BDSM speak. Regardless of the verbiage, its important to get those words, phrases, or gestures down before commencing in session/scene or content shoot.

I can't tell you how many models have retired from the tickle world - some of which are household names - because a producer(s)/customer(s) or play partner(s) let their respective arousal overtake their humanity.

Many of you will share about how your significant other hates being tickled. In many cases, I'd wager, someone along the line (perhaps the person lamenting) pushed them beyond their limit. There’s a thin line between tickling (and most activities) and abuse.

If you follow this suggestion - which is a regurgitation of what I've heard from models, producers in good standing, and my experience - you will increase your opportunities for play/content shoots.

Related point, a boundary expressed should be a boundary respected. "No" means "no". If you can demonstrate that you can listen to the lee's concerns, and HONOR their wishes, it will greatly increase your chances for more play. I've reached out to talent and been declined due to the tickling. Only to have them reach out months later because they've seen my previews and or heard positive things about the experience from other talent that have worked with me.

My secret is no secret at all, I can override my ler urges in a heartbeat because of concern for the talent's peace of mind. Producers that succeed to an order of magnitude (I hope to be among that group one day) understand this distinction.

I wish you all well.
 
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I was thinking sort of along those same thoughts a few days ago. IMO ler's that don't respect the "safe word" is part of what makes us, as a tickling community, look bad.
 
I've been tickling all my life since I was about 4 years old and I've never used a safeword. That's over 60 years! What I have done is to PAY ATTENTION to the person I was tickling by either watching or listening. In all that time I've only had maybe three cry because the tickling was too much for them and at that point I immediately stopped and let them go. And the last time that happened was a long time ago! I always try to learn from experience and in not to distant past, I have actually had some come back for more! So if using a safeword makes you feel comfortable then by all means use one. But you should still pay attention to your 'lee just in case something happens that they can't get the safeword out! More often than not, I will err on the side of caution.
 
A greatly presented and legitimate thread.

My wonderful lady and I learned the exact things you laid out through our experiences with the harder, torturous side of tickling. I posted about our first tickle torture session as it was great, but for sure could have ended better and thankfully did not ruin or negitively change our tickle play.

Thank you for opening the door on this topic. I look forward to reading and learning.
 
So as a guy who kind of walked away.... and walked back.. and pretty much did it several times over, I'm going to say maybe the key to being a ler is actually not being as much of a ler. Basically, even tho I'm sure this is out of the question for a few guys and their fantasies, unless the Lee is pretty much telling someone to go full ham on them, they're probably just going along for the proverbial ride. So while checking in is a way to keep things from hitting a wall, actually offering someone the chance to return some of the favor might work things into a balance. While the idea of tickling someone until they're putty in your hands might sound like a good idea, giving more control back in the direction of the lee to tickle might automatically give them incentive to return pleasure back in your favor.
 
All well and good advice unless you choose to play with no safe words.
 
TripleH1 said:
All well and good advice unless you choose to play with no safe words.
Click to expand...

Yeah. I get that. What I think Sole was talking about here, definitely what I meant in my first reply, was the lers that actually go through with setting a "safe word" and then just ignoring it when it's said.
 
Both set the expectation for the lee that you will honor their wishes, then honor their wishes. That will put you in a better position to play with them in the future. It will also hopefully leave them with a better experience with tickling in general.
 
It actually disgusts me to hear when people ignore safewords because those people ignore the basic fundamentals of both BDSM and humanity.

There's always been a very well-defined line between BDSM and abuse drawn by 1 word: consent. And when you ignore someone's safeword and prioritize your pleasure over it, then I believe I have the right to go as far as to call you as an abuser.
 
exactly right its a bit like the warped theory when a woman/guy says no she means yes,no way when a woman / guy says no it means no, a safe word is for when things reach a stage no longer tolerated by the victim / lee it means STOP anything more is abuse or even rape, as a ler put yourself in the position of the ler or or victim would you like to proceed against your will i think not sacrifice your own satisfaction for their discomfort or stress
 
Thank you!! :yourock:

*

Edit: (bribery should not be necessary to prevent assault....) :rolleyes: I agree, when people are considerate to each other it's simply a much, much bigger "win win" situation long term. (Lees aren't 'turned off for life & Lers aren't arrested...)
 
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This is a great thread! I add one more cautionary note. Even if a safeword is identified, the lee may not use it but still endure a bad experience, such as thinking "it's my job to get through this." In addition to honoring the safe word, don't assume all is well if the safe word has not been used. You have to find your own way to do that. For example, I like to ask, "you doing okay?" If there is long hesitation and then "yes," that probably means, "not really." On the other hand, I've received an eye roll response :). Which invites me to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bore you" and then attack!
 
Amen! My lovely wife has a limit and it varies each time we play. I have to listen and watch. In all seriousness, one extra minute beyond enjoyment could lead to many months without to build trust back.

When all else fails…be kind.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I'm going to take this one step further than just "muh safeword" and say that in general the most crucial thing a producer can do is to treat the talent with respect and consideration, and most importantly not be creepy. And if you can't tell the difference, take a break from producing until you can.

I always bend over backwards to accommodate the models that I work with and every last one of them has a blast and is usually the one asking me for another go. I've even worked with a few who other producers said "weren't responsive" and had them invoking various deities during the shoot because wahey, if a model isn't creeped out by you she's going to be far more inclined to let loose and enjoy herself, which results in a better shoot.

Seriously guys, if the bulk of the girls you work with are stone-faced and awkward, the problem isn't them. It's you.

Edit: 2000th post y'all
 
I would add a few more things, like don't play when either one of you have been drinking or are "under the influence" so to speak. It's also important to talk with your partner after the session is over. Foe one thing, it's fun to sort of relive the experience through the eyes of the lee. For example, she will often reveal that she was ticklish in places she didn't expect. Plus I can confirm that she really WAS having a good time with it. I want it to be a shared experience, if you know what I mean.
 
I don't care for safe words, I like the feeling of being helpless. I am a bitch however and can't handle a lot of tickling at once. I prefer using a timer, be it a stop watch or a clock.

You can set the timer however long you want and the tickler decides how harsh your tickle torture will be, but the tickler(s) have to stop when the timer is up. The tickler can decide to stop early so maybe if you beg hard enough or bargain with them, it will end before the time is up.

It's a good way to maintain both safety and allow you to feel trapped simultaneously.
 
That might be great for you, and you're not a "bitch" for not being able to "handle a lot of tickling at once."

But a timer does not "maintain safety."

A timer might work for a really short time (like maybe 30 seconds :D ) but a Safeword is always a good idea in case of a medical emergency.

If the lee has a serious problem after less than a minute, and the timer is set for even 3 or 5 minutes, the lee can be dead or permanently damaged by the time the bell goes off. :ermm:
 
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If you have any medical issues then I would agree that safe words might be a better alternative.

Also the term "bitch" was hyperbole.
 
I thought it might be. :p But whether or not you have medical issues, emergencies can surprise you.

Maybe someone just can't breathe, for any reason..... or they get a nasty cramp (especially if dehydrated), a muscle pull....

Sensations may unexpectedly become seriously unbearable, real torture... Or some other medical issue may surface.

Even teens or older athletes in great shape occasionally drop. :ermm:
 
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If a ler suggests that you don’t need a “safe” word, phrase, or jester. Run like hell. If a lee suggests they don’t need one, it’s their prerogative, but they still should have the power over what happens to them in all scenarios. The ler can push within those boundaries, but that’s it.
 
Soles_Scream said:
If a ler suggests that you don’t need a “safe” word, phrase, or jester. Run like hell. If a lee suggests they don’t need one, it’s their prerogative, but they still should have the power over what happens to them in all scenarios. The ler can push within those boundaries, but that’s it.
Click to expand...

Now THAT is what's otherwise known as God's Gift to Wo/men :D
 
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