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Tickling in a relationship

ticklingfetish

TMF Novice
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
Messages
54
Points
6
Last night my partner gave me an ultimatum of my love for tickling or our relationship. I told her I'll drop tickling during the conversation but after a lot of thought while trying to sleep I ask myself why change for her. She has been okay with it for the last 3 years and now all of the sudden once I showed her how deep I enjoy it she finds it off putting and makes her sick to her stomach. I'm not sure what to do in the situation because I do love her but if she can't accept my needs in the bedroom why would I stay

Thoughts?
 
What did she know in those three years before you showed her how deep you enjoyed it, and how did you show her how you really felt about it?
Was it that big of a difference from what she knew before?
Also, you should probably leave the relationship, it's better for both of you.

Edit: Forgot to add last bit.
 
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Never, ever change for another person. You will always have to answer to yourself. You never have to answer to other people who you have voluntarily included in your life. People don't change. And they can not wear a mask forever.

Plenty will say compromise is a part of relationships. You can compromise on where to eat dinner. You can compromise on what movie to watch. But compromise is just a sociological word for manipulation. If you attempt to change to meet the preference of someone else in any way that is against a core of who you are, it will lead to resentment and disappointment.
 
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Been there.

While that was far from the only problem my ex and I had, the fact is that I attempted to give up my fetishes when I got married because she wasn't into it. Eventually you're going to resent her for this, mark my words. But even if you don't, you should think long and hard on the questions you're already asking yourself. Specifically, the fact that a very intrinsic aspect of you "makes her sick to her stomach". And I'm willing to bet she wasn't entirely "okay with it", she just did that thing people do where they go along with whatever until they get sick of it because they lack the spine to put their foot down and then finally it comes out one day and you're like whoah, this came out of left field, but it really didn't. Trust me.

Anyway, you're absolutely right. Why would you change for her? More importantly, has she ever, or would she be willing, to change for you?

I think we both know the answer to that one.
 
Sorry for the oversimplification, but as Dan Savage would say, DTMFA. Thankfully, you haven't gotten married or had kids (presumably), which will make things far less complicated.
 
I read a few of your previous posts to help formulate a reply and discovered you're 27 years old.

This is important: While this is the oldest you've ever been, remember it's also the youngest you'll ever be.

I myself am approaching 60 from very much the wrong direction and while you and many others will feel with some justification that this is the next thing to being a walking corpse, it does give me a bit of perspective because I've been where you are on many an occasion. Yes, three years is an eternity to you, and certainly was to me at 27.

But believe it or not, it ain't.

If there are no children involved, and 'partner' doesn't mean 'wife', go. Move on. Continue having a pleasant, sociable walk through the garden and smell a different selection of flowers. Each one is an experience that will help you with those that will follow. Don't bother thinking of settling down permanently until you hit your mid-30s, and believe me you'll look back on your 20s as a period of life that's rife with embarrassment and imbecilic behaviour.

My second, and previous wife hated being tickled, but that was only a minor factor in our divorce, so you can imagine... My present wife of 16 years, whom I met 5 years after the schism when I was 49 and she was 22 (18 years ago) is delighted to accommodate me, because fortunately it's become one of her kinks as well.

Upsetting as it was at the time, (and for quite a few years afterwards) and certainly not initiated by me, subsequent events proved that particular divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Get out there, chat to random women IRL, NOT online, and get hurt sometimes because you will be- that's life. But if you're willing to take the risk things may well work out well for you. No guarantees, but you're pretty miserable ATM anyway, and what do you have to lose?

Roll the bones and good luck.
 
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Get out there, chat to random women IRL, NOT online, and get hurt sometimes because you will be- that's life. But if you're willing to take the risk things may well work out well for you. No guarantees, but you're pretty miserable ATM anyway, and what do you have to lose?

I'd second everything except this last statement. If you find comfort in meeting people online that you'll later meet in person there is nothing wrong with that. People seem to forget that people online are no different than people IRL. There are many ways of meeting people in this world and the more the merrier. I met my wife online and we've been happily married for 7+ years.

Definitely don't change who you are for someone. You'll regret it in the long run. Your gf might have felt she was trying to make you happy by going along with it at the time and now she regrets it since she's not into it. That can definitely make someone feel sick to their stomach. I wouldn't say they lack a spine though, it's just that some people go out of their way if they really like someone.
 
If you find comfort in meeting people online that you'll later meet in person there is nothing wrong with that. People seem to forget that people online are no different than people IRL. There are many ways of meeting people in this world and the more the merrier. I met my wife online and we've been happily married for 7+ years.

And congratulations to you both, but all too often 'Online' means men in mother's basement pretending to be hot cheerleaders. It's being ghosted without rhyme or reason. It's long conversations with people so far away that realistically there's no chance of meeting. I'm not talking about those wonderful romantic exceptions that are rare enough to be the basis of a film.

IRL means you know what she looks like and she knows what you look like right from the beginning.

Ultimately, and cold as it may sound, that way there's far more chance of success.

And since he's considering uprooting his entire life, success is what the OP needs.
 
Never got that far.

Always just worked out early or not.

Sent from my SM-A115U using Tapatalk
 
All my girlfriends had to accept it, if not there is no point on me being with them. I would say you move one. You want to be happy in life. Find someone who is on the same page. If she is not willing to accept your pleasures, she is not for you. Sorry for your situation. Hope you find what you are looking for and be happy.
 
This is why it's best to get these things clear early on in a relationship. Three years is a long time to go without sharing with your partner what you're really into, and how much; and three years is a long time to go without knowing what your partner is into, and how much.
Not fair to either of you.
 
In my humble opinion, this isn’t a matter of “changing” for someone, but rather learning to adapt to each other and grow as a couple. This applies to all aspects of the relationship including what goes on in the bedroom. The OP loves this person and it included at least some tickling activity for three years. There are many crossroads that every relationship come too during their journey and if continuing or extending the tickle play is something that puts each person on separate paths, then so be it as long as both attempt to reconcile beforehand.
 
I think we're missing a bit of context here.
"once I showed her how deep I enjoy it she finds it off putting and makes her sick to her stomach"
Sounds like a little more than just, "I really love tickling, and it's the biggest part of my sexual identity".
Depending on what it actually was, it could have been a big bomb to drop on someone.
 
Thank you all for your input on the situation. Ever since that day sex hasn't been the same. The relationship has changed the entire energy has changed. We are taking a break currently and I'm taking time for self care. I'm probably going to break up with her I just am taking the time to figure out a u haul and living and job arrangements. I really do think it was nice while it lasted and I now know what it means to have a serious relationship under the belt. I know 3 years isn't a lot of time but it's the most time I have let someone into my life that wasn't a high school friend or something along those lines.
 
I really do think it was nice while it lasted and I now know what it means to have a serious relationship under the belt.

An enduring actors' superstition is that a bad dress rehearsal invariably means a great opening night. You'll definitely have another relationship, and that one will be much better. And it will also begin when you're not looking for anything, and least expecting it.

Best of luck, and don't be in a hurry to commit.
 
My wife hates being tickled but allows me to do it once in awhile. She thinks it's dumb and doesn't get it.
 
Hello, ticklingfetish-

Sorry to be a little late. As someone with experience with this, perhaps I may advise.

Relationships are more than just fetishes and sex- remember that. Love, honesty, and understanding are the true underpinnings. Instead of making the situation all or nothing, try being open to discussion and finding a solution.

For example, my long term partner h-a-t-e-s to be tickled. As everyone here knows, I LOVE tickling and that could have been a deal breaker for us a couple decades ago if I had made it one, BUT- we talked it over early on, and it turned out he also occasionally enjoys some activities that I most definitely do not. So, we each partake in those specific interests, just not together, SSC. It is possible to enjoy some things together, some things separately. And I continue tickling!!

Not every relationship can handle that, but having deep -and often uncomfortable- discussions about wants and needs, as well as how the fetishes developed (yours and hers), and of course, what she is looking for from the relationship, can lead to a deeper understanding of each other. Hopefully, with that understanding you can come to a compromise and agreement, instead of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

Best wishes for you both.

Regards
-Ms Black
 
I read a few of your previous posts to help formulate a reply and discovered you're 27 years old.

This is important: While this is the oldest you've ever been, remember it's also the youngest you'll ever be.

I myself am approaching 60 from very much the wrong direction and while you and many others will feel with some justification that this is the next thing to being a walking corpse, it does give me a bit of perspective because I've been where you are on many an occasion. Yes, three years is an eternity to you, and certainly was to me at 27.

But believe it or not, it ain't.

If there are no children involved, and 'partner' doesn't mean 'wife', go. Move on. Continue having a pleasant, sociable walk through the garden and smell a different selection of flowers. Each one is an experience that will help you with those that will follow. Don't bother thinking of settling down permanently until you hit your mid-30s, and believe me you'll look back on your 20s as a period of life that's rife with embarrassment and imbecilic behaviour.

My second, and previous wife hated being tickled, but that was only a minor factor in our divorce, so you can imagine... My present wife of 16 years, whom I met 5 years after the schism when I was 49 and she was 22 (18 years ago) is delighted to accommodate me, because fortunately it's become one of her kinks as well.

Upsetting as it was at the time, (and for quite a few years afterwards) and certainly not initiated by me, subsequent events proved that particular divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Get out there, chat to random women IRL, NOT online, and get hurt sometimes because you will be- that's life. But if you're willing to take the risk things may well work out well for you. No guarantees, but you're pretty miserable ATM anyway, and what do you have to lose?

Roll the bones and good luck.

Sage advice as usual. Listen closely.
 
Ms Black is spot on. There is more to it than sex. However, ultimatums in any relationship arent good. Its tough, and 3 years IS a long time imo. However. To me it almost seems like, with what little we all know here, that she did this on purpose, she wanted out. And this was her excuse. Relationships are about understanding and acceptance. I think you should treat this as a break up. It will suck for a while. Be strong, and keep busy.
 
Been there.

While that was far from the only problem my ex and I had, the fact is that I attempted to give up my fetishes when I got married because she wasn't into it. Eventually you're going to resent her for this, mark my words. But even if you don't, you should think long and hard on the questions you're already asking yourself. Specifically, the fact that a very intrinsic aspect of you "makes her sick to her stomach". And I'm willing to bet she wasn't entirely "okay with it", she just did that thing people do where they go along with whatever until they get sick of it because they lack the spine to put their foot down and then finally it comes out one day and you're like whoah, this came out of left field, but it really didn't. Trust me.

Anyway, you're absolutely right. Why would you change for her? More importantly, has she ever, or would she be willing, to change for you?

I think we both know the answer to that one.

Best advice on this thread OP
 
I'm sorry.
Somebody probably Got to her.
But yeah, if after 3 years she suddenly changes then something is wrong. Tell her no deal and go.
 
tell her to kick tires, I was in a similar situation with my ex. I was in an ultimatum at one point and I gave in. I was miserable and once we spilt (she cheated on me and I initiated the divorce), I had control of my life. When I was back on the dating scene, tickling was something that i kept in my mind when looking for a partner. Obviously it wasn't the only thing I was worried about, but its apart of us all on here and its important. When I met my wife, she did ask about Kinks and I brought it up, and she didnt judge, its not her thing but she enjoys when I tickle her, and we even make special occasions out of it to make it exciting. So in all my ramblings there are other people out there, you just need to sit down and truly figure out what you want in a partner, and if what you have isn't fitting your needs, move on. Dont let good get in the way of better.
 
i had a similar gf in HS who tried to stop me from expressing my fetish. i just stopped dating her and dated another girl who didn't mind my weirdness.. and then i tickled and kissed her in front of my ex at a party and she left FUMING lol. that's still a great memory.
 
I read a few of your previous posts to help formulate a reply and discovered you're 27 years old.

This is important: While this is the oldest you've ever been, remember it's also the youngest you'll ever be.

I myself am approaching 60 from very much the wrong direction and while you and many others will feel with some justification that this is the next thing to being a walking corpse, it does give me a bit of perspective because I've been where you are on many an occasion. Yes, three years is an eternity to you, and certainly was to me at 27.

But believe it or not, it ain't.

If there are no children involved, and 'partner' doesn't mean 'wife', go. Move on. Continue having a pleasant, sociable walk through the garden and smell a different selection of flowers. Each one is an experience that will help you with those that will follow. Don't bother thinking of settling down permanently until you hit your mid-30s, and believe me you'll look back on your 20s as a period of life that's rife with embarrassment and imbecilic behaviour.

My second, and previous wife hated being tickled, but that was only a minor factor in our divorce, so you can imagine... My present wife of 16 years, whom I met 5 years after the schism when I was 49 and she was 22 (18 years ago) is delighted to accommodate me, because fortunately it's become one of her kinks as well.

Upsetting as it was at the time, (and for quite a few years afterwards) and certainly not initiated by me, subsequent events proved that particular divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Get out there, chat to random women IRL, NOT online, and get hurt sometimes because you will be- that's life. But if you're willing to take the risk things may well work out well for you. No guarantees, but you're pretty miserable ATM anyway, and what do you have to lose?

Roll the bones and good luck.

I've found that this guy's 👆 advice is almost always spot on! He's legite!
 
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