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The TMF: The most uncomfortable forum on the web

A

alwayssilver

TMF Expert
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
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I wasn't going to write this, but I decided to go ahead and do it. I haven't been around here very much. Every once in a while I'll post here or there, or thank everyone for taking the time to check out my e-zines. I want to use the word 'lately' in the beginning of this next sentence, but than I would be lying. For the longest time I've been feeling uncomfortable coming to this forum. And let me just say I've been coming here for quite a while, well I wasn't here since the TMF's birth, but I did stumble upon this forum a few years after it was born.

For any of the sensible TMF members who have been coming to this forum for as long as I have will notice the TMF has changed for the worse. Right now I would say trolls and video producers (not all) control this site more than mods and administrators. It's because of trolls and some video producers that I feel the most uncomfortable with.

Sometimes I wonder if half the people who post really have a tickling fetish. It makes me wonder why they even bother to come here if they just plan on making trouble.

When I first came to this forum I felt like I could post anything. I felt the most comfortable here. It was here that I felt like I could be excepted, I posted freely, got great responses and everything, but now... I'm putting myself in the shoes of others who are trying to understand their fetish. I see people insulting them for liking a certain type of tickling. I've seen video producers I used to admire tell people who like M/M tickling that it's nasty and no good. I've seen people damn others who like bondage, and people go on personal vendettas if they don't like someone on these forums. It's ridiculous.

I feel this magazine the TMF the "Laughter Weekly" is hailing in a new era I'm simply not seeing. A few years ago I would have been ecstatic to get it, but right now I feel like this place is about to collapse. Or maybe it already has and this is the end result. Either way this place needs to change. There has to be someone stepping up and taking action.

See I don't really understand how someone like Cid got ban from this place when there are far worse out there right now doing what they want with this place. And no one tell me Cid attacked other people because I can show you a few posts right now where people are doing just that.
 
I think what you've been seeing/feeling is the unfortunate result of growth. Any community in any format is going to see an increase in division, differences of opinion and bickering the larger it gets. That is unavoidable.

To say that this has taken over the TMF is, IMO, a bit of a stretch. I've been an active member here for several years now and I don't see that. The reason I joined here was to avoid that garbage in other places since I didn't see it here. Yes, we are seeing more of it than when I joined 7 years ago. But, the vast majority of those who come here contribute good stuff and enjoy themselves and one another.

We need to look at the big picture here. I once took the time to look through posts over the course of a few month period when I was feeling much the same as you are now. It turned out that roughly 90% of those "negative" posts were from a small handful of people who were unhappy and wanted to make that known to all around them...some seemingly wanting to drag others down with them. The rest of the community was plugging along the same as usual having a good time. I suspect I'd find much the same results if I were to repeat that same process now.

So, why does it seem that this negativity has taken over? Well, I think that one factor is that we find what we look for. If we start feeling negative, then we're going to notice the negatives more readily...whether we want to or not. Another part of it is that those who've been around for a while have been posting less regularly. In many cases, as in my own, it's simply the fact that life has gotten in the way of spending time online. There's also the fact that you can only respond so many times to a repetative topic before deciding to step aside and watch for some new voices to be heard.

As for the endless debates about who has the best or most original ideas/methods/styles/preferences/etc. related to tickling...? That's just human nature. For many, if not most, members here this is a sexual fetish. That fact alone tends to make people feel defensive. "It's not normal." is something that most of us have heard repeatedly. So, even when we come to a place like the TMF where it IS normal, we remain defensive and ready to argue the rightness of our position. The unfortunate result is that we too often forget to give others here the same consideration we want for ourselves...thus the pettiness and bickering.

Does any of this mean that the TMF is losing its focus or ready to crash and burn? I don't think it does. It simply means that it's time to remind ourselves and one another what it is that we're here for and that we owe others a certain amount of consideration. It's time to reclaim the fun!
 
Thank you Ann,for such a beautifully written and reasoned response. 😀
 
TklDuo-Ann said:
I think what you've been seeing/feeling is the unfortunate result of growth. Any community in any format is going to see an increase in division, differences of opinion and bickering the larger it gets. That is unavoidable.

To say that this has taken over the TMF is, IMO, a bit of a stretch. I've been an active member here for several years now and I don't see that. The reason I joined here was to avoid that garbage in other places since I didn't see it here. Yes, we are seeing more of it than when I joined 7 years ago. But, the vast majority of those who come here contribute good stuff and enjoy themselves and one another.

We need to look at the big picture here. I once took the time to look through posts over the course of a few month period when I was feeling much the same as you are now. It turned out that roughly 90% of those "negative" posts were from a small handful of people who were unhappy and wanted to make that known to all around them...some seemingly wanting to drag others down with them. The rest of the community was plugging along the same as usual having a good time. I suspect I'd find much the same results if I were to repeat that same process now.

So, why does it seem that this negativity has taken over? Well, I think that one factor is that we find what we look for. If we start feeling negative, then we're going to notice the negatives more readily...whether we want to or not. Another part of it is that those who've been around for a while have been posting less regularly. In many cases, as in my own, it's simply the fact that life has gotten in the way of spending time online. There's also the fact that you can only respond so many times to a repetative topic before deciding to step aside and watch for some new voices to be heard.

As for the endless debates about who has the best or most original ideas/methods/styles/preferences/etc. related to tickling...? That's just human nature. For many, if not most, members here this is a sexual fetish. That fact alone tends to make people feel defensive. "It's not normal." is something that most of us have heard repeatedly. So, even when we come to a place like the TMF where it IS normal, we remain defensive and ready to argue the rightness of our position. The unfortunate result is that we too often forget to give others here the same consideration we want for ourselves...thus the pettiness and bickering.

Does any of this mean that the TMF is losing its focus or ready to crash and burn? I don't think it does. It simply means that it's time to remind ourselves and one another what it is that we're here for and that we owe others a certain amount of consideration. It's time to reclaim the fun!
Click to expand...

Wow, Ann! I think this needs to be posted under every sub-heading on this forum. There's too much whining and bitching and not enough contributing and having fun.

You rock, Ann!
~FTKL
 
And here I misread your header and thought it said "Most Unforgettable Forum" on the web, and I thought, "Good! Something positive!"

...and I was right!* You care about this place enough to worry that it's taking a downturn. You're not alone. A female friend of mine says she no longer spends time here because it's just full of folks' neuroses and aggravation. I've seen an "old-timer" recede almost exclusively to the birthday/celebration forum. There are people who've gone completely for one reason or another.

And new folks come in, and some of them have issues. Ya roll with it.

The only problem is when people don't care enough to do something about a problem and just pass it on by. Apathy. Willful ignorance. Whatever you want to call it.

You want this place to be happier? Take it upon yourself to inject some MIRTH! Click on that link there. G'head, I dare you. And keep clicking "Next" until you laugh up a lung seeing what comic fans were reading before the modern age. No wonder we're so messed up! 😀

"Be the change you want to see in the world" -- Gandhi

All the best.




*Sometimes, it takes an extra-twisted view to squeeze the silver lining out of the cloud, but it's there.
 
Capnmad said:
And here I misread your header and thought it said "Most Unforgettable Forum" on the web, and I thought, "Good! Something positive!"

...and I was right!* You care about this place enough to worry that it's taking a downturn. You're not alone. A female friend of mine says she no longer spends time here because it's just full of folks' neuroses and aggravation. I've seen an "old-timer" recede almost exclusively to the birthday/celebration forum. There are people who've gone completely for one reason or another.

And new folks come in, and some of them have issues. Ya roll with it.

The only problem is when people don't care enough to do something about a problem and just pass it on by. Apathy. Willful ignorance. Whatever you want to call it.

You want this place to be happier? Take it upon yourself to inject some MIRTH! Click on that link there. G'head, I dare you. And keep clicking "Next" until you laugh up a lung seeing what comic fans were reading before the modern age. No wonder we're so messed up! 😀

"Be the change you want to see in the world" -- Gandhi

All the best.




*Sometimes, it takes an extra-twisted view to squeeze the silver lining out of the cloud, but it's there.
Click to expand...


Thanks for that link. I think I injured myself, laughing so hard! I actually owned some of those comics as a kid. LOL

~FTKL
 
There are many wonderful people who post on the TMF. There are a few annoying ones. Put those on your ignore list and enjoy the rest.
 
Capnmad said:
A female friend of mine says she no longer spends time here because it's just full of folks' neuroses and aggravation.
Click to expand...

what?:yowzer:

that's the reason I stick around this place! well, that, and a little tickle talk.....😛



"Be the change you want to see in the world" -- Gandhi
Click to expand...

beautiful quote, Cap.... 🙂
 
with the trillions of forums on the net

Just like i can say with certainty about "is this celeb ticklish" questions

Im sure there are more uncomfortable forums on the bet
 
IMO this forum is a ghost town with people coming here to take, take, take and not necessarily to give.

If I post a topic on another forum's website - even on an obscure British forum in the wee hours of the morning, I might expect to have 8-12 responsed within a few minutes. If I post somehing here, I'd be lucky to get that number of responses ever.

Even though dozens of people are viewing each section of the forum, people don't reply. They satusfy their own selfish needs and then fuck off.

And plus, we never get an intelligent debate here. People hold entrenched beliefs and don't divert from these. If anybody plays devils advocate they are shot down.

This place is OK - except for the perverts - of which I am one. We're all perverts. But we should learn to be considerate perverts. We need to be more tolerant. We need to stop feeling the need to be so positive all the time. It's OK to have a bit of banter. That makes life fun. There is one guy with about 30,000 posts who seems to have accumulated that number by contributing "Thanks" or "nice". Its boring and dull and is not satisfying.

Yes, lets have a flame free forum. But not one where people are afraid to express controversial views.
 
I have to admit I was expecting quite a few "Well if you don't like it leave!" But the responses I got were surprisingly inspiring. So much infact that I feel like giving the TMF another chance. The first post I got was beautiful of course, and the link with the old comic pages was hilarious, and the rest were great as well. Your right of course, if I want the TMF to be what I remember it to be than I need to also make a change and not let the negative get to me. Kinda lead by example, kill them with kindness (though most of us would rather use a baseball bat) This really has helped guys. I have to admit when I wrote this I kinda felt worried for the TMF, than when I clicked back on it a few moments ago I felt worried about the responses I would get. I would have rather recieved nothing than recieve a "Well if you don't like it leave" response. I just look at this stuff online and the only smart debates I see consist of one person making a point and another telling them they are a fucking moron. And that's it. Anyways this has really helped. Thanks everyone for replying. I have added a few people to my ignore list, but lol none of you of course.

Thanks!
 
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