Please advize the newbie

I recently got turned on to tickling by a wonderful girl, and I'm having all sorts of reactions to it. I both enjoy and fear being tickled. It's kind of overwhelming, actually. I really like the attention and the contact, but the lack of control is tough for me. She tickles pretty hard, and it hurts my ribs sometimes as well. There's been times where she just tickles me, no sexual contact, and that's harder for me as well- the sex helps me do something with all the energy from tickling. She wants to tie me down for the first time and I'm not sure if that will make it easier to take or harder!

I've also gotten to tickle her for just a few moments. . and I really like it. I was actually a bit worried about why she would want to tickle me (thought maybe it was a dominance/humiliation thing) but tickling her cleared that right up. it was just so. . .cool! She was wriggling around and giggling and smiling and it was a kind of dominance thing but in this very caring, joyful way. I just loved making her laugh and grin like that. So I'd like advice about if my reaction to being tickled is normal, what other people's boundaries are and how they manage and communicate them. . .And how do I get her to let me tickle her more! She seems very ambivalent about it. I have asked her several times and tried to communicate with her about what she wants, but either she doesn't know or she's not saying. I don't need to rush her, but Is it OK to tickle someone if they keep saying 'yes no yes', respecting, of course, the safe word? Are some Lers just not Lees?

Thanks! I love that this forum exsists.

First off....welcome to the TMF! It sounds like you aren't entirely new to the scene...based on the terms you're using here. Have you been lurking a while?

As for your questions...

Everyone reacts somewhat differently to being tickled. Yours is not an unusual response at all. Many of us struggle with the lack of control, especially in the beginning. Personally, I find that it's much easier to let go and just enjoy it when I'm restrained. I know I'm not going anywhere. So, I don't worry about getting away. Well, not as much anyway. lol

Communication with your LER(s) is always a good thing. If you don't like the roughness of the tickling, simply ask her to ease up a bit. This is something I'm always sure to let people know when I'm going down. They're generally pretty good about it. But, occassionally you'll find someone who's so used to rougher tickling that they get on auto pilot in the middle of a session and start getting rough again. A simple quick reminder is a good way to handle that.

Safewords are good to use since you CAN say (or scream) yes no yes as much as you want and have things continue until you use the safeword and they know you really want to stop.

AFA you getting to tickle her... Have you talked with her about tickling her more? While many of us are swtiches, most of us lean more to one side than the other. Perhaps she's more of a ler. But, that doesn't mean that you can't ask for equal time...or at least more of it. If you want more chances at her, let her know. One suggestion, since it sounds like she's more of a ler, would be to offer to tickle her first and let her get in some revenge once she's up. That would give her incentive to allow it.

As for the sex after... If you want to be able to do that, again, talk about it. If you get that worked up during a session that you have to have the release, perhaps she can help you out as part of the session. Again, communication is key.

Good luck!

Ann

Ann gave some very good advice to you. She is a wise woman. I have only one thing to add to what she said.
Unless one is into rough tickling, tickling shouldnt hurt. It should be pleasurable, and feel almost like feathery tingling nerve ending sensations. At least this is my experience. If you are actually feeling pain from her tickling, clearly she is tickling you too hard, and you should gently tell her to please exercise a bit more of a lighter touch when tickling you. To me, tickling is like sexual intercourse in a different way. If it hurts, and doesnt feel pleasurable, unless one is into pain, modification is needed. In a good relationship, feelings and communication should be able to be worked out, and negotiated. Your situation isnt an unresolvable problem. It sounds to me like this can be worked through.
Welcome to TMF, and Good Luck. The people here are great. Hopefully, using some of the tips from the kind posters on this board, you will be on your way to a good, successful relationship with your gf. Enjoy!

Mitch

Anything I added...

...would pretty much just echo what Ann already said.

Open, honest communication. No reason you two can't meet in the middle and have just as much fun, if not MORE SO. It's always more satisfying when the fun is mutual. Talk to her.

And welcome to the community! Here's hoping that you two share lots of laughter and fun!

Thanks y'all

Thank you guys! I realized after I posted that I sort of already know the answer to most of the questions I posed, I just wanted confirmation from others. It was good to hear from Ann that others have the same kind of yes no yes no feeling about being tickled. I also had a great talk with my Ler and she's open to being a Lee for me, just a bit nervous about it. I am going to read up on TMF about how to take good care of her!

Switch, Iam glad to hear that your ler agreed to be a lee for you. I for one love when parties in relationships are willing to compromise. Enjoy, and happy tickling to you both.

Mitch