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My first date strategy for tonight

brotherted

Verified
Joined
Sep 19, 2002
Messages
713
Points
18
If things are going well, which means we establish a joking, teasing conversational flow and repartee, I'll take a break at some point and either go to the bathroom or go to get more drinks... and when I return, I'll apply my initial, patented, split second, one index finger unexpectedly into each of her sides move.

If I get: "Why did you do that? I hate to be tickled?" I'll just shrug, charmingly say it was an accident with a grin, and move on.
If I get a positive reaction, I'll say with the same grin, "Obviously you feel guilty about something, and I'm sure to get it out of you somehow."
If I get no reaction at all, I'll think, "Ugh." :)

Thoughts?
 
You know what’s a better “accidental” tickle move? When you give her a hug, get your fingers just a little too close to her underarm area and squeeze. It could come off as you were just trying to hug and she got ticklish
 
If this was a person you had been out with a few times and had formed a rapport with, and things seemed to be going somewhere then your idea is not utterly unreasonable.

On a first date? Crossing any touch boundary uninvited is pretty much a hard no-go zone. It still falls firmly under TMF Fetish rules #1 DON'T TOUCH STRANGERS. Just don't.

Also your action makes you instantly a de-facto bad actor in the realm of veracity. "It was just an accident." "Yah right you poked both my sides at once by accident. How the fuck did that happen?" This is how you destroy trust before it even forms.

A reason why this happens is a function of men's viewpoint, and to use a specific term that has been totally corrupted; privilege. You get to move through your life without anyone trying to cop a feel, bump you in the elevator with their crotch, have randoms try to touch your hair arms or anything else. It's an unseen privilege that you hold that you get to live your life as a male without this sort of behavior coming at you. Most women don't. They get that shit all the time, some daily.

So they are pretty damned fine tuned to violations of their personal space. Because they NEED to be.

When you whimsically violate their space you instantly put yourself into the same class as all those other creepers she wades through every day, and end up in the same dumper.

I recently had a female friend convey how a first date thought it was perfectly cool to 'honk her ass. When asked why he did it: "Ha-ha! Because it's funny!" It was a instant date ender. And didn't pass her "Cop a feel bullshit detector".

You become "That guy" when you do stuff like this. At the very least to the woman who thought you were worth spending some of her time getting to know.

Myriads
 
No. Rapport or not, don’t push your luck on a first date. Even if things are going well, this could ruin it. Don’t do it.

Cheers, everybody,
SmashTV
 
Or you could just go and be normal and get to know the person and not be a creepy bastard about it.
 
If this was a person you had been out with a few times and had formed a rapport with, and things seemed to be going somewhere then your idea is not utterly unreasonable.

On a first date? Crossing any touch boundary uninvited is pretty much a hard no-go zone. It still falls firmly under TMF Fetish rules #1 DON'T TOUCH STRANGERS. Just don't.

Also your action makes you instantly a de-facto bad actor in the realm of veracity. "It was just an accident." "Yah right you poked both my sides at once by accident. How the fuck did that happen?" This is how you destroy trust before it even forms.

A reason why this happens is a function of men's viewpoint, and to use a specific term that has been totally corrupted; privilege. You get to move through your life without anyone trying to cop a feel, bump you in the elevator with their crotch, have randoms try to touch your hair arms or anything else. It's an unseen privilege that you hold that you get to live your life as a male without this sort of behavior coming at you. Most women don't. They get that shit all the time, some daily.

So they are pretty damned fine tuned to violations of their personal space. Because they NEED to be.

When you whimsically violate their space you instantly put yourself into the same class as all those other creepers she wades through every day, and end up in the same dumper.

I recently had a female friend convey how a first date thought it was perfectly cool to 'honk her ass. When asked why he did it: "Ha-ha! Because it's funny!" It was a instant date ender. And didn't pass her "Cop a feel bullshit detector".

You become "That guy" when you do stuff like this. At the very least to the woman who thought you were worth spending some of her time getting to know.

Myriads

This should be read by every guy going on a date.
 
You don't need a strategy, it's just a date. All you have to be flirtatious and touch. You flirt, and if she reciprocates then you can touch. You do that to see if she's really into you and isn't simply wasting your time. If she's sexually attracted to you, then the date doesn't even have to last that long. You could leave and go to your place, her place, or a hotel.
 
People have sex on a first date lol. I think it could be OK to tickle depending on the circumstances. Obviously you have to be able to read whether it would be appreciated or not. Some people have white Knight syndrome and want to show they care about consent a little too much.

It's pretty easy to tell whether any level of touch is acceptable or not on a first date.

I've had a first meet in a hotel room and wrestled her and had sex with her and was completely confident she was OK with it and we had a relationship for about 3 months. And yes I tickled her during wrestling before sex lol. She was an mma fine and tapped submission when I tickled her feet lol. At no point did she ever show any discomfort from that or convey any displeasure at our first encounter.

Obviously there have been plenty of other encounters where I felt touching wouldn't have been appropriate or well received even if I knew the person a long time.

It completely comes down to the circumstances. You can't make rules as each combination of people is different.

If things are very awkward and there is no physical contact and you don't feel it will go down well then don't. If you feel she won't mind then test the water and if it's well received based on verbal and not verbal feedback then proceed. It's not rocket science. Every woman is different and every couple is different and have different dynamics.

The don't touch strangers rule is about actual strangers lol, not someone you went on a date with and then came back to yours and responded well to breaking of physical boundaries or indeed initiated it themselves

To answer the actual question, which strategy to use depends massively on the girl and your dynamic with her. No two couples are the same.

I've tickled loads of partners, never once asked consent or told them about my fetish first and noone ever complained or felt I'd done anything wrong.

Tickling is pretty normal. Non fetishists do it all the time as banter or flirting. There is a theory the whole purpose of tickling is for flirting.

To advise you on best strategy will completely depend on what dynamic you have with her. Some situations it could be completely inappropriate to have any contact at all. Others, she could be tied up and begging for mercy on a first date whilst you tickle her and put a vibrator on her.

If you have more info can tell you how I'd go about it.

People are acting like you're gonna sexually assault a random woman on the bus or something lol. Obviously anyone who doesn't understand personal boundaries or reading a situation will quickly end up locked up.

I had a first date a while back and no contact at all, because it just wasn't appropriate for that person. But she wants to meet again and once we break the physical barrier sufficiently I'm just gonna straight up pin her down and tickle her lol. Use legs and arms as restraints. But she's said i could tie her up first time we have sex so maybe I'll wait till then.

Last relationship I tickled her loads. She used to try tickle be like me too but I can block it out
 
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I find some (not all) of these responses as bordering on delusional... some kind of whomever-can-be-the-most-beta-wins contest. :). Or. perhaps some of you through no fault of your own are on the autism spectrum and have difficulty reading people. That's fine.

But to the first group I'd ask, have you ever kissed on a first date? If so, when you kissed that girl on that first date, weren't you the one who committed what I'm reading above as "Crossing any touch boundary"? Didn't that kiss of yours violate the line about "DON'T TOUCH STRANGERS. Just don't"? And have you ever tickled someone without first saying, "I'm about to tickle you now; is that okay?" (If so, how dare you? For my first witness, I call... you.)

Or, have you ever gotten naked and had sex with someone on a first date? If you ever have, were the 5 sexual positions you did with her okay, but a split second poke would have been over the line... since it was a first date?

The reality is whether it's a poke in the side on a first date, French kissing on a first date or intense sex on a first date, none of those are right or wrong based on some list of pre-set, first date touching rules. On the contrary -- they all feel right vs. feel wrong based on the flow, back-and-forth, preamble touching, mood, momentum, vibe, shared feeling, interpersonal connection and correctly reading people. This is common sense. Take for example a casual first touch, then she returns it, then the touching escalates in frequency and intimacy -- then it escalates a whole lot more -- the notion that a split second poke at that point would still be 100% of the time inappropriate -- because it's a first date -- would make no sense to normally socialized people. (I don't think it even would make sense to my detractors in their real lives; I think they just get off on the virtue signaling of typing the lecture in a comment section.)

Btw, I'd read none of these responses until this morning. What actually happened last night? I simply wasn't that attracted to her, and the level of undefinable "repartee" to which I referred in the OP was fine, but not stellar. So I bailed on my plan. In the end, I did adjust my actions to the situation, exactly as I'm advising anyone to do.
 
Lol you hit the nail on the head. But the winners of the most beta male contest never get the women, despite trying their hardest to show how much they respect consent etc. Women just don't dig that stuff.

I've never heard of a guy charged with sexual assault because he tickled a girl on a first date.

If there was any sexual assault involving tickling it would either be something hugely inappropriate like going up to an actual stranger on a bus and start tickling her, or there would have been more to it.

No girl was ever like "yeah we were kissing and I was removing my clothes ready for sex and the guy just pins me down and starts tickling me. That was when I knew I needed to get out of there, so I jumped out of the first floor balcony window and escaped and flagged down a passing car who called the police".

It just doesn't happen. Like i don't think that ever happened in the history of humans.

I'm gonna Google sexual assault tickling and read the first 100 hits and I bet none of them will be a first date where touching was OK but tickling wasn't scenario.

We can all read the signs, otherwise we'd be in jail
 
OK found this one. This is the closest thing I've found so far. She had a boyfriend and he tickled her but also kissed her and touched her body etc so more then just tickling and wasn't a date, she was already in a relationship

Again the key thing is being able to read a situation and knowing what's appropriate to that situation. Tickling isn't worse than kissing or sex etc. You do any of these things in situations where its clear to you that they are acceptable and if you somehow misread the situation you back the hell of immediately and apologise for misreading. If you tried to kiss someone and they rejected you, you say sorry for misreading the situation.

But personally I'm my whole life I've never misread a situation.

Unless you're going to start using consent apps or verbally asking consent before any contact then you have to just read the situation, proceed cautiously, and very quickly back away and burn in embarrassment if for some reason you got it wrong

Obviously kissing at the end of a first date isn't the same as going up to a random stranger or in a situation where its not appropriate like your driving instructor or a waiter or someone in the local sauna etc

https://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/n...invited-home-assess-requested-fireplace-work/
 
Again the key thing is being able to read a situation and knowing what's appropriate to that situation.

Thank you. Yes it is.
Reading the situation, not pre-set rules.

I think what the radical feminists, #BelieveAllWomen and #ToxicMasculinity movements have done to this country is deplorable. Certain women, often ones who were tragically sexually abused themselves, are teaching their boys to believe they should not become men. They teach that males who are at all assertive or show leadership, i.e. anything other than staying continuously submissive to the females they're with, are by definition the other extreme -- reprobate, cave men, empathy-impaired, ass grabbers. If it's not one -- it's the other -- as if there's no other option of men who both lead and read people. And ironically, the same women who promote beta behavior of men are themselves usually sexually repulsed by it.

I do think the #ToxicMasculinity radical feminist subculture will eventually pass over time, just as other unrealistic, preachy subcultures like hippies eventually ended. The natural order, which includes deep truths about masculine and feminine energies and the crucial skill of reading people, don't change because of virtue-signaled online rants.
 
The correct response still is, and always was, to run into the HB already screaming (and thus intimidating potential beta cucks out of the way while causing involuntary lubrication in her sexual area through demonstration of pure male aggression), grabbing her by the ears and performing a suplex, tombstone or any other finishing move (you should still be screaming, and also already be fucking her at this point). Ideally she will pass out from the orgasm and head trauma, disabling her bitch shield and allowing for the taking of nude pictures to share with your buddies and keep her in line in the future. Try training for this approach in public, it counts as peacocking if you get a viral video out of it. In your case I would recommend starting on an HB4 or 5 and working your way up. You can tickle her when she’s knocked out, too.
 
Listen, as a woman in my late 20’s who has a major tickling fetish and incredibly submissive (and has been on more first dates than i can count before i met my fiancé) I want to share this.

First of all, i hope the date went well. I really do.

Second, this made me very uncomfortable, scared me even. I also just had my fiancé (33yr make) read this without my sharing my opinion first to get an answer, and even he was uncomfortable. I don’t think you meant any malice, but please do not ever go into a date expecting anything will happen or like planning any moves you’d like to do.

3. I completely agree on it depending on the situation and determining the right course of action if you have been friends a long time and are now just starting to date. If you just met her and are going out, please don’t touch her unless she makes it clear that she wants to be. What I recommend is during the date, explain to her that in order to prioritize her comfort, you aren’t going to kiss/hug her unless she either asks you to or she does initiates it. And then say that you hope she understands. She will likely say one of a few things.

1. thanks I appreciate that
2. What? Oh no you don’t have to worry about that with me.
3. Well what if maybe I want you to make the move and touch me, what then?

This isn’t perfect, but at least you state your view and she has an understanding of what to expect and you’re letting her decide the level of intimacy she wants. You’re building trust.

Also, don’t you want her to WANT it? Like, be so into you at the end of the date that maybe she flirtatiously asks you to please kiss her. Make her want it.

I would MUCH rather be asked “May I give you a hug?” when first meeting someone for potential intimacy, instead of receiving an unwanted touch and immediately feeling uncomfortable (which has happened so many times).

If she is more independent and dominant in her romance life she may just go ahead and kiss you after the date or if she’s more subdued and submissive she may ask you for a kiss (which can push out submissive lady buttons)

Point is- Just take the guess work out of it and explain what I said above. If there is a second date, then you can discuss this further with her. Whether it’s tickling during a date or a kiss after a first date it’s so important (AND SEXY) to make sure you have consent. Consent is sexy. Does not need to be weird, just make it about her, you’re doing this for her. She will be appreciative.

Within 30 minutes of meeting my now fiancé at a noodle place, I knew I wanted him to kiss me. My body wanted him. There was that connection there. That desire. We talked for 5 hours in total getting to know one another and the entire time, no attempt to touch me. But I could tell he was into me, too.
When we were ending our date and we’re taking a long slow stroll to my car, he and I had a moment where we both just kinda looked at one another. (He said I but my lip, but I don’t remember that) and he looked at me and said “would it be alright if I kissed you?” And by that point I was enamored with him, I met him most of the way and while nodding and making the cutest little Mmhhm noise.

The fact that he did not attempt to put his hands on me and then asked me beforehand for the kiss was very sexy to me. It was this long and slow build up to a very steamy (more making out) kiss.

No man had ever made me want it like that before. He was up front about wanting me to feel at ease and was considerate of me and my comfort, what’s sexier than that?!

What says- hey I think I really like you so i don’t want to mess this up by making you feel uneasy better than making sure she feels comfortable and likes the progression of intimacy and making that known to her.

Just try it next time.
 
You could also be brave and just tell her you have a tickle fetish and go from there. She might be into it.

That’s actually what my now fiancé and I did. We just talked about everything. Nothing was off the table. We got it all out in the open in a way that felt like we had been friends for years when we had only just met. I knew I needed tickling to some degree and he knew he had his owns needs. We both felt comfortable discussing it, so we did.
 
A reason why this happens is a function of men's viewpoint, and to use a specific term that has been totally corrupted; privilege. You get to move through your life without anyone trying to cop a feel, bump you in the elevator with their crotch, have randoms try to touch your hair arms or anything else. It's an unseen privilege that you hold that you get to live your life as a male without this sort of behavior coming at you. Most women don't. They get that shit all the time, some daily.

While I think ted's approach has some flaws and I agree that men have a certain amount of "privilege" when it comes to wanted vs. unwanted advances, there's also a cultural factor involved. The average American has a larger perception of personal space than certain other people. I've known a few Latin American women (particularly from Brazil) that are much more "tactile" than most Americans are accustomed to. On the flipside, the Japanese would consider Americans more tactile than they would prefer (unless you're talking about when they have to cram into a crowded subway).

But yeah, when dating the average U.S. woman, it's better to be cautious with touching when on a first date. If you're dating a South American woman, typically, more touch is expected (although not in inappropriate areas, of course). A lack of touch in many of those cultures is considered somewhat cold.
 
If this was a person you had been out with a few times and had formed a rapport with, and things seemed to be going somewhere then your idea is not utterly unreasonable.

On a first date? Crossing any touch boundary uninvited is pretty much a hard no-go zone. It still falls firmly under TMF Fetish rules #1 DON'T TOUCH STRANGERS. Just don't.

Also your action makes you instantly a de-facto bad actor in the realm of veracity. "It was just an accident." "Yah right you poked both my sides at once by accident. How the fuck did that happen?" This is how you destroy trust before it even forms.

A reason why this happens is a function of men's viewpoint, and to use a specific term that has been totally corrupted; privilege. You get to move through your life without anyone trying to cop a feel, bump you in the elevator with their crotch, have randoms try to touch your hair arms or anything else. It's an unseen privilege that you hold that you get to live your life as a male without this sort of behavior coming at you. Most women don't. They get that shit all the time, some daily.

So they are pretty damned fine tuned to violations of their personal space. Because they NEED to be.

When you whimsically violate their space you instantly put yourself into the same class as all those other creepers she wades through every day, and end up in the same dumper.

I recently had a female friend convey how a first date thought it was perfectly cool to 'honk her ass. When asked why he did it: "Ha-ha! Because it's funny!" It was a instant date ender. And didn't pass her "Cop a feel bullshit detector".

You become "That guy" when you do stuff like this. At the very least to the woman who thought you were worth spending some of her time getting to know.

Myriads

Are you really going to say that men don't go through that at all? I don't disagree that it unfortunately happens to women more often but it can and does happen to men as well and men have to deal with the stigma of thinking that they are "less of a man" because of it.
 
Is this actually what people think about before first dates? Sure, I've had this fetish for longer than I care to remember but on a first date I'm more concerned about the date going well, making sure to respect the girl and just generally wanting positive experience for both of us. Fetish thoughts wouldn't even enter my mind till future dates, and they haven't in the past. If all I was doing before the first date was planning out how to tickle her I'd have serious words with myself
 
Are you really going to say that men don't go through that at all? I don't disagree that it unfortunately happens to women more often but it can and does happen to men as well and men have to deal with the stigma of thinking that they are "less of a man" because of it.

No, I am not saying that men don't go through that kind of thing.

In my own life I can think of two experiences off the top of my head. In one I was at a meeting of a local BDSM club, and a woman walked up to me and just grabbed my balls and gave 'em a good squeeze. Later she said "It's how I say hello to all the new people here." Uh-huh. Right. Another time I was at a Borders Book store and guy walked behind me and grabbed my ass one hand on each cheek and sqoze, "Honk Honk! Firm!" he said. He was off and gone before I decided what to say about it.

But these are the two experiences that stand out in my memory from the last THIRTY years and change.

So yes, this shit happens to men also. No questions.

My point is, and was, that women see it far more often and consistently over their lives. They see it enough that it's not the random one or two off thing that happens in a life but a regular feature of navigating the world as a woman.

Men can be assaulted just as women can, and it's just as serious. And I had zero intent of intoning that it wasn't a thing, or as significant. I just believe, as you said its happens to women far more often, and creates a different perspective across the population as a whole that males don't naturally see or think about.

In response to another post farther back that spoke about a competition to be Beta by folks in the thread, I just wanted to say, how is being respectful and polite to another person Beta? I've never bought into the idea that 'maleness' is defined by just one set of behaviors rather then an attitude as a whole.

The author of the Handmaids Tale Margaret Atwood wrote a quote that I encountered back in my college days that really changed the way I looked at the world, and led me to change how I acted in the world.

The quote is "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

I feel that a part of maleness is being aware of what my presence as a male CAUSES in those around me. And doing my best to limit that response if I find it to not be something I want to project personally. Late at nights I'll change the slide of the street I walk on if I notice a group of single woman is walking ahead of me. I'll never get onto an elevator that opens with a lone woman in it. "I'll take the next one" I say and step back. And so forth. Just as I'll not cross someones personal space without asking, or clear invitation. I get how to a Red-Pill Alpha that makes me look like a beta or Cuck. But in my eyes it is what a responsible mindful male should just do. Which is pretty Alpha in my opinion.

Good thread, good replies, and discussion folks, nice to see.
Myriads
 
No, I am not saying that men don't go through that kind of thing.

In my own life I can think of two experiences off the top of my head. In one I was at a meeting of a local BDSM club, and a woman walked up to me and just grabbed my balls and gave 'em a good squeeze. Later she said "It's how I say hello to all the new people here." Uh-huh. Right. Another time I was at a Borders Book store and guy walked behind me and grabbed my ass one hand on each cheek and sqoze, "Honk Honk! Firm!" he said. He was off and gone before I decided what to say about it.

But these are the two experiences that stand out in my memory from the last THIRTY years and change.

So yes, this shit happens to men also. No questions.

My point is, and was, that women see it far more often and consistently over their lives. They see it enough that it's not the random one or two off thing that happens in a life but a regular feature of navigating the world as a woman.

Men can be assaulted just as women can, and it's just as serious. And I had zero intent of intoning that it wasn't a thing, or as significant. I just believe, as you said its happens to women far more often, and creates a different perspective across the population as a whole that males don't naturally see or think about.

In response to another post farther back that spoke about a competition to be Beta by folks in the thread, I just wanted to say, how is being respectful and polite to another person Beta? I've never bought into the idea that 'maleness' is defined by just one set of behaviors rather then an attitude as a whole.

The author of the Handmaids Tale Margaret Atwood wrote a quote that I encountered back in my college days that really changed the way I looked at the world, and led me to change how I acted in the world.

The quote is "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

I feel that a part of maleness is being aware of what my presence as a male CAUSES in those around me. And doing my best to limit that response if I find it to not be something I want to project personally. Late at nights I'll change the slide of the street I walk on if I notice a group of single woman is walking ahead of me. I'll never get onto an elevator that opens with a lone woman in it. "I'll take the next one" I say and step back. And so forth. Just as I'll not cross someones personal space without asking, or clear invitation. I get how to a Red-Pill Alpha that makes me look like a beta or Cuck. But in my eyes it is what a responsible mindful male should just do. Which is pretty Alpha in my opinion.

Good thread, good replies, and discussion folks, nice to see.
Myriads

I'm sorry you had to deal with those two experiences.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with sneaking a quick tickle in on a first date *if it is going well and the flirty/chemistry is there*. I've had it done to me a few times (and it was very welcomed but we we were also on a great date and I have a tickling fetish) but idk this strategy seems unnecessarily forced but I guess it's like anything else: if she is into you, it's fine and if she isn't then it comes across as cringe. Tread lightly, use your best judgement and if you think this relationship could go somewhere, be honest upfront and don't ruin it by forcing your fetish onto her unsuspectedly. Good luck?
 
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