Dani_Foot_Tickler
Registered User
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2006
- Messages
- 22
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I've been a member here for a while, and been in and out of the chatroom often enough to notice certain behavior patterns that I thought bore mentioning. Maybe this will come as a help to some, maybe it will just amuse others. I'm really fine with either.
Disclaimer: I am not delving into the issue of male versus female, or one gender pretending to be another. That's a separate issue I will leave to others who are more passionate on the subject.
These are in no particular order, as they are being thought of as I type.
1. When someone arrives in a chatroom, it's a good idea to give them a minute or so to collect themselves before delving right into Private Messaging. Sure, there are those whole "rules" things, one of which prohibits unrequested PC's, but I'll get to that later.
Think of it this way. If someone walks into a room, usually you say hello in a casual way, but I doubt many of you stride up to them, take them by the arm, and immediately escort them to a private corner. If you did, you'd likely know them very well, and have something important to say...
The chatroom should be the same way. A casual "hello" when someone enters is polite and laudable, and can be done in a public forum. Otherwise, give people some time to collect themselves, maybe even make a profile (so you can tell who you're speaking to) before approaching.
Now, if you're a close personal friend (or even just a frequent chatter), these courtesies can be flexible. Though that does lead me to . . .
2. Back to those rules I alluded to earlier. Yes, it does state explicitly that you should "Ask before PC'ing." I understand and appreciate that rule, and yes, asking will likely get you further than not. However, as someone who is often introverted and dare-I-say shy, I can sympathize with those chatters who do not want to throw themselves out there in a public forum.
For those who may choose to risk a PC without asking, here may be a couple guidelines it would behoove you to follow:
Keep it simple. "Hello, nice to see you, I'm Danielle" would be fine. Even a commentary on a profile is good. What is less fun is getting an entire novella right away, or making it seem like you're doing the world a favor by speaking to me. Narcissism is rarely sexy, though neither is desperation.
People are attracted to others (and I'm speaking friendship here as well as any other types) who are confident and casual.
3. Alright, so maybe you've PC'd without permission (heavens!), and you've gotten no reply. Or maybe you received one, and you conversed nicely for a few minutes, but now the responses are slower, if not disappeared altogether. DO NOT PANIC. You have no idea what is happening on the other side of the computer.
Perhaps they stepped out to the facilities, and they'll return momentarily. . .
Perhaps a roommate or friend has stopped by unannounced, and they need to see to actual face-to-face human interaction. . .
Maybe their two year old child has run into the room, leaving a trail of grape juice from his sippy cup who's lid you never quite tightened, so now you need to get purple stains out of a beige carpet, while the baby is crying because you raised your voice and took away his juice, so now he thinks you're angry when all he wanted was to sing you a song he just learned by watching Dora the Explorer!
As you can see, you have no idea what happened. This does not mean you should continue peppering someone with messages that grow increasingly hostile. Relax. If your chatting companion is otherwise engaged, they will likely return at their earliest convenience. Let them know you'll be around, and leave them to their affairs.
Now, this might be a case where you've offended them, or confused them, or perhaps this particular conversation was just boring. It happens. How many real life chats have ended in many of the same ways? If the conversation is fading, now might be the time to make a graceful exit.
"It was nice speaking with you. Perhaps we'll meet again some day. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." If that's the last time you speak, then move along. No point becoming an irritant.
4. People use the chatroom for different reasons. Some go for a connection to the outside world. Some go because they have made friends in the room, and this is the best chance to associate with them. And yes, some go for purely auto-erotic purposes.
Since the needs and desires of each chatter is unique, it seems to reason that having some sort of information in your profile would come in handy. Seriously, friends, who wants to speak to a little blue avatar with no facial features? Put some thought into what you want to say, and who you want to meet.
In full disclosure, the people I speak with online the most frequently are the ones who had something either amusing or compelling in their chat profile. There was something I could relate to, or at least comment on. If all I know is you're name is Chris, you're 24, and you're a guy, I have next to nothing to go with. See what I'm saying?
5. This has rambled on far more than I expected, so I'm stopping with this last one, because it's the one that gets my proverbial goat the most.
We are in a chatroom, in which the primary mode of communication is text-based. Thus, a general understanding of syntax and spelling is appreciated. I don't expect everyone to be a Rhodes Scholar, but I will say that if I have to sit and ponder what exactly it is you're saying due to grammatical errors or "textspeak", our conversation is likely going to end sooner rather than later.
Alright, enough of my soapboxing. I welcome comments. Am I way off base here? Am I missing something? I'd love to know.
Disclaimer: I am not delving into the issue of male versus female, or one gender pretending to be another. That's a separate issue I will leave to others who are more passionate on the subject.
These are in no particular order, as they are being thought of as I type.
1. When someone arrives in a chatroom, it's a good idea to give them a minute or so to collect themselves before delving right into Private Messaging. Sure, there are those whole "rules" things, one of which prohibits unrequested PC's, but I'll get to that later.
Think of it this way. If someone walks into a room, usually you say hello in a casual way, but I doubt many of you stride up to them, take them by the arm, and immediately escort them to a private corner. If you did, you'd likely know them very well, and have something important to say...
The chatroom should be the same way. A casual "hello" when someone enters is polite and laudable, and can be done in a public forum. Otherwise, give people some time to collect themselves, maybe even make a profile (so you can tell who you're speaking to) before approaching.
Now, if you're a close personal friend (or even just a frequent chatter), these courtesies can be flexible. Though that does lead me to . . .
2. Back to those rules I alluded to earlier. Yes, it does state explicitly that you should "Ask before PC'ing." I understand and appreciate that rule, and yes, asking will likely get you further than not. However, as someone who is often introverted and dare-I-say shy, I can sympathize with those chatters who do not want to throw themselves out there in a public forum.
For those who may choose to risk a PC without asking, here may be a couple guidelines it would behoove you to follow:
Keep it simple. "Hello, nice to see you, I'm Danielle" would be fine. Even a commentary on a profile is good. What is less fun is getting an entire novella right away, or making it seem like you're doing the world a favor by speaking to me. Narcissism is rarely sexy, though neither is desperation.
People are attracted to others (and I'm speaking friendship here as well as any other types) who are confident and casual.
3. Alright, so maybe you've PC'd without permission (heavens!), and you've gotten no reply. Or maybe you received one, and you conversed nicely for a few minutes, but now the responses are slower, if not disappeared altogether. DO NOT PANIC. You have no idea what is happening on the other side of the computer.
Perhaps they stepped out to the facilities, and they'll return momentarily. . .
Perhaps a roommate or friend has stopped by unannounced, and they need to see to actual face-to-face human interaction. . .
Maybe their two year old child has run into the room, leaving a trail of grape juice from his sippy cup who's lid you never quite tightened, so now you need to get purple stains out of a beige carpet, while the baby is crying because you raised your voice and took away his juice, so now he thinks you're angry when all he wanted was to sing you a song he just learned by watching Dora the Explorer!
As you can see, you have no idea what happened. This does not mean you should continue peppering someone with messages that grow increasingly hostile. Relax. If your chatting companion is otherwise engaged, they will likely return at their earliest convenience. Let them know you'll be around, and leave them to their affairs.
Now, this might be a case where you've offended them, or confused them, or perhaps this particular conversation was just boring. It happens. How many real life chats have ended in many of the same ways? If the conversation is fading, now might be the time to make a graceful exit.
"It was nice speaking with you. Perhaps we'll meet again some day. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." If that's the last time you speak, then move along. No point becoming an irritant.
4. People use the chatroom for different reasons. Some go for a connection to the outside world. Some go because they have made friends in the room, and this is the best chance to associate with them. And yes, some go for purely auto-erotic purposes.
Since the needs and desires of each chatter is unique, it seems to reason that having some sort of information in your profile would come in handy. Seriously, friends, who wants to speak to a little blue avatar with no facial features? Put some thought into what you want to say, and who you want to meet.
In full disclosure, the people I speak with online the most frequently are the ones who had something either amusing or compelling in their chat profile. There was something I could relate to, or at least comment on. If all I know is you're name is Chris, you're 24, and you're a guy, I have next to nothing to go with. See what I'm saying?
5. This has rambled on far more than I expected, so I'm stopping with this last one, because it's the one that gets my proverbial goat the most.
We are in a chatroom, in which the primary mode of communication is text-based. Thus, a general understanding of syntax and spelling is appreciated. I don't expect everyone to be a Rhodes Scholar, but I will say that if I have to sit and ponder what exactly it is you're saying due to grammatical errors or "textspeak", our conversation is likely going to end sooner rather than later.
Alright, enough of my soapboxing. I welcome comments. Am I way off base here? Am I missing something? I'd love to know.
