tickleteasing
Verified
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2002
- Messages
- 1,069
- Points
- 38
WARNING: Reading this story my hinder ones ability to ever play tennis or for that mater WANT TO play Tennis ever again for the remainder of there natural born exsistence. What you are about to read is a TRUE STORY
First I am posting this here because I figure this is the best place to post it. Its quite a story and well involves an incident a few years ago. About a few years ago I brought the Venus 2000 reciever and basicly I did this for money reasons rather than buying the entire Venus 2000 but thats a bit off the subject.
To order this device you must measure yourself and I am not talking shoe size either. I am talking erect penile measurements, and not just one measurement either about three or four of them. They give you a sheet of paper to fill out that has a penis diagram drawn on it.
Well I had a problem because I did not have the appropriate instruments for measuring myself and I needed a ribbon, a ruler, and a pair of scissors. None of these items I had so I had no choice but to go to the one person who was capable of giving me these things. This person was of course my mother.
So I ask her if she had a ribbon, some scissors and a ruler and well she did the natural thing she gave me the third degree. I could not actually tell her what I was needing to measure but this did not stop her from hounding me with questions and giving me the third degree. She asked it if was a table, a chair, basicly she seemed to say what do you need to MEASURE son with saying the word measure at a much louder tone than the other words.
Ok so after several minutes of being bombarded with questions and she agrees to get me the neccessary items. I live with my mom and dad and I can't drive for disability reasons. Just to explain this out of the way and mothers who are reading this if your son ever comes to you and asks you for a ribbon, a ruler and a pair of scissors. JUST GIVE HIM those things ok do not ask a lot of questions.
Ok so now I had to measure myself which is a process which took about an hour and a half. Trying to get myself worked up to have an erection and trying not to cut myself with the scissors and basicly trying to write down the measurements. This involves length width and girth and others. Its like I was buying a tuxedo.
After I get done measuring myself I have to get on the phone and order this thing. They have a woman there on the phone who is drawing a diagram of what I am describing on a sheet of paper. After I am done describing my penis and what the measurements are for it when it is erect I hear a woman on the other end of the phone trying not to laugh.
She asks me are you sure you have the measurements right? I said of course I have the measurements right I spent an hour and a half trying to get them. She then says that these have got to be the single most strangest measurements she has ever heard because based on what I was describing to her when I looked down between my legs all I should see is a tennis ball poking out at me.
Mortified and embarrassed I had no choice but to tell her that I did do it wrong and that I would call her back in an hour or so. Which I did and I had to not only give her the new measurements but explain WHY I was calling back a second time. Now I can't walk by two people playing tennis and not imagine my genitals being smashed every time one of them hits a racket. So I am IMPLORING all of you women if one of your sons ever comes up to you and says MOM I need a ruler, a ribbon and a pair of scissors PLEASE FOR the sake of his sanity JUST GIVE THEM TO HIM WITHOUT THE QUESTIONS.
Ladies it was AWFUL!!! I mean its one thing to wonder about size mattering but SHAPE!!! This raises a lot of questions like what if your dyslexic and ordering one. When I told my brother in law the story he asked why I did not FAX the order in? Well thats just great FAX IT IN HUH?? WHat if I send it to a church by accident. Can you imagine them looking over the faxes? "OK we got our schedule for the month here, we have the flyer for our upcoming church picnick, and we have a diagram of this man's malformed genitialia"
I was literrally on the phone with the Simon Cowell of the dildo administration. What do they do if you have problems getting an erection anyway send you six free issues of hustler? WHat if you can't do teh measurments right do they have a measuring team come by, and does it look like a hot dog stand, and people mistake it for a hot dog stand!!!
First I am posting this here because I figure this is the best place to post it. Its quite a story and well involves an incident a few years ago. About a few years ago I brought the Venus 2000 reciever and basicly I did this for money reasons rather than buying the entire Venus 2000 but thats a bit off the subject.
To order this device you must measure yourself and I am not talking shoe size either. I am talking erect penile measurements, and not just one measurement either about three or four of them. They give you a sheet of paper to fill out that has a penis diagram drawn on it.
Well I had a problem because I did not have the appropriate instruments for measuring myself and I needed a ribbon, a ruler, and a pair of scissors. None of these items I had so I had no choice but to go to the one person who was capable of giving me these things. This person was of course my mother.
So I ask her if she had a ribbon, some scissors and a ruler and well she did the natural thing she gave me the third degree. I could not actually tell her what I was needing to measure but this did not stop her from hounding me with questions and giving me the third degree. She asked it if was a table, a chair, basicly she seemed to say what do you need to MEASURE son with saying the word measure at a much louder tone than the other words.
Ok so after several minutes of being bombarded with questions and she agrees to get me the neccessary items. I live with my mom and dad and I can't drive for disability reasons. Just to explain this out of the way and mothers who are reading this if your son ever comes to you and asks you for a ribbon, a ruler and a pair of scissors. JUST GIVE HIM those things ok do not ask a lot of questions.
Ok so now I had to measure myself which is a process which took about an hour and a half. Trying to get myself worked up to have an erection and trying not to cut myself with the scissors and basicly trying to write down the measurements. This involves length width and girth and others. Its like I was buying a tuxedo.
After I get done measuring myself I have to get on the phone and order this thing. They have a woman there on the phone who is drawing a diagram of what I am describing on a sheet of paper. After I am done describing my penis and what the measurements are for it when it is erect I hear a woman on the other end of the phone trying not to laugh.
She asks me are you sure you have the measurements right? I said of course I have the measurements right I spent an hour and a half trying to get them. She then says that these have got to be the single most strangest measurements she has ever heard because based on what I was describing to her when I looked down between my legs all I should see is a tennis ball poking out at me.
Mortified and embarrassed I had no choice but to tell her that I did do it wrong and that I would call her back in an hour or so. Which I did and I had to not only give her the new measurements but explain WHY I was calling back a second time. Now I can't walk by two people playing tennis and not imagine my genitals being smashed every time one of them hits a racket. So I am IMPLORING all of you women if one of your sons ever comes up to you and says MOM I need a ruler, a ribbon and a pair of scissors PLEASE FOR the sake of his sanity JUST GIVE THEM TO HIM WITHOUT THE QUESTIONS.
Ladies it was AWFUL!!! I mean its one thing to wonder about size mattering but SHAPE!!! This raises a lot of questions like what if your dyslexic and ordering one. When I told my brother in law the story he asked why I did not FAX the order in? Well thats just great FAX IT IN HUH?? WHat if I send it to a church by accident. Can you imagine them looking over the faxes? "OK we got our schedule for the month here, we have the flyer for our upcoming church picnick, and we have a diagram of this man's malformed genitialia"
I was literrally on the phone with the Simon Cowell of the dildo administration. What do they do if you have problems getting an erection anyway send you six free issues of hustler? WHat if you can't do teh measurments right do they have a measuring team come by, and does it look like a hot dog stand, and people mistake it for a hot dog stand!!!
