A particular kind of connection

[Redmage]

This is based on an email that I sent to a friend recently. Writing it sparked an insight that made me think it might be worth sharing.

There's a particular sort of connection that I sometimes get with a play partner: the most reliable indicator is when I can close my eyes and work only through my hands, by touch. If the signals that I can get that way are still good enough for me to get the responses we both enjoy, then I know there's something going on. When I lose the ability to find that connection reliably with a partner, it's sometimes the first sure sign that our relationship is in trouble.

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Having that connection with one another is a biggie. For me, a good deal of tickling is about actually establishing and strengthening that connection with folks I'm already close to. When that connection is strong enough to be able to sense where the other is at, it makes for a lot more fun and enjoyment on both sides.

 

[desdemona]

I totally agree. Being with someone who can pick up on subtle things that don't have to be verbalized or witnessed, makes for a strongers connection that can take things to a whole other level. It sometimes even works long distance...I used to be able to talk to my Dom on the phone and picture in my mind what he was doing or imagine how it felt. It's a wonderful, powerful feeling of intimacy that opens up a lot of doors.

 

[Redmage]

The thing that struck me most, and the reason I felt moved to post here, is the way this thing seems to map to consensus reality. I'm used to "feelings" being personal, and perhaps having nothing to do with the world that other people experience. But this connection, whatever it is, seems to be something else. I find that almost inevitably a partner with whom I can "close my eyes" has a more powerful experience. But also I find that if I lose that ability with a partner our experiences together rapidly change, and the relationship itself may be in danger.

I'm not sure that the connection itself causes these things, but it may be a signal of something going on at a deeper level. It's just interesting to watch something so misty and ephemeral have such an effect.

 

[desdemona]

Perhaps it is fleeting. I've recently reconnected with my Dom. And I don't think we ever totally lose that connection - merely we get out of touch with it due to life and outside influences and distractions. I still wear the necklace he gave me when I became his sub - a yin/yang with a feather. For both of us, it symbolizes different things. But we definitely complete one another on some level. Perhaps the fact that we can't pin it down or put a name on this phenomenon makes it all the more intangible.