A thread to say goodbye...

[Dark Crane]

Well, I've never thought that this day would come. But here I am to say that... Yeah, I'm leaving TMF...

The reason I'm posting it here is because I won't leave without posting some material I still have and also for more people to read it. Because I'll talk about something that is a huge problem for me, a fear that's consuming me inside out. I'll post it also on "Tickling Discussion"...

So, I'll start saying what happens with me. I'm 27 and I'm into tickling since my early childhood. My first memories are from the time when I was 4 or so. And I grew up thinking that tickling women was an awesome thing. I've always been attracted by women and, as soon as I found out that a woman was ticklish, she became so much more attractive...

I took it easy during all my life. When I was a teenager, my friends started masturbating with pornography and naked women photos. Well, at the time, I hadn't understood the way I'd sexualized tickling yet. I tried to masturbate with this type of material, it was impossible for me. But I didn't think there was something wrong with me, I just thought that I needed something closer. I always had strong love connections with women. Love bonds were special and invariably I always got connected with a girl...

When I was 14, I first kissed. It was a horrible experience, it was forced by the group and both me and her didn't want it. I just kissed again when I was 17. And, with this girl, I stablished a wonderful bond. But she was for another city, the relationship didn't happen in the way I wanted. I went into depression for two months. That was when I met the woman of my life...

We started dating quickly. And my dick was so hard next to her that it was throbbing. One day I got a cramp in my scrotal sac. I decided I must do something. Then, I thought I could try with tickling...

Yeah, I did it...

And I'll continue in the post below. But I'll post a video attached here also. A girl has a great sides reaction:

 

[Dark Crane]

I finally started jerking off. Meanwhile, I was dating quietly and had never thought that this would be a problem. My girlfriend was ticklish and that was great for me. But I didn't just get turned on by tickling. I got excited kissing, I got excited with the touch, with several things she did. A few months after that, we decided to have our first time. And at that time, I was itching to get laid. Because I was addicted to jerking off and I thought I would feel the same way...

For various reasons, we didn't make it that day. She was very stuck, I was very stuck, nothing happened as I expected. Nothing happened that day, nothing happened on the next try. And not on the other. And not on the other again. There were about 10 times we tried and failed. It was a mixture of guilt and pain, with a desire for it to end soon, with a feeling of failure, with a fear that I would be cut off, with sadness, with the feeling that I was not capable...

We did everything together. And it was sensational. I've always been crazy about her. I never needed the tickling to turn me on for her. But we couldn't get penetration at all. And I kept jerking off madly. When we were together, he always masturbated her. And it was all very good. But penetrative sex had become taboo for us. And since that time, it has traumatized me...

I'll continue below. Here's a F/F in a bed:

 

[Dark Crane]

In March 2016, shortly after we completed 3 years together, she broke up with me. I know that was one of the reasons. And that always pissed me off, because I found it frustrating not being able to ejaculate with the woman I loved...

However, as our relationship was very tense and with a lot of stress for both of us, it wasn't too difficult to get back to my normal life. We were teenagers, we couldn't handle our relationship with the necessary maturity. I kept masturbating to tickling videos or thinking about tickling. There was no fault at that time. I went back to talking to my girlfriend a few times later, but it always stopped. She came to talk to me, nothing continued. In 2018, we stopped talking. It was then that I met TMF. I was only an observer for a while, I only became an active member in January 2020. Since then, I have been posting regularly...

But I always wanted to talk to her again and try to get us back together. Because the connection we had was incredible. The only bad thing was the penetrative sex and nothing, nothing more. I know this is a very important aspect, but it was the only. I've always loved her. But there was a very strong fear inside me that kept me from going to talk to her. And my fear was having to face this trauma. The trauma that I was an asshole unable to enjoy having penetrative sex with my girlfriend...

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Three random /F mainstream videos:

 

[Dark Crane]

It was then that, that year, I made the decision to look for her again. Because I thought things in our relationship could work out this time with both of us more mature. My fear continued, but I wanted to face it...

After some time, we met again. And it was beautiful, amazing, wonderful. It's been amazing. She is a wonderful woman and today I understand how important she is in my life...

The thing is, in all that time, I haven't been with anyone else. And she hooked up with some men. Dated twice. With the first one, it didn't work. With the second, in turn, succeeded. I opened up and talked about my paraphilia openly, which I had never done at the time. And, at first, she took it in stride, said that we would make it together. But the speech has changed a little and I'm afraid I won't be able to. If I put pressure on myself before, now everything is a hundred times worse...

I don't feel comfortable being here anymore. I feel like crap, I feel guilty. I can't, unfortunately, masturbate with tickling anymore. My mind blocked it out. I can't masturbate to anything. I get excited next to her, but I can't masturbate. And I'm in a lot of pain. And a lot of hate for me. So I decided to leave, considering that I don't feel comfortable being here anymore...

Only now have I started to see the tickling fetish as a problem. Well, he became one. It wasn't, but I made it one...

-

F/F

 

[Dark Crane]

At some point, I'm going to have to face this head on with her. And I'm very, very afraid of not being able to. Because I can't even jerk off anymore. Not even thinking on her being tickled by me...

I was a tickle video junkie for 10 years. Deciding to abandon this overnight is difficult, but I don't have the mental health to continue. I know that the issue must be much more psychological and traumatic than physiological, but I can't be here comfortably anymore...

And I would really like to know if anyone goes through or went through this problem too. Because, as I said, the idea of ​​not being able to please the woman I love so much is absolutely frustrating. And honestly, if she leaves in the future because of something related to this, I don't know if I'll have the strength to deal with it...

If you've read everything up to this point, thank you so much. Because it's been a while since I wanted to blurt out. And now I would like to read some of your opinions...

I will continue to post some farewell materials on this thread now. But the decision to leave is, unfortunately, final...

Good night...

-

Brazilian /F:

 

[Dark Crane]

As of here, I have 194 videos to post. I won't go into too much detail because I want to post them as soon as possible. My intention is to leave one last list of videos before leaving...

In any case, all videos are /F:

 

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A 2nd post:

 

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And a 20th post: