Accepting That Someone You Love Is With Someone Else

[Borg Perfection]

I was wondering if any of you have ever been married, or in a long-term relationship where your other half left and ended up sleeping with someone shortly after.

I was in a relationship of 5+ years, just got a home for us etc. woke up one day and who I've considered to be my soul mate was in a different part of the country with a different guy.

I'm having a difficult time accepting this. I don't really know how to.

Everyone's perception of connection and relationships are different. To us, or to me rather, it was very spiritual and very sacred. Everything we shared between us was.

Then one day.. Just gone. And all I see in my head now, are some guy's hands running all over my baby's body, doing everything you can imagine. And I don't really know how to deal with that, or accept that. I feel I lost my heart, my family, and a piece of my soul and after months and months, I still can't move on, and I still can't stop my mind from being raped by these images and thoughts.

Ever experience this? Any insight on how to overcome it?

 

[Sandrock74]

Story of my life, man. You can become cold and cynical; abandon all wasteful feelings of "love" for a far more logical outlook on life. It's what works for me!

 

[myth77]

First, get real about the relationship. Was it really great and then suddenly she's with someone else? Stranger things have happened, but it is mostly likely that there were signs for a long time that the relationship was in trouble. Take a good look at how things were going for the months up until she left.

Looking back won't make the nasty feelings go away of picturing your significant other with someone else, but it might show you that things were headed that way, even if you didn't notice it then. If things were sour towards the end, you'll begin to feel relief that someone ended it (not in the way it was ended, just that it ended). Could be a 'blessing' in disguise that she's gone.

I'm sorry to hear about you going through this though🙁

 

[Perduabo]

Just recently happened to me friend. We were together for 6 and a half years, planning on getting married even. Then, one night, we got into a terrible argument because I found dirty text messages on his cell phone from someone else. One thing led to another, and here I am alone.

The worst thing about this knowledge is that the feelings of anger and rejection can poison your heart, leaving you cold and cynical as Sandrock said.

Don't let that happen man, allow yourself time to recover and get back out in the playing field. Life is too short to brood on the past. Take it from someone who has traveled that road more than once.

 

[Angel77]

I have certainly been through this and it took a long time to feel better about it, but I did. There isn't a miracle drug to take in order to feel better about something so shitty so the only thing that really helped me was time. Allow yourself to go through the emotions that you're feeling, it'll only help you heal in the long run. And never underestimate the power of a good friend and some ice cream (yes, it works for men too). 🙂

Best of luck to you and sorry you have to go through this. It sucks. 🙁

 

[Crash Brickwall]

It's a tough lesson to learn but it's true. Nobody owns someone else. Just remember the good times and move on. You'll never find somebody else until you decide to man up and let her go.

 

[TangerineTicklee]

I couldn't handle it. Anyone who can is far stronger than me. If I were in your position, I would probably drink myself to death.

Congrats to anyone stronger than me within the hells of love.

 

[Cy/MiG]

I couldn't handle it. Anyone who can is far stronger than me. If I were in your position, I would probably drink myself to death.

Story of my life, man. You can become cold and cynical; abandon all wasteful feelings of "love" for a far more logical outlook on life. It's what works for me!

You stole my thunder...

And while this is the route I have taken, I don't reccommend it to anybody.

My measly advice is:

Just purge your mind. Find something constructive and/or cathartic. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Best of luck Borg, be well.

 

[Morpheus72]

The best advice I have is to use this opportunity to become happy in your own skin, and as complete as you can be as your own person. That way, when the next chance at love happens, you'll be in a position to have that person as a compliment to an already full and happy life.

It takes time, though.....good luck.

 

[venray]

The best advice I have is to use this opportunity to become happy in your own skin, and as complete as you can be as your own person. That way, when the next chance at love happens, you'll be in a position to have that person as a compliment to an already full and happy life.

It takes time, though.....good luck.

^This....

Best advice is to do just that....figure out who YOU are and what you want and know that this wasnt necessarily your fault in any way...Sometimes relationships just are not meant to last forever..

I was married to my first wife for 16 years after dating for seven..we had two kids together before we finally realized that we wanted different things in life and staying together was not the way to go....

Since that time I have found the love of my life...a woman I can truly be myself with in every way and know that she will always be there for me no matter what.... We have a good friendship with both of our ex's and have a hell of an extended family...

So....you may never know why this happened, but in the long run it may be best that it did...

PM me Bro.....any time...

 

[Sandrock74]

You stole my thunder...

And while this is the route I have taken, I don't reccommend it to anybody.

My measly advice is:

Just purge your mind. Find something constructive and/or cathartic. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Best of luck Borg, be well.

We are a pair of cynical and lonely bastards, aren't we?

 

[Cy/MiG]

We are a pair of cynical and lonely bastards, aren't we?

 

[Coup de Grace]

I was in the same situation for a relationship lasting 4+ years. At first, there was uncontrollable rage and anger and then I became depressed. It took the comfort of friends and family coupled with time to get over the incident. Fortunately for me, I was attending College and working full-time so I didn't have too much time to dwell on our failed relationship. Ultimately, it was a blessing in disguise as I knew deep down that she wasn't the one for me.