Advice column about tickling

[sasaxrah]

Just wondering everyone's thoughts about this advice column. Right on or no?

Dear Prudence,
I am currently in a relationship with a great guy. He is sweet and caring, and we get along very well. There is, of course, one problem that has existed for quite a while but is really starting to bother me now. I am very ticklish, and I hate being tickled. He found out about this weakness when we first started dating, and since then, barely a day goes by when he doesn't try to tickle me. Whenever we are lying on the couch or in bed together, he will start tickling me, and when I react he gets on top of me and pins me down so that I can't defend myself. I have repeatedly told him that I hate being tickled, that it makes me feel vulnerable and no longer in control of my body, and when he continues to do it, it is disrespectful. He insists that because I laugh, I must enjoy it. He adds that I need to learn to master my mind, and once I "convince" myself that I am not ticklish, then I won't panic when he tickles me. What should I say to him that gets my point across?

—Tickled Pink

Dear Tickled,
There are some people who, when they're having sex, may look or sound as if they're being tortured but are actually having a great time. Your boyfriend knows that though you're laughing uproariously while he's tickling you, it doesn't mean you're having a great time but that you're being tortured. Torturing you is the great time for him. If he were a decent person, a simple "Please don't tickle me again. I hate it" should have been enough to end the sessions once and for all. But you've explained ad infinitum what a violation the tickling is. In response, he plays ridiculous mind games with you about how you're responsible for your own reaction when he daily climbs on top of you and pins you down so he can force you to endure his digital assaults. You're asking me what you can say to your "great," "sweet," and "caring" boyfriend to get him to stop attacking you. I think you should boil your remarks down to their essence, and what you should say is "Goodbye."

—Prudie
http://www.slate.com/id/2233828/

 

[i64ever]

Nonconsentual tickling is a great fantasy. All my favorite stories and artwork are nonconsentual. But in reality, tickling someone who REALLY doesn't want to be tickled is cruel. I agree with Prudence.

 

[JPie1]

The boyfriend is disrespectful, I agree with prudie...as much as I like tickling there is no reason to do it nonconsentually.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

If the girl hates it enough to write into an advice column about it, he really shouldn't do it - at least not the way he is now. If the guy really likes it and wants her to let him do it, there are ways to go about introducing it so that it's not so overwhelming for her.

 

[JPie1]

If the girl hates it enough to write into an advice column about it, he really shouldn't do it - at least not the way he is now. If the guy really likes it and wants her to let him do it, there are ways to go about introducing it so that it's not so overwhelming for her.

definitely agreed, I think he would end up alienating her more to tickling than bring her into it.

 

[Angel77]

Not everyone likes tickling so yeah, I agree with Prudence. If she's already expressed to him how she doesn't like feeling vunerable and having that power and control taken from her and he seems to not give a damn, yeah, I'd be gone too. No respect for her feelings at all. She said that this problem has existed for quite a while now and it's not getting any better soooo......

Good Luck to the both of them.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Yeah I agree with Prudence the advice column writer's answer, I hate to say it but she definitely needs to leave her boyfriend. I mean she has tried to be gentle and nice and sweet-do it kindly letting her bf know it freaks her out and scares her-makes me feel vulnerable and that is a scary feeling for her-she does not like it-he is not being considerate, being insensitive to her feelings-being cruel by pinning her down and tickling her nonstop daily-that is just plain being a major creep-tickling her when he knows she hates it and doesn't care for it. That is not loving I agree. I mean yeah so it is a major love and kink for him tickling that is-but it is terrible how he is treating her and cruel to keep tickling her-knowing how she hates being tickled-even if on outside she laughs-she can't help her physical outside expression-that is something she can't control.

I say ditch the guy and good riddance-it is terrible that he is disrespecting her so bad. I think that the advice columnist gave some great advice. I mean I like to think that compromises and solutions can be reached-relationships saved but this one can't be saved. It is wrong how her bf is treating her and she needs to find someone that will treat her like gold and respect her feelings-help her feel safe, cherished, and loved as a person. Great advice she gave her though, yeah ditch the dude.

 

[rhiannon]

Prudence is definitely right. The guy is an idiot who totally disrespects her!

 

[Deadsea7777]

I think it goes both ways:

She should dump him if she cannot take on board the boyfriend' s fetish which as a passion is not going to change.

On the other hand he should also dump her because is obvious there is no way she is going to ever see "tickling" as something to enjoy and since tickling is a passion sooner of later the issue is going to surface again.

So instead of trying to change each other, or judge each other, just leave each other and look for somebody compatible.

 

[rhiannon]

if she cannot take on board the boyfriend' s fetish

Excuse me, but that is not an accurate way of putting it! He didn't make the slightest effort of making it enjoyable for her, he tried to FORCE it on her. And that is HIS problem, not hers!

he should also dump her because is obvious there is no way she is going to ever see "tickling" as something to enjoy

Uhm, yeah...thanks to him!!

Too bad she isn't into ballbusting....would have liked to see his face if she said he needs to learn to master his mind and convince himself that it doesn't hurt!

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

So which one of us is he ?

 

[ThisLilPiggy]

I think it's bullshit... the girl describes herself as an up-tight control freak that can actually feel free and have fun with this particular guy; however, she doesn't like feeling out of control, or free, or having fun constantly. If anything, the guy should break up with her. Imagine the nonsense he must be putting up with. And you wonder why he constantly tickles her!!

My best guess is she's really into this guy and insecure about it because she has no control. And for all the dis-respectfulness, weakness and vulnerability terms being used.... she calls herself tickled pink. One neurotic contradiction that can't be taken literally, because you'd be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

[milagros317]

I agree with the advice. If he won't stop non-consensual play, then she should say goodbye.

 

[Deadsea7777]

Excuse me, but that is not an accurate way of putting it! He didn't make the slightest effort of making it enjoyable for her, he tried to FORCE it on her. And that is HIS problem, not hers!



Uhm, yeah...thanks to him!!

Too bad she isn't into ballbusting....would have liked to see his face if she said he needs to learn to master his mind and convince himself that it doesn't hurt!

Actually, to be accurate we should listen to both bells, not only hers. We only have one. You seem to have taken her word as true. In fact, we do not have any reason to believe her word. In the absence of his side of the story, the boyfriend deserves the benefit of the doubt.

With the scarce data, what I say is perfectly logical; if they cannot accept each other…just depart. Or as Prudie puts it “Goodbye”. There are plenty of people in the planet.

With ballbusting it would be exactly the same, if it is passion for her, she would engage in it sooner or later and if he cannot stand it….just depart.

I do not see why you are angry about my replay.

 

[Radiohead 7140]

this is so retarded. the boyfriend says "because you laugh you must enjoy it"...."you must master your mind?" really? There are real stupid people out there, but I actually am skeptical that this story is even true. I feel like I've read similar complaints in various media throughout the years, and I have to wonder if the people writing these are just making all this shit up because they somehow get off on just hearing a response that talks about tickling.

i mean, again. really???

 

[Radiohead 7140]

On a more positive note, this did prompt me to listen to Dear Prudence, and it's doing a wonderful job relaxing me after a stressful day 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

Actually, to be accurate we should listen to both bells, not only hers. We only have one. You seem to have taken her word as true. In fact, we do not have any reason to believe her word. In the absence of his side of the story, the boyfriend deserves the benefit of the doubt.

With the scarce data, what I say is perfectly logical; if they cannot accept each other…just depart. Or as Prudie puts it “Goodbye”. There are plenty of people in the planet.

With ballbusting it would be exactly the same, if it is passion for her, she would engage in it sooner or later and if he cannot stand it….just depart.

I do not see why you are angry about my replay.

Why would she lie to an advisor?? She has absolutely no reason to do that since the advisor doesn't know either one of them! Obviously the girl cares about the guy, and asks for help what could be done. So yeah, we do have reason to believe it is exactly how she is putting it!

 

[Deadsea7777]

Why would she lie to an advisor?? She has absolutely no reason to do that since the advisor doesn't know either one of them! Obviously the girl cares about the guy, and asks for help what could be done. So yeah, we do have reason to believe it is exactly how she is putting it!

Your argument can be turn around:
she can lie to the advisor since the advisor does not know her and therefore has no way to find out if she is saying the true.

Neither you, me or Prudie have a way to find out how precise and accurate is the version that she gave. Is only a version that you may believe, you may not believe or you may accept that you have insufficient data to judge (my point of view).

So in the light of that if she cannot stand tickling and the boyfriend is a ticklemaniac, is obvious they do not match. Then dump each other and move on. Or if dumping is too rude a word, just say goodbye and move on.

And yours is the privilege to the last replay to close this argument, then I will consider it as concluded. Nothing personal, Rhiannon, I feel if we continue this would turn silly or pointless.

 

[rhiannon]

Your argument can be turn around:
she can lie to the advisor since the advisor does not know her and therefore has no way to find out if she is saying the true.

I just don't why she would be lying to an advisor; if she was telling the story to her best friend, then yes, I would see why...because she wants the friend to be on her side!

But I don't contact an advisor who will give professional advice and even give a quote from my boyfriend that is made up (and frankly, that quote says it all!). The only reason why anybody would lie about something like that is to shed a bad light on the boyfriend - and that doesn't make sense if it is all anonymous!

So - I am pretty sure her statement is accurate.

 

[English]

I would never tickle someone who genuinely did not want to be tickled because it is a form of torture. Even some of the most hardcore bdsm subs will use their safe word after a couple of minutes of tickling. I reckon this couple need to break up. He needs to find someone who is into it and she needs to find someone who aint...

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Yeah I agree with Prudence the advice column writer's answer, I hate to say it but she definitely needs to leave her boyfriend. I mean she has tried to be gentle and nice and sweet-do it kindly letting her bf know it freaks her out and scares her-makes me feel vulnerable and that is a scary feeling for her-she does not like it-he is not being considerate, being insensitive to her feelings-being cruel by pinning her down and tickling her nonstop daily-that is just plain being a major creep-tickling her when he knows she hates it and doesn't care for it. That is not loving I agree. I mean yeah so it is a major love and kink for him tickling that is-but it is terrible how he is treating her and cruel to keep tickling her-knowing how she hates being tickled-even if on outside she laughs-she can't help her physical outside expression-that is something she can't control.

I say ditch the guy and good riddance-it is terrible that he is disrespecting her so bad. I think that the advice columnist gave some great advice. I mean I like to think that compromises and solutions can be reached-relationships saved but this one can't be saved. It is wrong how her bf is treating her and she needs to find someone that will treat her like gold and respect her feelings-help her feel safe, cherished, and loved as a person. Great advice she gave her though, yeah ditch the dude.

I agree with ticklebunny 2. She needs to break up with him because he can't respect that she doesn't like being tickled. Maybe he thinks if he tickles her enough, that she'll begin to like it. Even if that's his goal, that's not the way to go about it. She needs to find someone who respects her.