Advice please?? (What makes it a fetish?)

[Goneja]

Hi.. I'm new here. (this is really long, and boring, and probably over dramatised, but I'd appreciate help and not being called a retard :blush)

This is a serious question by the way.. I know this is sort of more agony aunt but I just thought it'd make more sense posting here where people know more about this sort of thing? Sorry if it sounds retarded but yeah.

My boyfriend have been on ice after I woke up and caught him crossing something off super quickly off the computer. I was like uh? What are you doing? 'Nothing'.. Looked at the history and there's youtube videos of nekkid people being tickled. I basically just say 'Why did you get up in the middle of the night to look at porn?' 'I didn't, what porn' There's a f*cking timestamp why even lie about it? I guess it just took me aback because although I have no problem with pr0n really he's always been dead against it and constantly complaining about it. His dad has an 'addiction' to it so I guess it's quite embarrassing. But yeah. Lieslieslies.

I just figure he looked up youtube videos because he didn't want redtube or newsfilter or what have you appearing on my little sisters computer history (he doesn't know how to do a memory wipe, ha.).. But he decides to tell me today in an attempt to win me back probably that he has a fetish for tickling and it's always been a 'problem' for him and he was too embarrassed to tell me about it.. And I'm finding it really hard to believe that's true. We've done and spoke about worse things, but I guess tickling isn't that well known? I'm not sure.

I mean, this might sound like a retarded question but is there any way to tell if he's a faker? It just sounds like he's trying to appease his own self guilt about looking at pr0n after being so dead against it for so long?.. The way I rationalised it is he used youtube and tickling because if you mute it, I mean it just looks like normal porn except it's youtube and that's probably the best thing you can get on there.. He's been changing his story and lying a lot, but he tells me this is the truth.

I just can't process how it can be a fetish for him. He tickles me a lot yeah, we playfight, that's average girlfriend-boyfriend behaviour isn't it? I've never seen him get hard or try to tickle me when we're doing stuff or is that a separate thing completely?

Is this typical for a tickling fetish or is it more likely he's trying to disguise his guilt over looking at porn with a 'problem'?

Thanks and sorry for the boring essay. I'd appreciate it if anyone could help..

(Sorry for the n00bish question. I have no problem with pr0n or this sort of thing.. I'm an openminded person. It's just the uneccessary lies that destroy me.)

 

[mikepd]

Really?

 

[Goneja]

.. Yeah this is for realz. I don't want any flameage.. Just tell me if I'm in the wrong place or whatever :/

 

[sweetpiggy221]

Hope This Helps

Hi.. I'm new here. (this is really long, and boring, and probably over dramatised, but I'd appreciate help and not being called a retard :blush)

This is a serious question by the way.. I know this is sort of more agony aunt but I just thought it'd make more sense posting here where people know more about this sort of thing? Sorry if it sounds retarded but yeah.

My boyfriend have been on ice after I woke up and caught him crossing something off super quickly off the computer. I was like uh? What are you doing? 'Nothing'.. Looked at the history and there's youtube videos of nekkid people being tickled. I basically just say 'Why did you get up in the middle of the night to look at porn?' 'I didn't, what porn' There's a f*cking timestamp why even lie about it? I guess it just took me aback because although I have no problem with pr0n really he's always been dead against it and constantly complaining about it. His dad has an 'addiction' to it so I guess it's quite embarrassing. But yeah. Lieslieslies.

I just figure he looked up youtube videos because he didn't want redtube or newsfilter or what have you appearing on my little sisters computer history (he doesn't know how to do a memory wipe, ha.).. But he decides to tell me today in an attempt to win me back probably that he has a fetish for tickling and it's always been a 'problem' for him and he was too embarrassed to tell me about it.. And I'm finding it really hard to believe that's true. We've done and spoke about worse things, but I guess tickling isn't that well known? I'm not sure.

I mean, this might sound like a retarded question but is there any way to tell if he's a faker? It just sounds like he's trying to appease his own self guilt about looking at pr0n after being so dead against it for so long?.. The way I rationalised it is he used youtube and tickling because if you mute it, I mean it just looks like normal porn except it's youtube and that's probably the best thing you can get on there.. He's been changing his story and lying a lot, but he tells me this is the truth.

I just can't process how it can be a fetish for him. He tickles me a lot yeah, we playfight, that's average girlfriend-boyfriend behaviour isn't it? I've never seen him get hard or try to tickle me when we're doing stuff or is that a separate thing completely?

Is this typical for a tickling fetish or is it more likely he's trying to disguise his guilt over looking at porn with a 'problem'?

Thanks and sorry for the boring essay. I'd appreciate it if anyone could help..

(Sorry for the n00bish question. I have no problem with pr0n or this sort of thing.. I'm an openminded person. It's just the uneccessary lies that destroy me.)

Hey hun! Your question is not stupid at all. I can understand how you would think that your boyfriend is faking and don't believe him. Not knowing him very well, but it does seem like he does have a tickling fetish. I notice in the tickling community that a lot of guys have major problems telling their wives and gfs about their tickling fetish because they think their mate is going to judge them and/or think he is weird. In my opinion, I think a person should be up front and honest with mate in the very beginning about something like this so a situation like this doesn't happen.Also, there are different aspects of tickling and there are a lot of guys in the community that are into erotic tickling, forced orgasm with tickling involved, and nude tickling, and/or all three so you can see the borderline of porn that people may mistaken.

If you really want to test him to see if he has a tickling fetish, maybe you can suggest to him about being tied and being tickle torture. I think this will work because then he will think you actually understand him and/or willing to understand as well as indulge in his fetish, which he probably have thought of tying you down to the bed and just tickle you to pure insanity if he's a ler or vice versa. If he turns that down, then I will say he is lying; however, if jumps at the chance then he does have one.

I know you mention he tickles you alot then I would say is another sign that he does have a tickling fetish. I notice a lot of guys that are ticklephiles tend to tickle their mates more than often if the girl allowes it. I know for myself I tickle my fiance any chance I can get because I have the same fetish.

I hope this helps you hun 😀

 

[TKLVR181]

Hi! I'm Karen, veteran around here. Let me be the first to say that anybody who calls you a retard is going to get in serious trouble--we don't do that here. And don't anybody get offended 'cuz she doesn't understand it totally--she's a complete newb. Cut her some slack.

He sounds like a classic case to me. As for not getting a hard-on whenever it happens, I understand--of course, I'm a girl so the manifestations are different, but I don't get singularly aroused every time I get tickled--there are two kinds of tickle fetishests, those who like getting tickled and those who like doing the tickling (some of us like both, too!). Anyway, I enjoy getting tickled all the time, but some times it's different, like when my husband does it, it's extremely arousing.

As for the porn, I've never seen anyone who isn't one of us interested in *that kind* of porn. Sounds like he's for real...but don't worry, this doesn't mean he's a freak of nature and is going to tickle you to death XD Maybe it wasn't cool of him to keep it from you, but I for one think it's understandable. Give him a chance 🙂

~K

 

[Frost King]

Welcome to tt and i don't think he is faking i think he really likes tickling.

 

[Goneja]

Thanks so much you guys. I really appreciate the advice :wub

 

[ftmench]

Vanillas call things a fetish. I call it enhancement to sexual activities.
D

 

[P[a]pi]

I don't think your boyfriend is lying. For some people with a tickling fetish the bondage adds a lot, they might even have a bondage fetish as well.

He most likely wants to tie you up and tickle you. Ask him.

 

[sadi]

Yes, I figure he's mainly just embarrassed to the nth degree with you finding out he likes tickling 'more than the next person'. I myself had this problem a little bit (and am still dealing with it). If someone came up and asked what I was looking at I'd immediately close whatever window I was on and deny that it had anything to do with tickling to the teeth! (Still working on that fact, mind you :blush)

And, as a few people suggested certain situations, I think you should offer one or the other to him (or both, whatever), to see if his 'fetish' holds true or not. - Also, be warned he might still be a little hesitant to try either one (though I'm 'pretty' positive he'll 'jump at the chance', like was said before, as you said he seems to tickle you frequently as is, yourself).

Regardless of what happens, I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend and that everything will end up working out for the best. :ggrin:

 

[dalekfire]

Hey there, Goneja. 🙂 I know I'm way late, and everyone else seemed to have given very constructive advice/insight, but I'd like to add my two cents, as well, perhaps more from my understanding (as I am a guy with a tickle fetish).

It sounds to me like your boyfriend does indeed have a fetish, as Karen pointed out, simply because he watches erotic tickling clips online. It's hard enough to find one of these, let alone get off from it, unless the sexual connection toward it is strong enough to represent a fetish.

As the others had mentioned, it's a very common thing for a tickle-phile to feel embarrassed about this fetish, as it's...well, tickling! It's a bit quirky, odd to those who don't know about it, and certainly not as illuminated as other fetishes are, like bondage and D/s and the like (though many of these can be and are often practiced with tickling!). I'd see how this is especially true for guys. Not to insinuate at sexist beliefs or anything, but typical guys tend to feel the need to uphold an air of toughness, or ruggedness, and it's understandable how "being ticklish" or "loving to tickle others" can go against that image.

Perhaps that may be a reason for him deciding to withholding the fact from you. If that's the case, then please understand that for some of us, it's very hard to explain this fetish to others who may not know all the details. To some, the very thought of it is quite literally horrifying, as you may read in a few threads concerning the issue. In this light, he may still try to deny his association with the tickle fetish, so perhaps outright confronting him about the matter may not garner fruitful results. I'd suggest taking small steps, first by trying to indirectly hint at your acceptance and understanding of his feelings toward tickling (granting, of course, you do accept the fact and are okay with it), and then perhaps offering to take part in his fantasies, or watch the clips with him and discuss them (what he likes about them, if he picture you in those scenarios, etc.).

For me, personally, this gradual "easing in" process helped immensely when I first told my girlfriend about it...and even with that, I was still a frightened little fox, even knowing that she fully accepted and enjoyed my little kink!! :blush It depends on the person, of course, but I'm sure that if he really loves you, he'll warm up to the fact that you now know about this fetish, and are willing to work it out with him if he keeps it honest with you in the future (of course, gotta sort that out, as well!). But everybody slips up, especially when it comes to quirky fetishes like tickling. 😉

To help you with the process, here are some terms and ideals commonly expressed in our tickling community:



---================THE TICKLE-DEX================---

Tickler (ler) - Someone who enjoys tickling others, obviously, and usually exclusively.

Ticklee (lee) - Someone who enjoys being tickled.

Switch - Similar to a switch in BDSM terms, it's a person who enjoys both the tickler and ticklee roles. Sometimes it depends on mood, sometimes it's a "back and forth" thing, like "getting revenge" after getting tickle tortured. 😉

Tickle spots - These are the "spots" that ticklers may specifically target (and sometimes favor over others, even exclusively), that may range from the the typical, to the relatively unknown, to the very naughty (private parts!). You'd be surprised at just how many different "spots" there are!

Upperbody - This is generally referred to anything above the waist (often including it), especially the stomach (and belly-button), sides, ribs, underarms, neck, breasts, back...heck, even noes and ears for some!

Lowerbody - Clearly the opposite of upperbody, this term generally refers to the "below the belt" areas (which are completely legal, for sure!), like the legs/thighs, private parts, butt, ankles, and of course the feet. Keep in mind that many of the tickle fetish enthusiasts also harbor strong foot fetishes, so feet are often a must for many people.

Bondage - Another obvious one. Tickling and bondage often (but don't necessarily need to) go together like peas and carrots, as a kinky Forrest Gump might say! ((Okay, I know I'm going kinda overboard here with the terms and all, I just realize...but it's nearly midnight, I'm bored, and have nothing better to do, so meh on me. :stickout)) Creativity often plays a fun and vital role with tickle-session bondage!

Tickle "tools" - The cute and funny way of referrencing tickling impliments, such as feathers, brushes, tongues, or even every-day objects you would think to use to torture someone, like electric toothbrushes and forks! There are also "tickle-enhancing" elements, such as baby oil or lotion, nylons or even thin sock for some people.

Tickle media - This term may be of more benefit to you and your boyfriend in this situation. There are all kinds of tickle-related media floating around the internet, and even on television and on paper these days. Images, artwork, videos, even radio shows, all dedicated exclusively to tickling! If you feel you want to explore more about the fetish, besides this forum, there is lots of tickle material out there to familiarize yourself with. It doesn't necessarily need to be pr0n, either - lots of people enjoy the simple and pure act of tickling, and these material makes them happier, in general. 🙂

The Inner Jamie - I must include this one here, as this very phrase epitomizes the essence of awesome in all its glory, and shines as an inspiring light to the whole tickling community. (Bwahah. :super_hap)

---==========================================---



That's all I can think of right now, and probably more than was necessary...but eh, the more the better, right? 😛 If anything, this just reinforces the fact that the tickle fetish is a very real and thriving phenomenon in the world today, and there are many (including your boyfriend) who find a personal interest in it. It may seem weird and confusing on the outside, but on the inside, it's really just another one of life's wonders, and clearly serves a critical role in the lifestyles of many who identify with it.

I'd like to conclude on this note: Even if you don't personally have this particular fetish, I know that it's entirely possible to enjoy it with your boyfriend, if you do simply find tickling enjoyable at any level. Who knows? It can turn out to be rather kinky!! But if anything else, I hope you leave here knowing a little more about our little secret, and how to approach it, should you encounter it again. Or better yet - stay here, and share in the fun!! :super_hap This place is chock-full of fantastic people, and many adventures to be had.

I do hope everything works out with you and your boyfriend, and if tickling simply isn't your thing, there are always compromises that can be made. If anything, thanks for taking your time to come here and learn more about all of this "tickling stuff," as it brings joy to me (and many others) to know that there are those out there who are curious, who are openminded, and who may possibly help educate the world about just what exactly our little kink is all about. 🙂

Take care, and welcome to the Tickle Theater!! :happy:

 

[CellarDweller]

I does seem like your guy is definitely interested in tickling, and most likely embarrassed or ashamed of it.

I do think that a lot of people (myself for a while) misuse the term "fetish".

I was watching a late night talk show and they had a therapist on. Someone from the audience asked about fetishes and what caused them. The therapist said that most people say they have a fetish, when they don't.

We'll use ticking as an example. Let's say someone likes to tickle or be tickled. However they are able to have a "run of the mill" relationship with their partner with no tickling involved. That's not a "fetish", that's more of a 'kink'.

Now, if someone is into tickling, and when it comes to their partner, they are not able to perform sexually without tickling involved (they can't get an errection/orgasm unless tickling or being tickled) then they have a fetish.

 

[Frost King]

Yeah he probably is just embarrassed about liking tickling as i i know how it feels i don't like to show my interest in tickling in front of people i know because i get embarrassed its not easy to explain to friends or family.

 

[Goneja]

Thanks so much again you guys. :wub

Well, he definitely wasn't lying! Haha. He definitely has a thing for it, I made him prove it which I thought would scare him, but he was more than enthusiastic haha. He definitely has a thing for it. It seems to be more of a thing with feet than anything else and he hates being tickled himself, which makes a lot of sense reading Dalekfires post. It's funny because I'm stupidly ticklish and I acutally freak out whenever he touched my feet which is another reason why he was reluctant to tell me but I've discovered there's something exhilerating about being tied down and feeling that sense of dread and just waiting haha.

Reading back on it I did overreact freak out a bit. I think the reason I was so convined he was lying was because it's not as well known as some of the stuff out there that we've tried and I consider myself to be a lot more open to things than most people.. I've never been exposed to that at all. His reason for not telling me was pretty much the same one as that, it's not as widely known or accepted as say even bdsm or light torture and it confused the hell out of him going through puberty. It's just not something I've ever thought about, sorry if I offended anyone and thanks for helping me out this has been a blessing in disguise 🙂

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Yay! Another convert! Soon, all shall be either tickled or tickling. Thus, it is written! Thus, shall it pass! :bouncy:

 

[P[a]pi]

Goneja - Awesome. Glad we could help.

 

[Aintboverd1]

Welcome to the community!!!

I have to say I have been in that position many time when confronting a new partner about my fettish as I'm sure many of us are. I think without places like TT I would have gone insane because in "real world" there are so few people who understand. My best friend found out and done nothing but mock me for years I even told my sis n she laughed!

From these kind of experiences its undersandable people lock themselves away trying to keep it a secret and if it wasnt for making good friends here, and the confidence that came with that I could have been locked away for a looong time,

Now I have a wonderful girl who thinks my fettish is 'cute' :3. And loves being tied up so putting them together has been so much fun and its allowed us to grow stronger as a couple. Thanks for reading haha

 

[ticklebug101]

Welcome to the TT
I'm happy things worked out, have fun here
Bug 🙂

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Welcome to the community!!!

I have to say I have been in that position many time when confronting a new partner about my fettish as I'm sure many of us are. I think without places like TT I would have gone insane because in "real world" there are so few people who understand. My best friend found out and done nothing but mock me for years I even told my sis n she laughed!

From these kind of experiences its undersandable people lock themselves away trying to keep it a secret and if it wasnt for making good friends here, and the confidence that came with that I could have been locked away for a looong time,

Now I have a wonderful girl who thinks my fettish is 'cute' :3. And loves being tied up so putting them together has been so much fun and its allowed us to grow stronger as a couple. Thanks for reading haha

Cool testimonial, Aintboverd! Good on ya! :coolthumbup

 

[Aintboverd1]

Thanks Rick!

Think opening up to people who understand is good and the community is full of fantastic people.

 

[Celerich]

Yeah, I'm lucky enough to have my GF be on this site, and into it as well. I'm still trying to teach her the art of "Tickle teasing", to add some more excitement. But, yeah, I'm glad it all worked out for you. It doesn't always. Past relationships have told me so. ^_^

 

[tidoman61]

It took me sooooooooo long to admit to my wife (girlfriend at the time) that I had a tickling/foot fetish.

Embrace it

 

[Master_Magnus]

Hi.. I'm new here. (this is really long, and boring, and probably over dramatised, but I'd appreciate help and not being called a retard :blush)

This is a serious question by the way.. I know this is sort of more agony aunt but I just thought it'd make more sense posting here where people know more about this sort of thing? Sorry if it sounds retarded but yeah.

My boyfriend have been on ice after I woke up and caught him crossing something off super quickly off the computer. I was like uh? What are you doing? 'Nothing'.. Looked at the history and there's youtube videos of nekkid people being tickled. I basically just say 'Why did you get up in the middle of the night to look at porn?' 'I didn't, what porn' There's a f*cking timestamp why even lie about it? I guess it just took me aback because although I have no problem with pr0n really he's always been dead against it and constantly complaining about it. His dad has an 'addiction' to it so I guess it's quite embarrassing. But yeah. Lieslieslies.

I just figure he looked up youtube videos because he didn't want redtube or newsfilter or what have you appearing on my little sisters computer history (he doesn't know how to do a memory wipe, ha.).. But he decides to tell me today in an attempt to win me back probably that he has a fetish for tickling and it's always been a 'problem' for him and he was too embarrassed to tell me about it.. And I'm finding it really hard to believe that's true. We've done and spoke about worse things, but I guess tickling isn't that well known? I'm not sure.

I mean, this might sound like a retarded question but is there any way to tell if he's a faker? It just sounds like he's trying to appease his own self guilt about looking at pr0n after being so dead against it for so long?.. The way I rationalised it is he used youtube and tickling because if you mute it, I mean it just looks like normal porn except it's youtube and that's probably the best thing you can get on there.. He's been changing his story and lying a lot, but he tells me this is the truth.

I just can't process how it can be a fetish for him. He tickles me a lot yeah, we playfight, that's average girlfriend-boyfriend behaviour isn't it? I've never seen him get hard or try to tickle me when we're doing stuff or is that a separate thing completely?

Is this typical for a tickling fetish or is it more likely he's trying to disguise his guilt over looking at porn with a 'problem'?

Thanks and sorry for the boring essay. I'd appreciate it if anyone could help..

(Sorry for the n00bish question. I have no problem with pr0n or this sort of thing.. I'm an openminded person. It's just the uneccessary lies that destroy me.)

Don't know if you are still looking for answers but I am really, really, REALLY embarrassed by my tickling fetish, and probably, just probably he is too. If I would be cought red-handed (looking at a tickle video, any kind of tickle video) I think I will lose it and tell all the kind of bullshit, and after that I would try to make up a story, then I would give it a lot of thought find some aspects I would consider implausible flaws and make up another and so on. In his case maybe he's ashamed about watching erotic movies (on youtube I've seen erotic movies but not porn movies) and trying to make up something according to a scheme similar to my scheme. That's just my opinion, maybe it's something else, I dont know, but that's what I think. Hope it helps.

 

[Master_Magnus]

It took me sooooooooo long to admit to my wife (girlfriend at the time) that I had a tickling/foot fetish.

Embrace it

Don't you think your signature "England...Get the F@#$ out of Ireland!!!" is a bit more than a bit offensive? I mean very, very offensive? What would you say if I for example would say "Uncle Sam, get the fuck out of Texas!!!"??????