<U>Actual In Flight Announcements</U>
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On a Southwest Airline Flight the Flight Attendant said, "There may be
fifty ways to leave your lover but there are only six ways to get out of
this aircraft. So please pay attention."
On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington's Ronald
Reagan National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XX to
YY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
child pick your favorite.Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you,
or your money more than Southwest Airlines.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area.
Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children... or other adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately,none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault...it was the AS-phalt!"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while
the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal.
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against
the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube,
we hope you'll think of US Airways."
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On a Southwest Airline Flight the Flight Attendant said, "There may be
fifty ways to leave your lover but there are only six ways to get out of
this aircraft. So please pay attention."
On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington's Ronald
Reagan National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XX to
YY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
child pick your favorite.Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you,
or your money more than Southwest Airlines.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area.
Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children... or other adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately,none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault...it was the AS-phalt!"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while
the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal.
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against
the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube,
we hope you'll think of US Airways."
