Alrighty! Wondering if anybody can help me?

[RockandRollStar]

The deal is I'm 18 and have been seeing my gf for about 4 months. A couple of times i have got intimate with her but the little fella gets stage fright (Im a virgin btw). I say the time's not right etc but I can only say that so many times before she freaks out and thinks I'm gay or don't like her.

The fact is - I have a tickling fetish which I have found hard accepting. I keep it well private and hidden from public knowledge. It is important to me that people see me as being 'normal'- thats my problem and I'm having to deal with it. The only thing that gets me going is tickling but i don't know how to go about having sex without tickling being a factor. I would love to explain this to my gf and for her to be kool with it but the fact is I daren't take that risk. I don't know much about the culture of sex in america but where i come from if the girl 'aint gettin it here, she's gettin it somewhere else'. (My gf wouldn't cheat behind my back but she might get impatient)

What I'm asking for is if there are anybody that can give me advice? I have kept this problem of mine locked up in my head and i figure this is the best place to look for help?

Sorry to sound so melodramatic :redface:

Thank you in advance . . .:happy:

 

[Snail Shell]

I'm no expert on the subject, but from my angle, it looks like you've got two options. First, you can not tell her, keep getting stage fright and risk having your girlfriend think you're not into her. The other is that you tell her about your fetish and hope for the best.

To quote Morpheus from the Matrix, "There are two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold. The other is in their custody. You take a chance either way."

Best of luck man! 🙂

Snail Shell

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

Sex is not that big of a deal. It's overrated. You have sex w/ her she likes it..ok fine. You do it more often. After a while it gets old, then what? Or you get her pregnant, what if something happens before you found out about the pregnancy and you dont wanna be w/ her? Well guess what, you've got this new human in your life and there's nothing you can do about it. Or even worse you give her a disease or you get one from her..

I dont mean to sound negative but I'd strongly urge you to fight your hormones. Sex can wait. Really it can. I'm 21 and I'm a virgin. No shame in my game. Way too many probs in the world for me to just give it up to some guy ESP if I've only known him for 4 months.

Take your time. There is no rush and this is not a race.

 

[brad1701]

I dont mean to sound negative but I'd strongly urge you to fight your hormones.

The problem here is he's worried about satisfying his girl as opposed to himself--a wholly legitimate concern, no?

First, you can not tell her, keep getting stage fright and risk having your girlfriend think you're not into her. The other is that you tell her about your fetish and hope for the best.

I agree with the mollusc. You have to tell her. Is a good reaction guaranteed? I won't lie--absolutely not. If she can't find a way to at least indulge you--and you've made it as clear to her as you have to us what it means to you--then you'll probably have to let her go. But if there's a meeting of minds... you're golden. 😀

 

[Violetta]

If the sexy time is as important as you say it is in your relationship, then it sounds like as long as you keep your fetish under wraps, then you've guaranteed that you won't be able to perform. The only advice I can think to give in the situation you've stated, is to tell her what it is you want out of this. If she's worth having around, then she'll be understanding and take steps to make sure you both get what you want out of any intimate encounter. There's no guarantee that she'll take it well, of course, but I think that still sounds better than resigning yourself to terminal stage fright.

 

[RockandRollStar]

Thanks for the advice ladies and gents. Unfortunately you have all basically said i should be up front which is what i didn't want to hear. My philosophy is : the hardest route is usually the right route. Easier said than done tho.
I agree and deep down knew all along that i should be up front. If I tell her and she is kool with it - Boom! A dream come true! However i just couldn't cope with the humiliation if she doesn't understand. Emotionally me and my gf are connected. I've known her for 5 years but we just started dating christmas eve. Sexually I don't want to disapoint her. Also, I live in a small town - one person falls on one side the other side of the town know about it before that person has a chance to stand back up. In other words my concern is that everyone will see me in a different light. (My gf will tell her friend who will tell another and so on . . .)

Anybody have the same or similar trouble? If so how can I explain it to her in the best way poss?

Cheers guys

 

[Camel26]

As the friendly resident lesbian here, I can offer a bit of insight into the female psyche...


If you want to please her and let kner know you are into her/want to give her pleasure, there are other means besides genital penetration. I happen to agree with my little sister, with NO shame in her game, IL2BT, when she says that sex can wait. In my humble opinion, sex is a sacred act of love between two people that should not be entered into lightly. Unfortunately, most folk in this country, for many reasons that would require another thread to get into, do not have the respect for sex that I believe it deserves. Take your time--you are young and there is no need to rush if you're not ready.

That being said, if you think she is the one you want to lose your virginity to, it would be in your best interests, and hers, if you are open and honest with her about your needs. Otherwise, there is no trust, and why sleep with someone you don't trust?

If you want to please her in a different way, without having sex, there are many options available to you--manual stimulation, oral stimulation (a personal favorite 😉 😛), and sex toys. All will let her know you want to please her without you having to get it up.

Best of luck! It's a tough situation--I think many of us on this site have been there. You will find a solution. Just breathe, and try to figure out what is going to be the best for you.

and, on the mom side of things, if you do decide to have sex, use a condom. In the immortal words of Sue Johannsen from "Talk Sex with Sue", "Don't be a chump: wrap your stump before you hump!"

😀

 

[Midnight Circus]

I'm 24 and a virgin, so my initial reaction would be to side with iluv2btickled. But, since that doesn't seem to be an option for you (for whatever reason)...

...you can always pass it off at first as some sort of foreplay type of thing. This way, you can gauge her reaction to it without revealing your secret just yet.

 

[a1532b]

First of all, Kudos for refering to your penis as "little guy with stage fright" in your second post.

Seriously though, if you masturbate, don't do it for a month. In fact, don't look at any tickling material either. That will help you out a lot...You'll be so sex starved that a lack of tickling won't matter. Plus, work some tickling in as foreplay. There's nothing wrong with that, and if it gives you a little bit of a boost then by all means go for it. I'm not saying pin her down and tickle her till she cries, then rip off her pants and pound away...but something sensual, such as lightly tickling her sides, forcing her back onto the bed, then making out and commencing with the celebration!

It's not going to matter, though. No matter what you do, you are a virgin. It will suck the first time. I think it's a law or something...

Wear a condom and have fun!

 

[RockandRollStar]

Cheers

First of all I can't describe how much help your advice has been. I have a respect for sex and women that most Lads in my area simply don't have and I 100% respect what you are saying. Tonight is the night we will get intimate and I have already decided what to do thanks to all of your advice.

1. Its my first time but not hers. She already understands that the sex won't be the best ever so that at least is a load off my mind.

2. Foreplay. A couple of you have mentioned this and in all honesty I think it's probably the best thing I could do. sexinfo101.com is a site I have been on and have picked up great tips. I could gently tickle her in foreplay without making it obvious that this is what gets me going. I've tickled her before non-sexually and she enjoys it.

3. If all goes bad and i can't get it up, then I could please her orally. Then when the time is right I will have to explain to her about my fetish.

In all fairness, my gf is the best thing that has happened to me. We're young and have a lot to learn and offer. It prob seems from a certain perspective that I'm not ready but I'm mature enough to understand that sex is something to respect - that's why I'm still a virgin (Just to let you know where live the age of consent is 16 and most of my peers have been 'screwing' around since they were 15). If i didn't have this tickling fetish I would probs lost my virginity a couple of years ago.

So in an ironic sense, I'm sorta glad I have this fetish so I can lose my Virginity to the right one.😉 Also it has forced me to respect sex (which is the reason I have come here for advice).

(It's amazing how much difference a little advice can do):happy:

Thank you all !!!!

 

[Betchass1]

It is possible to tickle someone and get turned on and have sex without letting on that you have a tickling fetish. It's not weird for intimately involved people to tickle each other.

 

[Smade1]

I think you are putting yourself under too much pressure here and that's the reason for things not going smoothly. The more you worry about how things are going the less likely you are to become aroused.

If you want to tickle the girl but not let on about the fetish all you have do do is caress her very lightly which is the same thing. This should work for both you and her. If it's a feet thing offer to massage her feet - women are almost always appreciative of that.

I wouldn't worry about revealing your true nature to her at the moment. If the relationship goes on for a while she will work it out for herself pretty soon.