Amnesiac Needs Anti-Relationship Help!

[Amnesiac]

I have no idea what it is, but ever since I was at least 13, I've always been a magnet for the troubled girls; any of you who've met me know that I'm a tad goofy and eccentric but that works against me in that it seems to be the reason why these women are drawn to me; and now it's happened again.

This girl is a former co-worker of mine at an old job who is now working on the same block as my new job. She stopped by today and hung around for 2 hours with me while waiting for her friend to get off work, following me around while I did my job. She basically cajoled me into using my lunch break to hang out while she waited and then came back an hour before closing to ask me to drive her for cigarettes after work. On the short ride over, she made comments like "You should eat breakfast with me and [her friend] on Monday." On top of that, she also happened to glance at my schedule in the back and knows when I'm working. I asked a female co-worker who observed her behavior for an opinion and she said she looked "very interested" for real.

Now here's the worst part: she's 100% pure superticklish. Most guys here would give up two fingers and a testicle to get their hands on someone with her kind of sensitivity, thrashing or squealing. And me being the ADDICT that I am, couldn't help but give her a few good squeezes every time she crossed the line, and in the course of one evening she has developed a means of deliberately provoking tickles.

Normally sounds good right? Well, she's five years younger than me (legal) but SHE'S UN-FUCKING-STABLE. Her arms are covered in scratches, scars and burns (all self-inflicted by the way), if she's not bi-polar I'll eat my fucking hat, hits people playfully (only she doesn't hold back) and she's admittedly prone to suicidal tendencies. She's the kind of girl who's probably had some form of therapy, but it either didn't work or she couldn't afford the medication (assuming it worked in the 1st place), and now she's just a barely concealed mess waiting for the right stimulus to push her over the edge.

So now I have this human train wreck I can't get away from infatuated with me who is starting to find ways of pre-scheduling my time, encouraging me to visit and provoking little bonding reactions; I am NOT giving up my job to get away from her, so I have to get rid of her. I could do this by being an asshole (unwanted) or by dissolving her interest (preferred), but I haven't a clue where to begin. Given the nature of her personality, I have to be delicate in order to prevent any disastrous reactions...just in case shes already started getting attached.

So for people WITH relationship experience...how do I stop this before it starts?

 

[Mimi]

You, unforunately, are in an exceedingly difficult position. No matter which of the two methods you choose, you're going to be pinpointed for the guilt of pushing an already unstable girl even further over the edge. Obviously, it will not be your fault, but since she's already become attached in some sense, it's gonna happen regardless.

Your best bet is going to be making it clear beyond any reasonable doubt, right now before this goes any further, that you have no interest in her aside from friendship, and that her actions are making you uncomfortable. The longer you wait, the more attached she is going to become, and the worse her backlash is going to be.

But DO consider at least being a friend to her. Being one of those "troubled girls" myself who at one time reached out to you, I understand why she's done so. You have a unique gift, Clammy: the ability to put a big, genuine, mood lifting smile on girls faces who have long since lost them. You are cute and sweet and ultimately hilariously funny, and there are lots of girls in this world who just don't have a whole lot to smile about and no one to help them out with that problem. When someone crosses their paths that can make them happy both inside and out in a way they've not been for a long time, they mistakenly associate those feelings for something deeper and reach out to grasp and cling on to it before it's lost. That's what happened when I developed an interest in you, and that is what is happening now. And why it continues to happen. Your ability to make people laugh is more soul warming than any medicine prescribed by a doctor. And when a girl doesn't know much happiness, she reaches out and clings to what gives her what she needs.

It's a gift and a curse, Clammy. Just try to remember WHY these girls are attaching themselves to you, and be gentle. I appreciate the fact you were gentle with me when I needed you to be, and this girl will be too in the long run, no matter how much it may hurt her right now.

Good luck, sweetie.

Mimi

 

[isabeau]

i dont know you amnesiac but i agree with Mimi. have you come out and asked her if she is manic depressive? she definitely needs support and help. but i'm afraid she may turn into a stalker, which as you know can be dangerous. maybe you could hint to her that you like her as a friend, but are seeing someone else. hmm i'm not sure if that willl work, seeing as how she is infatuated with you. i wish i could help more. i do know something about that disorder, my sister being manic depressive herself. from what Mimi says you sound like a terrific person. be nice of course but maybe try avoiding her slowly of course. she does need a friend it sounds and support. but you may be the wrong person to provide that seeing as how she feels about you. i wouldnt want to see her becoming angry with you. that happened to me in the past once when i tried to be nice to this guy but expressed that i only wanted friendship. he ended up hating me, but still obsessed enough that years later he named a pet after me and also began dating my sister to get to me. darn i dont think i'm being much help here.

good luck with what you decide and i really think the best thing would be to gently let her know that you have someone now, unless she already knows you dont. grrrr i'm no good at this but my heart goes out to not only her but you as well. if Mimi likes you , you must be the best

isabeau

 

[MrMacphisto]

Since I'm pretty much an expert at ending relationships (usually by accident), the easiest way I've done it in the past is by acting really distant. You know how some guys are the possessive type? I'm the opposite. A few months into one particular relationship I was in, I had a habit of devoting very little time to my girlfriend. We'd basically spend the vast majority of our time together in bed, which was enjoyable in a mutual physical sense, but it still left much to be desired in an emotional sense. Eventually, when it became painfully obvious that I was spending most of my time just having sex with her, she dumped me. Strangely, I didn't even feel bad about it until a few weeks later.

So, being distant is one way.

Another effective way is to make a mix CD for your girlfriend that happens to have lots of songs that are about breaking up. I'm really into music, and by sheer coincidence, most of my favorite songs are about bad relationships. I made a mix CD for one girlfriend who was also really into music, but I didn't stop to think about the message I probably sent with my song choices. "Don't Think of Me" by Dido was one of the unflattering song choices I put on that CD, and needless to say, she took it as a hint that I wanted to end things.

So, you could also make a mix CD with particularly offensive song choices.

Those are just two of the many ways you can scare off a lover. If you need any further help, just ask. I could write a book full of this stuff.

 

[4Pawz]

Hey there Amnity,

Mimi's advice is good. Just make it very clear to her that you only want to be friends, and do so as soon as possible. You are a great friend and definitely one that can lighten someone's day and put a smile on their face.

If you need to talk, just give me a ring on my cell number, if you still have it. Take care and good luck!