My Story?
a more indepth on how I feel about BDSM
Being submissive oft implies that one has no back bone, no strength to be dominate. However, when in certain situations…just certain ones, mind you someone chooses to be submissive. For what reason? My submissive nature is not always apparent. I am usually a very socially and intellectually dominate person. I look down on those that are weak, and “helpless”. Not those that truly are, mind you…but those that erect that façade of being helpless. Now, moving on…. I am a sexually submissive person. I enjoy it. With it come sensations and feelings that I do not have in any other aspect of my life. The extreme trust that I must place in a person to submit to them is a heady and powerful drug. With that trust must come other things. It is never just trust. It’s never that simple. There has to be love. And faith in that persons character. In turn, all of this trust, and faith and love must be returned. Knowing that the person standing in front of me could cause severe physical harm and mental detriment, but wont is extremely intense. My life is being placed in their hands, to shape and mold how they see fit, for those moments inside of that situation. The fear is an illusion that only adds to the grander design. It’s a rush like none other. There are some things that simply cannot be achieved through sex alone. I think of it as not only extreme foreplay, but something as sacred as prayer. These things are sacred to me, because the person in front of me is sacred to me. I do not put myself in this position lightly. For those moments, I am free.
I do not have to think, or decide. I only feel. With this freedom come rewards that are unprecedented. This may all be a very….dramatic way of looking at things, however, seeing as the “extreme foreplay” that I find physically exciting could land me in the hospital…well….you could say that there has to be a trust that is very difficult to obtain. It takes hours of discussion, and negotiation and preparation. This world that I live in holds vast knowledge, and things to be experienced. It’s giving in to that side of myself, and being able to simply feel that I consider true freedom.
You must make your Master/Mistress proud to own you. Above that, you must find your happiness within yourself, and be able to love yourself before you can put that happiness and love in the hands of another. A Dominant does not own you because He takes it, but because you give it freely. These are things that I strive for….to submit to every need, while taking the time to make myself a better person as well. A Dominant does not want a leech, but a partner.
As a submissive, I do enjoy pain. A good scene is an all around sensory experience. The simple sound of flogger moving through the air, and the snap of a crop, the calming feeling of my throat wrapped with his hands. The slow and careful words of a Dominant are soothing. Watching and feeling hands roam over tender, red skin, and the taste of a kiss……All highly erotic, no? The sight of rope inspires rather nefarious thoughts. For me, the best thing about the physical side to things, is having a contrast. An intense scene, rough and abrasive contrasted with being released from my bindings and having my Dominant make slow, and complete love to me. That is something so powerful and intense. Or the sharp snap of a crop on the inner thigh, followed by a delicate caress, before the sting of an open hand. Contrasts between rough and smooth, hard and soft….hot and cold. This causes chemical reactions more heady than any drug I have ever tried. Being totally lost in sensation and overwhelmed with the power of it all…giving everything to one person whilst being laid open and vulnerable. With my day-to-day discomfort with vulnerability, it was a surprise to know that in the right situation I get off on it.
There is something so intensely gratifying about waking the next day, and being able to see marks left from the night before. I wear those marks with an acceptance that came to me so easily. Being a submissive is something that completes me in a way that I never thought possible.
This is a journey, and while I understand the cliché, it is true. This is a journey for more than just me though. This is also a journey for anyone who accepts it.
). my girl has also worn a collar for me, and still does on occasion.
