Big Opening Weekend

[the_jimmy_james]

Today, the crock of shit that is the remake of 1951's "The Day The Earth Stood Still" comes out, in what is sure to be another famous Hollywood big opening weekend.

Let me define that. That's where they get lots of people to go see a movie the two days after it comes out before the whole country finds out that the flick sucks more shit than the RotoRooter guy's tools. That's how you measure how "good" a film is these days. How much money it makes in the first two days. Not viewer appreciation. Not viewer reactions. Not the year or so after it comes out to judge video sales and all that crap.

No. It's the Big Opening Weekend.

So this time around instead of Michael Rennie as the famous Klatooan visitor, come to save us from the terrors of the Atom Bomb, it's stoned-ass Keanu Reaves to bore us into not destroying the environment. He brought his buddy Gort the Robot along, too! A few words on that.

Originally, Gort was to have been replaced by a balls-stupid new thing called "The Totem" which did a similar thing in the story, but with the important addition of sucking really hard. Based on the fact that the whole Earth pretty much said that they'll let the movie disappear into the same level of cinematic Hell as most Ed Wood films if Gort wasn't in it, the Fathers in Hollywood relented and crafted a Gort that's identical to the original. But there's a catch. Always a catch with these halfass cockbiters.

The new Gort is CGI, though he looks and moves identically to the 1951 Man in Suit VFX in the original. So, they made him indistinguishable but got rid of all of the movie magic charm. Good work you soulless asshats. What's next? A CGI Godzilla who doesn't look like... oh wait...

Added to the mix is some actress that nobody cares about, with the added bonus of a "Rebellious Child who doesn't get along with Mom" sidestory suckfest. Seriously, what is it with these Hollywood guys and reminding us of how shitty life is in the 2000s? Do we need ANOTHER main character in these big blockbuster ass-celebrations who "doesn't get along with mommy and daddy?"

Please.

But I won't be too pissed off and will actually see the movie if they pay me $30 an hour and give me a free dinner at Red Lobster for my trouble.

If any of you guys feel like getting duped into burning what's sure to be three hours of your weekend, by all means see "The Day The Earth Stood Outside With Its Pants Down". Come and tell me how much you wish you'd listened to me and stayed home to watch reruns of Ty Pennington building houses on TV Land instead.

 

[melanie2]

we are going to see it new year's eve...hubby wants to..

last time we went to the movies it was also new year's eve..that time we saw "We Are Marshall"

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

Last I checked 25% on Rotten Tomatoes... ah I will wait for it when it's played over a baseball rain delay on a lazy summer afternoon. No big hurry to see this one.

 

[Senshi1]

Some remakes are okay, but alien flicks are going to be redundant for a long time since 2005's War of the Worlds remake - that film stomped, and I'm very much satisfied that in my own mind, as a lifelong Worlds fan, no other alien flick will come close for a while. 😛

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Some remakes are okay, but alien flicks are going to be redundant for a long time since 2005's War of the Worlds remake - that film stomped, and I'm very much satisfied that in my own mind, as a lifelong Worlds fan, no other alien flick will come close for a while. 😛

WotW was totally amazing. High quality with a good interpretation, great performances, and a very authentic feel compared to the original. I luv'd it!

 

[kopfhorer1]

I don't go to many movies. I'm a firm believer in Fleener's Law: "Most movies suck!"

But hey, why should movies be exempt from the over-management that's made most popular music blander than ever (would Elvis or The Beatles ever have had a fair shot at the big time in this day and age of focus groups?).

Cynical? Me? Naah...

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Creativity by Committee. As a Rock And Roll Soldier, keeping the flame of the One True Sound alive, I can totally agree that music is in the same place. The problem of course is that the RIAA music cartel is the stifling factor. Same as with cinema. That's why the "Big Opening Weekend" has been pushed by the MPAA as more important than the Oscar. If you make 80 Centillion dollars on Friday night, but everybody says that your movie was utter shlock, it's okay, since you made a bunch of cash.

Directors who aren't Michael Bay (who sucks shit) have their hands tied. They have to compromise their creative vision, writers have to make changes to their storytelling, actors have to change what they do... all to please the CEO and Board of Directors. Since businessmen know what's really entertaining.

I'm interested in hearing from someone who has a differing opinion on this. I want to hear someone defend the cock conglomeration that is the modern entertainment industry. Squeeze the people who make movies and music for every penny.

1) Rip off musicians and filmmakers
2) Rip off customers
3) Sue musicians and filmmakers
4) Sue customers
5) ??????
6) Profit

Also, Fleener's law is similar to Sturgeon's Law. "95% of everything is crud."

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

The sad thing is that people still go see the movie. We can all sit here and blame the Entertainment industry and believe me, I agree with you 100%. Yet, there are still asses in the seats paying the money. There will always be a lowest common denominator between expenses that the studios will shell out and what people consider as a garbage movie. Unless a movie is financed by someone who shares the artist's vision and thinks a reasonable profit can be made, not much is going to change. Mel Gibson (think of him what you may) did buck the system and financed his own movie. He delivered on his movie and reaped the reward. It's not impossible just a pain.