Carsomyr
Level of Ruby Feather
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2007
- Messages
- 23,972
- Points
- 0
Well I might as well give this a shot, in lack of better things to do... *puts on serious-hat* I hope this helps you to know and understand me better as a person, because what follows is a side of me that you probably won't see very often in threads around the forum. I might joke around a lot, but I can be serious too.
General
I am not going to tell you my name, out of pure paranoia, but rest assured I have one of them traditional Swedish names, since that is where I reside. I'm 19 years old, male and... single. That I will probably remain for quite some time, because I'm not exactly a looker and I lack in both self esteem and courage in this particular area. Baww, lol.
Carsomyr found TMF back in 2005/06 or something like that, but didn't register until 2007, and finally delurked just about a week ago. The reason I'm here is obvious, it's "relevant to my interests"... Other interests includes hockey, history, games and deep discussions about pretty much anything. I don't mind trying out new things either, but these are the things I keep myself occupied with when I'm alone.
I used to have a pretty dark and cynical view of the world, because of certain things I've been through. Basically my entire life has kinda sucked, and my experiences have changed me a lot as a human being. At first for the worse, but then for the better. I won't list the worst stuff that has happened to me, but I'll try to explain the journey I've made, without going emo on you:
Some history
Things probably got real bad for me sometime around 4th grade. My best friend had an abusive mother, and there was no one but me for him to seek help and comfort from. I gave him all my free time, and as much as I wanted to help this turned out to be too much for a young kid to handle. The seriousness of the situation broke me mentally. Some bad things had happened to me previously but this was basically the final little push that cast me into a state of depression.
Things were like that for three years, and I almost didn't go to school at all during that time. I saw several psychologists, but they only listened to my parents and not to me, so they treated me wrong and my depression just became worse. Eventually, after three years, my parents sorta gave up on me and stopped caring. That was when I finally managed to recover, all on my own. This is actually very typical for my life; when something bad happens I end up being on my own in the end.
Anyway, by now I had switched to a new school. My new positive outlook on life got pulverized in no-time however. Already the first week I saw some bullies running rampant in the hallway. I have always believed in standing up for others, so I approached the bullies with the intent to stop them from harrassing their victim. I did this on several occasions but it soon became evident that this turned their focus towards me instead. Biggest problem of all? While I stood up for others, no one stood up for me. I soon had pretty much the entire school going after me, and it didn't just end with psychological abuse but it went as far as physical torture.
Let's fast-forward though, because I had another 3 years of this and it eventually turned me into a very hateful and bitter person. Things got better for a while after that, when I got into my current "Gymnasium" (Swedish school, sort of like a hybrid between high school and college). We're approaching present day now. I have always said that "less is better" when it comes to friends, I want just a few friends that I am really close to and spend a lot of time with. At this time I had two such friends. Both, however, backstabbed me, and it turned out they mostly spent time with me because it served their purposes.
I won't go into further detail about what happened, but anyway, this was obviously another heavy blow to me. Especially since friends and loved ones is the most central thing in my life. By now, I had seriously started despising the world and everyone in it. Things still haven't improved for me, and I'm starting to doubt they ever will. I still have little to no faith in mankind as a whole, and I sincerely want this whole world to burn. At least, that is what I truly wish at heart, even though I seldom admit to it... one thing has changed though: I have realized that while I may be right about the decadence of this world, my actions shouldn't be directed at making the world even worse. I should proceed and do what I have always done, which is to help others.
I'm emotionally "cold" regarding the things I've been through myself, but I am still very compassionate about others and their problems, no matter how big or small those problems are. One thing I've learned over the years is that we ALL carry some dark memories with us, in one form or another. Just read some other introductions here if you want that proven to you, a lot of people bring up some pretty heavy stuff.
So, anyway, this is where I am today. I have helped and supported quite a few people recently, and I intend to keep doing so. My experience with tough stuff (I've only mentioned the least "hard-core" above) and my ability to judge character has been a great help so far, and things have turned out well for the people I have helped. This is what life is about for me these days, I want to be for others what no one ever was to me through those hard years, because the lack of support was the only thing that was ever truly painful to me.
Personality
I'd like to think of myself as funny, assertive, bright and loyal, because that is the person I have always remained through all the hard times. At my worst, I still don't really take things out on others, but I am extremely destructive towards myself. I think I'll just leave it at that.
I value trust and loyalty more than anything else when I meet other people. I don't think I can even begin to explain how important those qualities are to me. I never break a promise, no matter what, and I would never abandon a friend or anyone I care about. I expect the same from others, though, and have a hard time getting along with people I don't trust, or whom I feel are not morally sound. When I meet someone like that, I can even become vindictive - especially online.
As you may have understood from the subtle hints in the wall of text above, I am a pretty private person most of the time, I'm not elaborating further on anything here simply because it is posted in public for everyone to see. But anyway... I hope to make some friends around here, and trust me, I am a very nice guy. I'm somewhat chaotic and crazy, but only in that "cute and eccentric" way. Throw me a PM or something, that would be awesome! 🙂
General
I am not going to tell you my name, out of pure paranoia, but rest assured I have one of them traditional Swedish names, since that is where I reside. I'm 19 years old, male and... single. That I will probably remain for quite some time, because I'm not exactly a looker and I lack in both self esteem and courage in this particular area. Baww, lol.
Carsomyr found TMF back in 2005/06 or something like that, but didn't register until 2007, and finally delurked just about a week ago. The reason I'm here is obvious, it's "relevant to my interests"... Other interests includes hockey, history, games and deep discussions about pretty much anything. I don't mind trying out new things either, but these are the things I keep myself occupied with when I'm alone.
I used to have a pretty dark and cynical view of the world, because of certain things I've been through. Basically my entire life has kinda sucked, and my experiences have changed me a lot as a human being. At first for the worse, but then for the better. I won't list the worst stuff that has happened to me, but I'll try to explain the journey I've made, without going emo on you:
Some history
Things probably got real bad for me sometime around 4th grade. My best friend had an abusive mother, and there was no one but me for him to seek help and comfort from. I gave him all my free time, and as much as I wanted to help this turned out to be too much for a young kid to handle. The seriousness of the situation broke me mentally. Some bad things had happened to me previously but this was basically the final little push that cast me into a state of depression.
Things were like that for three years, and I almost didn't go to school at all during that time. I saw several psychologists, but they only listened to my parents and not to me, so they treated me wrong and my depression just became worse. Eventually, after three years, my parents sorta gave up on me and stopped caring. That was when I finally managed to recover, all on my own. This is actually very typical for my life; when something bad happens I end up being on my own in the end.
Anyway, by now I had switched to a new school. My new positive outlook on life got pulverized in no-time however. Already the first week I saw some bullies running rampant in the hallway. I have always believed in standing up for others, so I approached the bullies with the intent to stop them from harrassing their victim. I did this on several occasions but it soon became evident that this turned their focus towards me instead. Biggest problem of all? While I stood up for others, no one stood up for me. I soon had pretty much the entire school going after me, and it didn't just end with psychological abuse but it went as far as physical torture.
Let's fast-forward though, because I had another 3 years of this and it eventually turned me into a very hateful and bitter person. Things got better for a while after that, when I got into my current "Gymnasium" (Swedish school, sort of like a hybrid between high school and college). We're approaching present day now. I have always said that "less is better" when it comes to friends, I want just a few friends that I am really close to and spend a lot of time with. At this time I had two such friends. Both, however, backstabbed me, and it turned out they mostly spent time with me because it served their purposes.
I won't go into further detail about what happened, but anyway, this was obviously another heavy blow to me. Especially since friends and loved ones is the most central thing in my life. By now, I had seriously started despising the world and everyone in it. Things still haven't improved for me, and I'm starting to doubt they ever will. I still have little to no faith in mankind as a whole, and I sincerely want this whole world to burn. At least, that is what I truly wish at heart, even though I seldom admit to it... one thing has changed though: I have realized that while I may be right about the decadence of this world, my actions shouldn't be directed at making the world even worse. I should proceed and do what I have always done, which is to help others.
I'm emotionally "cold" regarding the things I've been through myself, but I am still very compassionate about others and their problems, no matter how big or small those problems are. One thing I've learned over the years is that we ALL carry some dark memories with us, in one form or another. Just read some other introductions here if you want that proven to you, a lot of people bring up some pretty heavy stuff.
So, anyway, this is where I am today. I have helped and supported quite a few people recently, and I intend to keep doing so. My experience with tough stuff (I've only mentioned the least "hard-core" above) and my ability to judge character has been a great help so far, and things have turned out well for the people I have helped. This is what life is about for me these days, I want to be for others what no one ever was to me through those hard years, because the lack of support was the only thing that was ever truly painful to me.
Personality
I'd like to think of myself as funny, assertive, bright and loyal, because that is the person I have always remained through all the hard times. At my worst, I still don't really take things out on others, but I am extremely destructive towards myself. I think I'll just leave it at that.
I value trust and loyalty more than anything else when I meet other people. I don't think I can even begin to explain how important those qualities are to me. I never break a promise, no matter what, and I would never abandon a friend or anyone I care about. I expect the same from others, though, and have a hard time getting along with people I don't trust, or whom I feel are not morally sound. When I meet someone like that, I can even become vindictive - especially online.
As you may have understood from the subtle hints in the wall of text above, I am a pretty private person most of the time, I'm not elaborating further on anything here simply because it is posted in public for everyone to see. But anyway... I hope to make some friends around here, and trust me, I am a very nice guy. I'm somewhat chaotic and crazy, but only in that "cute and eccentric" way. Throw me a PM or something, that would be awesome! 🙂
Silly absent-minded me, but this shall be rectified! lol
