TicklingDuo
3rd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2001
- Messages
- 3,733
- Points
- 0
In light of some of the recent tensions within the TMF (and the tickling community in general), I've been thinking lately about who we are and what brings us together. I thought I'd share some of those thoughts here. If it helps anyone to be a bit more comfortable with things, wonderful. If not? Hey! At least I gave it a shot! 😉
First of all...What IS a community. Simply put, it's a group of people who share something in common. It can be anything from where they live, to a set of beliefs...to being tickle lovers like us. By that definition, we here at the TMF are a community.
One of the first things that you see when you look at who's here on the TMF is the fact that people are not only from across the country, but also from around the world. We're different ages...the oldest I've seen being 72, the youngest 18 (and possibly a few who cheat and lie about their age) and every age in between. As seen in many of the threads in general discussion, we come from a variety of cultural, religious and political backgrounds. We're straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual. We have different types of jobs and hobbies. And that's just those who've registered and made themselves known!
In fact, for many of us, the ONLY thing we have in common is our mutual love of tickling. (Actually, even that isn't 100%. We've had a few who've come along to try to understand a partner's desire to incorporate tickling into their play.) But, even that mutual point has many differences. We enjoy a variety of play styles. Some use bondage while others don't. Some only play with their spouse or SO while others play with a number of people. For some, tickling is totally sexual, while for others it can sometimes be or always is simply playful. Some like it rough while others enjoy a more teasing and sensual touch. Some like to involve overt sexual play with tickling play while others enjoy the tickling on its own. Some enjoy playing with members of the same sex while others prefer the opposite sex or enjoy both. We're interested in gatherings or not interested in them. Some are still in the closet, others wear their kink on their sleeve and still others are somewhere in between.
The who, where, when, why and how of each individual's preference is largely based on their background outside of the tickling community. We can't help but bring our normal "vanilla" life attitudes and beliefs into our play. For some, it's a real struggle to balance/reconcile the two. But, we all do it to varying degrees. If we hadn't done it at least a little, we wouldn't be here...even those who've never registered and choose to simply read other's thoughts. Given these varieties in our backgrounds, it's no wonder that we can get into disagreements...sometimes heated ones.
Everyone has their own style. None of us has the right to force our styles and attitudes upon another...in ANY way. I personally don't have any interest in some of the types of play I've heard mentioned here in the past. But, barring dangerous/illegal activity, I accept the fact that others DO have an interest and enjoy it. As long as they're within the law and recognized safety limits, I have no more right to question another's styles than they do to question mine. If I want to be respected, I need to show that same respect to others.
Unless someone presents a potential danger to others, it's fine that we all play differently. It's only when we know of a possible danger that we have a right to question. Then, it's our responsibility to do something about it...first in addressing the issue to that person and (if that fails to bring change) then to the community at large. In doing so, we need to at least try to keep things civil.
Obviously, someone being publicly challenged (esp. if they couldn't recognize the need when challenged in private) will be upset and may respond harshly. That's human nature and to be expected. The main struggle is to keep things as civil and constructive as possible. The point of "going public" should be to allow others to join in and help the person to see beyond the blind spot that may be present. It doesn't mean that person is bad or can never be trusted, just that they have something to look at more closely.
I've seen many cases, here and elsewhere, where people have very heated disagreements. They may even get somewhat violent. But, that doesn't mean that they will always be on opposite sides or be enemies. But, life goes on. Those involved in a dispute may well reconcile their differences and move on...some even as friends.
Again, this is human nature and a part of ANY community. We need to avoid thinking that we're any different in that respect. I've been involved in several religious groups over the years where people fight more than we do here! As with issues of our sexuality, it's very emotional and cuts to the depths of who we are. When we've struggled to accept something in ourselves, it's only natural to be offended or angry when someone else seems to question the validity of who we are by calling to question a part of what we do that is so integral to that. It's no wonder that we fight when such integral parts of us are in question.
In the end, we'll survive. We'll move on. And, hopefully, we'll ALL be better for it.
But, that's just my 2 cents. Feel free to add yours.
Ann
First of all...What IS a community. Simply put, it's a group of people who share something in common. It can be anything from where they live, to a set of beliefs...to being tickle lovers like us. By that definition, we here at the TMF are a community.
One of the first things that you see when you look at who's here on the TMF is the fact that people are not only from across the country, but also from around the world. We're different ages...the oldest I've seen being 72, the youngest 18 (and possibly a few who cheat and lie about their age) and every age in between. As seen in many of the threads in general discussion, we come from a variety of cultural, religious and political backgrounds. We're straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual. We have different types of jobs and hobbies. And that's just those who've registered and made themselves known!
In fact, for many of us, the ONLY thing we have in common is our mutual love of tickling. (Actually, even that isn't 100%. We've had a few who've come along to try to understand a partner's desire to incorporate tickling into their play.) But, even that mutual point has many differences. We enjoy a variety of play styles. Some use bondage while others don't. Some only play with their spouse or SO while others play with a number of people. For some, tickling is totally sexual, while for others it can sometimes be or always is simply playful. Some like it rough while others enjoy a more teasing and sensual touch. Some like to involve overt sexual play with tickling play while others enjoy the tickling on its own. Some enjoy playing with members of the same sex while others prefer the opposite sex or enjoy both. We're interested in gatherings or not interested in them. Some are still in the closet, others wear their kink on their sleeve and still others are somewhere in between.
The who, where, when, why and how of each individual's preference is largely based on their background outside of the tickling community. We can't help but bring our normal "vanilla" life attitudes and beliefs into our play. For some, it's a real struggle to balance/reconcile the two. But, we all do it to varying degrees. If we hadn't done it at least a little, we wouldn't be here...even those who've never registered and choose to simply read other's thoughts. Given these varieties in our backgrounds, it's no wonder that we can get into disagreements...sometimes heated ones.
Everyone has their own style. None of us has the right to force our styles and attitudes upon another...in ANY way. I personally don't have any interest in some of the types of play I've heard mentioned here in the past. But, barring dangerous/illegal activity, I accept the fact that others DO have an interest and enjoy it. As long as they're within the law and recognized safety limits, I have no more right to question another's styles than they do to question mine. If I want to be respected, I need to show that same respect to others.
Unless someone presents a potential danger to others, it's fine that we all play differently. It's only when we know of a possible danger that we have a right to question. Then, it's our responsibility to do something about it...first in addressing the issue to that person and (if that fails to bring change) then to the community at large. In doing so, we need to at least try to keep things civil.
Obviously, someone being publicly challenged (esp. if they couldn't recognize the need when challenged in private) will be upset and may respond harshly. That's human nature and to be expected. The main struggle is to keep things as civil and constructive as possible. The point of "going public" should be to allow others to join in and help the person to see beyond the blind spot that may be present. It doesn't mean that person is bad or can never be trusted, just that they have something to look at more closely.
I've seen many cases, here and elsewhere, where people have very heated disagreements. They may even get somewhat violent. But, that doesn't mean that they will always be on opposite sides or be enemies. But, life goes on. Those involved in a dispute may well reconcile their differences and move on...some even as friends.
Again, this is human nature and a part of ANY community. We need to avoid thinking that we're any different in that respect. I've been involved in several religious groups over the years where people fight more than we do here! As with issues of our sexuality, it's very emotional and cuts to the depths of who we are. When we've struggled to accept something in ourselves, it's only natural to be offended or angry when someone else seems to question the validity of who we are by calling to question a part of what we do that is so integral to that. It's no wonder that we fight when such integral parts of us are in question.
In the end, we'll survive. We'll move on. And, hopefully, we'll ALL be better for it.
But, that's just my 2 cents. Feel free to add yours.
Ann
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