Confucius Say

[Limeoutsider]

-Life is sexually transmitted.
-Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause
kids.
-Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
-It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the
end.
-The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
-Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the
sun.
-The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
-If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
-Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
-Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
-When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to
play chess?
-If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
-The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
-There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
-An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-A closed mouth gathers no feet.
-Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
-It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
-Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
-The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

[guitman69]

Here's another one

Man who goes to sleep with itchy ass, wakes up with smelly finger.

 

[He-Man]

How about this one-

Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary




😛







i don't remember if that's the exact way i read it, though.

 

[t s s]

😀 😀 😀 😀 lmao

 

[sole seeker]

Woman who drink beer sitting naked on beach get sand in Schlitz!